My brother was molested as an altar boy. He brought that home and molested his siblings. My mother’s response was what I hear often in these discussions “You have to expect something like that will happen in a large family.”
I constantly read “This sort of abuse takes place everywhere” while that is undoubtedly true but does nothing to address the issue. The priest in my story was a family “friend”. Mother would never allow us to say anything negative about a clergy member, religious, or teacher. We were children, adults were ALWAYS right. She didn’t want us to ever question HER authority, so one way to ensure this was to never allow us to question any adult’s authority.
I think it was the same mindset in the Church that protected the abusers at the expense of the victims. They didn’t want the folks in the pew to question the priests or the Church so they kept it quiet and told us to offer it up for the souls in purgatory.
The abuse experienced was bad enough, but to be told that we were somehow at fault, clergy could do no wrong, we weren’t worth being protected, things like this just happen and we needed to be grateful to have the chance to help some poor soul is another layer of abuse. I was told that I would burn in hell if I employed my body for sexual pleasure, but it was ok if someone else employed my body in that manner. Knowing that my mother (and others) KNEW that this was taking place and they didn’t value me enough to protect me damaged me as much as the abuse itself.
I could understand that crap happens but I could not understand why it kept happening and why I was beaten, shamed, threatened and told I would be damned if I did not protect the perpetrators. The person abusing my brother was my brother’s confessor. He could withhold absolution. Imagine that the person raping you also could damn your soul to hell if you told someone about it.
A kid in school doesn’t have the power to tell Sister she wants to go into another line for confession, or to explain to mom (who’s soul has also been threatened by a sick clergy member who tells a kid that he can withold the sacraments from the whole family) why she doesn’t want to go to Fr so and so for confession or sit next to him at dinner.
These aren’t just stories in the evil media. We were told that the priests stood in place of Jesus. We relied on them for the sacraments that would keep us out of hell. We were told that we would be responsible for damning our families if we didn’t play along. We were told to offer it up. Not as adults, but as children who were still experiencing the abuse. We were told we were lucky to have this opportunity to suffer. This is how you get to heaven.
It’s not just some far away, old random priest fondling an altar boy, it’s a crime perpetrated against a soul in Christ’s name. Don’t think that the sex abuse took place in some sterile vacuum or that silence was bought with candy and a “get outta confession” free card. Silence was bought with threats of eternal damnation and even worse abuse to be dealt out.
