How important is physical appearance when dating?

[JamalChristophr]

I think that is definitely part of it at least. We just didn’t click. I always ignored the whole chemistry thing but with my male friend I feel very strong chemistry. When he walks in a room I sense him and when he approaches me my body gravitates toward him. I didn’t notice the last part, someone else did and said we looked like we fit. With the guy I met online we were awkward with each other. Granted we had just met but there wasn’t this sense of belonging together.

OK, so what’s stopping you?? This is off-topic, I guess. Message me if you like. God Bless!

 

[VeritasLuxMea]

Maybe I wouldn’t say why I don’t like her, but I’d at least have the common courtesy to tell the person straight up that I don’t like her, instead of acting anti-social and just expecting them to get it already.

But you see that’s way too much common sense for all these feminists and their fellow travelers like drnerdlove who make up this fantasy of “rape culture” to justify treating other people like scum because they make them “feel uncomfortable”, or, more to the point, they aren’t attractive.

This video shows this phenomenon:

youtube.com/watch?v=hbeEuYAZFL4

And read how drnerdlove is unable to face the truth of this phenomenon, and instead says it’s a woman’s choice to accept behavior from a handsome man that would land another “creepy” man with a restraining order.

Why would it not be a woman’s choice to accept/reject behavior that is directed at them? Why is that strange?

Also, try just not being a creep. Whether you’re attractive or not. Whether that attractiveness lets you get away with it or not. No excuses.

 

[TeachCatechism]

OK, so what’s stopping you?? This is off-topic, I guess. Message me if you like. God Bless!

Being scared I guess. I’m shy and he’s even shyer than me. We are making progress though, we are both becoming more touchy feely, like he’ll grab my hand or pull me towards him. I’ve mentioned getting together and he has said he’d like that but I think I need to take the lead because he is so shy. Even though he’s 52 I don’t think he’s dated much if at all. Normally I’d think a guy not asking me out but hinting as not interested but I don’t think that is the case at all with him.

 

[Estevao]

Why is it “treating people like scum” to give them “soft nos” rather than “treating people like scum” by telling them “I don’t like you” (your preferred version)?

It’s not obvious that the soft no (I’m busy that night…visualizing world peace/catching up on Facebook/alphabetizing my holy cards/grooming my poodle/watching Downtown Abbey with my girlfriends/etc.) is meaner than your preferred version.

I’ll catch up on your videos in a sec.

Because you don’t think the person is worth an honest response. How is this not clear? If you’re taking a driving test and you fail, the invigilator doesn’t just tell you some cock and bull story about how he’s too busy to go over the test right now, but just wait a few days until your driver’s license doesn’t come in the mail and then you’ll know. He tells you that you failed, and if the reason why isn’t too embarrassing or mean to say, he’ll tell you why so you don’t make the same mistake next time.

Why would it not be a woman’s choice to accept/reject behavior that is directed at them? Why is that strange?

Also, try just not being a creep. Whether you’re attractive or not. Whether that attractiveness lets you get away with it or not. No excuses.

You don’t think it’s strange that a woman will accept psychotic behavior from somebody just because he’s attractive?

How are people supposed to know how not to be a creep if what is defined as creepy behavior changes according to one’s attractiveness?

Maybe women should try not holding double standards, whether he’s attractive or not, whether his attractiveness makes his creepiness seem cute. No excuses. It might prevent them winding up with a wife beater.

 

[JamalChristophr]

Being scared I guess. I’m shy and he’s even shyer than me. We are making progress though, we are both becoming more touchy feely, like he’ll grab my hand or pull me towards him. I’ve mentioned getting together and he has said he’d like that but I think I need to take the lead because he is so shy. Even though he’s 52 I don’t think he’s dated much if at all. Normally I’d think a guy not asking me out but hinting as not interested but I don’t think that is the case at all with him.

I hope it works out for you. I’m glad that in Heaven all fear will pass away, because it sure is getting tiresome. But I understand your fear- don’t get me wrong. So many of us are scared of so many different things, but in the eyes of God, we’re all just kids- still learning, doing the best we can.

 

[Xantippe]

Because you don’t think the person is worth an honest response. How is this not clear? If you’re taking a driving test and you fail, the invigilator doesn’t just tell you some cock and bull story about how he’s too busy to go over the test right now, but just wait a few days until your driver’s license doesn’t come in the mail and then you’ll know. He tells you that you failed, and if the reason why isn’t too embarrassing or mean to say, he’ll tell you why so you don’t make the same mistake next time.

You don’t think it’s strange that a woman will accept psychotic behavior from somebody just because he’s attractive?

How are people supposed to know how not to be a creep if what is defined as creepy behavior changes according to one’s attractiveness?

Maybe women should try not holding double standards, whether he’s attractive or not, whether his attractiveness makes his creepiness seem cute. No excuses. It might prevent them winding up with a wife beater.

“I’m busy grooming my poodle that night” is an honest response if the woman is in fact grooming her poodle. What’s unsaid is, “I prefer to groom my poodle to going out with you,” but that’s left as an exercise for the guy. If she liked the guy, she’d say, “I’m busy Friday night, but Saturday night is open.” She’d actively work at making the date happen. What you’re looking for is somebody who is actually enthusiastic about seeing you. I think a second go-round is socially acceptable (it might just be an oversight if she doesn’t get back to you), but I would reserve a third go-round for very rare cases.

Also, do we really want to start being perfectly frank with people we don’t know well?

Example:

Him: How are you?
Her: Well, I ate some bad sushi last weekend, so I spent the rest of the weekend with vomiting and diarrhea. Couldn’t leave the house at all.
Him: Errrrr.

Better:

Him: How are you?
Her: I was a little under the weather over the weekend, but I’m fine now!
Him: Great!

 

[on_the_hill]

To answer the OP’s OP:

Physical appearance is as important as you want to make it. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder. Date people you are attracted to. Don’t date people you are not attracted to.

 

[WildCatholic]

To answer the OP’s OP:

Physical appearance is as important as you want to make it. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder. Date people you are attracted to. Don’t date people you are not attracted to.

But here’s the kicker. What if the people you are attracted to are not attracted to you. Sadly there is some bald overweight guy reading this who might think they should go for a Catholic supermodel. Don’t get me wrong it could happen but as people have told me here, don’t be disappointed if a beautiful person wants to be with another beautiful person.

 

[Xantippe]

But here’s the kicker. What if the people you are attracted to are not attracted to you. Sadly there is some bald overweight guy reading this who might think they should go for a Catholic supermodel. Don’t get me wrong it could happen but as people have told me here, don’t be disappointed if a beautiful person wants to be with another beautiful person.

How much would he actually have in common with the Catholic supermodel? They’d have their faith in common, but that would be it. It’s a minimum (along with being of the appropriate gender), but it’s not nearly enough. Their recreational interests, reading, and so forth are probably entirely different. Now, if they had other shared interests (a common beloved author, both love British TV mysteries, both are avid cyclists, both are passionate amateur astronomers, both are nurses or veterinary students), it starts being more of a possibility. If it’s unimaginable that they could be friends (because they simply don’t have enough to talk about or any shared interests to do together), then it’s not worthwhile asking, but if they do have substantial common ground, why not?

 

[Blue_Rose]

But here’s the kicker. What if the people you are attracted to are not attracted to you. Sadly there is some bald overweight guy reading this who might think they should go for a Catholic supermodel. Don’t get me wrong it could happen but as people have told me here, don’t be disappointed if a beautiful person wants to be with another beautiful person.

Yeah I agree. Men I’ve been attracted to don’t like me back and vice versa.

The purpose of this thread was to see if maybe dating a guy I initially didn’t find attractive but is a great Catholic could work. There seems to be another kind of attractiveness that shines through from within.
I went about life thinking I would only date a guy who I fell in love with at first sight and that’s why I ended up still single.

 

[on_the_hill]

Yeah I agree. Men I’ve been attracted to don’t like me back and vice versa.

The purpose of this thread was to see if maybe dating a guy I initially didn’t find attractive but is a great Catholic could work. There seems to be another kind of attractiveness that shines through from within.
I went about life thinking I would only date a guy who I fell in love with at first sight and that’s why I ended up still single.

I was thinking of attractiveness as including more than the physical.

 

[TeachCatechism]

I hope it works out for you. I’m glad that in Heaven all fear will pass away, because it sure is getting tiresome. But I understand your fear- don’t get me wrong. So many of us are scared of so many different things, but in the eyes of God, we’re all just kids- still learning, doing the best we can.

Thanks I have faith it will. I feel sometimes things take time and he had some issues to deal with first.

 

[TeachCatechism]

But here’s the kicker. What if the people you are attracted to are not attracted to you. Sadly there is some bald overweight guy reading this who might think they should go for a Catholic supermodel. Don’t get me wrong it could happen but as people have told me here, don’t be disappointed if a beautiful person wants to be with another beautiful person.

As a former model I can assure you not all of us have to date handsome people. However, the thing many get wrong is thinking people don’t judge and most do. I’ve had a lot of men attracted to me but many were way below my standards and would never consider, like obese men. If someone is unattractive and only going after the most attractive they likely will be disappointed. When I did online dating I rejected men who were obviously only contacting me because of my looks.

 

[WildCatholic]

I was thinking of attractiveness as including more than the physical.

Sadly at the end of the day though it still is what people will base who they date on. I will say though that attractiveness changes with each person. But i’m just saying i know people of both genders who might be a tad shallow.

 

[TeachCatechism]

Maybe people are shallow but could also be some are being shallow thinking the others are shallow. I understand a good looking person only dating good looking people, I don’t understand it when unattractive do so.

 

[WildCatholic]

Maybe people are shallow but could also be some are being shallow thinking the others are shallow. I understand a good looking person only dating good looking people, I don’t understand it when unattractive do so.

I guess its just that being unattractive i’ve been told that I shouldn’t complain if I can’t find someone attractive. Even on this site. Granted i’ve found women attractive who most people might not find attractive.

 

[Xantippe]

I guess its just that being unattractive i’ve been told that I shouldn’t complain if I can’t find someone attractive. Even on this site. Granted i’ve found women attractive who most people might not find attractive.

There’s going to be a lifestyle component piggybacking on the physical attractiveness issue.

Let’s say, for instance, that the object of your affection keeps a rigorous diet and a heavy exercise schedule and an intensive grooming regime, which of course is going to contribute greatly to her attractiveness. If your idea of an ideal breakfast is two Taco Bell Waffle Tacos, and your idea of exercise is changing the channel manually, are you guys really compatible long-term? And what if you got married and you accidentally convert her to your lifestyle and she blimps out and learns to love sweat pants? Either way, it’s a bummer.

 

[TeachCatechism]

I guess its just that being unattractive i’ve been told that I shouldn’t complain if I can’t find someone attractive. Even on this site. Granted i’ve found women attractive who most people might not find attractive.

I don’t know if you are unattractive or not but if you are unattractive and only go after attractive women then likely you will remain alone. Attractive people have attractive people going after them, why would they want to date someone unattractive? Personality is important but looks matter first. When I did online dating guys I didn’t find attractive (and that was most)I saw no purpose in even meeting. Maybe we would have clicked offline but online I wasn’t interested if I didn’t find them attractive. I was especially turned off by the men who only contacted me because of my looks when they didn’t offer anything in return.

 

[Burt_Macklin]

I guess its just that being unattractive i’ve been told that I shouldn’t complain if I can’t find someone attractive. Even on this site. Granted i’ve found women attractive who most people might not find attractive.

What if the women you’re attempting to date just put the exact same emphasis on physical attractiveness that you do? My BIL is the worst example of this that I can think of. He resembles Newman from Seinfeld but he expects to have a 10 hanging on his arms. If women reject him, they are being shallow. If he rejects a woman, it is because he just isn’t physically attracted to them. It’s almost as if he thinks that he is owed a beautiful woman for his own hapiness.

 

[TeachCatechism]

What if the women you’re attempting to date just put the exact same emphasis on physical attractiveness that you do? My BIL is the worst example of this that I can think of. He resembles Newman from Seinfeld but he expects to have a 10 hanging on his arms. If women reject him, they are being shallow. If he rejects a woman, it is because he just isn’t physically attracted to them. It’s almost as if he thinks that he is owed a beautiful woman for his own hapiness.

Sounds like a former friend. He was morbidly obese, unattractive, unemployed (this was back when there were many jobs)and lived at home at 40. He would only attempt to date attractive women 18-25 and couldn’t understand why these “shallow” women bypassed him while he bypassed women who were his physical equal. He died alone at 52 having never married or even having had a girlfriend.