How important is virginity to people in a new relationship?

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The_Bucket said:
You act like this is a) a new phenomenon and b) limited to women.

Self-delusion, especially self-delusion as it pertains to our sexual behavior, knows no gender. Trust me. I’m a dude and engaged in it for a long, long time.
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Yes it does include men and women, but we are taught by society from a young age these days that women are somehow more nobler than men when my observation has been quite different. I just don’t believe there are a whole lot of virgin women in their 30s out there that were somehow rejected by society, it may be that they are not highly attractive or something but the virginity is a bonus to most men and would get you interest from very high quality men from a young age.
 
Time out:
I assume PUA means pick-up artist. What’s “negging?” What’s “red pill?”

Time in:
holy_face said:
it is not uncommon for women these days to have slept with 30-50 guys before they marry and settle down in the 30s, seriously.
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Highly doubtful. Very highly doubtful.
 
The_Bucket said:
Athol Kay is the least objectionable person who subscribes to this whole notion. But then again, he’s also an agnostic/atheist so I’m pretty sure it just replaces religion to him. I like to simply think of acting “alpha” and “beta” the way Christ did.
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It doesn’t matter regarding his religion, it is a subject like mathematics or biology, it can be applied to a religious persons life just as much as an atheists life.
 
on_the_hill said:
Time out:
I assume PUA means pick-up artist. What’s “negging?” What’s “red pill?”
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It’s an online community of neckbeards who are bitter that women don’t like them for XYZ reasons, so they share tips on how to trick all of those cruel, powerful, manipulative women that they resent so much into being with them.
 
on_the_hill said:
Time out:
I assume PUA means pick-up artist. What’s “negging?” What’s “red pill?”
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Negging is playfully teasing a girl instead of showering her with compliments, she is generally more attracted to guys who do not fall all over her but instead can turn down her requests and even playfully insult her if she throws fitness tests and demands.

You do heavier negging the more difficult she becomes even as much as picking up and leaving, hanging up the phone or not responding to her general.

talkaboutmarriage.com/mens-clubhouse/18347-fitness-tests.html

Red Pill is a philosophy based on evolutionary psychology that holds man must maintain the headship in a marriage or relationship, that a relationship based on a dominant female is unstable and usually ends up with the male being dumped for a new more high quality male, an alpha male type. Those that give into female demands too much and let them walk all over them are referred to beta males.
 
RobinNV said:

“I think I know God’s plan for me, but my own will has been getting in the way.”

Best wishes!

holy face said:

“I just don’t believe there are a whole lot of virgin women in their 30s out there that were somehow rejected by society, it may be that they are not highly attractive or something but the virginity is a bonus to most men and would get you interest from very high quality men from a young age.”

Not really–pretty much by definition, “high quality men” are not the ones prowling around young girls.

I think there’s a bit of a problem of perspective as you’re a guy, so you haven’t been on the receiving end of the sort of interest this generates. Yes, some men do find virginity “interesting,” but that doesn’t necessarily translate to honorable intentions or happy relationships.
 
Xantippe said:
RobinNV said:

“I think I know God’s plan for me, but my own will has been getting in the way.”

Best wishes!

holy face said:

“I just don’t believe there are a whole lot of virgin women in their 30s out there that were somehow rejected by society, it may be that they are not highly attractive or something but the virginity is a bonus to most men and would get you interest from very high quality men from a young age.”

Not really–pretty much by definition, “high quality men” are not the ones prowling around young girls.

I think there’s a bit of a problem of perspective as you’re a guy, so you haven’t been on the receiving end of the sort of interest this generates. Yes, some men do find virginity “interesting,” but that doesn’t necessarily translate to honorable intentions or happy relationships.
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I said nothing of prowling around, a successful attractive and respectable man in his 30s will not have a hard time securing a bride in her early 20s. There is nothing creepy about that at all, a woman’s fertility starts to drop at 25.

There will always be guys out there looking just to hookup with a virgin and a young girl, but that is not what i am talking about here. The way to shut those kind of people down is to simply refuse them. They are doing it because a lot of women sleep with these kind of guys.

If women would stop sleeping with players then there wouldn’t be any players, the woman have the option to shut this kind of behavior down at any time.
 
holy_face said:
Negging is playfully teasing a girl instead of showering her with compliments, she is generally more attracted to guys who do not fall all over her but instead can turn down her requests and even playfully insult her if she throws fitness tests and demands.

You do heavier negging the more difficult she becomes even as much as picking up and leaving, hanging up the phone or not responding to her general.

talkaboutmarriage.com/mens-clubhouse/18347-fitness-tests.html

Red Pill is a philosophy based on evolutionary psychology that holds man must maintain the headship in a marriage or relationship, that a relationship based on a dominant female is unstable and usually ends up with the male being dumped for a new more high quality male, an alpha male type. Those that give into female demands too much and let them walk all over them are referred to beta males.
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You mean the red pill is not a reference to The Matrix??

I had always thought that a beta male was anybody without an alpha-class physique; and, yes, such males do often exhibit the behavior as described, being much more anxious to “find someone.” Alpha-bodied males seldom need to do much finding.

ICXC NIKA
 
My limited personal experience suggests that it is actually a huge red flag when a guy is very interested in the fact that a young woman is a virgin. (I dated a 35/36-year-old divorced guy as a naive 19-year-old–he was definitely up to no good. Ever since, I’ve been very leery of that sort of age disparity.)

The unwholesome fetishizing of female virginity is such a sign of trouble ahead that I would not advise raising the subject of sexual pasts until you know each other very well.
 
GEddie said:
You mean the red pill is not a reference to The Matrix??

I had always thought that a beta male was anybody without an alpha-class physique; and, yes, such males do often exhibit the behavior as described, being much more anxious to “find someone.” Alpha-bodied males seldom need to do much finding.

ICXC NIKA
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It is based on the matix yes, the red pill is accepting things as they really are instead of the blue pill which is a false romanticized view of relationships where a man’s chivalrous and submissive behavior wins the woman.

we all know from our life’s experience that it really is the alpha male characteristics that win a woman, but that we must also have a side to us that is chivalrous as well. You have to find a good balance to where the male is still the leader of the relationship without being a massive jerk.
 
holy face said:

“It is based on the matix yes, the red pill is accepting things as they really are instead of the blue pill which a false romanticized view of relationships where a man’s chivalrous and submissive behavior wins the woman.”

My husband won me with chivalry and pursuit–but not submission. He is very mild-mannered, but he’s very smart and very good at what he does and he’s done an excellent job of supporting our family. Sensible women like that in a guy.

I think I have a somewhat dominant personality, but I respect my husband’s intelligence and various accomplishments.
 
Xantippe said:
My limited personal experience suggests that it is actually a huge red flag when a guy is very interested in the fact that a young woman is a virgin. (I dated a 35/36-year-old divorced guy as a naive 19-year-old–he was definitely up to no good. Ever since, I’ve been very leery of that sort of age disparity.)

The unwholesome fetishizing of female virginity is such a sign of trouble ahead that I would not advise raising the subject of sexual pasts until you know each other very well.
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An age range can be trouble, but it need not be. In the historic past, such age ranges were the norm. It is believed by some that Saint Joseph was much older than the BVM, having children by an earlier marriage (the “brothers of our LORD”), who vanished from Scripture while our LORD was young because he died at an expected old age.

An age range from an older male to a woman in the teens can be trouble because the guy might be trying to “recapture his youth” through sexual gaming. That’s a bad head game to be involved in.

But an age range isn’t bad in itself; it can lead to the guy babying the chick :)🙂

ICXC NIKA
 
Chivalry is not submission. Not submission with a negative connotation anyway. Chivalry was about demonstrating one’s power… and then treating those less powerful with respect.

Christ was as powerful as they come and yet He submitted to not only the will of His Father, but also stooped so low as to wash the feet of His own disciples… including the one who would betray Him.

That’s the kind of “alpha” we should strive to be.
 
The_Bucket said:
Chivalry is not submission. Not submission with a negative connotation anyway. Chivalry was about demonstrating one’s power… and then treating those less powerful with respect.

Christ was as powerful as they come and yet He submitted to not only the will of His Father, but also stooped so low as to wash the feet of His own disciples… including the one who would betray Him.

That’s the kind of “alpha” we should strive to be.
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Well based on the Shroud of Turin, He had an alpha physique, too.

ICXC NIKA
 
This is for enterthenewage:

First of all, it is commendable that you have lived a chaste life thusfar! If you should be so blessed to find the woman you are looking for, I am sure that will mean a lot to her. And you are certainly entitled to your own unique deal breakers. 🙂

I don’t have time to pick apart all of the things you have written, but there is one thing I just had to comment on was your vehemently pro-life status. How can someone see certain people as “less valuable” than others and also call himself pro-life? I don’t mean pro-life in the sense that you speak out against and would never perform abortion or euthanasia, etc. I am talking about the underlying reason for why we are called to be pro-life as Christians, which is because it is not for us to judge who is worthy, who is “valuable.” Every person is indeed valuable as we are all created in the image and likeness of God.

I am curious, how can one of your top priorities be “pro-life” when you simultaneously judge humans as more or less “valuable”?
 
Xantippe said:
My limited personal experience suggests that it is actually a huge red flag when a guy is very interested in the fact that a young woman is a virgin. (I dated a 35/36-year-old divorced guy as a naive 19-year-old–he was definitely up to no good. Ever since, I’ve been very leery of that sort of age disparity.)

The unwholesome fetishizing of female virginity is such a sign of trouble ahead that I would not advise raising the subject of sexual pasts until you know each other very well.
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Guys that I am talking about don’t go around stalking young girls, the young women usually throw themselves at them. They are true alpha males, good looking, successful, and have high standing in society. These type of people don’t lurk around and ask women if they are virgins, they date enough people to find out where the most value woman is.
 
GEddie said:
Well based on the Shroud of Turin, He had an alpha physique, too.

ICXC NIKA
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Doubtless most men who spent most of their time out of doors, sailing vessels and fishing for their own food would be in good shape.

Plus, doesn’t get much more of a Temple of the Holy Spirit than God Incarnate so I would not be surprised if He was as fit as possible.
 
The_Bucket said:
Chivalry is not submission. Not submission with a negative connotation anyway. Chivalry was about demonstrating one’s power… and then treating those less powerful with respect.

Christ was as powerful as they come and yet He submitted to not only the will of His Father, but also stooped so low as to wash the feet of His own disciples… including the one who would betray Him.

That’s the kind of “alpha” we should strive to be.
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yes but the idea of chivalry has sort of changed into guys giving in to whatever women want, orginally chivalry was very alpha behavior and it was reserved for the most noble and deserving women, not a girl getting wasted at a bar. Chivalry coming from a beta type man is very unattractive but from an alpha it sort of flows naturally.
 
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