I think it’s more a human thing than a specifically *Catholic *thing. Also I know that the judgement on both ends does happen, but I think sometimes people might think they’re being judged when they’re not. If you’re already feeling sensitive about say, not having any kids…or, conversely having 7 or more…then you might be more likely to imagine that every sidewards glance is a judgement. It isn’t always. Not even every *question *is a judgement.
You can’t always know what others are thinking.
This is very true, and something I have to keep telling myself.
When I refer to judgemet though, I am speaking more of the situations like this.
A bunch of church members and I sitting down to a church potluck dinner. They are all talking about their kids. I sit there silenty, nibbling on my bread and add what I can based on my experiences in my job. It’s typical at some point for someone to turn to me and say: “You know, catholics aren’t supposed to be contracepting. You really should fulfill the marital duty at some point.” or “career is good, but children are more important. You should realize this” or 'You’ve never had to work a day in your life until you’ve had kids"or just the “you know, contraception is a disgusting sin.”
and of course the ever helpful:
“If you don’t use those soon, they will dry up!”
Then there is the judgement in my job:
“How can you work with kids when you don’t have any yourself? You don’t know the first thing about children.”
“Until you are prepared to stop being selfish and have your own kids, you really don’t have any authority to work with them.”
I really could go on. The best part is church statistics. You aren’t counted in “family counts” if you don’t have kids. Technically, hubby and I don’t exist as a family in church stats. He technically gets counted on some level as part of his parent’s family, I don’t since I don’t come from catholic home. This typically doesn’t bother me, but at times I feel marginalized. It’s like…unless you come from a catholic family, or have kids imediately upon getting married, you don’t count. You don’t matter. You’re a waste of space. I can’t tell you the times I’ve cried mysef to sleep because of my empty arms. When I have someone telling me that I don’t realize what a blessing children are just because I don’t have any it tears me to shreds inside. I believe that i know more than many parents about the blessing children are because I have am deprived of that joy.
Hubby tries to reassure me that our day will come. He believes God will be faithful to us. I dearly hope he will. Until then, I have empty arms, a broken heart, and people who belittle my very existence as if I were stealing something from the world.
You don’t need a snappy come-back to this one, all the defence you need is in your happy family IMO.
