How many children do you have?

[RachelKH]

when people find out i have six children, they often say, “well, God bless you!” like i need it, but i just reply, " He already did, 6 times!"

 

[sharmin]

And, if you CAN’T support them, for whatever reason (Iike say for instance your family is doing well, you have a large family and then the economy crashes and you’re suddenly NOT doing well), WHAT THEN?

Well, obviously. LOL Actually, it’s my fault…I wasn’t clear or specific. Things happen. I have 2 kids, and the economy came crashing down on me and I had to accept assistance. Things happen. I meant people having children ***intending ***on the taxpayers supporting them. Big difference. I know it sounds strange, but I know people who actually do this. I guess it takes all kinds to make the world go 'round!

 

[newinfaith]

I have 5, 4 on earth ages 11-2. I also have one in heaven, he would be 7. With the 4 kids, I get looks at times. I can not have any more children, and would love to be able to have more if I could. In our parish, we are the 3rd largest family. We have one family that has 10 kids, I think. Another with 6, and then us. Most have 2 or 3.

 

[Angels_Unaware]

This is very true, and something I have to keep telling myself.

When I refer to judgemet though, I am speaking more of the situations like this.

A bunch of church members and I sitting down to a church potluck dinner. They are all talking about their kids. I sit there silenty, nibbling on my bread and add what I can based on my experiences in my job. It’s typical at some point for someone to turn to me and say: “You know, catholics aren’t supposed to be contracepting. You really should fulfill the marital duty at some point.” or “career is good, but children are more important. You should realize this” or 'You’ve never had to work a day in your life until you’ve had kids"or just the “you know, contraception is a disgusting sin.”

and of course the ever helpful:

“If you don’t use those soon, they will dry up!”

Then there is the judgement in my job:

“How can you work with kids when you don’t have any yourself? You don’t know the first thing about children.”

“Until you are prepared to stop being selfish and have your own kids, you really don’t have any authority to work with them.”

I really could go on. The best part is church statistics. You aren’t counted in “family counts” if you don’t have kids. Technically, hubby and I don’t exist as a family in church stats. He technically gets counted on some level as part of his parent’s family, I don’t since I don’t come from catholic home. This typically doesn’t bother me, but at times I feel marginalized. It’s like…unless you come from a catholic family, or have kids imediately upon getting married, you don’t count. You don’t matter. You’re a waste of space. I can’t tell you the times I’ve cried mysef to sleep because of my empty arms. When I have someone telling me that I don’t realize what a blessing children are just because I don’t have any it tears me to shreds inside. I believe that i know more than many parents about the blessing children are because I have am deprived of that joy.

Hubby tries to reassure me that our day will come. He believes God will be faithful to us. I dearly hope he will. Until then, I have empty arms, a broken heart, and people who belittle my very existence as if I were stealing something from the world.

This is unbelievable. I am so sorry anyone would say anything like that to you.

I am sure you have heard of Maria Montessori. There is a Montessori religious training method called the Catechesis of the Good Shepherd. It was developed by Sofia Cavalletti and Gianna Gobbi. They developed an outstanding approach to religous education. I believe it was Sofia who remained childless her whole life, and yet was a highly gifted teacher of preschool children.

 

[Emily2009]

I wish I shared your conviction. I am insanely jealous

Our childlessness isn’t necessarily by choice. I mean, we aren’t financially ready for kids, so I guess it’s a blessing in disguise. But i hurt terribly, so the judgement only hurts more. After all, to be a REAL married couple, you have to have kids. Right? At least, that’s what I am getting from the church.

It works like this: If you have no kids, the church judges you or looks down on you. Okay, not the church, just the people in the pews.

If you have too many, society judges you. It’s just further proof that you can’t please everyone. I just wish people were judging me for having too many, than not having any. The pain I feel myself is torture enough without the noisy or pointed comments. And then we could revel in the joy of our children, instead of treating the cat like a baby…LOL

Whitacre: to be a “real” married couple, you must only be OPEN to life and completing all marital acts in a form that is open to life. You must have said your vows infront of a priest, with full consent to each other and you must have consummated the marriage after you said the vows. Then you are a real married couple, whether or not you had/have children.

I’m sorry you are unable to have any yet.

 

[Dorothy]

My wife and I are both 37 and we have 7 children. We get alot of funny looks in public and my boss has been making comments lately too concerning insurance, etc. (he’s a “Catholic” too - lapsed) I’m sick of being looked at as if we are freaks. I’m not sure why people are so concerned about it. What do you say to them? Many times I’m caught off guard and only later think of a comeback. How do you deal with it? We love our kids and can’t imagine like without them.

My husband and I had eight children, four boys and four girls. The only comments we got were “You must be Catholic.” We just smiled.

Enjoy your family; children are blessings from the Lord.

I’m a senior citizen now, and a widow, and enjoying my children, their spouses, and 12 grandchildren. I will never know what loneliness is - even though I do live alone!

 

[Rence]

Sorry guys, but I don’t understand why everyone is everyone else’s business all the time. The hurtful and arrogant things say to people is ridiculous. If you don’t have children, someone will try to butt in and give you a piece of their mind. If you have many children, someone will try to butt in and give you a piece of their mind.

I only know two Catholic families with many kids. The last time counting, one had 21 and the other had 19. They were both fun loving wonderful families. Most have one or maybe two.

However, I know MANY Jewish families with over five kids, a few with 10, and one with 11.

Big families are wonderful. If you can have them, why not? On the flipside, when I was a KID working in a grocery store, it always amused me when a parent would lose their mind with the one or two kids they had

Some people are blessed with many children. Many other feel quite blessed with just one or two. And that’s fine. Everyone is different. There really is no need to comment on it…

 

[rpp]

You didn’t include an option for 0.

Hubby and I are not able to have kids yet. We get funny looks and judgemental glances in church. It sucks.

I understand how it sucks to be judged for your fertility…or lack thereof.

Prayers for you and you family. Enjoy the blessings of your children, and realize that the people who judge you obviously have their own problems. It’s what I have to do.

You have my prayers that God will grant you peace regarding this. I understand this very well. I have only one son and my doctor said he does not understand how that was possible. (Yes, my son looks like me.)

 

[Whitacre_Girl]

when people find out i have six children, they often say, “well, God bless you!” like i need it, but i just reply, " He already did, 6 times!"

THIS is AWESOME!!! :clapping:

And thank you everyone for the encouragement. I was at church hanging out with my nephew (he’s a toddler) and I had another bout of “You gotta have your own. If they turn out as cute as that guy, you’ll LOVE having kids.” I just respond with “Trust me, it’s not from lack of desire.”

Thanks for the prayers, and I’ll pray for everyone else out there who either can’t or isn’t able to have kids yet. Or for those who have lots of kids and need the patience that comes with that. I understand (due to work) that patience is always needed!! No matter how great a blessing they are.

You all rock, by the way.

 

[Incomplete]

This is very true, and something I have to keep telling myself.

When I refer to judgemet though, I am speaking more of the situations like this.

A bunch of church members and I sitting down to a church potluck dinner. They are all talking about their kids. I sit there silenty, nibbling on my bread and add what I can based on my experiences in my job. It’s typical at some point for someone to turn to me and say: “You know, catholics aren’t supposed to be contracepting. You really should fulfill the marital duty at some point.” or “career is good, but children are more important. You should realize this” or 'You’ve never had to work a day in your life until you’ve had kids"or just the “you know, contraception is a disgusting sin.”

and of course the ever helpful:

“If you don’t use those soon, they will dry up!”

Then there is the judgement in my job:

“How can you work with kids when you don’t have any yourself? You don’t know the first thing about children.”

“Until you are prepared to stop being selfish and have your own kids, you really don’t have any authority to work with them.”

I really could go on. The best part is church statistics. You aren’t counted in “family counts” if you don’t have kids. Technically, hubby and I don’t exist as a family in church stats. He technically gets counted on some level as part of his parent’s family, I don’t since I don’t come from catholic home. This typically doesn’t bother me, but at times I feel marginalized. It’s like…unless you come from a catholic family, or have kids imediately upon getting married, you don’t count. You don’t matter. You’re a waste of space. I can’t tell you the times I’ve cried mysef to sleep because of my empty arms. When I have someone telling me that I don’t realize what a blessing children are just because I don’t have any it tears me to shreds inside. I believe that i know more than many parents about the blessing children are because I have am deprived of that joy.

Hubby tries to reassure me that our day will come. He believes God will be faithful to us. I dearly hope he will. Until then, I have empty arms, a broken heart, and people who belittle my very existence as if I were stealing something from the world.

This is terrible.

But for the poster who questioned if this is a Catholic thing, I can guarantee that conversation wouldn’t happen in my parish.

I’m actually kind of surprised at the contraception comments, as so many Catholics do contracept.

The thing about not knowing about kids if you don’t have them reminds me of how people wonder how priests can advise people about sex or marriage.

Pray for those people. I’m so glad you have a supportive husband.

 

[ShanaA1984]

I have 1 for now, but I do hope she will not be the only one. I the meantime though I am greatful to God for what I do have.

 

[JerrySeibert]

Why would you care what people think? We have two children and we are trying for a third. And it makes me sad. Sad that it took me so long to find a woman that believed as I did. We are both pushing 40. We love to joke that if we were to have met in our early twenties we would probably have ‘who know’ I joke about 12 boys named after the Apostles everyone says I am crazy. But, I am the youngest of 5. Who cares if someone thinks you have ‘too many kids’ their heart is too small I guess.

 

[Incomplete]

I joke about 12 boys named after the Apostles

I love this!

 

[shondrea]

I’m still single, but I hope to have at least 5 kids. I’m lucky; around here, in the country, ;arge familes are still very much the norm. My cousins almost all have 3-5 siblings, my classmates as well. It was unusual to be an only child have only 1 sibling.

 

[PUP]

I have 7 children and everytime we go to Mass someone comes up to us to tell us how wonderful it is to see a large family. It is very refreshing! If we go out to dinner many times a waitress will say she is one of 7,8 or 9 siblings and how wonderful it was to be in a large family. I am sure you must get compliments as well and you just need to focus on the compliments instead of the strange looks or insults!

 

[dizzy_dave]

Hi, I’m the original op. I asked the question because many people make us feel like we are being irresponsible by having 7 children. They (the kids) are not dirty, or sickly either. Its funny because only a generation or two people had large familys and that seemed to be the norm. My wife’s mom comes from a family of 7, her dad a family of 6.

I guess I’m upset because my boss made a crack that he didn’t think I heard on my way out of the office Friday. Other times he complains about the health insurance because it keeps going up because of our family size (we also pay a portion of our insurance too). Our kids go to Catholic school too (4 of them), he says “how do you afford that?” I said, “we do without some things.” He says, “what, food.” It bothers me because he’s a Catholic too. My doctor also makes comments, like “when you going to get fixed?” I’ll say, “well it seems to work just fine.” We also get the “boy, I bet your busy, probably, don’t have any free time.” I’m just sick of the negative comments and the stares.

 

[4Horsemen]

Read this article about the family with 19 children. I recently read in the Chicago Tribune last week or the week before that the 20th was on the way. Here is a link to an earlier article:

today.msnbc.msn.com/id/20134584/ns/parenting_and_family/

My husband and I have 6 children. I don’t think I could have handled more, but God gives us the strength for any burden we face (blessing?). I see each of my children as a blessing.

 

[FrenchGwen]

As for us, we’ve been married for nearly 2 years, which have been spent TTA, so no children yet. And guess what ? It seems we’ve just passed the gate from the “I hope you’re not going to have children now, you’re much too young / newly-married !” patronizing attitude to the “it is highly time you’d make a baby” disapproving looks. In fact, we’re right in the middle, now: we hear both. So yes, people will just say ANYTHING, regardless of its relevance.
I’ve come to realize people like to comment. And that there often is a proportion between their tendency to be critical of other people’s choices and their own (often unavowed) insatisfaction with their own choices / lives. So whenever I find somebody is really too much “concerned” about my own business, I just remember that it is probably out of sheer frustration about his or her own business.

 

[MomaMary8]

Well, obviously. LOL Actually, it’s my fault…I wasn’t clear or specific. Things happen. I have 2 kids, and the economy came crashing down on me and I had to accept assistance. Things happen. I meant people having children ***intending ***on the taxpayers supporting them. Big difference. I know it sounds strange, but I know people who actually do this. I guess it takes all kinds to make the world go 'round!

Even that is a crazy thing to say, as only 47% of the U.S. population pays taxes…there are only a few of us paying for the necessitities of all (police, roads, education, etc.)

This is very true, and something I have to keep telling myself.

When I refer to judgemet though, I am speaking more of the situations like this.

A bunch of church members and I sitting down to a church potluck dinner. They are all talking about their kids. I sit there silenty, nibbling on my bread and add what I can based on my experiences in my job. It’s typical at some point for someone to turn to me and say: “You know, catholics aren’t supposed to be contracepting. You really should fulfill the marital duty at some point.” or “career is good, but children are more important. You should realize this” or 'You’ve never had to work a day in your life until you’ve had kids"or just the “you know, contraception is a disgusting sin.”

and of course the ever helpful:

“If you don’t use those soon, they will dry up!”

Then there is the judgement in my job:

“How can you work with kids when you don’t have any yourself? You don’t know the first thing about children.”

“Until you are prepared to stop being selfish and have your own kids, you really don’t have any authority to work with them.”

.

:hug3: Together we are called to be a light of Christ and the face of God’s will on Earth. You face those above comments, and I get the “you should have an abortion” when I’m pregnant, comments. I try to show them how I can be joyful as a mom of 9 kids, and how great a large family can be. It’s a shame that most of society believes in a contraceptive mentality, as people assume you carry those beliefs, too. A few comments by you may be enough to teach those people that not every one conceives so easily. Perhaps, asking them if they have any extra they’d like to give you as you haven’t been able to conceive yet? What ever you say, say it with a smile.

Hi, I’m the original op. I asked the question because many people make us feel like we are being irresponsible by having 7 children. They (the kids) are not dirty, or sickly either. Its funny because only a generation or two people had large familys and that seemed to be the norm. My wife’s mom comes from a family of 7, her dad a family of 6.

I guess I’m upset because my boss made a crack that he didn’t think I heard on my way out of the office Friday. Other times he complains about the health insurance because it keeps going up because of our family size (we also pay a portion of our insurance too). Our kids go to Catholic school too (4 of them), he says “how do you afford that?” I said, “we do without some things.” He says, “what, food.” It bothers me because he’s a Catholic too. My doctor also makes comments, like “when you going to get fixed?” I’ll say, “well it seems to work just fine.” We also get the “boy, I bet your busy, probably, don’t have any free time.” I’m just sick of the negative comments and the stares.

I know my DH had to deal with those type of comments when working for others. It never was worth causing a fuss to higher-ups, as the attitude seemed to be universal, excepting perhaps one or two in the entire company. My dh now owns his own business, so he thankfully doesn’t have to hear those comments any more (at work.) Perhaps you could ask your boss if he complains about smokers, or overweight people raising the insurance costs? Is this a small business or large? If its fairly large, one family should not increase the premiums that much. and unless your boss is in perfect health, he really shouldn’t be saying much. How’s his cholesterol levels? how good is his blood pressure? Middle age men can be kind of expensive, medically speaking. (FYI, as business owners, we pay 75% of the insurance premiums for the employees.)

Just yesterday, DH was shopping at a wharehouse for our groceries. He actually had the shopper behind him come up and look to see what his bill was. I’ve had this happen to me a couple of times as well. It used to be that people respected others’ privacy, but unfortunately in this day of reality TV, the sense of privacy is gone. Every one thinks they have the right to see the most initimate details of our lives, especially if we are out of the normal. Not only do they want to see the details, they think they have the right to comment. It’s sad really. The comments are common and never seem to end. I just try to approach everyone with a smile…they’ll remember that more than the snarky comments. When out with the kids, we make it a game to see who can guess how many comments we will get that day…It makes the kids laugh and realize that the comments will come, and we need to have a good humor about it. We are a curiosity…the TV shows wouldn’t be there if we weren’t.

 

[Em_in_FL]

Hi, I’m the original op. I asked the question because many people make us feel like we are being irresponsible by having 7 children. They (the kids) are not dirty, or sickly either. Its funny because only a generation or two people had large familys and that seemed to be the norm. My wife’s mom comes from a family of 7, her dad a family of 6.

I guess I’m upset because my boss made a crack that he didn’t think I heard on my way out of the office Friday. Other times he complains about the health insurance because it keeps going up because of our family size (we also pay a portion of our insurance too). Our kids go to Catholic school too (4 of them), he says “how do you afford that?” I said, “we do without some things.” He says, “what, food.” It bothers me because he’s a Catholic too. My doctor also makes comments, like “when you going to get fixed?” I’ll say, “well it seems to work just fine.” We also get the “boy, I bet your busy, probably, don’t have any free time.” I’m just sick of the negative comments and the stares.

Honestly, I’d go have a talk with your Human Resources Department. Unless this is a small family-run business owned by your boss, he really doesn’t have any say in how you choose to use your company benefits.

Try to think of some positive, humorous comebacks… really, you ARE out of the “normal distribution” when it comes to family size - but who cares! But you ARE going to get looks simply because of that… so you’re going to HAVE to learn how to deal with it in a reasonable way that doesn’t always makes you feel upset. Turn to some humorous, quick-witted comebacks and just let the comments roll off your back…

Stuff like:
“I’m creating my own* Social Security* program… it’s called living off the kids!”
“I’m just rounding out the family-size distribution. ”
“Hahaha… sometimes even I loose track of how many I have!”
“Why ‘fix’ something that CLEARLY works just fine?!”
“Hey, low budget for food is a GREAT diet plan!”

Just roll with it… you’re doing good work, so don’t be discouraged!