Let me get this straight: you’re suggesting not being truthful with this young woman and encouraging the OP to end their relationship and I’m suggesting that he tell her how he actually feels in an attempt to improve their relationship, but I’m the one “playing games.” Got it.
Anyway, this bickering seems to be unresponsive to the OP’s main concern, which, as he clarified a few posts back, is that he’s worried about being shallow. My advice would be don’t worry too much. It’s perfectly healthy to want to be physically attracted to someone you’re going to marry. While physical appearance isn’t the only factor in choosing a mate, it is an important one, especially for men sinec they tend to be more visually-oriented. If you wanted to marry a woman solely because of her looks, despite the fact her behavior was uncouth or shrewish, then I’d say you were being shallow. The fact that you extolled this young woman for all of her other great assets in your original post tells me that you’re not shallow. You obviously do care about more than physical appearance, you simply recognize that appearance does matter to some extent.
This does make me feel better, thank you. The fact that I am agonizing at all must mean I’m not 100% shallow…and yet, still too shallow for my own good.
I do put a high premium on physical attraction. Maybe it’s modern society, maybe I’m just too visual, but the female form, when beautiful, just transfixes me. When I see a beautiful woman on TV, I just stare and stare in awe.
When I have been on dates with women, I would scrutinize their looks in my head: “Wow, she has greys in her hair;” “that is one nasty wrinkle right above her lip”; “she should learn to wear make-up better.” Yeah, awful, I know.
But the converse is also true. I once went out on a date with a woman from the internet. She was pretty, about 6 years younger, but, she said things during that date that told me right away that her Catholic values weren’t mine. I told her that very date that she’s not for me. Another time, when I was in my 20’s, I went on a blind date with a very striking woman. But during the date, I found her bossy, and again, while she was Catholic, she wasn’t practicing, so I didn’t call her again. Again, she was a stunner. And at age 22, she had no physical flaws that I could see. But I let that one go.
Here’s the thing with me. Because of my faith convictions, somewhat “different” personality, and serious attitude concerning dating (I don’t date just for the sake of dating), I haven’t been with many woman, because I know I’m not compatible with many. My lifestyle doesn’t make me appealing to a lot of women (I’m not really into a lot of outdoor physical activity, don’t like dancing much, couch potato).
So to make a long story short(er), I am giving this woman more time of day than I’ve given the women I described above. And that makes me feel better, too.
And to those who say, “Just let her go, something better for me will come along,” I’m doubtful, because I don’t match personality/values-wise often…in fact, just about never. I can’t be too choosey. Sometimes, people who are too choosey wind up choosing themselves into being single for life. If you don’t believe me, see the other message board labeled “Never marrieds sign in here.” I’d bet some of them were holding out for near perfection. As EasterJoy said, there is a difference between settling and just being realistic.
For me, this song could be used as a “checker”.
No one can be more pretty than her to me
