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KJL
Guest
You’re right, forgive is the wrong word. What I mean really is that I want him to get past the negative feelings he has towards her.
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KJL
Guest
I converted to Catholicism later in life so did not have the benefits of the teachings as a teen. I had 3-4 boyfriends before getting married and have always been made to feel I am less worthy because of this. He says that all catholic men would feel this way about girls who did not wait until marriage. I have allowed him to make me feel shame and it’s only now I’m realising, through what has happened to my daughter that it’s not my fault.
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Dolphin
Guest
Last I knew Jesus didn’t say “cast all the stones you want, judge everyone, and your love in contingent on others not sinning!”
Talk about casting the first stone…
Talk about casting the first stone…
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Irishmom2
Guest
No, I don’t believe this is true.all catholic men would feel this way about girls who did not wait until marriage.
Did you know he felt this way before you married him? I wonder why he married you if he felt that way.
I am sorry he is like that. But remember what he is saying reflects more on him than you, so don’t let it get to you, okay?
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Dolphin
Guest
I am a Catholic 21 year old man… and wow, this is such an untrue and disgusting sentiment. Your husband should consider reading the gospels and reflecting on what Jesus even came to earth for and what sacrificial love is…He says that all catholic men would feel this way about girls who did not wait until marriage
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Dolphin
Guest
I do not know the full situation so I cannot judge but your husband sounds abusive. You should seek some help even if it is from a priest or friendI have allowed him to make me feel shame and it’s only now I’m realising, through what has happened to my daughter that it’s not my fault.
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Salibi
Guest
This is not correct.am less worthy because of this.
This is not correct either.He says that all catholic men would feel this way about girls who did not wait until marria
I’m sorry, but your husband’s (thoroughly unChristian) ideas are false and his behaviour towards you and your daughter is disgusting and unacceptable. I’m very sorry that he behaves towards you and her in the manner you’ve described on this thread.
I think the issue needs professional counselling. Your husband’s behaviour is nothing more than abuse.
I am praying for you.
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1ke
Guest
Your husband has some real problems. And he doesn’t seem like a very nice person.He says that all catholic men would feel this way about girls who did not wait until marriage.
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mwncheesehead
Guest
I think some people are coming down too hard on the Dad, who didn’t approach it in the right manner, (“Are you having sex?” as opposed to a gentle catechesis on the gift of chastity, why we save sexual activity for marriage, etc), but cares enough to be concerned about his daughter’s faith and her immortal soul. He’s correct to be concerned, minus the vulgar words and point blank question about her sexual activity outside marriage. To the OP, you’re not weak in your morals, and your husband isn’t all wrong in his approach. He sounds like a Catholic man who probably could use a little more finesse in his approach to addressing the issue. Unlike some others here who essentially say it’s none of his business what she’s doing in the bedroom with a man she’s not married to, it is his business in that her spiritual welfare is his business.
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do_justly_love_mercy
Guest
Your husband’s behavior is appalling and has nothing to do with Catholicism. It also sounds like he exploits the fact that you are a convert and perhaps thinks that he can control you further by holding out as some kind of expert on Catholicism.
I am engaged to be married to a man who is also a Catholic. Earlier in our relationship we were not particularly religious and did not practice chastity. He’s four years younger than me, and I know that he had never so much as kissed a woman before, because he volunteered this information when we first met (he was 18, so I was not particularly surprised). He has never expressed any curiosity at all about my relationships with men (or women for that matter) before we met. It has simply never been an issue. And why should it be? If a man made me feel “less worthy” because I had had sex with someone else before I met him, he would not be someone I’d want to marry.
Your husband really needs to get some advice from somebody outside. He should talk to a psychiatrist or psychologist. He should also speak to a priest, deacon, parish sister, etc. to learn that his attitude is not Catholic.
I am engaged to be married to a man who is also a Catholic. Earlier in our relationship we were not particularly religious and did not practice chastity. He’s four years younger than me, and I know that he had never so much as kissed a woman before, because he volunteered this information when we first met (he was 18, so I was not particularly surprised). He has never expressed any curiosity at all about my relationships with men (or women for that matter) before we met. It has simply never been an issue. And why should it be? If a man made me feel “less worthy” because I had had sex with someone else before I met him, he would not be someone I’d want to marry.
Your husband really needs to get some advice from somebody outside. He should talk to a psychiatrist or psychologist. He should also speak to a priest, deacon, parish sister, etc. to learn that his attitude is not Catholic.
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JulianN
Guest
Dad really shouldn’t be inquiring into his adult child’s sexual behavior, and appears to be making assumptions about her welfare based on her correct refusal to discuss this with him.I think some people are coming down too hard on the Dad, who didn’t approach it in the right manner, (“Are you having sex?” as opposed to a gentle catechesis on the gift of chastity, why we save sexual activity for marriage, etc)
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1ke
Guest
Dad’s been shaming Mom for over 20 years.I think some people are coming down too hard on the Dad,
So, no, I don’t think we are.
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mwncheesehead
Guest
It’s always easy to trash the one who’s not here to defend himself. Remember that, 1ke.
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Dolphin
Guest
Suggesting someone reach out for help if they are not in a safe and healthy situation is not ”trashing someone”
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JulianN
Guest
It’s always possible that a poster is flat-out lying. It’s an anonymous Internet forum. But if he asked his adult daughter about her sex life, then no, nobody is being too hard on him.It’s always easy to trash the one who’s not here to defend himself.
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Sarcelle
Guest
Does he feel the same way towards men who didn’t wait until marriage or is only towards the women?He says that all catholic men would feel this way about girls who did not wait until marriage.
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Sarcelle
Guest
His method does more damage than good.
Another troubling thing is that he continually looks down on his wife for having a past that’s less pure than the driven snow. Not only that, he thinks all Catholic men should do the same towards any woman who has a past.
That too is not Catholic and honestly will drive people away from the Church, especially his daughter.
Another troubling thing is that he continually looks down on his wife for having a past that’s less pure than the driven snow. Not only that, he thinks all Catholic men should do the same towards any woman who has a past.
That too is not Catholic and honestly will drive people away from the Church, especially his daughter.
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do_justly_love_mercy
Guest
This is not just a case of somebody who failed to express himself in the best way. He has made his wife feel ashamed of herself throughout their entire marriage because she was not a virgin. He claims that he now loves his daughter less than he used to because he has found out that she is not a virgin. That is a guy who has pretty serious problems.
Asking his daughter whether she’s having sex with her boyfriend is not appropriate, but that’s not the really big issue here. The really big issue is that he determines how much he values and loves the two most important women in his life based on his opinion of their sexual experiences. That is totally wrong and suggests somebody with much more serious problems.
Asking his daughter whether she’s having sex with her boyfriend is not appropriate, but that’s not the really big issue here. The really big issue is that he determines how much he values and loves the two most important women in his life based on his opinion of their sexual experiences. That is totally wrong and suggests somebody with much more serious problems.
When she was a child, perhaps, but she’s an adult. If he taught her the correct morals while she was a child then he’s done his job. Now it’s between her and God and her confessor.Unlike some others here who essentially say it’s none of his business what she’s doing in the bedroom with a man she’s not married to, it is his business in that her spiritual welfare is his business.
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