how to educate my son with a non-catholic wife

[jnuevo]

I request for constructive advices of how to deal with a situation where the family of my wife is Jehova witnesses. My wife was not too observant of her religion and I could take over the religious education of my boy ( 4 years old) taking him to mass, start talking him about the virgin, God (even his very short age). But now my wife’s family (who lives in another country) is pushing my wife to take a more active role.

I know it’s her right, I know that my wife and me want the best for our child. But I am really worry about how to deal with this situation in the following years.

I know I have to prepare and study myself to deal with this, but do you know specific literature about similar situations?

thanks for your understanding and constructive responses

 

[josephdaniel29]

I know it’s her right, I know that my wife and me want the best for our child.

I have no doubt you both want what’s best for your child but she does not have a right to interfere with the child’s Catholic formation. She agreed to have any children raised Catholic when you married. The Church would not have agreed to the marriage otherwise. That is especially true for Jehovah’s Witnesses who do not even accept that Jesus is God.

As far as practical advice is concerned I don’t have any. I would suggest you contact your priest to ask him for guidance.

Yours in Christ
Joe

 

[Advocatus_Fidei]

I request for constructive advices of how to deal with a situation where the family of my wife is Jehova witnesses. My wife was not too observant of her religion and I could take over the religious education of my boy ( 4 years old) taking him to mass, start talking him about the virgin, God (even his very short age). But now my wife’s family (who lives in another country) is pushing my wife to take a more active role.

I know it’s her right,

No actually its not her right at all especially if you had a Catholic marriage and she agreed to allow you to raise your children Catholic.

I know that my wife and me want the best for our child. But I am really worry about how to deal with this situation in the following years.

I know I have to prepare and study myself to deal with this, but do you know specific literature about similar situations?

thanks for your understanding and constructive responses

Educate your wife as well as your son, what she wants and what is best for your son are not the same things at this moment in time, convince her of that.

Don’t restrict yourself to educating yourself about your faith also learn about the errors of JW’s, there are some good books out there and there are many errors such as false prophecies made in the past by them that never came true and were then covered up etc.

It sounds to me like your wife would love to be set free from the JW thing its up to you to grant her that freedom.

I recommend the following to get you started:

Catholic Answer To The Jehovah’s Witnesses by Louise D’Angelo published by Tan Books

Answering Jehovah’s Witnesses by Jason Evert published by Catholic Answers

 

[VetA]

No actually its not her right at all especially if you had a Catholic marriage and she agreed to allow you to raise your children Catholic.

Educate your wife as well as your son, what she wants and what is best for your son are not the same things at this moment in time, convince her of that.

Don’t restrict yourself to educating yourself about your faith also learn about the errors of JW’s, there are some good books out there and there are many errors such as false prophecies made in the past by them that never came true and were then covered up etc.

It sounds to me like your wife would love to be set free from the JW thing its up to you to grant her that freedom.

I recommend the following to get you started:

Catholic Answer To The Jehovah’s Witnesses by Louise D’Angelo published by Tan Books

Answering Jehovah’s Witnesses by Jason Evert published by Catholic Answers

they even have some really good articles on here that may be a good stepping stone

---

also to op i offer my prayers for your son’s soul

 

[Teneas]

I have a similar situation with my ex-wife. The best advice I can give about it is that if you teach your child all that you know of the Catholic faith, and perhaps (if the wife lets you), have them in classes as well for Catholicism. Just let the Holy Spirit take over. It won’t be so easy, but all you can do is your best. God will prevail in the child’s life if you open that door.

It’s also a good opportunity to teach your child more about other faiths and why we, as Catholics, believe as we believe in contrast to other denominations.

Just my two cents.

 

[nhylan]

I have no doubt you both want what’s best for your child but she does not have a right to interfere with the child’s Catholic formation. She agreed to have any children raised Catholic when you married. The Church would not have agreed to the marriage otherwise. That is especially true for Jehovah’s Witnesses who do not even accept that Jesus is God.

As far as practical advice is concerned I don’t have any. I would suggest you contact your priest to ask him for guidance.

Yours in Christ
Joe

This is just wrong. Only the Catholic partner in the relationship has to agree to the understanding that the Catholic Church expects the children of the marriage to be raised Catholic.

 

[Cristiano]

This is just wrong. Only the Catholic partner in the relationship has to agree to the understanding that the Catholic Church expects the children of the marriage to be raised Catholic.

What do you think that the implication of such a statement is?

 

[Lapey]

This is just wrong. Only the Catholic partner in the relationship has to agree to the understanding that the Catholic Church expects the children of the marriage to be raised Catholic.

Negative! Both have to agree to raise children in the Catholic Church if married in the Church; it is part of the ceremony. Education and counseling are provided in preparation for this union.

Remember that marriage is a covenant with God, not civil law. Marriage was created by God not civil law.

If they together do not practice what they agree to in that covenant, then it is his responsibility to see to it on his own. If the child grows up and comes to the age of reason and chooses to follow the faith of his mother, which is his choice, then so be it. But the father has to complete his duty to avoid that.

If the mother chooses to impede her husband from carrying out his duty as the father and spiritual leader of his family as God has appointed him, then he is faithfully bound to continue to teach his children and his wife of the truth.

No one said fatherhood or husbandry was easy, if it were there would be a lot less divorcee in this world.

 

[nhylan]

What do you think that the implication of such a statement is?

The implication is that the RCC recognizes that both parents feel a responsibility to raise their children in their faiths and as much as possible the RCC parent should try and raise the children Roman Catholic if at all possible. This leaves a great deal of wiggle room for non catholic parents. The catholic parents agrees to do everything in their power to raise the children catholic, still, sometimes raising them catholic is not possible particularly if one parent strongly disagrees with raising the child in that manner.

 

[Cristiano]

The implication is that the RCC recognizes that both parents feel a responsibility to raise their children in their faiths and as much as possible the RCC parent should try and raise the children Roman Catholic if at all possible. This leaves a great deal of wiggle room for non catholic parents. The catholic parents agrees to do everything in their power to raise the children catholic, still, sometimes raising them catholic is not possible particularly if one parent strongly disagrees with raising the child in that manner.

Then the Catholic spouse would be telling a lie when making the commitment to do his/her best. The only reasonable way to do your best is to obtain commitment from the non catholic spouse. If you are not willing to do your truly best you should not be married!

 

[NoAvailableName]

Both have to agree to raise children in the Catholic Church if married in the Church; it is part of the ceremony.

Why are the Catholics here so intent on spreading this lie? They have been corrected many, many times.

From this website:

foryourmarriage.org/catholic-marriage/catholic-beliefs/faqs/

When a Catholic marries a non-Catholic, must the non-Catholic promise to raise the children in the Catholic faith?

The non-Catholic spouse does not have to promise to have the children raised Catholic.

And from here:

foryourmarriage.org/catholic-marriage/church-teachings/interfaith-marriages/

Because of these challenges, the church requires the Catholic party to be faithful to his or her faith and to “promise to do all in his or her power” to have their children baptized and raised in the Catholic faith. This provision of the 1983 Code of Canon Law – with its wording to try one’s best – is a change from the 1917 version, which required an absolute promise to have the children raised Catholic.

Likewise, the non-Catholic spouse is no longer required to promise to raise the children in the Catholic faith, but “to be informed at an appropriate time of these promises which the Catholic party has to make, so that it is clear that the other party is truly aware of the promise and obligation of the Catholic party,” the code states.

But suppose the non-Catholic party insists that the children will not be raised Catholic? The diocese can still grant permission for the marriage, as long as the Catholic party promises to do all he or she can to fulfill that promise, Hater writes.

 

[Lapey]

Then the Catholic spouse would be telling a lie when making the commitment to do his/her best. The only reasonable way to do your best is to obtain commitment from the non catholic spouse. If you are not willing to do your truly best you should not be married!

Exactly. In the training I have received in the witnessing of Catholic marriages, diaconate formation, this is a topic which comes up repeatedly. Unfortunately there are many “modern” issues that are too prevalent these days because of what the world tells us we should be.

Inter-faith marriages, cohabitation, pre-marital sex, etc. These can all be obstacles to the covenant marriage. This is not in question however, the agreement to raise children in the faith, the Catholic faith, is not an option in a sacramental marriage.

This is one issue that is brought up when people seek an annulment. The impediment of raising children in the faith or not being open to children is a legitimate impediment to the validity of the sacramental marriage. If one person taking the vows is dishonest of their intent it is built on a lie and therefore possible not sacramental.

As spiritual leader the father is responsible. Sadly in many families it is the mother who teaches the faith, alone. The father is missing in action in many families; mine was not-thank you God!!!

 

[Lapey]

Why are the Catholics here so intent on spreading this lie? They have been corrected many, many times.

.

I guess because I am old fashioned and hard headed.

PS. lie is such a strong word, dont you think???

 

[nhylan]

This is not in question however, the agreement to raise children in the faith, the Catholic faith, is not an option in a sacramental marriage.

This is, again, wrong. The Catholic has to try their darnest to get those kids to be catholic but sometimes thats not possible. If the Roman Catholic Church didn’t recognize that they wouldn’t have changed the wording of the agreement and they wouldn’t have stopped requiring the non catholic spouse to promise to raise them catholic. There are many many instances where the RC Spouse trying their best wouldn’t result in the child being Catholic. Saying that the spouses best must result in the child becoming catholic has a lot of presupposition. First off, it implies that its OK to violate the trust and understanding of the marriage by going behind the other spouses back. I mean who knows, maybe that spouse is adamant that they not be raised catholic, I think that breach of trust is a little bit more important than the differing outcome of a child being raised Anglican or Lutheran instead of Roman catholic.

 

[Cristiano]

Exactly. In the training I have received in the witnessing of Catholic marriages, diaconate formation, this is a topic which comes up repeatedly. Unfortunately there are many “modern” issues that are too prevalent these days because of what the world tells us we should be.

Inter-faith marriages, cohabitation, pre-marital sex, etc. These can all be obstacles to the covenant marriage. This is not in question however, the agreement to raise children in the faith, the Catholic faith, is not an option in a sacramental marriage.

This is one issue that is brought up when people seek an annulment. The impediment of raising children in the faith or not being open to children is a legitimate impediment to the validity of the sacramental marriage. If one person taking the vows is dishonest of their intent it is built on a lie and therefore possible not sacramental.

As spiritual leader the father is responsible. Sadly in many families it is the mother who teaches the faith, alone. The father is missing in action in many families; mine was not-thank you God!!!

One fact that we must accept is that the non-catholic spouse might later change his/her mind due to sincere motives, at that point it would be difficult from a moral point to view to hold him/her to the initial commitment. This is a good reason why people should not marry outside their faith.

 

[Lapey]

This is, again, wrong. The Catholic has to try their darnest to get those kids to be catholic but sometimes thats not possible. If the Roman Catholic Church didn’t recognize that they wouldn’t have changed the wording of the agreement and they wouldn’t have stopped requiring the non catholic spouse to promise to raise them catholic. There are many many instances where the RC Spouse trying their best wouldn’t result in the child being Catholic. Saying that the spouses best must result in the child becoming catholic has a lot of presupposition. First off, it implies that its OK to violate the trust and understanding of the marriage by going behind the other spouses back. I mean who knows, maybe that spouse is adamant that they not be raised catholic, I think that breach of trust is a little bit more important than the differing outcome of a child being raised Anglican or Lutheran instead of Roman catholic.

Read the entire post, I didn’t say the end result must be anything. The child may choose anything once he or she reaches the age of reason.

 

[Cristiano]

This is, again, wrong. The Catholic has to try their darnest to get those kids to be catholic but sometimes thats not possible. If the Roman Catholic Church didn’t recognize that they wouldn’t have changed the wording of the agreement and they wouldn’t have stopped requiring the non catholic spouse to promise to raise them catholic. There are many many instances where the RC Spouse trying their best wouldn’t result in the child being Catholic. Saying that the spouses best must result in the child becoming catholic has a lot of presupposition. First off, it implies that its OK to violate the trust and understanding of the marriage by going behind the other spouses back. I mean who knows, maybe that spouse is adamant that they not be raised catholic, I think that breach of trust is a little bit more important than the differing outcome of a child being raised Anglican or Lutheran instead of Roman catholic.

So do you think that it is better to break the breach of trust in our covenant with God (made before marriage) in order to accommodate a marriage?

How doing your best is going behind the spouse’s back and violating his/her trust? I do not understand your statement. I would appreciate if you could elaborate.

 

[nhylan]

So do you think that it is better to break the breach of trust in our covenant with God (made before marriage) in order to accommodate a marriage?

How doing your best is going behind the spouse’s back and violating his/her trust? I do not understand your statement. I would appreciate if you could elaborate.

The idea is that if the Catholic Spouse were in such a position then maybe the only way to get the child into a catholic church would be to sneak them there, that would be the violation of the other spouses trust.

The idea that breaking the trust of the covenant of god doesn’t matter to me or my spouse in this case (this is in reality, I’m speaking now). Since we are both Christians, both of our denominations priests have valid orders, and since even the Catholic church admits that salvation may be obtained in other christian churches we have a hard time reasoning any breaking of any covenant with God is actually occurring.

 

[Lapey]

The idea is that if the Catholic Spouse were in such a position then maybe the only way to get the child into a catholic church would be to sneak them there, that would be the violation of the other spouses trust.

The idea that breaking the trust of the covenant of god doesn’t matter to me or my spouse in this case (this is in reality, I’m speaking now). Since we are both Christians, both of our denominations priests have valid orders, and since even the Catholic church admits that salvation may be obtained in other christian churches we have a hard time reasoning any breaking of any covenant with God is actually occurring.

In my house there would be no “sneaking”. There would be carrying out of my duty as father. This child would come to Church with me and learn his or her faith in the proper way; that is my duty. My spouse would have the choice of staying in the marriage or not.

That may sound harsh but it is our duty to pass on what we have been given, that can be found in scripture. Can you find it?

 

[nhylan]

In my house there would be no “sneaking”. There would be carrying out of my duty as father. This child would come to Church with me and learn his or her faith in the proper way; that is my duty. My spouse would have the choice of staying in the marriage or not.

That may sound harsh but it is our duty to pass on what we have been given, that can be found in scripture. Can you find it?

I applaud you on following your beliefs, I also follow mine.