How to FORCE our children to say rosary daily?

[jzea1992]

No one ever forced me to say the Rosary as a kid. I never said it. But now as a young adult I say it on my own with the heart and love it.

 

[anneramones]

I’m sure your intentions are good but yes, taking away internet, phone and other technologies will probably be counter productive,especially at their age.
They could even resent or hate the Rosary because it’s the reason you’ve taken away things from them.
I’m 21 and I myself struggle with the Rosary, although our Lady asked us to pray it daily,I tried multiple times but it never worked. This devotion doesn’t work best for every one. My only advice is to try and handle things a bit different: instead of forcing them to say the Rosary because otherwise there will be punishment( internet taken away for ex) try to get them to know their faith more deep, I think Bible reading as a family after dinner could be a good idea. And also reading the things said of Mary by S Louis the Montfort and the early Fathers, so that they might feel themselves the will to pray the Rosary…

 

[0Scarlett_nidiyilii]

Maybe sit them down, just be honest and explain your concerns to them, let them talk and tell you why the internet is so compelling …

Something like “guys, things got really heated lately, I love you so much and I worry about what you’re looking at. I shouldn’t have tried to force you to say the rosary and I’m sorry. Can we talk about some of the things you’ve been seeing on the internet? I’d really like to hear your thoughts…”

And then, listen

 

[Nelka]

Generally children will do anything to stay up slightly later, even watching the news on tv. Say it at bedtime with them, use candles in the dark which they may enjoy.

 

[Lea101]

I was a teenager not too long ago. I grew up with social media too.

What you’re doing is probably one of the worst things to do. Most of my friends who have parents like that are anti religion now. The rest are ambivalent. I don’t blame, though.

My 2 teenage kids are highly influenced by the rampant profanity in the social media & moral degradation in the society

You can try your best to cut off their access as much as possible. Filters that block off x rated content, for example.

They are so addicted to social media that they are being lazy to do their obligations responsibly.

Good thing that you’re a parent. Time to set clear rules. If they don’t get something completed, Internet access will be cut off for a certain amount of time. There is actually a way to block certain devices from using your home Wifi, in case you need access yourself.

And I decide to cut off their access unless they say a rosary

Don’t do this. I promise you they’re not actually praying. They’re going to go through the motions while hating every second of it. God is probably not happy about this either. Imagine your grandchildren being forced by your children to talk to you just so they can have the Internet. There’s no genuine relationship. They might as well not be there at all.

Most teenagers go through a similar phase where they hate religion. From what i notice, the ones who are still religious in their early 20s stayed because they had a personal encounter (eg a Catholic youth conference) or their answers about faith were answered.

 

[Zaccheus]

This is not going to work. Even if they recite the rosary they won’t mean it. They will be mouthing the words to get what they want from you. That’s not prayer: it’s meaningless repetition.
Further they’ll view it as punishment and react with resentment if not anger. You’re teaching them to be hostile to the idea of prayer.

 

[englands123]

Have you ever heard of the Irish Catholic saying , “ Religion is ‘caught’ not taught “.

Just a thought.

 

[panorama]

Thanks a lot for your so many advice & thoughtful opinions about this problem.
I appreciate your time to contribute to this discussion and I am sure other parents too can benefit from your writings on this matter.

Because of your majority opinions which says NO to using the internet as bargaining tool, I already open the access to their internet unconditionally. I just set the schedule on my Asus router when the wireless internet is open / closed.

I think this forum has been a great resources for me to do the wisest things for my teenage kids when it comes to the internet & rosary.

Actually, I was planning to force them to say the rosary together with me with some special prayer for the consecration of themselves to the Immaculate Heart.

Ok, I change the strategy now and I need your opinion (again) on whether this strategy is wise or counter-productive.

My NEW STRATEGY (Thanks to your advice & opinions! )
I will move my big altar table made of brown oak from the living room to their study room. This super heavy altar table has everything needed for saying the mass because I ordered it to be built for the sole purpose of the priest saying the mass inside my house.

With the statue of Mary on the altar table, I and my wife (together) will say the daily rosary for their special intentions in their study room. Even though they don’t have to join us, still they have to be inside the room during the rosary. I know they can escape to other rooms but I will FORCE them to be inside the room during the 30 minutes evening rosary. And by FORCING them to be inside their study room, will they hate the rosary permanently?

We will NOT FORCE them at all to say the rosary with us. As a matter of fact, they can read books or do their homework/project or anything quiet EXCEPT they CANNOT use the computer & the phone during the rosary (because they can just listen to music to avoid listening to our vocal rosary)

I think, even though they don’t pray with us, still they can hear every single word of our vocal rosary. And by listening to our daily evening rosary, hopefully, someday they will join our rosary out of love for it (without force).

Continued … below ( due to maximum words allowed in one posting)

 

[panorama]

I compose this prayer of consecration inserted before every decade:

(Seeing bad stuff on the internet)
Through this FIRST… mystery,
We consecrate the eyes of our children (A, B, & C)
to your Immaculate Heart & help them, Mother
so that they desire only in seeing good things
and with the help of thy grace …
make them hate to see things that are offensive to God

(Talking profanity or cursing or taking God’s name in vain)
Through this SECOND… mystery,
We consecrate the mouth of our children (A, B, & C)
to your Immaculate Heart & help them, Mother
so that they desire only in saying good things
and with the help of thy grace …
make them despise to say things that are offensive to God

(Writing/Texting profanity or cursing or taking God’s name in vain)
Through this THIRD… mystery,
We consecrate the fingers of our children (A, B, & C)
to your Immaculate Heart & help them, Mother
so that they desire only in writing/texting good things
and with the help of thy grace …
make them despise to write/text things that are offensive to God

(Thinking of bad things as it is common things)
Through this FOURTH… mystery,
We consecrate the thoughts of our children (A, B, & C)
to your Immaculate Heart & help them, Mother
so that they desire only in thinking of good things
and with the help of thy grace …
make them despise to think things that are offensive to God

(Hearing bad stuff from having bad company)
Through this FIFTH… mystery,
We consecrate the ears of our children (A, B, & C)
to your Immaculate Heart & help them, Mother
so that they desire only in hearing good things
and with the help of thy grace …
make them despise to hear things that are offensive to God

Any suggestion for the prayer will be highly appreciated.

We will also say special Marian novena 1x or 2x or 3x or until our children, someday, with the help God’s grace, will join us in saying the daily evening rosary.

I, as a father, have a christian duty to raise my 3 children to be good catholic (internally & externally) and with the help from the Blessed Virgin Mary, I will fight the enemy vigorously to win their souls for Christ.

Many thanks for your outpouring comments, opinions, advice, and prayers,

David

 

[Lea101]

With the statue of Mary on the altar table, I and my wife (together) will say the daily rosary for their special intentions in their study room. Even though they don’t have to join us, still they have to be inside the room during the rosary. I know they can escape to other rooms but I will FORCE them to be inside the room during the 30 minutes evening rosary. And by FORCING them to be inside their study room, will they hate the rosary permanently

What’s the point of moving that into the study room? Why can’t you just insist the whole family will gather in the family room for ten minutes?

It’s honestly pretty odd to me. Just make them sit quietly with you in the family room. Tell them what prayer is (a relationship with God out of love), and that they’re free to join if they wish. But they must sit quietly out of respect to you and your wife.

Out of curiosity, do you guys spend any time at all? When you’re not forcing them to pray?

I’m looking at this from the perspective of your children, and I feel like your approach may just turn them off.

Besides making them pray, how do you show the gospel to them?

 

[Lea101]

And an additional suggestion:

Have an honest discussion with your kids. Ask them what they hate about praying, church etc. And answer their questions. Ascension Presents on YouTube is a good source for youths. If you don’t do this, i promise you…your children will go to school and laugh about their ‘crazy religious parents’ with their friends all the way up to their adulthood.

I was a lot more receptive to the faith once my questions were answered, and I saw people actually practicing their faith (by helping the homeless, caring for the sick) etc.

 

[paperwight]

I absolutely agree with you, Lea.

What is the point? I have never heard a quicker way to turn children against the parents, and the Rosary and perhaps the Faith as wel…

OP, have you never read in one of the Epistles ‘Parents, do not drive your children to resentment’? IIRC, it occurs on the feast of the Holy Family.

 

[panorama]

It’s honestly pretty odd to me. Just make them sit quietly with you in the family room. Tell them what prayer is (a relationship with God out of love), and that they’re free to join if they wish. But they must sit quietly out of respect to you and your wife.

We did actually many times, but they have never wanted to join us. Being in their study room is so much comfortable because they have everything they need in there.

 

[Lea101]

I have never heard a quicker way to turn children against the parents, and the Rosary and perhaps the Faith as wel…

Yeah. My dad tried to get us to do a family rosary in place of a very quick family prayer in my later teens. While he still forced us to recite, he actually shortened it and was pretty empathetic. He told us he used to dislike it so he shortened it to make it easier on us, lol

 

[ewohdrol]

My parents forced me to say a rosary a day until the day I left home at 22. Didn’t matter if I was sick, busy or not in the mood.

I have not said a rosary since. I am 37.

It is a recipe for creating deep resentment. When I hear the rosary I immediately get uncomfortable and agitated.
Not to mention forcing prayer shows a complete lack of respect for the child’s individuality and prayer preference.

 

[Lea101]

We did actually many times, but they have never wanted to join us. Being in their study room is so much comfortable because they have everything they need in there.

I think your main issue you should be focusing on is the lack of obedience from your children tbh. If you can’t make them sit with you there, you won’t be able to force them to sit in the study room too. They’ll walk out, and then what?

Your priority should be ensuring your kids respect and obey their parents in general imo. If they don’t listen to you in general, you can’t expect them to obey God (something they haven’t tangibly experienced yet)

 

[Lea101]

lack of respect for the child’s individuality and prayer preference

Yup. My family still thinks i hate prayer because i get cranky at family/group prayers. Truth is, I very much prefer saying it in my head when I’m alone. That way i can actually focus. Otherwise I’m just reciting absent-mindedly

 

[ewohdrol]

Me too Lea101!!
I avoid praying in groups if I can help it. And my family also think I am not prayerful although I very much am. I just am very quiet about it and prefer to do in my head. It is much more meaningful to me.

 

[panorama]

Have an honest discussion with your kids. Ask them what they hate about praying, church etc. And answer their questions.

Maybe influenced by their social media friends and the profane languages, they don’t really like going to church anymore. They go with us to mass, purely out of obligation. And spending time with their phones is so much more convenient than spending time with us in family prayer. They just never want to join us UNLESS we FORCE them to do so.

 

[panorama]

I think your main issue you should be focusing on is the lack of obedience from your children tbh. If you can’t make them sit with you there, you won’t be able to force them to sit in the study room too. They’ll walk out, and then what?

I still don’t know what to do if they are disobedient to my request to stay in.
Maybe I will say a special Marian novena just to make them stay.