How to motivate my husband to work?

[Sheeniac]

When I read Cat’s advice saying to leave him, that he was a Peter Pan, I started nodding my head. I divorced a guy who wanted to live off me. My sister was married to a Peter Pan for 10 years. She’s getting divorced and has 3 small kids.

I think he’s playing you and trying to make you think it’s you. Plan a future without him, since he is not going to change. Why should he? He’s happy.

 

[ssic27]

My husband finally got a part-time job which is great, but he is making NO effort to try to get full time employment. Now that he has a paycheck he is very “stingy” with money. Four years I supported him on my paycheck and now he gets “stingy”. Also I might be in line for a promotion and he “wants to wait until he sees if I get a salary adjustment/promotion” before he looks for full-time employment". Uh, Huh?

So very frustration. Ana, I feel for you - remember do what is best for YOU!!! You can care about a person and love them, but unless they take a step to improve themselves - there is nothing else you can do. He needs “motivation” - you leaving - to get him to see the light. I gave my husband tons of ulimatums - if you don’t get a job, I’m going to leave etc. I literally was sending him links to different positions before he got this one.

Pray on it and do what you feel is right in your heart.

Know that there are others who know what you are going through and praying for you.

Josie

 

[ssic27]

Ok, so I’m back. It’s mid-Feb. 2012. Been married for 1 1/2 years and of that time, my husband has worked for a total of 2 months.

There is no excuse that he has not come up with.

I feel like I don’t even know who this person is, as all he does is sleep, eat, watch tv. He claims he is not depressed, but don’t know how i will ever know that since he refuses to go to counseling (if we even had money for it).

I dont trust him anymore because he has basically been telling me things everyday and promising all kinds of things that he never does. I literally believe only about 10% of what he tells me.

We are in very real danger of being homeless soon, since we owe our landlord $2,000+ in rent. I am debating dropping out of school to work, but I feel like I would rather almost be homeless at this point since I only have 2 months until I graduate, (and this is after returning to school after 10 years) so it just seems horribly stupid to drop out now.

I feel so hopeless. I wish I had known that he was like this before we got married. I feel like he was just putting up a facade before, and now this is the “real” him, but how can I know?

If anyone has any advice, please help me because I am getting really desperate and am scared of doing something drastic.

One more thing - if your parish has a St. Vincent DePaul society - go to them. You can google the St. Vincent DePaul Society and look for locations near you - if they don’t have one. They helped my husband and I a lot with food, car repairs and can give you resources for help with your rent. Don’t give up hope.

Josie

 

[Chantal25]

I feel like I don’t even know who this person is, as all he does is sleep, eat, watch tv. He claims he is not depressed, but don’t know how i will ever know that since he refuses to go to counseling (if we even had money for it).

Many overlook at this but electronic pollution can lead to laziness and severe lack of motivation to work. Get ride of the TV OR cables or anything you can. Turn off the wireless if you have anything.

Wireless, iphone etc… are very dangerous, they change the protein of your brain.

The only option you have now, is to turn to God and prayer. Consult with a priest for you. Their service are free.

I pray for you and your husband. Pray Mother Mary, she is wonderful

 

[SamH]

Ok, so I’m back. It’s mid-Feb. 2012. Been married for 1 1/2 years and of that time, my husband has worked for a total of 2 months.

There is no excuse that he has not come up with.

I feel like I don’t even know who this person is, as all he does is sleep, eat, watch tv. He claims he is not depressed, but don’t know how i will ever know that since he refuses to go to counseling (if we even had money for it).

I dont trust him anymore because he has basically been telling me things everyday and promising all kinds of things that he never does. I literally believe only about 10% of what he tells me.

We are in very real danger of being homeless soon, since we owe our landlord $2,000+ in rent. I am debating dropping out of school to work, but I feel like I would rather almost be homeless at this point since I only have 2 months until I graduate, (and this is after returning to school after 10 years) so it just seems horribly stupid to drop out now.

I feel so hopeless. I wish I had known that he was like this before we got married. I feel like he was just putting up a facade before, and now this is the “real” him, but how can I know?

If anyone has any advice, please help me because I am getting really desperate and am scared of doing something drastic.

I think you need to do something drastic.

There are plenty of men that are perfectly content to let the world provide for them instead of them providing for themselves and their family. While he may be depressed and he may have any number of excuses as to why he just doesn’t feel like working he still needs to be a productive member of your home and society in general. Sometimes you need to take care of yourself and your children and let him take care of himself.

 

[PolarGuy]

I am very sorry, OP, because of what you are dealing with, and because I have very strong feelings on this subject.

I have a 73 year old cousin, physically infirm – and he takes a bus to work each day. If he can, so can an able-bodied husband with a wife to provide for.

What your husband is doing, IMHO, likely has less to do with “electronic pollution” and more to do with “being lazy,” and “being unmasculine.”

Want to act drastically? Throw the TV out a window. I’m facetious, but only just. Something needs to wake this guy up, and excuses are just that - excuses. Cancel the cable TV, and if he wants the news he can walk to the library & read the newspaper (start with the help wanteds). Stop all enabling. There is no greater motivator than an unhappy wife.

If you want to see a priest regarding an annulment, I see no issue with doing that. I would not see a priest for other than that, but that’s just me (I do not see priests as solvers of all problems, marital counselors, etc.).

I’m sincerely sorry for what you’re dealing with.