How to respond to a "lesbian friend"

[kage_ar]

I know this isn’t exactly the same, but how would feel if a long lost highschool friend tried to stop you from marrying the man you loved?

Comparing apples to microchips. Does not work - for most people, the vocation of marriage is God’s plan for them. The OP loving and discerning marriage is a good thing.

Homosexual tendancies are gravely disordered. They are never part of God’s plan.

 

[baylee]

Comparing apples to microchips. Does not work - for most people, the vocation of marriage is God’s plan for them. The OP loving and discerning marriage is a good thing.

Homosexual tendancies are gravely disordered. They are never part of God’s plan.

Funny, I thought I said they weren’t exactly the same…but I was trying to focus on one’s feelings towards the other…whether straight or gay…and an outsider (not to mention an outsider who hasn’t been in the person’s life for years) making a judgment on whether they should or shouldn’t marry a particular person.

A straight person could be about to marry a person which is not in God’s plan too…I would not suggest an outsider who hasn’t been in touch with the person about to marry to butt in in this scenario either.

 

[kage_ar]

Funny, I thought I said they weren’t exactly the same…but I was trying to focus on one’s feelings towards the other…whether straight or gay…and an outsider (not to mention an outsider who hasn’t been in the person’s life for years) making a judgment on whether they should or shouldn’t marry a particular person.

A straight person could be about to marry a person which is not in God’s plan too…I would not suggest an outsider who hasn’t been in touch with the person about to marry to butt in in this scenario either.

As Catholics, we are commanded over and over and over by Jesus to be a light to the world, to shine the truth, we are responsible for helping other people get to heaven!

We can never do that if we sit there and say nothing while a friend wallows in sin.

Let’s say your best friend gets cancer. You still love her, right? What if her mind is so clouded that she thinks the cancer is a good thing? Would you help her see that the cancer will kill her, help her seek healing from the ravages of the disease?

How much more when you see a friend with a disease that will destroy her immortal soul?

 

[baylee]

As Catholics, we are commanded over and over and over by Jesus to be a light to the world, to shine the truth, we are responsible for helping other people get to heaven!

We can never do that if we sit there and say nothing while a friend wallows in sin.

Let’s say your best friend gets cancer. You still love her, right? What if her mind is so clouded that she thinks the cancer is a good thing? Would you help her see that the cancer will kill her, help her seek healing from the ravages of the disease?

How much more when you see a friend with a disease that will destroy her immortal soul?

This friend seems to be more of an acquaintance and therefore less likely to be effective when telling her how wrong her lifestyle is. She’s already told her how she is against organized religions, etc. Perhaps the OP should try to contact someone closer to her who she might listen to…but then again, chances are, this woman has probably already heard Church teaching…and has made her choice.

 

[hellopeople]

Well this is when being Catholic is hard. The world looks at us as monsters whenever express our views. You know what you must do. You must tell her that God loves her but her lifestyle is not the way. After that the most you can do is pray for her and hope she finds her way back home.

God Bless

Honestly, it is very likely something like this could ruin her friendship. I would honestly say that you shouldn’t say anything to her and just treat her with respect. I am sure that she knows the church’s stance on it, and if not, you could mention it in passing, but don’t get into a conversation about how what she is doing is wrong unless you are prepared to lose a friend.

 

[hellopeople]

God does indeed love her, He doesn’t love her sin. Its like if someone has a sickness like cancer, we don’t stop loving because of the cancer, we should love more because of the cancer, but we will still hate the cancer. It like sin can kill her. However that being said, we are all called to live chastly, whether married, single or religious. To engage in sex outside of marriage is a grave sin that can push God away from her.
She says that she is getting married, Jesus says that marriage is between only a man and a woman. What she is then in fact doing is living in a lie.Truth is not a matter of opinion. Jesus said I am the Truth, so if she has a problem with it, it is with Jesus, not you. It won’t be you that she is mad at , it will be the Lord, although you may go through a sort of marterdom for a bit until she figures it out.
The Church defines love as desiring the highest and the best for the sake of the beloved, tell her that you want the highest and best things for her, for her to go to heaven.

Jesus never said that.

 

[hellopeople]

Also, from experience, people saying even the smallest of comments about something like sexuality, have a profound impact. If you have a proper go at her, she is likely only to suffer emotionally from it, and she is very unlikely to give up the relationship that makes her happy, ESPECIALLY if she feels under attack.

Yes, you will likely accomplish nothing other than her potentially hating you afterwards and probably hating the Catholic church as well.

 

[hellopeople]

Well, the problem with this is that you’re effectively saying that sinners can never be told about their sins (lest the ‘tellers’ be seen as ‘arrogant and judgmental’).

So you’re muzzling truth because it doesn’t sound ‘nice’.

So nobody could tell Kenneth Lay that what he was doing at Enron was wrong. . .because we’d sound arrogant or judgmental.

And nobody could tell Martha Stewart insider trading was wrong, because we’d sound arrogant or judgmental.

Nobody could tell Michael Vicks that abusing animals was wrong because we’d sound arrogant or judgmental.

Etc.

You know, every single one of those people above was found guilty of crimes, right? Wonder if, the very first time they had tried to do something wrong somebody had come up and said,

“Ken, Martha, Michael. . .what you’re doing is wrong.”

But no, we’d sound ‘judgmental’ and arrogant… .so we don’t say anything until people are defrauded and living creatures are killed and maimed. . .then SUDDENLY we can tell them they’re sinners? Suddenly we’re NOT judgmental anymore?

The difference is, from a secular point of view, stealing and killing dogs for amusement is wrong. But, from a secular point of view, gay marriage is not wrong. Everyone knows that Catholics are against gays (especially gays themselves)…they don’t need someone judging them for it.

 

[hellopeople]

But to respond to a lesbian friend. . .

I’d say quite carefully and lovingly.

After all, God does not hate people. . .what He hates is sin. Actions, words, thoughts. . .those can be sinful and thus should be hated, but not people.

People are loved.

But is it ‘love’ to let a person do something dangerous because they ‘like it’ or they have ‘freely’ chosen it?

Would it be ‘loving’ to sit back and let a friend play Russian Roulette with a loaded gun because he really ‘loves’ the suspense?

Would it be loving to sit back while your friend brought home a different sexual partner each night, exposing him/her not only to dangerous or fatal disease but also to the dangers of rape, theft, even murder, just because your friend liked the thrill of 'new sexual experience?"

People might not ‘like’ to hear that some of their choices are poor ones, or could be dangerous or hurtful. But just because they might not ‘like’ to hear doesn’t mean that we should let them go on without hearing it.

How many mothers have wept over the bodies of their sons and daughters because they didn’t want to ‘hurt’ their children by telling them not to do something the child wanted to do–and the child died? And how they must have grieved thinking, “so maybe my child would have thought me mean and miserable. Maybe they would have STILL done this even if I had given them all the information about how dangerous it was and begged them not to do it. But then I’d at least know that they DID know. I’d at least have tried MY hardest to keep them safe. I’d have done everything possible to help them.”

You don’t have any homosexual friends, do you?

 

[hellopeople]

but she has chosen to reconnect with you and to specifically bring up these issues, about her rejection of religion and her embrace of an objectively sinful lifestyle.

Subjectively sinful lifestyle. It isn’t objective just because the church believes it.

 

[hellopeople]

Comparing apples to microchips. Does not work - for most people, the vocation of marriage is God’s plan for them. The OP loving and discerning marriage is a good thing.

Homosexual tendancies are gravely disordered. They are never part of God’s plan.

In the eyes of many gays, it is comparing apples to apples.

 

[PaulinVA]

Jesus never said that.

Yes he did.

Mark 10:5-9
4They said, “Moses permitted a man to write a certificate of divorce and send her away.”
5"It was because your hearts were hard that Moses wrote you this law," Jesus replied.
6"But at the beginning of creation God ‘made them male and female.’
7’For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife,
8and the two will become one flesh.’ So they are no longer two, but one.
9Therefore what God has joined together, let man not separate."

So, if you are going to debate scripture, you have to understand the divinity of God. If you believe Jesus was God (the same passage actually appears in Genesis 2:24 as well), then you have to believe that He knew about all things for all time.

He knew there would be this attempt at redefinition of marriage. He knew there would be people with same sex attraction. But, he still said marriage is between one man and one woman.

 

[miguel]

…How can I put it without sounding arrogant or judgemental? My email might be the last chance someone speaks the truth to her before her marriage…

She obviously considers you her friend. She revealed some stuff to you about the way she is living life. You obviously care about her. Tell her that. Tell her you appreciate her confiding in you. Tell her as a friend, you want her to go to heaven. And that you don’t think this will lead to that. And that you wouldn’t be a friend to her if you didn’t make that clear. God expects us to be honest in our relationships with our friends. Then tell her you’ll always be her friend (if that’s how you feel) and that you have no intention of beating her over the head about it. (And you don’t have to tell her this…but you’ll always be open to discussing it with her if she brings it up.)

 

[Tantum_ergo]

Jesus never said that.

Yes, He did.

Here it is, directly from the gospels.
Matthew 19: Have ye not read, that he who made man from the beginning, Made them male and female? And he said: 5 For this cause shall a man leave father and mother, and shall cleave to his wife, and they two shall be in one flesh. 6 Therefore now they are not two, but one flesh. What therefore God hath joined together, let no man put asunder. 7

 

[Tantum_ergo]

You don’t have any homosexual friends, do you?

As a matter of fact, I do.

What’s your point --that you think I’m so awful in my ‘judgment’ that I would have abandoned friends who are homosexual?

Or do you think that homosexual people are incapable of maintaining a friendship with a person who disagrees with them?

Either way, you’re wrong.

 

[surritter]

Subjectively sinful lifestyle. It isn’t objective just because the church believes it.

Gee, HP, could it be sinful because BIOLOGY says it is impossible for two people of the same sex to get married?

Or wait, you probably think marriage is just a sign of “love,” and has nothing to do with biology…

 

[hellopeople]

As a matter of fact, I do.

What’s your point --that you think I’m so awful in my ‘judgment’ that I would have abandoned friends who are homosexual?

Or do you think that homosexual people are incapable of maintaining a friendship with a person who disagrees with them?

Either way, you’re wrong.

I wouldn’t want to be friends with someone that told me I was a sinner.

 

[hellopeople]

Gee, HP, could it be sinful because BIOLOGY says it is impossible for two people of the same sex to get married?

Or wait, you probably think marriage is just a sign of “love,” and has nothing to do with biology…

Marriage doesn’t have anything to do with biology. It is a social construct (or a religious one if you want to take it that way). Biologically we do not need marriage to reproduce.

 

[Tantum_ergo]

I wouldn’t want to be friends with someone that told me I was a sinner.

Oh, and here I thought that you had READ my posts since you responded to them. But I guess if you did, you didn’t understand.
You just assumed that anybody who ‘disagreed’ with a person goes around yelling “Sinner” at them.

How silly.

 

[Zatzat]

Gee, HP, could it be sinful because BIOLOGY says it is impossible for two people of the same sex to get married?

Marriage is a human ( or religious) construct and has nothing at all to do with biology.

From a biological perspective, homosexuality is a biological reality.