How to respond to angry, rude people?

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HopingforGodtohelp

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There is a certain person who I am forced to interact with in my personal life on a regular basis who is an extreme liberal who will fly off the handle if he suspects you of even thinking conservative/traditional political beliefs. He experiences SSA and thinks that anyone who does not support same sex “marriage” is against his “rights” and does not want him to exist and is a horrible person. I do not even state my beliefs out loud, but he knows that I am a Republican and will start screaming at me and calling me a despicable person for being one. I have no hope of convincing this person of anything, I just want to know how I can stand up for myself. My friend who is also conservative, and who he also abuses like this will stand up to him by yelling back at him, and using not so nice words. That seems to have shut him up and actually worked better than my approach of sitting there and taking it while saying nothing did. Would this be unchristian or a sin? He seems to fly off the handle every couple weeks, and I avoid him as much as possible, and never talk about politics or religion around him, and yet, it’s still unavoidable, because I am guilty of “thoughtcrime” of being a catholic and a republican. Can I tell him basically to shut up? Or should I just sit there and take it?
 
If he screams at you, or is rude to you, walk away. You shouldn’t accept that treatment. If I were you, I’d be reducing contact with him as much as possible.
 
In what context are you “forced to interact” with him?

Is he a relative or a close family friend who you are forced to see at family gatherings?

Is he your teacher, professor, boss, or work colleague?

Is he just a friend of a friend?

It is best to ignore such people unless you absolutely must converse with them for a purpose of getting work done or being polite as you pass the potatoes at your mom’s Sunday dinner.

Frankly, he sounds unbalanced. I have a gay married couple in my extended family and they don’t carry on like that.
 
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Is there any material reason why it would be inadvisable to confront him? For example, if he is a co-worker, is he in a higher ranking position of some kind where he could harm your career prospects?
 
He is a roommate of two very close friends. It’s strange because he used to be a pretty pleasant guy, but over the summer he got very into “activism” and is starting to become more and more obsessed with politics (posting it all over social media and such.) He used to be close friends with one of the two friends of mine, but cut off the friendship because in his words “You were the only person who didn’t change their political beliefs after I came out as gay.” I think that is completely absurd to expect everyone you know to change all of their political beliefs to your own as a condition of friendship, but whatever.

Anyways, I cannot avoid him, because during times of COVID, there is not much to do except hang out with friends in apartments. I have been avoiding him as much as possible by hosting people over to my apartment as much as I can, but I don’t want to be a huge burden on my own roommate. We also try to use other friends’ apartments, but there is a limit. When they want to hang out in their own apartment and invite me over, I go, because it beats being lonely. Usually, things are fine, and I try to avoid the angry roommate as much as possible, but I have been screamed at twice now despite saying nothing whatsoever to him. It usually starts off as a conflict with his former friend/roommate, he will go look at my friend’s social media and go digging for anything he finds objectionable and start screaming at him about it, and somehow I get roped into this despite doing nothing.

He is unbalanced, you are right, which is bizarre, because previously, he seemed like a pretty nice guy. But I want to know the extent to which I can stand up to him? I’m not gonna stop seeing my friends when they invite me over just to avoid this guy. That’s letting him win.
 
BartholomewB said:
Is there any material reason why it would be inadvisable to confront him? For example, if he is a co-worker, is he in a higher ranking position of some kind where he could harm your career prospects?
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Roommate of a friend. No material reason why it would be inadvisable to confront him. I just want to get him to stop screaming at me. I tried to just turn the other cheek, but it emboldens him and he keeps screaming and trying to bully me into submission. The only acceptable thing I could do is completely change my political and moral beliefs, which I will not do. My Catholic faith is more important to me than this angry guy’s approval. I need to say something back, I’m just looking for guidance on how to put him in his place and getting him to stop without sinning.
 
HopingforGodtohelp said:
I just want to get him to stop screaming at me.
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Tell him to stop. If he doesn’t stop then there is no reason for you to be around him. Tell your friends that you won’t be around him, and if you all want to get together then do it somewhere he is not.
 
From what you said about him in your OP, he seems to be a poor, weak self-pitying baby. I would tell him that in so many words. I’d tell him to grow up and shut up.
 
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This sounds good. I’ll say something along these lines and try to do it without malice or anger. It’s true.
 
Yup, without anger is better. Definitely. The colder the better. It’s more effective that way.
 
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It sounds as if he is very wounded. When people come out, they are often ostracized from their family, by their churches, the suicide rate is very high because of the rejection and pain.

Christ commanded us to love everyone, especially our enemies, to do good for those who despitefully use us.

Try loving him. Do not return evil for evil. Christ is love, Christ is not politics.
 
How old are you guys?
Is this a school, work, or social setting.
 
Is it actually evil to speak up and tell him the way he’s acting is insane, childish and unacceptable? I don’t doubt that it is hard to be gay and to come out, however, he has been out for years and was perfectly able to tolerate people with different beliefs before. As I said, he was even able to be close enough friends to be roommates with one of them. He only started getting like this when he got swept up in the wave of social media infographics over the summer that became far more prominent. These things were saying things like “if you vote Republican, we cannot be friends, you think it’s acceptable for LGBT people not to exist” or whatever. As I said, I’ve tried to be kind to him, to avoid conflict altogether, I don’t state my political views in front of him, and he just takes it as a sign of weakness and starts screaming more. The only thing that has gotten him to stop is when my friend stood up for himself.

I do know how it’s important to forgive, love your neighbor, and your enemies. I can say that I do my best to harbor no resentment whatsoever and I will pray for him. But I don’t want to respond to evil with evil, I just want to say something that will make him stop
 
HopingforGodtohelp said:
Is it actually evil to speak up and tell him the way he’s acting is insane, childish and unacceptable?
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Do you think that these are words of kindness? Words that will shine on this man’s heart and help him see Jesus in you?

People lash out when they are wounded, often as a way to keep others at a distance.

Read the link I gave you above, here is one of the articles from that link:


ETA: Scripture tells us that a soft answer turns away wrath.
 
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A priest once told me not to respond in anger…

My prior reply was in response to the subject title, not the comment…

Generally speaking, he said if we’re angry and are going to respond that way, then avoid the subject. Actually more than one priest told me that.

However, if we do address the subject, not only should we not be angry, but it should be one on one, privately. But avoiding the subject is definitely okay.

†
 
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If I speak in human and angelic tongues but do not have love, I am a resounding gong or a clashing cymbal.
And if I have the gift of prophecy and comprehend all mysteries and all knowledge; if I have all faith so as to move mountains but do not have love, I am nothing.b

If I give away everything I own, and if I hand my body over so that I may boast but do not have love, I gain nothing.

Love is patient, love is kind. It is not jealous, [love] is not pompous, it is not inflated, it is not rude, it does not seek its own interests, it is not quick-tempered, it does not brood over injury, it does not rejoice over wrongdoing but rejoices with the truth. It bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.


Bold added.
 
Tell him you have no ill feelings toward him and don’t appreciate the way he speaks to you. That it is easier to treat him with respect if he would treat you with respect. Be firm, but show no anger and don’t let him put you on the defensive. If he pursues hostility, be firm telling him you’ll be there when he’s ready to have a civil conversation.
 
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