How to respond to angry, rude people?

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HopingforGodtohelp said:
There is a certain person who I am forced to interact with in my personal life on a regular basis who is an extreme liberal who will fly off the handle if he suspects you of even thinking conservative/traditional political beliefs. He experiences SSA and thinks that anyone who does not support same sex “marriage” is against his “rights” and does not want him to exist and is a horrible person. I do not even state my beliefs out loud, but he knows that I am a Republican and will start screaming at me and calling me a despicable person for being one. I have no hope of convincing this person of anything, I just want to know how I can stand up for myself. My friend who is also conservative, and who he also abuses like this will stand up to him by yelling back at him, and using not so nice words. That seems to have shut him up and actually worked better than my approach of sitting there and taking it while saying nothing did. Would this be unchristian or a sin? He seems to fly off the handle every couple weeks, and I avoid him as much as possible, and never talk about politics or religion around him, and yet, it’s still unavoidable, because I am guilty of “thoughtcrime” of being a catholic and a republican. Can I tell him basically to shut up? Or should I just sit there and take it?
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You should tell him respectfully and assertively that he has his beliefs and you have yours and that it’s not okay for him to insult you and yell at you. You might not be able to change it right now but it would also be a good idea to think in the future of having different living arrangements.

Using insulting language can sometimes be effective for getting short-term results and generating an applause from people of similar mind to you, but it’s not showing Christian charity. Something to always keep in mind is that we plant seeds and the results might not be immediately visible but our words and our actions matter for the person, sometimes years after-the-fact.

Finally, make sure to tell God in prayer. You can be absolutely certain that he would not be saying the things that he is saying unless he was in pain and suffering. So have compassion and pray for him sincerely.

Peace.
 
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HopingforGodtohelp said:
cut off the friendship because in his words “You were the only person who didn’t change their political beliefs after I came out as gay.” I think that is completely absurd to expect everyone you know to change all of their political beliefs to your own as a condition of friendship, but whatever.
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It is absurd. It is a sign of either extreme self-absorption or mental disturbance.

Part of being an adult is accepting that not everybody is going to change their views just because you personally feel threatened by them, especially when the perceived “threat” is irrational - it’s not like you expressed a wish that he should meet with harm, die etc. I had someone with whom I’d been friendly for years, to the point of lending them money, etc, break it off with me because I suggested he might be overreacting just a bit when he said that the election of President Trump made him fear that he might be attacked and killed in some public place. The person was not even a political activist or anything that might attract the attention of law enforcement or the feds, nor was he from any country with totalitarian regimes that do such killings when a new party takes power. He was just some native-born American who apparently bought into the hysteria that the election of an unpopular President meant that certain groups of people would be hunted down and murdered in the streets.

LIke I said, best to just keep such people at arm’s length and pray for them. Some of them may have a bona fide undiagnosed (or diagnosed and you don’t know about it) mental disorder, others just can’t accept that not everybody in the world is going to agree with them and give them their own way all the time.
 
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HopingforGodtohelp said:
My friend who is also conservative, and who he also abuses like this will stand up to him by yelling back at him, and using not so nice words. That seems to have shut him up…
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On the surface, it might seem like that worked better, but not really. Yelling back in anger continues the underlying problem, which is contempt.

Perhaps contempt is too strong a word, but incivility may be too weak.

Your long-range goal should be to cultivate understanding and charity, leading toward friendship and cooperation.

Any ideas on how to do that?
 
You are right. I think I need to strike a balance. I shouldn’t yell back in anger, but I do think I have to say something, even if it’s as mild as “I’ll talk to you when you’re ready to be civil.” This guy is a bully, and in my experience, bullies feed off of weakness. Saying nothing isn’t working, but I should not yell back.

I have no idea how to do that with this guy. The problem here isn’t that I’ve done something to offend him, or said anything, it’s just that he thinks I hold beliefs that he would not like (he’s not wrong about that.) The problem with this guy, and the whole crowd of social media “activists” he’s a part of is that he cannot agree to disagree. They claim that “silence is violence” and if you are not “with them” on every single thing then you want them to die. This is ridiculous, I would never want him to die. I think that this “activism” comes close to resembling some kind of false religion or cult. It’s so hard to talk to people when they are so engrossed in it, I feel like the only thing I can do is pray for him and tell him I won’t be yelled at and he needs to be civil and respect my beliefs.
 
Thankfully, by the grace of God, I do not live with him (though I almost did, what a bullet dodged.) My friends live with him and I feel really bad for them, and I try to avoid him as much as possible and host things at my place, but sometimes they want to have me over at their place, and I am honestly lonely enough that I would rather go there and risk getting yelled at for no reason once in a while than stay at home alone.
 
You don’t need to deal with people like that on social media. Face to face is one thing, for example if the two of you just happen to be at the same social gathering, or you’re eating with your friends in a cafeteria and he walks in to join the group, but you are not required to have him popping up online throwing bricks at you when you’re trying to relax and enjoy conversations with your friends.

Consider using block buttons.
 
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I have to say, I’d rather be alone and in peace than be among friends but also be yelled at by someone who’s completely unhinged.

I agree with what others here have said: Just calmly state that you don’t have to take verbal abuse, that you need to be where this bozo is not, and that you’d love to see your friends as long as Bozo isn’t around.

If that leads to being alone more often, your task then becomes how to find good ways to cope and adapt to that.

Edit: If your friends decide they’d rather be around him more often than you, then they aren’t friends worth keeping anyway.
 
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Surely this behavior bothers others? Maybe you could first talk to him alone, pointing out that you two used to get along, that what he is doing is unkind, etc., and if that doesn’t work, a few of you can talk with together, in a very kind, wanting to help sort of way.
 
You might be right. And my friends are great friends, and they are dealing with the same issues as I am. In fact, one of my friends, who is more openly conservative than I am, has taken the brunt of the abuse and is struggling with this even more than I am, as this was one of his best friends in the past.

The reason we were hanging out at their apartment has nothing to do with him, and is moreso that their apartment is a better place to hang out. The friend who has taken the brunt of the abuse has also taken a combative attitude towards this situation, he doesn’t want to “let him win” and doesn’t think we should have to change our behavior and not hang out in his own apartment just because his roommate is acting crazy. But I think I’m just going to try to tell him that I can’t deal with getting screamed at like this anymore and we should just go somewhere else for our own sake, even if he “wins”
 
HopingforGodtohelp said:
But I think I’m just going to try to tell him that I can’t deal with getting screamed at like this anymore and we should just go somewhere else for our own sake, even if he “wins”
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I think this is a good idea. And really, what does he win? Sounds like all this guy wants is attention and people to blame. If you all go somewhere else, he doesn’t get that. You win, IMO.
 
Stand up straight, look
him straight in the eye and without raising your own voice or cringing or placating (cringey smile, etc)

“Lower your voice and stop calling me names.
We can discuss any issue you want, but I won’t stay here or talk to you if you yell at me or call me names.”

Those are your boundaries and you don’t need anybody’s permission to enforce them.
 
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Have your friend film him while he is on his rants or yelling at you. Don’t let him know that he is being filmed. It is important so he won’t change his behavior.

If he is normally a nice person he may not realize fully how he is acting in the heat of the moment.

When showing the film of him losing it, ask him if he will tolerate the same treatment from another and if this a good argument for his cause.
 
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“I’m sorry, but I don’t want to discuss this with you, and I certainly won’t speak with someone that is yelling at me and calling me names.”

And then either tune him out, or leave.
 
I’ve dealt with such types. I think the best thing you can do is state calmly: “I don’t want to discuss this or any political matter with you. I am happy to talk with you about anything else, but if you bring up xyz again, I will not engage with you and will walk away. Do you understand?” State it ONCE and then scrupulously follow up on it. If you waffle on it, he will have the advantage. You should not have to subject yourself to abuse of any such type, especially if he is unbalanced.
 
Have you guys ever seen the youtube page Liberty Hangout ? Seen how college students gather around screaming at the conservative woman Kaitlin Bennett?

This might be a generational issue. I’m 28 by the way.

‘Gun Girl’ Kaitlin Bennett’s appearance on Ohio University campus sparks protests
The provocateur posted video of herself in a truck as students threw drinks and shouted expletives at her as the vehicle attempted to leave.

www.nbcnews.com

'Gun Girl' Kaitlin Bennett's appearance on Ohio University campus sparks protests

The provocateur posted video of herself in a truck as students threw drinks and shouted expletives at her as the vehicle attempted to leave.
www.nbcnews.com www.nbcnews.com
 
whatistrue said:
Ask him (quietly) why he seems to think that volume and vehemence equal correctness. That’s what bullies do, and does he really want to be seen as a bully?
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This is excellent advice. You might try pulling him aside quietly as a friend might, and ask him what this person suggested, but in the nicest way, as a way of expressing concern for him. Tell him what you told us, that you really genuinely like(d) him as a person, but the anger and yelling is really hurting the friendship you felt towards him.

Whether he realizes it or not, he is a walking advertisement (good or bad) for his lifestyle. His anger and shouting will only isolate him, and harden the opinions of those people who disagree with him. My Mom used to say, “You catch more flies with honey than vinegar”.

I’d say something to him at a moment when he is doing well, and speak up out of concern for him. If I was periodically being a big jerk, I would genuinely want somebody to approach me kindly and tell me. I would want to know.
 
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