How to stand up to a bully in high school

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humbleseeker said:
manipulate her into threatening you on tape
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Is that what @LastStand meant when s/he said “recording”?
humbleseeker said:
meeting with an administrator between this young lady and yourself.
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Umm…I think I need more emphasis when I say I am VERY shy. And I tend to stand up for others more than I stand up for myself. It’s not that my self-worth is low (I actually have very high self-esteem for a lot of people my age) is that I prioritize the defense of others above myself and would NEVER hurt anyone unless they attacked someone I loved or at least cared about very much. I do try to turn the other cheek, but is there a respectful way I can get her to stop without making a big deal out of it and getting the administrators involved? I’ve done this sort of thing in middle school, and it only ends with the girl (different girl in middle school, but same issue) sucking up to the principal and complimenting her hair and me sitting there astonished as she gets off without a warning after she threatened to rape my boyfriend. I reported her twice, and both times she got away without a scratch and it only got worse, to the point where she shoved me in the gym locker room and was about to fight me. I’m so glad I get a year without her (she’s in 8th grade now, 7th grade then).
 
You don’t need to get the administration involved directly if you ask your guidance counselor for advice.
 
OP said that was a different girl in middle school.
 
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I know. She has a history of being bullied. My advice stands.
 
History of being bullied…more accurately, a history of being bullied without realizing I’m being bullied until I’ve told someone about it, and they’ve said, “Sarah, you’re being bullied.” lol
 
Often times those who are bullied are bullied for specific reason. Since you have a history of being bullied which is very sad, is there a reason you can think of as to why? You said your father said you are bigger than this girl. Are you very tall or something and that has attracted these negative comments to you.

I for one am shocked a 7th grade girl would “threaten to rape someone”. Clearly she doesn’t know what that term means, shows the poor education our youth is getting in terms of what relationships are even for
 
My son was bullied. Go talk to your school counselor. After everything came out into the open at his school, they ended up changing their school policy on bullying and having an anti-bullying assembly. Schools take bullying seriously when it is brought to their attention.
 
GospelOfMatthew said:
Often times those who are bullied are bullied for specific reason. Since you have a history of being bullied which is very sad, is there a reason you can think of as to why? You said your father said you are bigger than this girl. Are you very tall or something and that has attracted these negative comments to you.
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You sound pretty close to blaming the victim here. Please don’t make the OP think it is her fault. No one that is bullied is responsible for it.
 
This is not encouragement to violence, right?

I had three bullying experiences in high school. They really got to the point I couldn’t stand it.
In one instance, I threw the bully down a flight of stairs between classes. That ended it.

In another, I made really sure the bully threatened me in front of others; threatening to fight me. Then on the last occasion, I agreed that I would fight him. He walked away, and that was the end of it.

In the third, the bully challenged to meet me to fight behind a building near school. I showed up. He didn’t. One of his friends drove by and saw me there. That was the end of it.

Moral of the story, or at least my story; bullies rely on the passivity of others. Most of them really don’t want to fight. They just enjoy seeing another retreat.

I don’t know anything else to say except that I would make very, very sure I had told authorities about it well before I did anything directly about it.
 
I don’t get bullied for my looks; I am fairly average looking. I mostly get bullied because people are envious of me (I am good at sports, am in AP classes at school, and am able to learn things much faster than others my age) and because I stutter and am socially awkward and don’t have many friends.
 
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No there is no blaming here whatsoever, I am very sorry this happened to the OP. If this was what it sounded like, I did not word this correctly, my apologies. What I meant to say was, there is probably a reason you are being bullied and it’s a reason you can’t control which means it has nothing to do with you, it’s the bullier themselves being insecure or whatever. I used the reference of height to say maybe this is the reason but the reason doesn’t matter.

What matters is that this isn’t right, you should tell a teacher so they can make it stop, and know that Jesus loves you very much and is watching over you always 🙂
 
I understand how being good at sports, and taking AP classes, and being able to learn things quickly can cause bullying, I had very similar experiences because of this and other reasons as well.

As for the social issues you may have, don’t let that stop you, God created you knowing since the beginning of time about how many friends you would have or how you handle social situations. There is a reason you have to deal with these things and God will bring great goodness out of it for yourself and for others!

I have some social issues myself (I’m 20YO), I have a very hard time talking with females and I over-analyze everything which causes me to stress and be sad and have self-pitty often. As a result I took these pains of mine and thought certain outlets (sinful ones) could show me the love and friendship I was missing. These sadly led me to even more pain for years and it’s even harder in college as I’m an athletic guy who is Catholic, doesn’t party, and works hard academically - this isn’t exactly the most popular thing so it leaves me feeling lonely and I’m a natural extrovert but can’t express it well.

I will include you and your social struggles in my prayers and I hope God brings you peace, mercy, healing, and immense joy
 
exnihilo said:
If the coach is like that then others above him may also be like that.
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Yes all the anti-bullying rhetoric is hollow in many places. In some of these schools everyone from students to bus drivers and from security guards to teachers are a bunch of bullies. Forget all the rhetoric and belly aching. Talk is cheap. If they really wanted to end bullying they would. Sometimes you have to stand up for yourself. Go right back at the bully. If that doesn’t work get your parents involved. If that doesn’t work get the local law enforcement involved and threaten to sue the school for allowing a hostile environment.
 
I will pray for you, too Matt. And, if it helps, you’ll know the right girl when you find her, because she’ll be the one person in your whole world who you can talk to without worrying about her thinking ill of you or messing up. I know I’m only 14 and I probably don’t know anything about love, but trust me on this one. God will let you know when you’ve found your soulmate. He always does. 🙂
 
lokisuperfan said:
I want to stand up to her and fight back, but I’ve always been taught that Jesus says to turn the other cheek. Is there anything I can do?
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Jesus also cracked whips and knocked over tables when the Temple was defiled!* You do have a right to stand up for yourself. There are numerous resources for dealing with bullying online. Study the resources and use your common sense. Find a trusted teacher (or coach) who can advocate for you if necessary. My strongest advise, though, would be to find teammates or upper class man who will keep an eye out for you. Not every situation can be fully resolved, but there are steps that can help improve it.

*The particulars are not recommended for a high school setting.
 
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lokisuperfan said:
I am a freshman in high school and this girl on my track team has been bullying me for a while now. I want to stand up to her and fight back, but I’ve always been taught that Jesus says to turn the other cheek. Is there anything I can do? I’d be happy to provide more details on the situation if that would help.
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You are 14. You should be seeking help regarding bullying from your parents and the authorities at school such as your guidance counselor or principal.

It is unwise to seek advice on the internet from strangers at your age.

Why aren’t you making your parents and school officials aware of the bullying?
 
My parents know, and like I said, if I take their advice, I’m going to get in a lot of trouble.
 
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