How to stop thinking about sex?

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cwsbanana

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Sex is literally on my mind ALL day no exaggeration and I’m so tired of it. Like from when I wake up until when I go to sleep. My life in general is pretty slow and I have a lot of free time which probably makes things worse. Most of it seems to be a curiosity since I am a virgin and have never had sex but the world is obsessed with it. Of course, I am waiting until marriage. I am 19 female so I feel really filthy. It can seem like a “man problem”. I have never watched porn or masturbated, and I never ever want to go down that road.

I feel too guilty to ever pray or even read the Bible lately. I also seem to fall into reading bad books that are too explicit, but I try to rationalize it in my mind since I tend to just read things that are about married couples so I’m “not sinning” even though I’m pretty sure I still am. Again, it’s not porn but isn’t it written porn? I just get so incredibly curious about sex, so I search for fiction on the internet. Literally, a click away just like porn is :confused: It’s hard because I don’t want to think of sex as a bad thing but I don’t know where the limits are. Like I know for sure that video porn and masturbating is a sin but books, movies etc feel like more of a grey area which I hate.
Actually not even baptized Catholic yet, only started going to mass earlier this year. So I can’t even go to confession.

helpp
 
Intrusive or repetitive thoughts may indicate a psychological issue. Have you spoken with doctor about it? As to the spiritual side of things, thoughts are not generally self-generated. Something is triggering your response. With men, it is nearly always visual images which start the snowball rolling. How many of those triggers can you identify? How many can you eliminate from your life?
 
I honestly have always had problems with intrusive thoughts and I guess I get a bit obsessive about things easily. Triggers are not really pictures but written stuff. I don’t think I can read anything with any kind of romance in it.
I think not being baptized makes me a bit careless since I there is no confession 😦 I hope I will feel better after that.
 
Well, if it is related, anxiety/OCD/scrupulosity are running high in our culture. Those conditions are fairly easily treated via Cognitive Behavioral Therapy, the drug-free gold standard in treatment.

However, it may be a different condition entirely. You may be engaging in what is termed “ruminative thought” in which you run the same thoughts through your mind, over and over.

It can be medical. It can be spiritual. Best to address it from both aspects. God greatly desires that you live in peace.
 
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You don’t need to stop thinking about sex.

It’s a normal part of life.

However, if you have a full life of work/school, friends, family, service to others, prayer and hobbies, the time you take thinking about sex will be at a reasonable percentage of your brain space. 🙂
 
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cwsbanana said:
My life in general is pretty slow and I have a lot of free time which probably makes things worse.
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This right here. You are made for more.
There are so many people who need you.
Visit a nursing home.
Help at a food kitchen.
Join a church bible study.
Get involved in service clubs at school

We are wired for love. Love is not just pleasure, and it’s not just feelings for someone.
Love is investing your whole life for others.

You will stop obsessing about sex when you become a more whole person. And this takes time, effort, and sacrifice. What I am talking about here is virtue, which in this case is the habituation of purity. Habits take practice like any other proficiency. This is a very human endeavor, full of many falls and victories.

Be patient. Many of us have struggled with lust for decades. The devil will use your impatience against you.
Be patient. And talk to your priest whether you can do confession or not.
 
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Thinking about sex used to control a part of my life until I was 28. It’s been four years and I can’t say sex doesn’t cross my mind, but I’ve learned to be the master of my thoughts and body.

You avoid porn and acts of impurity. I think that shows a lot of strength at 19. Do try to cut out the erotic literature. As you say, this seems to be portrayed as mostly a man problem, but I think it’s more widespread among woman, too, than we typically think. We’re all awash in hormones.

Work on being better without letting guilt and anxiety dominate, though. Guilt and anxiety are the road to despair. We have Christ waiting to pick us back up and give us mercy each and every time we stumble.
 
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Wesrock said:
Thinking about sex used to control a part of my life until I was 28. It’s been four years and I can’t say sex doesn’t cross my mind, but I’ve learned to be the master of my thoughts and body.

You avoid porn and acts of impurity. I think that shows a lot of strength at 19. Do try to cut out the erotic literature. As you say, this seems to be portrayed as mostly a man problem, but I think it’s more widespread among woman, too, than we typically think. We’re all awash in hormones.

Work on being better without letting guilt and anxiety dominate, though. Guilt and anxiety are the road to despair. We have Christ waiting to pick us back up and give us mercy each and every time we stumble.
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Amen.
Guilt and anxiety are not justice, they are the tools of the devil. There is nothing wrong with having a humble appraisal of our weakness, but oppressive guilt, shame, anxiety, will not boost you on the road to virtue.

Patience endures the excruciating gap between who we are, and who we are called to be.
Patience, fidelity, “picking yourself up off the floor” in the love of Christ…these take practice and time.

Over all the thousands of years and all the heinous sins that human beings have committed…God has not fried us out of existence. And if anyone were justified in tiring of our sins, God certainly has that right. But he is graciously patient with us.

He comes to us, and waits for us to turn to him.
Be patient. One step at a time.
 
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Like what others have said. Perhaps you can read a book that is interesting to you, that does not have sexual material in it as a diversion. Same with shows or Youtube videos. Ifnyou feel that yo uthink about it a lot, then replacing that space in your brain with other things leaves less room for sex.
 
If you dont have anything interesting in your life that consumes your attention, your thoughts are going to default to food, drink, sleep, and sex. This would be true even if you’re 80-years-old.
 
cwsbanana said:
I honestly have always had problems with intrusive thoughts and I guess I get a bit obsessive about things easily. Triggers are not really pictures but written stuff. I don’t think I can read anything with any kind of romance in it.
I think not being baptized makes me a bit careless since I there is no confession 😦 I hope I will feel better after that.
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There are different ways to fight against intrusive thoughts. They range from ‘self-help’ to professional counseling. You should seek out helpful resources if it’s a real problem in your life.
From a Catholic perspective, if you are truly suffering from intrusive thoughts then you might not be culpable for it. And you are absolutely not filthy.
 
There is a world of amazing things to read that are not the garbage that is peddled to women as “romance”.

Read the classics, have you read the Kristin Lavransdatter series? True classic.

Read books about the Faith, about the Saints. Mark Twain’s “Joan of Arc” is a good read.

There is good modern fiction out there, seek it.

Fill your mind with beauty.
 
This helps for just about anything. I use it to set goals. Reprogram your subconscious mind. You can learn to do this yourself or you can get a professional to help you.
If you keep having guilty thoughts about yourself that will cause confusion, depression, and unhealthy disposition.
Negative thoughts change us into what we think. We become what we think. Garbage in, garbage out. If you put negative thoughts in you will eventually realize them in your life. Reprogramming the subconscious mind works best when you are falling asleep and waking up. That is when you are most open to suggestion.
 
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Whenever you find you mind is leading you into temptation, start praying a bunch of Hail Mary’s. I find that when I pray approx ten of them, my mind clears and the temptation goes away.

You can even add an Our Father (Lord’s Prayer) to the beginning or end
 
I’ve been there. If I fall into impure thoughts, praying made me feel like a hypocrite. My solution was to just pray anyway and let God decide. My prayers would literally run something like this, “Dear God, I feel like a hypocrite now, but I know that it is your will that I pray to you, especially when I struggle with impure thoughts. I offer my prayers and intentions to you now in the greatest humility and beg you to show me mercy and grant me strength.” Make yourself pray anyway, and pray honestly; it reminds you that the Lord already knows your thoughts and feelings, so it can do nothing but good to acknowledge them openly to yourself before him.
 
Reprogramming the subconscious is a tool of psycho therapy. It is the way the mind and body operates. It is classified on the level of nature and science. It is truth though not necessarily based in religion. It could be linked with religion, but, that would require some prayer and ,probably, some help from a priest or psychiatrist. When psycho therapists use this method they usually ask what religion the client professes. I’m not sure how they use that.
The message of Dr. Lipton describes how it works. We usually try to force our habits by way of repetition. That takes longer and habits may never change if it is based on a pattern that is deep in the psyche.
The subconscious mind is like a recorder that keeps playing the same program over and over and is usually triggered by something like an image in the mind or something we experience. The method he describes is a short cut.
We constantly visualize and program the subconscious with negative feelings and images without realizing it. We are not aware of the problems we cause for ourselves. “Do not let the sun go down on your anger” Ephesians 4:26. The bible says not to go to bed with anger and for good reason. That is the time when our subconscious mind is open to suggestion. Redirecting this process is easier and images can be transformed into something that is Holy.
 
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cwsbanana said:
Of course, I am waiting until marriage.
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Good for you. My wife and I did too and it makes for a tremendous trust between us with no memories to fear or raise jealousy. As for sex being on your mind all day, welcome to the human race. 🙂
 
Not to go down a rabbit hole, but, please do some research with this man’s name and “New Age”. You will find that it is fringe science at best.
 
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