Sort of. Our dad is actually taking it much better than anyone. He’s actually having issues with our mom right now because she’s the one that’s being really…concerned, to put it lightly and kindly, about all this. We did tell them about Thanksgiving to which my dad will be attending for a little while while my mother boycotts the event at their home.
We tried coaxing her to come but she refuses unless my brother shows up alone. Either way, it’ll all work out eventually.
Thank you very much for returning and sharing news with those of us who have followed your situation with concern and empathy.
You and your siblings have remained very much in my thoughts across these months, as I know that the holidays are approaching – and that this will, no doubt, be a contentious time…especially in light of the significant others that inhabit your lives.
I am glad to read that your father, at least, will be joining you for something of the celebration – and, of course, that you have each other to support and sustain each other in the face of your mother’s behaviour.
I am also glad to read that your father is coming to terms with the decisions of his now autonomous adult children and I hope that the relationship that each of you has with him can not only be a source of encouragement and consolation to each of you but also to him, as well, as you all grow into the reality that children do become adults and make decisions that are, properly, theirs.
I am, of course, very sorry to read that your mother’s situations seems…non-ameliorated. From my pastoral experience as a priest, I know that this can only be painful for all of you and, of course, really it is saddest of all that she is isolating herself from her family and now runs the risk of even harming her relationship with her husband as well as her children. That is most sad.
I continue to pray that some priest, deacon or religious in her life can help her through pastoral counseling or urging her to seek help in order to emerge from this self-inflicted isolation.
I am grieved for all of you. In the face of this, which must present an even greater challenge for how you view the Church, I am reminded of what the bishop of San Diego just said in the context of a diocesan synod on the family which he just convoked. in an interview, he said:
*The group working on how to bring spiritual depth to family life raised the issue of inclusion. What they said is that we really need our marriage and family outreach to stress that families are all-inclusive. They include single people, they include gay and lesbian people, they include the homeless, the marginalized. They include everyone. They are all part of our families.
And thus, when we talk about the spirituality of family life, it has to convey very powerfully the fact that Christ calls to each and every one of us and invites us to be part of this family, which is the Church, but also to be a part of family life, the families which we’re born into and those created in our lifetimes.*
I wish your mother would have the occasion to hear these words expressed by and enacted by Bishop McElroy.
I hope, as time passes, that the wounds you and your siblings have received can begin to heal and that you will find attitudes – which are certainly to be found – that are less wounding than what you have received heretofore.
As I believe I wrote before, at least you who are siblings are there as a strong and loving presence to each other and, hopefully, in addition to that continuing and growing…your mother will eventually modify her behaviour…at least to resign herself that her children are now adults and exercising their autonomy to choose lives for themselves.
I do hope that the path will remain open so that she can find her way to be an integral part of the lives you will create for yourselves and with those whom you choose to be part of your lives…the families you will create as well as the family into which you were born, to use the good bishop’s above expression.
In so far as the Catholic Church, or your memories of aspects of it, remain a positive influence to you, please allow me to extend to you my best wishes for the holidays ahead…that they may be meaningful in every positive way possible. May they be moments that will strengthen you in your bonds to each other and in forging positive memories you can cherish. May they speak to you on levels that transcend human love and speak to a love that is transcendent across human history and that uplifts and ennobles the human spirit, the human heart, and human dignity.
Into each of our lives, there is so much for which a reaction of thankfulness helps us to grow as persons as well as to grow in a conscious sense of gratitude for things seen and unseen in our lives. And Christmas, of course, can speak to us on so many levels of love, selflessness, self-sacrifice, and the beauty of self-giving.
With every best wish for you and those who are part of your lives, I thank you again for coming back to visit with us. I do hope you return once more, at least, to find this message.
