How to welcome people in irregular unions to the Church

  • Thread starter Thread starter Mtdobbs
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haha! I don’t know? I heard it from someone else, although I dont remember who?
 
I was just giving an example of where people in the church have erred in their treatment of people who had certain types of sin. Unwed mothers, SSA individuals, remarried divorcees. I’m not saying things haven’t changed and aren’t better, but just as the way the church dealt with the abuse scandal was dreadful, so was the treatment of people who were viewed as “more sinful” because they had committed certain sins.
 
On the flip side, in 1 Corinthians 5, there was an irregular union of a mother and a (step?)son. St. Paul stated to get rid of the offender because a little yeast affects the whole dough.
 
Perhaps you would be happier if you focused more on mass and less on the people at mass. You could sit up front and you wouldn’t be tempted to stare at people you don’t know to make sure that no one else notices them.
 
I"m not too sure what that has to do with what Mtdobbs said. Mt’s not ogling people at Mass, not in anyone’s business, not needing to sit up front. Mt was saying that young girls years ago who got pregnant out of wedlock were usually sent away - not out of concern for their reputation but out of the spiritual vanity of their families (which coincides with every account of that I’ve ever read). THAT conversation started because Mt pointed out in response to someone else that that sort of treatment was anything but charitable or helpful. And that there are Catholic sites that condemn folks in irregular unions without bothering to reach out and help.

Which goes back to the original post, which was how can we welcome these folks back into the Church and make them feel less unwelcome? What is our role here as the hands and feet of Christ?

I’m not sure how that’s getting into someone’s business in the pew.
 
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i think love is the thing that has the power to change the attitude of a human. so we should love such people and motivate them to visit the house of Lord Jesus.
 
ConfusedLucy said:
I don’t think it’s as simple as telling them the truth. They broadly know what the Catholic church teaches but that doesn’t mean they take it seriously or believe it. Obviously I worry about the fate of my secular loved ones but I cant bring them to faith by nagging them.
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What I’m saying now isn’t directed at you, ConfusedLucy, but rather I’m using your post as a jump-in point.

This comment caught my eye and points to a difficulty that I’ve been having. I live in an extremely secular environment, and I myself was raised atheist. I am concerned about the direction that these conversations take, and about the general approach the Church is taking lately.

I have never, ever talked to any converts that came to the Faith because it was “nice” to them. I have met many, many people who have refused to come to the Faith because disagree with its teachings, and many who have left the Faith for the same reason, and many that left because they believed that the truth was either relative or was shared with other, more appealing religions.

To use ConfusedLucy’s example, these people know the Church’s teaching and reject it. Are they staying away from the Church because the Church is unwelcoming, or because they reject what it teaches and feel fulfilled elsewhere? I know that it my neck of the woods there is no shortage of nice, secular charitable organizations, communities for people to find support, activities with peers to keep them occupied, ect. The Church is not going to draw such people in simply by being nice; nice abounds outside the Church.

This difficulty I have is that these discussions always come down to either tell them the truth, or be nice. We are not to greet people at the door asking them their sins, but when will their sinfulness be addressed? When will they be called directly to more Holy behavior? Do we expect our over-worked priests to seek these people out, the ones we don’t even know are sinning because it isn’t our business to ask? How are the priests supposed to preach conversion away from sin from the pulpit to those people in the pews that are ready to hear it without alienating those new folks that aren’t?

Continued…
 
I’m not saying I have any good answers for these questions, I only bring them up because they are my serious concerns and I’m seeking. It is my experience that those that are ready for the truth seek the Church, and those that aren’t won’t come back anyway. People that are ready to seek the Truth won’t be turned off by being told that their lives are sinful, if it is done in a kind manner and there is support for them in confronting their behavior.

What I have seen turn people off the most to the Church is hypocrisy, and hypocrisy cuts two ways. It is hypocritical to speak against the perversion of sexual abuse while accepting it from the clergy, but is equally hypocritical to say that the Church is a place of healing and conversion and then not help people to heal and convert.

Sure, telling someone that they aren’t welcome because they are in an irregular relationship is uncharitable, but how about a poster near the entrance offering counseling and assistance in fixing the irregularity? Why is it always presented as one or the other?

Peace and God bless!
 
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I was replying to a past post. It had nothing to do with your discussion.
 
I read the post you responded to…and that’s why I responded to yours. It’s a pitfall of a public forum.
 
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We had a discussion on this post or another post in the past. I don’t remember. Either way, it was meant for him rather than consumption by others. If he read my comment, my point was made to my satisfaction. Anyone else can take what they want and leave the rest.
 
I was listening to Casting Crowns today on a walk and heard a live version of the song “Jesus Friend of Sinners” with a preamble of sorts by the lead singer before the song began. He talks of the woman at the well in John 4. It’s very poignant. I immediately thought of this thread and would encourage you to give it a listen if you can. The second link is the song.

Thoughts on Jesus, Friend of Sinners - Live - song by Casting Crowns | Spotify Jesus, Friend of Sinners - Live - song by Casting Crowns | Spotify
 
QContinuum said:
I have a solution to the problem of gays, unwed moms, etc. who are in an awkward position with regard to the CC.

Send them to my Episcopal church and maybe to the Lutherans. We need the numbers, and we’re willing to minister to them where they are.

If it bothers folks that these people then won’t be in the “one, true church,” then just think of us as a spritual half way house.

I’d rather them have some spiritual home than to be kept at arm’s length, and outside looking in.
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Are you suggesting a trade? In return, can we get some of the dissatisfied protestants who are actually living Catholic lives? 😀
 
angel12 said:
But first they need to feel there’s a reason to, that the Church is a place they want to come home to.
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OK, later in the thread people remarked about how preaching about hellfire would not work. But isn’t part of the problem that people don’t care about the “final things”? Should that not be motivation enough (unless they are too far gone in their cynicism)? It doesn’t necessarily mean that we “finger-wag” about burning in hell (although that could be a backup plan for troublemakers), but simply asking them “where do you plan on spending eternity”? After all, this never stopped people from using this approach on other threads here on CAF to people who are expressing frustration at the futility of playing by the rules (especially in regards to chastity and dating).
 
Norseman82 said:
Are you suggesting a trade? In return, can we get some of the dissatisfied protestants who are actually living Catholic lives? 😀
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As a Lutheran, I’d rather send the Tiber-swimmers to you than into the Evangelical swamp.
 
I think there is a need for a process to get some people thinking about final things. With many of the couples I know this just isn’t their priority or even part of their thought process but living well might be, so trying to model a good Catholic relationship could be the start that leads them there.
 
ConfusedLucy said:
I think there is a need for a process to get some people thinking about final things. With many of the couples I know this just isn’t their priority or even part of their thought process but living well might be, so trying to model a good Catholic relationship could be the start that leads them there.
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OK, we agree on this part. How to get people thinking about that will vary person by person and situation by situation. The “ice breakers” will vary depending on how well you know the person as well as how receptive they are. If you are a testosterone filled male in a locker room who is fielding vitriol from someone who is hostile, you may feel freer to engage in confrontation (“are you just trying to rationalize your own lifestyle?”) than if one of your neighbors that you know from dog-walking lets his/her guard down and expresses vulnerability (one can be freer to respond more gently or calmly then).
 
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