How would you know if you are sexually compatible?

[TheAdvocate]

If you don’t have sexual relations before marriage, how will you know if you are sexually compatible? Don’t get me wrong, I am not for premarital relations. There are indeed some couples who suffer because one of them wants sex 5 times a week, while the other is happy enough once a month–or even once a season! Someone reading this very post might be having that very struggle.

I suppose my answer would be, “Just because you’re having great sex before marriage, there is no guarantee it is going to stay that way. Some people enjoy sex before marriage because it’s forbidden, then after they get married that drive wanes. For others, after having children, hormone levels might change which might result in a lower interest.”

What do you think? For example, have you known anyone who had lots of premarital sex, then after marrying that person, now has a poor sex life?

Or, is there a benefit to finding out how your partner’s libido is before marriage?

 

[WingsOfEagles]

I think there is more benefit to knowing that you can enjoy your bf/gf’s company without relations. As sex drives almost inevitably wane as the a couple gets older, what remains is the ability to enjoy your spouse’s company. I think you generally know if you’re attracted enough to your bf/gf for relations without engaging in the behavior . Chaste kisses and hand holding help determine this too.

 

[john78]

how will you know if you are sexually compatible?

The question is flawed from the start, one being on a Catholic Forum, the faithful do not get married based on hoping for or wanting to be sexually compatible. Now for those who do not actually live the faith and see nothing wrong with having premarital sex then the logical reasoning to them is to have sex early in the relationship to see if they are sexually compatible or even perhaps to use sex as an act to indicate that they are now officially dating. If sexual intercourse is the only reason or a big reason for a couple to break up once married, then the marriage was flawed from the start. A married couple that is living in faith can easily learn to grow in a loving and sexual relationship.

But to base " sex " or a persons’ libido as being a benefit to know before marriage is insane, then to think just because a person has had plenty of partners and premarital sex that person will some how be more " experienced " and in turn not enjoy a sexual relationship with a partner in marriage is also flawed. One then has to ask what their morals and beliefs are if the person is Catholic or Christian . Or of any faith really.

Do you enter into a relationship based on morals and faith and values, or do you treat it willynilly and casual ? Do you judge a potential mate who may have had a casual sexual dating past and has thus changed his or her life and become Christian or Catholic . Society today has now forced this idea that sex is so important to the point that the government must be involved to protect young girls and have contraceptives available over the counter and handing out condoms in schools, instead of at the bare minimum bringing up a basic idea that it is okay to not be sexually active. From television to politics having sex is very important and now normal to be a right of passage and detrimental to having a great marrage.

INSANITY !

 

[MichaelHowling]

I agree with the second poster. The ingredients to a sex life out of this world is having the bond, the spirital/mental/emotional/sacrifical love connection built and in place first…Then, after marriage … I would think you would be more apt to have a healthy sex life so long as your initial strivings are maintained.

Quite often…the decrease in sex life can often be a result of our spiritual failings prior and during marriage. Our lustful desires stomp out genuine love (which is what premarital sex does)…it breeds feelings of inadaqucy, mistrust, mistreatment and eventually …an unfullfilling sex life.

Not partaking in premarital relationships and working on that good spiritual life prior and during marriage will tell your partner NO MATTER WHAT…you are more than adequte in my eyes… I don’t need to “test drive you life an inanimate object like a car”. This growss trust, right treatment and a deep love …AND DESIRE!

 

[3DOCTORS]

Uh . . . if you get serious enough to get to the premarital counseling stage . . . I don’t know, maybe . . . talk about it openly and honestly? :newidea:

 

[triumphguy]

If you don’t have sexual relations before marriage, how will you know if you are sexually compatible? Don’t get me wrong, I am not for premarital relations. There are indeed some couples who suffer because one of them wants sex 5 times a week, while the other is happy enough once a month–or even once a season! Someone reading this very post might be having that very struggle.

I suppose my answer would be, “Just because you’re having great sex before marriage, there is no guarantee it is going to stay that way. Some people enjoy sex before marriage because it’s forbidden, then after they get married that drive wanes. For others, after having children, hormone levels might change which might result in a lower interest.”

What do you think? For example, have you known anyone who had lots of premarital sex, then after marrying that person, now has a poor sex life?

Or, is there a benefit to finding out how your partner’s libido is before marriage?

I’ve been married 20 years and still have no idea what sexual compatibility means… except most of it is in your OWN head.

 

[RedFox0456]

Yeah, people told me I was crazy because I didn’t have relations with my wife before we were married - for precisely the reason of “not knowing if we will be sexually compatible.” I said that was a bunch of garbage. That excuse is a modern invention to justify promiscuous behavior. Regarding what different doctors/psychologists may have said on the matter, I can only think of what I just read in the article on Pope Francis here.

2 Timothy 4:2-5

Preach the word; be prepared in season and out of season; correct, rebuke and encourage—with great patience and careful instruction. For the time will come when people will not put up with sound doctrine. Instead, to suit their own desires, they will gather around them a great number of teachers to say what their itching ears want to hear. They will turn their ears away from the truth and turn aside to myths. But you, keep your head in all situations, endure hardship, do the work of an evangelist, discharge all the duties of your ministry.

We know what is right, but so many people ask if they can be excused from doing the right thing, because they have been told that to do otherwise would be healthy for them. But I ask you, are you more concerned with your health in this life, which is always fleeting? Or with your spiritual health, which will endure for eternity?

 

[Allegra]

Having only had one sexual partner, I really don’t know what “sexual compatible” even means. I tend to think it’s made up. There are naturally going to be times when a spouse doesn’t feel like having as much sex. If a couple understands the purpose and importance of sexuality, they will be able to get through those times with greater ease than if they can’t even make it through courtship chastely. .

 

[lerapt78]

I would agree with the suggestion of simply talking about it beforehand. I can understand the frustration that would go along with incompatible sex drives. Of course, one could always be less than honest and give a reply he/she thinks the other wants to hear.

I also agree that you could probably get a fairly good idea of how “enthusiastic” one is likely to be to the physical aspect of marriage before the actual wedding by picking up on cues (is the person affectionate, does he/she like to be touched, etc)

 

[Bezant]

I’ve been married 20 years and still have no idea what sexual compatibility means… except most of it is in your OWN head.

Since almost everyone has the same ‘equipment’, I’m just as confused as you are…

 

[livingwordunity]

If you don’t have sexual relations before marriage, how will you know if you are sexually compatible? Don’t get me wrong, I am not for premarital relations. There are indeed some couples who suffer because one of them wants sex 5 times a week, while the other is happy enough once a month–or even once a season! Someone reading this very post might be having that very struggle.

I suppose my answer would be, “Just because you’re having great sex before marriage, there is no guarantee it is going to stay that way. Some people enjoy sex before marriage because it’s forbidden, then after they get married that drive wanes. For others, after having children, hormone levels might change which might result in a lower interest.”

What do you think? For example, have you known anyone who had lots of premarital sex, then after marrying that person, now has a poor sex life?

Or, is there a benefit to finding out how your partner’s libido is before marriage?

Men and women are different but complementary to each other.

If you are a man and she is a woman you will be sexually compatible since God designed the male and female body to fit with each other.

Biology between men and women is as simple as 1+1=2. Don’t try to nuke it.

 

[tafan]

How about this: you are male, she is a female ( or vice versa)

 

[The_Reginator]

Sorry, but this title caught my eye in the “Tempting Thread Titles” thread.
Even very serious topics bring out the ‘wise guy’ in some of us, depending on the title given.

That being said, I did post a possible response which I feel is actually correct. As others have mentioned the very idea of being ‘sexually compatible’ is a puzzle.
From http://forums.catholic-questions.org/showpost.php?p=10698869&postcount=288

How would you know if you are sexually compatible?

Er, how do you say this delicately … um …
Check your, um, private parts. If they fit together you’re OK. If they’re the same you’re not compatible.

 

[Falco]

My marriage was one -by the book - no sex, no heavy petting, no knowledge of the others’ ‘equipment’ before the wedding, and it was a disaster from the honeymoon! If one has never had sex, how would you know how often you’d like to have sex? How do you know that your particular physical endowments are going to be compatible for size? We never were compatible size-wise - he was very, very big and I am petite in every way, and the damage he caused my body will haunt me and subsequent relationships for the rest of my life. It is not medically or surgically fixable. It soured the marriage - he looked elsewhere, we parted.

I have not had size problems in subsequent relationships, it was just within my marriage.

 

[Phil_Marinus]

This Question opens a real can of worms… Before We Married it was good… then married… 3 children under 6… then she said no more Children… shop is closed !
And she kept her word… N O T H I N G Much Happened after that for the next 15 years… maybe once / twice a year, few years none at all…
Some people are non Sexual… some are not… no wonder I strayed…
But I stayed … 21 years all up… then she left me with a few bills, went to look for herself she said… ended up with an unemployed fat slob… there is such a thing as Karma…
How do you know if you are a good Couple ? You don't !

 

[Bezant]

How do you know that your particular physical endowments are going to be compatible for size? We never were compatible size-wise - he was very, very big and I am petite in every way, and the damage he caused my body will haunt me and subsequent relationships for the rest of my life. It is not medically or surgically fixable. It soured the marriage - he looked elsewhere, we parted. I have not had size problems in subsequent relationships, it was just within my marriage.

There are physical impediments to sexual intercourse, but differences in size? Not one of them.

Seems unlikely to me if you were exceptionally petite that you didn’t encounter problems in your other relationships.

 

[BettyBoop416]

The question is flawed from the start, one being on a Catholic Forum, the faithful do not get married based on hoping for or wanting to be sexually compatible. Now for those who do not actually live the faith and see nothing wrong with having premarital sex then the logical reasoning to them is to have sex early in the relationship to see if they are sexually compatible or even perhaps to use sex as an act to indicate that they are now officially dating. If sexual intercourse is the only reason or a big reason for a couple to break up once married, then the marriage was flawed from the start. A married couple that is living in faith can easily learn to grow in a loving and sexual relationship.

But to base " sex " or a persons’ libido as being a benefit to know before marriage is insane, then to think just because a person has had plenty of partners and premarital sex that person will some how be more " experienced " and in turn not enjoy a sexual relationship with a partner in marriage is also flawed. One then has to ask what their morals and beliefs are if the person is Catholic or Christian . Or of any faith really.

Do you enter into a relationship based on morals and faith and values, or do you treat it willynilly and casual ? Do you judge a potential mate who may have had a casual sexual dating past and has thus changed his or her life and become Christian or Catholic . Society today has now forced this idea that sex is so important to the point that the government must be involved to protect young girls and have contraceptives available over the counter and handing out condoms in schools, instead of at the bare minimum bringing up a basic idea that it is okay to not be sexually active. From television to politics having sex is very important and now normal to be a right of passage and detrimental to having a great marrage.

INSANITY !

Somebody has issues. :bigyikes:

 

[Debora123]

If you don’t have sexual relations before marriage, how will you know if you are sexually compatible? Don’t get me wrong, I am not for premarital relations. There are indeed some couples who suffer because one of them wants sex 5 times a week, while the other is happy enough once a month–or even once a season! Someone reading this very post might be having that very struggle.

I suppose my answer would be, “Just because you’re having great sex before marriage, there is no guarantee it is going to stay that way. Some people enjoy sex before marriage because it’s forbidden, then after they get married that drive wanes. For others, after having children, hormone levels might change which might result in a lower interest.”

What do you think? For example, have you known anyone who had lots of premarital sex, then after marrying that person, now has a poor sex life?

Or, is there a benefit to finding out how your partner’s libido is before marriage?

I think, like everything else in marriage, a couple must compromise and sacrifice when they have differences.

With that being said, just because you don’t have sex before you’re married doesn’t necessarily mean you have no idea what their libido is like. When you date someone for a really long time and you have a good relationship and good, honest, open communication, you can still get a pretty good sense of someone’s sexuality without having sex with them.

I hope that helps!

 

[PetrusRomanus]

I think, like everything else in marriage, a couple must compromise and sacrifice when they have differences.

With that being said, just because you don’t have sex before you’re married doesn’t necessarily mean you have no idea what their libido is like. When you date someone for a really long time and you have a good relationship and good, honest, open communication, you can still get a pretty good sense of someone’s sexuality without having sex with them.

I hope that helps!

Not only what Debora said, but when you love a person and not just their body, it doesnt matter if youre “compatible” or not. Love triumphs and will make the two compatible.

 

[livingwordunity]

Not only what Debora said, but when you love a person and not just their body, it doesnt matter if youre “compatible” or not. Love triumphs and will make the two compatible.

And true love is an action not a feeling. It’s the choice to make a sacrifice for the other person, like how Christ sacrificed Himself for His Bride, the Church. Christ did it without hesitation without asking “are these people compatible with me?”. In marriage, we should follow the example of Christ and His Bride, the Church.