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Katie1723
Guest
How many here took their parents/inlaws with them on their honeymoon?? I mean, come on. They are family, now…right??
Kathy
Kathy
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carol_marie
Guest
Fair enough… but I think her soon to be husband is the one who should do it. He should just tell his parents that they have arranged for a hotel for a few nights and if they even suggest they’ll be coming over to spend the night, he should remind them that they will be on their honeymoon - even if it’s just at their house.
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rayne89
Guest
My MIL kept saying she was going to do that when I was pregnant. (My mom knows me better than to think that is something I would want.)I got lucky because MIL’s car ended up being in the shop the week our daughter was born. I love my mother in law but when our daughter was born I wanted private time with my new baby and my husband. I had a c-section, hubby had to go back to work right away and I was perfectly happy to be alone with our daughter.Some people really enjoy having extended family underneath their roof but not everyone. I think the couple should probably stay at a hotel and their parents take the house.
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carol_marie
Guest
haha! you got me on that one Kathy. Watch me back peddle my original answer… the thought of my mother in law on my honeymoon…
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newf
Guest
My daughter was recently married. She and her new husband live 14 hours away from me and my husband. When we went to visit, we stayed in a hotel. I readily did that because we wanted to respect their privacy. It’s a way to show them we love them.
I have another daughter who lives alone in another city. We went to visit her and also got a hotel. It was just easier for her. Her place is small. We didn’t mind in the least.
Being part of a family does not entitle anyone to our home, it does not entitle us to their home.
Quite frankly, I would be very concerned if my daughter were to marry a man who was too afraid to tell his parents they cannot stay in his home with him and his bride. Big red flags here…
I have another daughter who lives alone in another city. We went to visit her and also got a hotel. It was just easier for her. Her place is small. We didn’t mind in the least.
Being part of a family does not entitle anyone to our home, it does not entitle us to their home.
Quite frankly, I would be very concerned if my daughter were to marry a man who was too afraid to tell his parents they cannot stay in his home with him and his bride. Big red flags here…
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Karianne
Guest
Look, the honeymoon is quite different from what is at issue here. You see, a honeymoon is a trip that the newlyweds take together, the issue here is whether or not the parents can stay at their son’s home.
It’s odd to think that so many people have so many problems with their families staying with them.
Of course, I do understand that some parents have been unkind and some adult children still resent it.
So maybe that’s what is going on here.
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Karianne
Guest
And I would be concerned if my daughter married a man who could treat his parents that way.
Of course, you didn’t MIND staying in a hotel, who would! It was probably a lot of fun for you.
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Feanaro_s_Wife
Guest
Not in this case. Fiance’s parents are not unkind, just inconsiderate. They are not deliberately rude, just oblivious to anyone else’s comfort and needs besides their own. If you see my previous post, they are not unwelcome in his/their home. They just want some peace around their wedding…I still don’t think that’s too much to ask.
And to the other poster who said fiance is too scared to ask his parents not to stay…
that’s not it at all. He is going to do it. He is just concerned that he will do it in the wrong way, or even the right way and that they will be offended. He is trying to be considerate to their feelings. He wants to think this through (he has almost a year to do it, lol) and I admire that.
Malia
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Katie1723
Guest
The key word is SON’S. His home HIS rules.
Kathy
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Lion
Guest
I’m not married, but even the thought of such a scenario… well
I would think that my parents staying at the place where I am celebrating my honeymoon is… well, I’m not even sure, but definitely not okay. The guy needs to set some boundaries as someone earlier said. Be a man, step up to the plate and just say no… no matter how hard the parents take it… he is not rejecting them, he would be settting some ground rules as to what is appropriate for the occassion and what isn’t… Summer vacations? Different story
. BTW, did the parents allow their parents (your grandparents) to stay in the same house when they got married? I’m sure if you explain to them that you (them) desire privacy/intimacy they will understand. If not then 
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Feanaro_s_Wife
Guest
Funny enough, i think I am most interested in your opinion because, no matter what is said here, you think not having them stay in their home is wrong. YOU would be offended if it was your son. So, please tell me, is there any way to ask you for some privacy/alone time around the time of a wedding?
Are you also the type of person who would announce that you were coming to visit your son and his fiance for an indetermined amount of time, not chip in for groceries, be inconsiderate with things like showers and cooking etc?
** Oh yeah, and they fart like there’s no tomorrow. Nope, don’t need that before the biggest day of their lives
**
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Lion
Guest
Hi Karianne,
maybe it is a cultural thing? I dont know your ethnicity, but my experience is that it is not so cool with many people in N. America… I’m not sure it is so much about children resenting their parents, but about privacy for the couple. I know I would feel weirded out having sex next door to my parent’s room and vice versa.BTW I think it is great that your family is so close! The couple getting married may not be able to take a honeymoon right away, or might have decided to forego a honeymoon in place of buying a house… we really don’t know the whole situation and should probably direct our questions to the OP for clarification.
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Karianne
Guest
Wake up, Katie, that’s the gist of this entire thread!
Someone touch a nerve with you?
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Karianne
Guest
Hi Lion, I just read that the wedding won’t be for another year, in other words it may never happen, so this may be the turning point for their relationship.
Everyone I know who married spent their first night in a hotel room, so it didn’t matter who was in their home, barring robbers and such of course.
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Karianne
Guest
How do you know that they are guilty of all these offenses, have they stayed with your sister before? And yet your parents are willing to invite them to their homes?Funny enough, i think I am most interested in your opinion because, no matter what is said here, you think not having them stay in their home is wrong. YOU would be offended if it was your son. So, please tell me, is there any way to ask you for some privacy/alone time around the time of a wedding?
Are you also the type of person who would announce that you were coming to visit your son and his fiance for an indetermined amount of time, not chip in for groceries, be inconsiderate with things like showers and cooking etc?
** Oh yeah, and they fart like there’s no tomorrow. Nope, don’t need that before the biggest day of their lives
LOL to the fart like crazy thing, but those poor people-they’re being maligned and they’re not here to defend themselves!
It’s not really the biggest day of their lives, either. They’ve already been living together so it’s only legalizing their union.
I think that Oldageguru had the best solution, put them up in a nice hotel and
be done with it.
But I still think that your parents are very nice to offer their home and if the parents are as bad as you say that makes your parents REALLY wonderful!
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Katie1723
Guest
No my dear, no one touched a nerve. I am surprised at how many feel that because they are family, they are “entitled” to something. If boundaries are not set at the beginning, good luck later on down the line.
Kathy
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Karianne
Guest
I think it’s a moot point anyway. The wedding won’t be for a year anyway.
And it might never take place anyway.
I agree with you about boundaries, but they have to be set in such a way that both sides feel respected. Otherwise there will be another kind of trouble later on.
Of course, they can always cut off both families, that might be fair.
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ComradeAndrei
Guest
It wasn’t “cold towards the parents” because it is not as if they are sleeping in a box on the street.
When I moved out of the house, my folks made it clear that they didn’t want to impose themselves on me even even though we are totally fine with each other. It is part of that adult respect that parents show their adult children which in turn must be shown to parents by their children.
We were also the type that stayed with the family on vacation and likewise welcome family-but as guests that don’t impose. Assuming you can just crash with someone is not appropriate.
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3GirlsRUs
Guest
LOL…all the romantic things you think about on your wedding night, and really you’re just too exhausted and you fall asleep in each other’s arms. That’s what me and my DH did!!!
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Karianne
Guest
Do your parents allow you to stay at their home now that you’ve grown?
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