Hubby messaging another woman. I need advice please!

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I do have a hard time with humility, so I’m even surprised I did what I did. He just called me to see how I’m holding up.

I’m just glad it was just a dumb mistake he made. I wouldn’t be able to forgive him if it was more than a mere message. I’m very resentful and that’s one thing I’m working on so I can be a better person.

I’ll take a look at the book Eliza10 mentioned. It sounds like a good read.
 
Scott_Lafrance said:
It might not even be a woman who sent the pictures in the first place. The internet is a great cover for people who like to stir up trouble. Do you know how easy it is to get picture of a woman with any build, any color skin, any color hair, and any degree of undress you want with a few mouse clicks?
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I do. Or to fake an e-mail header. Porn is routinely photoshopped, but even a guy with a computer can do a lot. I had a convincing picture of myself in armour once.

Hint: Check if all the pictures are of the same person, if in doubt.
 
Oh, {{{ }}} it is hard to be going through stress like this when you are pregnant.

This could be a good thing. Your DH has seen a tiny example of what COULD happen if he ever got involved with someone. That there are lots of nuts out there. You giving him a kiss and telling him you love him, vs. the crazy behavior of that woman kind of is a lesson to him about risk-taking versus love and approval at home. It may scare him away from anything like that for the rest of his life.

As for the MySpace, what is sad here is that those sites can be very good and family building. It’s a convenient way to have a bulletin board that all family can see and check in and converse and post pictures.

You can make them private and invitation-only. Why not make YOUR MySpace an OUR MySpace and include him. Make it private and make it a family space where people YOU ALLOW can check in and write to you and be kept up on the pregnancy. You may want that at the end so you can post updates. If you’re overdue, people can check your site to see your progress rather than the barrage of phone calls “Are you still around?”

😉

Take lemons and make lemonade. You two are one now. Make your internet dealings reflect that. Share your password. Redo your pictures and music and stuff. No one has to know why. All open. All aboveboard. And he sees that you have drawn him in to your world rather than shutting him out.

Sometimes when things heal, they are stronger in that place afterward. 👍
 
foxc1 said:
He’s not Catholic, he’s a non-denom Christian, so he wouldn’t talk to a priest. I might just call my priest to talk to him myself.

It’s been 3 hrs since he got off work and he’s not home yet. 😦

What if he deleted the myspace account to hide what he and that woman were talking about?
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You could literally ‘what if’ this all day…I think the collective advice here would be to just sit down and talk with him. I don’t think you need to hide your anger. As women, we tend to think that if we exhibit anger, this somehow implies something negative or bad. He needs to know you are hurt and angry. I would ask what happened…and I would want to see the receipt of the new tire. I’m a pretty trust worthy person, my husband gives me no inclination to not trust him–but if this situation that you describe were happening…I would want proof of the tire. And if there was none, we would seek counseling. Marriage is hard work–and both parties have to show up willing to do the work. You are in my prayers…I feel so sad this is happening to you.😦
 
whatevergirl said:
You could literally ‘what if’ this all day…I think the collective advice here would be to just sit down and talk with him. I don’t think you need to hide your anger. As women, we tend to think that if we exhibit anger, this somehow implies something negative or bad. He needs to know you are hurt and angry. I would ask what happened…and I would want to see the receipt of the new tire. I’m a pretty trust worthy person, my husband gives me no inclination to not trust him–but if this situation that you describe were happening…I would want proof of the tire. And if there was none, we would seek counseling. Marriage is hard work–and both parties have to show up willing to do the work. You are in my prayers…I feel so sad this is happening to you.😦
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Well the proof was the spare was on the car instead of the regular sized tire and he was all full of dirt and grease. His hands were black, his clothes were dirty with grease and so was his face. He didn’t take the tire to get repaired. I’m going to go with him the day he does just to make sure it was a flat.
 
foxc1 said:
Well the proof was the spare was on the car instead of the regular sized tire and he was all full of dirt and grease. His hands were black, his clothes were dirty with grease and so was his face. He didn’t take the tire to get repaired. I’m going to go with him the day he does just to make sure it was a flat.
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ok…then, I would just sit down and explain your feelings about the myspace thing…and pray that your marriage will be protected by the Holy Spirit. Being human, opens us all up for the enemy and his tricks, so I pray that your marriage will weather all storms…and if you ever need a friend to chat with about this, I’d be more than happy to be there for you…if you’d like to pm me.🙂
 
whatevergirl said:
ok…then, I would just sit down and explain your feelings about the myspace thing…and pray that your marriage will be protected by the Holy Spirit. Being human, opens us all up for the enemy and his tricks, so I pray that your marriage will weather all storms…and if you ever need a friend to chat with about this, I’d be more than happy to be there for you…if you’d like to pm me.🙂
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I think she already did talk to him, she posted a long message earlier today.
 
As for the MySpace, what is sad here is that those sites can be very good and family building. It’s a convenient way to have a bulletin board that all family can see and check in and converse and post pictures.
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I am so sorry for all that you have gone through. I do think you guys are headed in the right direction tho. You sound like a good couple with what could have turned into a major problem but you’re nipping it in the bud. I think you guys will work this out.

I agree with the quote above and am really surprised that MySpace has been knocked so much. Immature someone called it? It can be, if one is using it for the wrong purposes. Anybody can see my page and it clearly says on there that I am not looking for men. I love the ones I have. I use it to keep in contact and post pictures, mostly of my kids, to show to friends and especially family. The girls from my birth board check in to see what I’m up to, and they make up the majority of my MySpace friends. I use it to promote Catholicism and family and have never had even one problem with it so far. When someone questionable makes a friend request, I simply deny them. Its easy. And if you aren’t provocative, there’s no reason to call it immature.
 
foxc1 said:
Well the proof was the spare was on the car instead of the regular sized tire and he was all full of dirt and grease. His hands were black, his clothes were dirty with grease and so was his face. He didn’t take the tire to get repaired. I’m going to go with him the day he does just to make sure it was a flat.
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Good for you. Can’t hurt to be cautious at this point.
 
foxc1 said:
Well the proof was the spare was on the car instead of the regular sized tire and he was all full of dirt and grease. His hands were black, his clothes were dirty with grease and so was his face. He didn’t take the tire to get repaired. I’m going to go with him the day he does just to make sure it was a flat.
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I’m pretty sure it was a flat, your husband does not sound like an untrustworthy person. What happened with the my space thing was a stupid mistake. If that girl has gotten any inclination your husband was in any way interested she would never even have entertained the idea of contacting you. She was quite simply ticked off that he wasn’t.

Your husband sounds like he loves you very much, prayers going out for both of you and your baby, May you have a long and happy marriage.🙂
 
Foxc,
This is probably more common than not. With the new technologies, text messaging and internet and now virtual world, there is a lot of temptation to be unfaithful. You need to face your husband head on and go to counseling ASAP. Your family needs to get out of crisis quickly. Pray and stay close to God. America is facing a really threat and I would like for you and your husband to reconcile and keep your family together, if at all possible.:gopray:
 
DanB said:
Foxc,
This is probably more common than not. With the new technologies, text messaging and internet and now virtual world, there is a lot of temptation to be unfaithful. You need to face your husband head on and go to counseling ASAP. Your family needs to get out of crisis quickly. Pray and stay close to God. America is facing a really threat and I would like for you and your husband to reconcile and keep your family together, if at all possible.:gopray:
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After following this post, I am not sure that OP and her husband need to drop everything and get to counseling right now. True that there are hundreds of threats to a marriage, but based upon the facts that have been presented and the way that OP and her husband have handled this situation, I think that they are on the right path and there is not a glaring need to get couseling. Just my :twocents:
 
Mirror_Mirror said:
After following this post, I am not sure that OP and her husband need to drop everything and get to counseling right now. True that there are hundreds of threats to a marriage, but based upon the facts that have been presented and the way that OP and her husband have handled this situation, I think that they are on the right path and there is not a glaring need to get couseling. Just my :twocents:
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I totally agree, I don’t see any crisis, and there was never any split for there to be any need for a reconciliation. The danger here is to make a bigger deal out of this than it really is! Just my :twocents: 🙂
 
I disagree with all the people that say to delete the myspace account. They are a great way to keep in touch with friends, especially if it is long distance or if you are married with kids because you have less time to socialize.

**Just make the page private so only your friends can see it. **

There is nothing wrong with myspace. 🤷
 
rasmussen said:
I disagree with all the people that say to delete the myspace account. They are a great way to keep in touch with friends
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Agree, as you and JenniferMoon have posted.

But is seemed the OP’s husband had a private, personal page. Not necessarily used for posting family pics or staying in touch with friends & family, as evidenced by messaging other women from his login.
 
rasmussen said:
I disagree with all the people that say to delete the myspace account. They are a great way to keep in touch with friends, especially if it is long distance or if you are married with kids because you have less time to socialize.

**Just make the page private so only your friends can see it. **

There is nothing wrong with myspace. 🤷
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While you may not see what’s wrong with myspace, I see it both ways.

It is good for family and friends. I have one and it’s only for family and friends to see. DH also has one and it’s also for his family and friends.

The bad part of it is that even though you make them private, people can still message you. They cannot leave comments on you pictures or on your comments section, but can send a message to your inbox, and it doesn’t matter if your profile is private or not.

Both DH and I have them as private, and people need either our email or our last name to request to be a friend on our pages. If people don’t know those things, they cannot request our online friendship. However, whether it’s private or not, people CAN still message you.

I have received messages from a boyfriend I had in high school asking me to go places with him or to basically commit adultery (even though he uses other words, such as “let’s go to a jacuzzi” or “you never gave me a proper good-bye before you got married, let’s go somewhere so I can give you your very own, private good bye”). I immediately tell my DH about these messages and I have blocked this person from myspace.

DH has also received invitations by women to go out and said they wanted to have sex with him. He told me after I told him about foxc’s thread.

So, myspace can be both good and bad. But mine and my DH’s are really for nothing since no one in our families actually write to us any more. They’re just there taking online space.

And backing up Mirror Mirror’s comment! I don’t think the OP and her DH need counseling. It looks like they dealt with the problem just as they had to. IMHO, they only thing they have to do is rebuild the bit of trust that was lost during this incident and pray to God for their marriage of course.
 
Light_Seeker said:
Agree, as you and JenniferMoon have posted.

But is seemed the OP’s husband had a private, personal page. Not necessarily used for posting family pics or staying in touch with friends & family, as evidenced by messaging other women from his login.
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my hubby’s page was only meant to be for his family and my family. it was private and no, i didn’t know the code to get into it. when he signed up, i helped him with the privacy settings. i did as yessian said we had people type our last name or emails to request to be friends of ours and no one could leave comments. this woman used the messaging feature to contact my hubby.

i do think myspace is a bad thing,well, not entirely but it has been in my house and i think after this event, i might even cancel mine too. there is no need for soemthing like this, but maybe i can do as another member said, i could make it into a family page and keep both our families informed about the baby.
 
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