Hubby wants to visit his Protestant church tomorrow

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My husband thought it would be nice if tomorrow we visit his childhood bible church where he was baptized & attend with his father. I said you know the kids and I can’t do that, we have to attend Mass. He blows up & says that I always think that my church is better than everyone else’s & I’m mean to him :(🤷 :eek:

I thought we were past this after 3.5 yrs of returning to the Church, not him, just the kids and I.

How do I explain to him why it is obligatory for us to attend Mass, besides the fact that he knows that we WANT to attend Mass. He’s just going to say that it doesn’t say it in the Bible. Ugh. Of course, he gets nothing out of Mass and is bored.

Thanks
 
Good question ; I’ll let someone with more experience answer it.
I might wonder if you could Go to Mass and visit his parish as well as long as you and yours if they are of age don’t participate in any form of Communion.

Mary.
 
Can’t really counsel compromise, but then I’m not married. Difficult situation. Maybe you can find areas other than religion where you could be conciliatory to him.
 
I don’t know if this will work for you but I sometimes attend my parents protestant church we plan in advance and I attend Saturday Mass so my obligation is fufilled and I can attend on Sunday with them. It works well for me, YMMV.

Also if he didn’t let you know in enough time to go to Saturday Mass, is it possible that you can attend an earlier Mass and still attend church with him or vice versa attend an earlier service with him and do a later Mass?
 
The Catechism says that Catholics are obligated to attend, it is a grave sin to miss unless your are sick or it is impossible to attend. Show him this and let him read the words for himself. That way he’ll see this is not about you, but about what Christ requires of you!
 
Most churches have many different times for Mass. The wise woman goes out of her way to compromise with her husband.
 
Father Jones:
Wanted to take a brief moment to welcome you to the forums; I’ve just recently seen your posts and I appreciate your (name removed by moderator)ut.
Mary.

…back to the topic at hand 🙂
 
Just as a side note, obligatory Mass under threat of mortal sin really keeps me from returning to the Church. I sympathize with your husband there. I wish the Church would not use guilt and fear to encourage participation. And, in a multi-religious society, it’s nice to attend church with your husband
or friends.
 
MaryT777 said:
Father Jones:
Wanted to take a brief moment to welcome you to the forums; I’ve just recently seen your posts and I appreciate your (name removed by moderator)ut.
Mary.

…back to the topic at hand 🙂
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Thank you, Mary. Your warm welcome is most appreciated!
 
Country_Gal said:
Just as a side note, obligatory Mass under threat of mortal sin really keeps me from returning to the Church. I sympathize with your husband there. I wish the Church would not use guilt and fear to encourage participation. And, in a multi-religious society, it’s nice to attend church with your husband
or friends.
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It’s not a mortal sin because it’s a “threat”, but because it offends God if we do not attend the Mass: the re-presentation of the sacrifice of The Cross. This sacrifice is what saves the world. It is not primarily about family time, although that is an important side benefit. Of course it is important to worship together as family and friends, but the most important thing is to give glory to God and follow his command to attend Catholic Mass.
 
Country_Gal said:
Just as a side note, obligatory Mass under threat of mortal sin really keeps me from returning to the Church. I sympathize with your husband there. I wish the Church would not use guilt and fear to encourage participation. And, in a multi-religious society, it’s nice to attend church with your husband
or friends.
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I agree with this, one of the things that made me want to convert was that the Parish I was in had an emphasis on coming every week to get your spiritual food to last the rest of the week, the focus was on the relationship and not the obligation and it puts you in a state of mind of wanting that each week as opposed to someone making you have it every week.
 
Miss_Felicity said:
I agree with this, one of the things that made me want to convert was that the Parish I was in had an emphasis on coming every week to get your spiritual food to last the rest of the week, the focus was on the relationship and not the obligation and it puts you in a state of mind of wanting that each week as opposed to someone making you have it every week.
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Agreed. This topic is actually my biggest beef and barrier to returning.
 
a) At least look to see if you can go to Mass at another time. In our area, we have Masses somewhere within 45 minutes on Saturday night, plus Masses at various places from 7:30 am until noon, plus a few places with 4 pm (Spanish) and roughly 7 pm Sunday night (English, four different parishes).

b) If you cannot, then ask your pastor if you can have a dispensation for this purpose. Your husband makes sacrifices of his own to help you meet the obligation to have your children go to Mass every Sunday, and it is not good to introduce marital strife over his request to go a single time. At least ask your pastor, and make the effort to have tried.

If you cannot go to your husband’s church for a Sunday service (or a Wednesday night service, if they have those), then try to arrange to have your FIL’s pastor give you and the children a tour some time. He will probably be delighted to do so. The place where their father was baptized is an important place. Do not be afraid that you will diminish the Catholic Church if you recognize the place that the church of your husband’s family has had in their lives.
 
Compromise and go to both; Saturday mass to fulfill the obligation and Sunday services to honor your hubby and his wishes.
 
Had some good friends, he was Catholic and she was Methodist or Presbyterian or something. Anyhow, they both came to Mass on Sat. evening and then on Sunday morning they went together to her church. Worked well for them, they were both happy this way.
 
Miss_Felicity said:
I agree with this, one of the things that made me want to convert was that the Parish I was in had an emphasis on coming every week to get your spiritual food to last the rest of the week, the focus was on the relationship and not the obligation and it puts you in a state of mind of wanting that each week as opposed to someone making you have it every week.
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I agree with you in the sense that we don’t only want to emphasize the obligation to attend Mass, we want to attend also because we are spiritually fed. Yet, the obligation exists. The OP does not have a legitimate option to skip Mass in order to satisfy her husband’s desire to worship in his church – so perhaps some weekends they might choose to attend both Catholic Mass and his protestant service
 
journey00 said:
How do I explain to him why it is obligatory for us to attend Mass, besides the fact that he knows that we WANT to attend Mass. He’s just going to say that it doesn’t say it in the Bible. Ugh. Of course, he gets nothing out of Mass and is bored.
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My husband, also non-Catholic, has often said that the Mass is not at all user-friendly to the non-Catholic. He’s right. The assumption when you go is that you have been or are being taught outside Mass what it all means. The catechesis is presumed.

Books to try:
The Lamb’s Supper: The Mass as Heaven on Earth, by Scott Hahn. The author began as a Protestant Bible scholar; now he is a Catholic, and a wonderful apologist.

What Happens at Mass, Jeremy Driscoll, OSB. The author, a liturgical scholar who helped with the new translation of the Mass, wrote a very thorough book on the Mass for laypeople. It is dense, but it is really good. I can’t imagine that the Mt. Angel Abbey will be allowed to let it go out of print; if it is hard for you to find, though, that is the author’s monastery. Read it yourself, and it will help you in explaining the Mass to your husband.
 
journey00 said:
My husband thought it would be nice if tomorrow we visit his childhood bible church where he was baptized & attend with his father. I said you know the kids and I can’t do that, we have to attend Mass.
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Would it really be so hard to attend Mass at another time this week-end in order to go to his childhood church on Father’s Day?
 
Country_Gal said:
Just as a side note, obligatory Mass under threat of mortal sin really keeps me from returning to the Church. I sympathize with your husband there. I wish the Church would not use guilt and fear to encourage participation. And, in a multi-religious society, it’s nice to attend church with your husband
or friends.
Click to expand...
While I think the juridical misdemeanor/felony way that most people take the venial/mortal classification is a gross oversimplification, the Church is not trying to “use fear” to encourage participation by describing neglect to attend Mass as a serious matter. (Notice I said “neglect”; missing for one reason rather than another does have a different spiritual effect.)

If your doctor tells you that you need to take your antibiotic on time and as prescribed until it is all used up, lest the drug fail its purpose and perhaps even encourage the survival of antibiotic-resistant strains within you, making your infection worse, is he “using fear” to get you to comply? No, he’s using the facts to let you know that compliance is actually a serious deal.

Having left the Church and returned myself, BTW, I am aghast at the way you talk about your decision to come back or not. I constantly marvel at how foolish I was to leave and how little I appreciated what I was missing. The more one appreciates what the Mass is and what the Church is, it does not seem punitive to tell the faithful that gathering for the Lord’s Day to celebrate the Eucharist–the source and the summit of the Christian life!!–is indeed a serious matter, and not to be neglected for light reasons.

Do you think Rome is just making this stuff up? How would you feel if you had heard this passage read from the letter of Hebrews, as it was heard in those very early days of the Church?

We should not stay away from our assembly, as is the custom of some, but encourage one another, and this all the more as you see the day drawing near. If we sin deliberately after receiving knowledge of the truth, there no longer remains sacrifice for sins but a fearful prospect of judgment and a flaming fire that is going to consume the adversaries. Anyone who rejects the law of Moses is put to death without pity on the testimony of two or three witnesses. Do you not think that a much worse punishment is due the one who has contempt for the Son of God, considers unclean the covenant-blood by which he was consecrated, and insults the spirit of grace? We know the one who said: “Vengeance is mine; I will repay,” and again: “The Lord will judge his people.” It is a fearful thing to fall into the hands of the living God.
Heb. 10:25-31
 
Country_Gal said:
Agreed. This topic is actually my biggest beef and barrier to returning.
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Christ wants you back in the pews … please just come back, you won’t regret it!

Our laws require children to attend school, is that any good reason to hold a child back from education, simply because it is required?! It is required because it is important. The same with the Mass: God requires our attendance because this is how he saves, renews, sanctifies, and fulfills us … and prepares us for heaven!
 
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