Husband addicted to pornography

[whm]

He wants none of this. He doesn’t want advice from people who don’t know him. He wants the advice of the doctor who says that his morals can’t line up with his biological needs. And the priest who told him just to make sure whatever he does is with me. And his dad who has the exact same problem he does. This is why I think it’s an addiction that he’s not willing to face yet. He wants to be told what he wants to hear, and he won’t listen to advice that tells him otherwise. And I don’t understand because I’m not a man and don’t understand how his brain works and am unwilling to help him by compromising my morals. I’m just wanting things my way and he’s always the one who has to make the changes because of something I read in some Catholic book, rather than listen to him. I know he’s just blaming me because what I’m saying isn’t easy to face. But it still hurts. I can’t do this for him. He’s got to get to a point where he takes responsibility for avoiding sin. It’s just difficult to wait for him to get there.

Yes he has got to want to change himself. It is very difficult if he fools himself into thinking that it isn’t wrong. What does he think regarding the following points?

-Does he want your children to find out he looks at porn?
-How about his boss or his mom?
-How would he feel if someday somebody was looking and one of his children as porn, how about his mom, his sister, or you?
-He needs to understand that he is hurting you, himself and your family.
-He is supporting a industry that exploits women (and men) and children.
-It is exploiting him, he is being targeted!
-It is not part of his biology to have “sex” hundreds of time per month, that is not natural or healthy.

He is not thinking about these things, his thoughts are distorted and only of himself, he is never going to find what he is looking for in porn, it will never satisfy him, only makes it worse.

 

[Linusthe2nd]

My husband is addicted to pornography, but I think not quite ready to fight to let go of it. Right now he knows he’s addicted, but is making excuses that he can never over come it, that his inner “wiring” is against him quitting, that the Catholic Church just has ideals that he can never hope to achieve so why bother trying, etc. He pressures me sexually to do morally illicit things with him since we can’t always fully engage in intercourse. (I am still in recovery from childbirth.) He says that he’d rather be with me, but that when we can’t have intercourse, he has to find some way to relieve the tension. He’s been in this same place for years.

I don’t know what to tell him regarding the Church’s teachings. We’ve talked about what the teachings are, but he’s having trouble putting them into practice. He feels like I should compromise with him–that us doing something together is better than him turning to the porn, and that I should be willing to engage in activities with him when he is feeling weak. He feels like he should do this in baby steps–so instead of turning to the porn when we can’t have intercourse, doing another sexual activity with me is “less bad.” I’ve told him that it doesn’t make me feel good when he tells me this: that I feel like he’s just using me as an object to relieve the tension. That did not go over well. He got angry that I would dare think that–he loves me so much and works so hard for me and would rather do something with me, and I’m so ungrateful as to demand that he be perfect in this one area of his life. I don’t demand perfection, I know he’s human and he’s going to fall sometimes even though he tries, but I don’t think that is a good excuse for not trying to cut out all the illicit activity. I don’t beat him up when he tells me that he’s fallen into the trap of using porn again, but I do expect him to pick himself up and keep trying again rather than just expect me to do something illicit with him because he failed. Am I wrong to think that way? Right now, he’s saying that it’s going to be an all or nothing thing: if he completely gets rid of the porn and other sexual activities during our periods of abstinence, he has to completely get rid of all sex during any time. Because whenever he gets any type of stimulation, his brain sort of hyper-focuses on it and he can’t resist the temptation. So right now the choices he’s given me are: keep things the way they are, or no sexual aspect to our relationship ever. Obviously that solves nothing, and we’re both unhappy with both solutions. But right now he’s unwilling to try anything else.

What can I do? Say? He’s discussed this issue with our local priest, but unfortunately that did more damage than help. Our parish priests here are pretty liberal, so they basically told him, “as long as it’s with your wife, you don’t have to worry about it being immoral.” So then I got accused of trying to be “more Catholic” than the priests–if they don’t expect it of him, then neither should I. He has ADHD and has discussed this with his doctor–who basically told him that his morals are in conflict with his biology. I think right now he feels hopeless and like he can’t possibly succeed, and I think that is why he doesn’t want to put real effort into trying to quit his addiction and that is why he’s acting so angry with me. Because if he’s not really trying, then he can’t really fail. Or something like that. I don’t know where to go from here.

If you can live without him that is what I would do. Tell him, either you or the porn.

 

[MaeganFlinchum1]

I would pray for him, and get something done about your computer:

1. Internet Blocks
2. Holy Cards in front of the computer and tv -as a previous user said
3. If possible get the internet turned off’
4. unplug and put away the computer.

that might not be the best/possible way for you to stop this, but it might work for you. maybe daily Mass would help too. I would just start by removing the temptations. and the by telling him he will go to hell if he doesnt stop (sounds harsh, but it’s true_

 

[Nom_the_Wise]

7: He wants none of this. He doesn’t want advice from people who don’t know him. He wants the advice of the doctor who says that his morals can’t line up with his biological needs. And the priest who told him just to make sure whatever he does is with me. And his dad who has the exact same problem he does. This is why I think it’s an addiction that he’s not willing to face yet. He wants to be told what he wants to hear, and he won’t listen to advice that tells him otherwise. And I don’t understand because I’m not a man and don’t understand how his brain works and am unwilling to help him by compromising my morals. I’m just wanting things my way and he’s always the one who has to make the changes because of something I read in some Catholic book, rather than listen to him. I know he’s just blaming me because what I’m saying isn’t easy to face. But it still hurts. I can’t do this for him. He’s got to get to a point where he takes responsibility for avoiding sin. It’s just difficult to wait for him to get there.

Have you ever done marriage therapy as a couple? It could help him if he’s confronted by you with a therapist in the room to back you up. This could be the *ultimatum *that you give him: couple’s therapy or it’s over.

 

[OpenArms]

The doctor says his morals are in conflict with his biology Sounds odd to me. Is he taking medication (and other treatment measures) for the ADHD? That could be a HUGE part of resolving this issue. People with ADHD use things like porn to self-medicate. So if you can help him to medicate in the correct ways it may loosen the hold of the addiction on him. Don’t forget to pray daily for him–it sounds like he’s under true spiritual and psychological attack.

As my husband understood it, his doctor told him that his brain is just naturally wired towards reproduction, so it’s natural for him to seek out some way to relieve the tension. So he either comes to me or he goes to the porn.

 

[Nemo_Has]

Regardless of what some have said here, porn and masturbation are absolutely addictive. I know, I’ve been there. He’s never going to quit if he tries with “baby steps”; because the of nature of the addiction. I’d recommend praying to St. Jude and St. Rita and of course St. Palgea and St. Mary Magdeline and St. Maria Goretti, etc… And speaking of Maria Goretti, I would strongly suggest you abstain from any unholy sexual acts, as well as try to get your husband not to receive Holy Communion as long as he’s presumably not in a state of grace.

A link to how I quit is below, but I’ll say this at least; the best place to start is removing the temptation by practicing custody of the eyes all the time.

fightoftherebl.blogspot.com/2012/05/fine-again.html

 

[OpenArms]

This is one of my pet peeves. Unless it is seriously interfering with his life, as in he is unable to go to work or get through a work day without porn, his eating and sleeping habits are being disrupted, and he gets anxious and angry without it it is not an addiction. He is just making a very hurtful and selfish choice because despite what he says in the afternoon when its nighttime and he’s horny its just easier to indulge and relieve himself than it is to go to bed without a release.

Do not let him off the hook with this “addiction” excuse. He is not addicted, he’s just putting his own physical needs above your feelings. Make it clear that you are holding him accountable for his CHOICE, because that’s what it is. Yes, acknowledging that it is a choice instead of an addiction is painful, and it should be. He is choosing to indulge in other women rather than wait lovingly for you to get better. That should hurt your marriage, you should be furious, and you should start making the demand that your feelings will come before porn, and if he can’t live with that then he needs to make other arrangements for a place to stay because you cannot deal with the hurt and stress of him engaging in that while you are trying to recover and care for a newborn. Seeing that you aren’t going to let him off with an “addiction” excuse and that you do expect him to be a full and complete husband to you and only you should snap him back to reality. If it doesn’t you know where your feelings and your marriage rank on his list of priorities and you can go from there.

I think I see both sides of it at times. At times I see where there really are withdrawal type symptoms. Other times I just think it’s a lame excuse. He’s really made himself out to be the victim here. When I told him how much it hurt me, he got angry with me. He said it was really unfair of me to expect the unattainable from him and then “give him a verbal lashing” when he admitted his failure. I actually thought I was pretty easy on him. All I said was that it hurt my feelings. I didn’t say he was a bad person or that he makes me sick or anything like that. He says it’s not fair that I expect him to change and don’t want to do any changing myself; and that I’m “so perfect that I can’t possibly understand that non-perfect people just can’t reach the Church’s ideals.” I know he’s just totally irrational about it right now.

And yes, for an atheist I have a pretty extreme stand on the use of porn by married or otherwise seriously committed people who’s spouses don’t consent to it.

I was just going to say something to this effect. It’s refreshing to hear that point of view from an atheist, though.

 

[Nemo_Has]

As my husband understood it, his doctor told him that his brain is just naturally wired towards reproduction, so it’s natural for him to seek out some way to relieve the tension. So he either comes to me or he goes to the porn.

Oh, something else I forgot, it’s natural for guys to need to do something with all of our testosterone, most of the time that’s sex and/or violence. Obviously not beating people up violence, but working out and boxing with a punching-bag, etc… That stuff really helped me anyway, hope it can help you.

 

[OpenArms]

I don’t know how much I agree with that last sentiment whm. She’s not there to be his babysitter. And he’s the one hurting her. I don’t see why she needs to put herself more on the line to “help him through his problem.”

Personally my life turned around when my wife discovered my addiction and left for awhile. Best thing that ever happened to me. It immediately catapulted me to my bottom and from there I was able to accept God’s help.

My relationship with my wife is better. She gets that my addiction is not about her. She’s also still hurt by it. But I know second-hand from a friend of hers that she’s proud of the work I’ve done to turn my life and by extension our family’s lives around. She’s never expressed that sentiment to me and I totally understand why. I don’t think she ever should. Why should she give me plaudits for trying to heal damage that I should never have inflicted in the first place?!

It is enough that she is still here and comes up to me and gives me a hug or a kiss and tells me she loves me. It is enough that I know God loves me and will never stop loving me no matter what.

Maybe someday, years from now, she’ll say “You’re a good man, you know that? A good man.” Maybe not. That’s OK. She’s still here. She loves me even through the hurt. She’s trying to trust me more. I’m trying to win that trust every day even though I really don’t deserve it.

It’s more than enough.

You sound like you’ve worked very hard to get yourself on a better path. I commend you for that. I know it will take lots of hard work if my husband is ever to get on that path, and I pray that he’ll get there someday.

 

[skigirl1689]

As my husband understood it, his doctor told him that his brain is just naturally wired towards reproduction, so it’s natural for him to seek out some way to relieve the tension. So he either comes to me or he goes to the porn.

I’m sorry you have to go through what you are, I will pray for both of you. I can’t take what his doctor says seriously because there are men who remain celibate when their wives are sick and/or dying, not to mention priests (I know he probably won’t accept that line of argument seriously). Is he being treated for the ADHD? It sounds like that may be playing a role, but does not erase his culpability in what he does.

 

[OpenArms]

Yes he has got to want to change himself. It is very difficult if he fools himself into thinking that it isn’t wrong. What does he think regarding the following points?

-Does he want your children to find out he looks at porn?
-How about his boss or his mom?
-How would he feel if someday somebody was looking and one of his children as porn, how about his mom, his sister, or you?
-He needs to understand that he is hurting you, himself and your family.
-He is supporting a industry that exploits women (and men) and children.
-It is exploiting him, he is being targeted!
-It is not part of his biology to have “sex” hundreds of time per month, that is not natural or healthy.

He is not thinking about these things, his thoughts are distorted and only of himself, he is never going to find what he is looking for in porn, it will never satisfy him, only makes it worse.

I’ll answer the second one first. His dad has the exact same problem he does. His mom knows. He’s talked to her about it. It’s one of his biggest excuses–“well my parents struggled with it too! I’m just like them and there’s nothing anyone can do about it so why bother trying?” Which brings me back to the first point. He assumes that eventually he’ll have to tell our sons that he struggles with this, because eventually they will be introduced to porn through a friend or classmate, etc. And the cycle continues.

I agree it only makes things worse. He gets angry and bitter and downright mean. Last time I called him out on it he turned it on me and told me that I’m the one with the problem because I can’t just “give in” to him sometimes. I talk big about being all moral and all that but I’m unwilling to help him out. The thing is, I’m just unwilling to give him the “help” he wants–because I know it wouldn’t really be helping him, but rather making the problem worse. I know I should be angry about all that, but I’m not that angry–I’m sad and disappointed. I’m sad because I know that he’s really tricked himself into believing these lies. I know that I can fight with him until I’m blue in the face, but he won’t hear it. So I don’t argue over it–I state my piece and then let him rant and pout until he’s worn himself out.

 

[TimeEntrance]

BLE, while I appreciate your sentiment I should note that addiction is not an excuse. It’s not something that should let him off the hook. If anything, it should underscore how serious the situation is.

I don’t like how some people in recovery refer to themselves as “sick” or “ill.” That makes them sound like victims. Now in some cases, they are. In some cases they’re victims of childhood molestation or other abuses. In other cases, like mine, I was exposed to pornography and its self-medicating properties by my father. I stumbled onto his stuff and he was and still is a full-blown sex addict. I mean he has almost no self-control. It’s frightening and it most certainly interfered with his ability to make rational decisions.

In my life, my addiction caused my personality to change. Dramatically. I lashed out at my family all the time. I was an angry, passive-aggressive, totally out of control ball of lunacy and anxiety. It was utterly absurd and it was extremely hurtful for my wife. I basically committed emotional abuse every day for about two years.

Did I have a bad start? Yeah. Was I more susceptible because of circumstances beyond my control of falling into this addiction? Yes. Am I still responsible for my own actions and own sin? YES, YES, A THOUSAND TIMES YES.

I was dependent on self-medication to get me through the day. Totally and completely. Of course, like substance abusers, it really only made my anxieties and my problems worse. Only by admitting that I could not do this on my own have I actually been able to find myself now out of active addiction for quite some time.

I wanted to be done with it. I made firm resolutions over and over again. None of it helped. Only surrendering to Christ and trying to enter into a relationship with Him have I been able to fill the void I was piling up with garbage for so long.

I certainly see my self as being an addict. But do realize that the central focus of recovery is living a life of rigorous honesty. And part of that honesty is admitting that we were and are wrong. And while we got to the point where we were truly helpless and powerless over our own actions we made real and conscious decisions that led to getting to that point so we are far from guiltless. The terminology is not the best but please know that addicts that are serious about recovery do not see themselves as victims. We see ourselves as powerless to resist our addiction on our own, but with God we can do all things and we must take responsibility for our actions at all times.

Morality aside…

Porn, swingers, or even having multiple wives strikes me as things more akin to drinking alcohol. Some people become addicted to it or have problems with it that significantly changes their personality.

Other people seem to be able to drink without it ever wrecking hell in their lives. Interestingly enough I’ve seen this with adult couples that are “swingers.” Some Mormons and the minority of Muslims that have several wives seem the same way.

From most Western and non-Mormon and non-Muslim eyes it seems impossible for a man to have more than one wife and not be destroyed by it.

Frankly, I don’t do real well with sex. By that I mean sex entering the equation even with one female becomes problematic for me. Like alcohol. Does that mean all Catholics can not sustain monogamous marriages or not drink alcohol socially?

I honestly think their are female porn stars that can be happier and more together engaging in “gang bang” porns for years than I could be even sexually active to one woman in marriage.

I guess I’m saying… I would not automatically assume a guy is mentally unstable or something if he likes porn and is married. To be honest, I think the reason very few Catholics become nuns or priests or monks or friars or vow celibacy for life as lay members (as in some Opus Dei) is because the vast majority of them like humanity, are “addicted” to sex or the need of romance, companionship, or “love” to some lesser or greater degree. What one might call “functional addicts” or “functional addiction.”

 

[OpenArms]

Oh, something else I forgot, it’s natural for guys to need to do something with all of our testosterone, most of the time that’s sex and/or violence. Obviously not beating people up violence, but working out and boxing with a punching-bag, etc… That stuff really helped me anyway, hope it can help you.

He’s tried this without success. He can literally get up at 4am, have a long day at work, go to the gym and do a long, hard workout, and at midnight he’s still wanting something. He says he gets into bed and his brain just hyper-focuses on it and he can’t shut it down. This isn’t every day, but if we go about a week without sexual activity, it kicks in. And then bugs him every night until he gets release. So then if he fights it he spends the next week sleep-deprived. Then if he has held strong, it goes away. But by then we have some activity again and it starts all over. Or so he says.

 

[Nom_the_Wise]

I think I see both sides of it at times. At times I see where there really are withdrawal type symptoms. Other times I just think it’s a lame excuse. He’s really made himself out to be the victim here.

He is *both *a victim and perpetrator. The ADHD piece is compelling. No medications *cure *ADHD/ADD. His free will is severly compromised. Any one who says different has no idea what it’s like to have it. It is not impossible, but therapy is required.

When I told him how much it hurt me, he got angry with me.

Lashing out is common when an addict is confronted with the consequences of their behavior. He is not angry at you; he is angry at himself and he doesn’t know how to express that anger properly so he takes it out on you. You don’t deserve that. That’s why I say he’s both a victim and perpetrator.

He said it was really unfair of me to expect the unattainable from him and then “give him a verbal lashing” when he admitted his failure.

Here he is engaging in self-pity.

I actually thought I was pretty easy on him. All I said was that it hurt my feelings. I didn’t say he was a bad person or that he makes me sick or anything like that. He says it’s not fair that I expect him to change and don’t want to do any changing myself; and that I’m “so perfect that I can’t possibly understand that non-perfect people just can’t reach the Church’s ideals.” I know he’s just totally irrational about it right now.

Just because you didn’t *say *he’s a “bad person” or that he makes you “sick” he will *hear *the implication of those things in any criticism. He will *feel *them. If he’s having these reactions at all, it is because there is still a place inside him that knows what he is doing is wrong. It is likely that years of porn viewing has literally rewired his brain so that he cannot easily “perform” without a similar type of stimulation (perfoming acts like what he’s seen).

I am convinced that you will get nowhere with him without a third party arbitrating between you. The truth is you may never get anywhere with him.

 

[whm]

He’s tried this without success. He can literally get up at 4am, have a long day at work, go to the gym and do a long, hard workout, and at midnight he’s still wanting something. He says he gets into bed and his brain just hyper-focuses on it and he can’t shut it down. This isn’t every day, but if we go about a week without sexual activity, it kicks in. And then bugs him every night until he gets release. So then if he fights it he spends the next week sleep-deprived. Then if he has held strong, it goes away. But by then we have some activity again and it starts all over. Or so he says.

Perhaps you should try a period of prolonged abstinence then. You mentioned that he said he had to do all or nothing. Try nothing for awhile and spend the time working on a joint prayer life etc. If you are later medically cleared to have relations, once a week is not unreasonable if that truly is the case, assuming he stays away from porn in the meantime.

In this post it sounds like he has been putting in some effort to control his issue, that is hopeful.

 

[Groo]

A book that I highly recommend on pornography is geared specifically towards Catholics.

Getting Internet Pornography Out of Your Life: A Guide for Catholics by Chris Countryman.
amazon.com/Getting-Internet-Pornography-Your-Life/dp/1607255316/ref=sr_1_10?ie=UTF8&qid=1352864004&sr=8-10&keywords=chris+countryman

It is a short book with some self-tests to help determine how big of a problem he has as well as some suggested resources for help. As I recall, there is also a chapter devoted to spouses or loved ones of those hooked by porn. Since you seem to be lacking in resources for help, this might be a place to start.

 

[OpenArms]

I’m sorry you have to go through what you are, I will pray for both of you. I can’t take what his doctor says seriously because there are men who remain celibate when their wives are sick and/or dying, not to mention priests (I know he probably won’t accept that line of argument seriously). Is he being treated for the ADHD? It sounds like that may be playing a role, but does not erase his culpability in what he does.

Yes, he is being treated for his ADHD. Honestly, once he got his diagnosis, things took a bit of a downhill turn for him. Before he was diagnosed, he tried hard to do the right thing, not just with regards to porn, but in life in general. He’s had classic symptoms, but he’d been able to manage most parts of it. Then he was diagnosed, and he assumed that he would get medication for it. His doctor told him no–he has been successful so far, he was happy and holding a good job, performing well at work, in a stable relationship, basicaly able to manage things without for three decades, no need to medicate. He just recommended that my husband learn more techniques for time management and stress management etc. My husband wasn’t happy with that. He’d been expecting a wonder drug to make everything easy for him. His doctor isn’t the type to just push the pills–which I like.

So then the ADHD became his excuse for EVERYTHING. He had trouble concentrating, well he has ADHD he’s not supposed to concentrate well. He gets distracted, well he has ADHD that’s what it does to you. He gained weight, well the ADHD inhibits his impulse control so he just eats when food is around. It became his excuse to not have to attempt to have self-control.

 

[bmaj]

My husband is addicted to pornography, but I think not quite ready to fight to let go of it. Right now he knows he’s addicted, but is making excuses that he can never over come it, that his inner “wiring” is against him quitting, that the Catholic Church just has ideals that he can never hope to achieve so why bother trying, etc. He pressures me sexually to do morally illicit things with him since we can’t always fully engage in intercourse. (I am still in recovery from childbirth.) He says that he’d rather be with me, but that when we can’t have intercourse, he has to find some way to relieve the tension. He’s been in this same place for years.

I don’t know what to tell him regarding the Church’s teachings. We’ve talked about what the teachings are, but he’s having trouble putting them into practice. He feels like I should compromise with him–that us doing something together is better than him turning to the porn, and that I should be willing to engage in activities with him when he is feeling weak. He feels like he should do this in baby steps–so instead of turning to the porn when we can’t have intercourse, doing another sexual activity with me is “less bad.” I’ve told him that it doesn’t make me feel good when he tells me this: that I feel like he’s just using me as an object to relieve the tension. That did not go over well. He got angry that I would dare think that–he loves me so much and works so hard for me and would rather do something with me, and I’m so ungrateful as to demand that he be perfect in this one area of his life. I don’t demand perfection, I know he’s human and he’s going to fall sometimes even though he tries, but I don’t think that is a good excuse for not trying to cut out all the illicit activity. I don’t beat him up when he tells me that he’s fallen into the trap of using porn again, but I do expect him to pick himself up and keep trying again rather than just expect me to do something illicit with him because he failed. Am I wrong to think that way? Right now, he’s saying that it’s going to be an all or nothing thing: if he completely gets rid of the porn and other sexual activities during our periods of abstinence, he has to completely get rid of all sex during any time. Because whenever he gets any type of stimulation, his brain sort of hyper-focuses on it and he can’t resist the temptation. So right now the choices he’s given me are: keep things the way they are, or no sexual aspect to our relationship ever. Obviously that solves nothing, and we’re both unhappy with both solutions. But right now he’s unwilling to try anything else.

What can I do? Say? He’s discussed this issue with our local priest, but unfortunately that did more damage than help. Our parish priests here are pretty liberal, so they basically told him, “as long as it’s with your wife, you don’t have to worry about it being immoral.” So then I got accused of trying to be “more Catholic” than the priests–if they don’t expect it of him, then neither should I. He has ADHD and has discussed this with his doctor–who basically told him that his morals are in conflict with his biology. I think right now he feels hopeless and like he can’t possibly succeed, and I think that is why he doesn’t want to put real effort into trying to quit his addiction and that is why he’s acting so angry with me. Because if he’s not really trying, then he can’t really fail. Or something like that. I don’t know where to go from here.

You may wish to join the CAF support group, “Women Suffering Because of Unchastity,” which deals specifically with this issue (under Groups at the top toolbar). It helped me tremendously in my marriage. You’re definitely not alone out there. So many of us wives are experiencing what you are, and it’s very normal to feel hurt by it.
Prayers for you and your marriage. God bless and keep you in His care always.

 

[OpenArms]

Well, it seems like a couple of days away has given him some time to get his thoughts together. He came home and apologized for the way he reacted. He still feels the same way about the porn use–that it’s unattainable and he’ll never possibly be able to get there, but he’s going to try to go without it again. He says that he’ll try to get himself an action plan this time. So it’s a step.

I know we’ve got a long, long road ahead of us. I know that he’s going to have times when he’s weak again. Right now this just feels like it’s time for me to get a big gulp of air before diving underwater again.

 

[The_Bucket]

Well, it seems like a couple of days away has given him some time to get his thoughts together. He came home and apologized for the way he reacted. He still feels the same way about the porn use–that it’s unattainable and he’ll never possibly be able to get there, but he’s going to try to go without it again. He says that he’ll try to get himself an action plan this time. So it’s a step.

I know we’ve got a long, long road ahead of us. I know that he’s going to have times when he’s weak again. Right now this just feels like it’s time for me to get a big gulp of air before diving underwater again.

That’s just not going to work. Prayers for you but your husband needs a support group, needs a recovery plan and needs an intimate relationship with God.