Husband desensitized to violence in movies

[Mcubed]

Hello,

I need some guidance. My husband and I watched the Passion of the Christ last night. After it was over, I turned to my husband and said “Isn’t it so hard to watch what they did to Him?” and I specifically talked about the flogging scene. He looked at me and simply said, “no.” I couldn’t believe it! When I asked him why, he said that he has been desensitized to violence in movies. And yes, I am aware that he leans more towards the “action adventure” movies which unfortunately these days have more and more violence. He usually turns on one of these movies when he wants to relax, and now that we have Netflix, it’s really easy for him to find lots of these movies. So back to last night’s movie… I felt really sad that my husband couldn’t and didn’t seem willing to differentiate the difference between a regular violent movie and the Passion. For me, watching the Passion is like entering into Jesus’ last days and while it is hard for me to watch, it helps me to remember all that He endured for our sins. It’s especially significant for me to watch it during Holy Week. I feel like for my husband it’s just like watching any other movie.

Am I being unrealistic? Am I expecting too much? I do realize that women tend to be more sensitive than men but I would still think that men would have some kind of emotional reaction to the movie.

Please help me to make sense of this… I went to bed feeling pretty sad last night. I don’t know what I can do to help my husband overcome what seems like a pretty typical symptom of our culture. All I can do at this point is pray and to try to be patient, as I know he is patient with my many faults.

 

[nickybr38]

Some people are just keenly aware that it’s ‘make believe’. They are unable to connect the image to the reality. Perhaps because their imagination isn’t good enough? I’m not sure.

I know there are times when I cannot watch violent movies at all because I connect the violence to reality too much and other times when I can watch horrible violence without being bothered because I am keenly aware that it’s all special effects and actors.

So probably your husband is just unable to connect what he KNOWS to be actors pretending to suffer with the real event that happened. This doesn’t mean he’s a terrible person or a bad Christian, it just means he didn’t connect with this particular depiction of Christ’s Passion.

He probably just needs a different way of connecting with Christ’s suffering, something a little less superficial (no matter how well a movie is made, it’s still superficial since it’s just a bunch of people pretending to experience something).

 

[TK421]

Well, the way he admitted it so blatantly seems kind of disturbing.

Us guys are generally more callous to those things by nature than women are, since we’re biologically, emotionally, and theologically heads, guardians, and hunter killers by design. I cried during the Passion of the Christ and I won’t say the torture was “easy” to watch, but I never needed to turn my head away either. This is probably fairly common among Christian men and I wouldn’t be disturbed that he wasn’t cringing as badly as you were.

Maybe he should stop watching certain extremely violent movies. Human beings are sensual creatures and what we see, hear, taste, touch, feel, and experience will have an effect on who we are, how we think, and how we behave. Whoever should deny this truth of our humanity is guilty of pride.The Passion of the Christ is immensely violent, but in the context that it is presented, it does not desensitize a person to it.

 

[thewanderer]

Some people are just keenly aware that it’s ‘make believe’. They are unable to connect the image to the reality. Perhaps because their imagination isn’t good enough? I’m not sure.

I know there are times when I cannot watch violent movies at all because I connect the violence to reality too much and other times when I can watch horrible violence without being bothered because I am keenly aware that it’s all special effects and actors.

So probably your husband is just unable to connect what he KNOWS to be actors pretending to suffer with the real event that happened. This doesn’t mean he’s a terrible person or a bad Christian, it just means he didn’t connect with this particular depiction of Christ’s Passion.

He probably just needs a different way of connecting with Christ’s suffering, something a little less superficial (no matter how well a movie is made, it’s still superficial since it’s just a bunch of people pretending to experience something).

This!!

I have always been able to watch pretty much anything (except horror movies) without really being disturbed by it. This isn’t always true, every once in a while a violent seen in a movie will connect with me more realistically, but usually its just too obvious that its a movie for it to upset or disturb me. This does not mean I am desensitized to violence or likely to be aggressive, the thought of watching a real video of people being gruesomely hurt or killed is extremely disturbing to me and I have never in my life even felt a slim inclination to punch someone, i’m pretty sure I couldn’t even if I tried. My husband, on the other hand has always been more sensitive about movies. People are just different, there’s nothing wrong with either reaction.

 

[nickybr38]

Well, the way he admitted it so blatantly seems kind of disturbing.

Us guys are generally more callous to those things by nature than women are, since we’re biologically, emotionally, and theologically heads, guardians, and hunter killers by design. I cried during the Passion of the Christ and I won’t say the torture was “easy” to watch, but I never needed to turn my head away either. This is probably fairly common among Christian men and I wouldn’t be disturbed that he wasn’t cringing as badly as you were. Maybe he should look into how much he watches violence he watches on TV though if you feel this is a problem. Human beings are sensual creatures and what we see, hear, taste, touch, feel, and experience will have an effect on who we are, how we think, and how we behave. Whoever should deny this truth of our humanity is guilty of pride.

But when you’re keenly aware it’s not real violence, how could it affect you at all?

 

[TK421]

No.

Human beings are not incorporeal intellects in possession of only a mind. We have a mind, we have a body, and we have a soul. Anybody that isn’t clinically incompetent knows that a movie isn’t real. Watching severely violent, lewd, and vulgar movies will still affect your psyche and degrade your spiritual health. The exception would be if you are God or you are united with God in the Beatific Vision and you are impassable to sin. Are you impassable?

 

[nickybr38]

No.

Human being are not incorporeal intellects in possession of only a mind. We have a mind, we have a body, and we have a soul. Anybody that isn’t clinically incompetent knows that a movie isn’t real. Watching severely violent, lewd, and vulgar movie will still affect your psyche.

I love how you subtly throw out insults while defending your point. Good job there.

I disagree. I don’t think watching violent movies makes a person violent. I can watch gore movies with no problem but I CANNOT watch movies of real human beings being hurt. I am keenly aware that these two things are very different in nature. One is special effects and camera tricks, the other is a real person being harmed.

But I guess we’ll just have to agree to disagree since you clearly are clinically competent while I am clearly clinically incompetent.

 

[TK421]

Nick,

You misunderstand me if you believe that I am throwing subtle insults. I have no desire to insult anybody. I was stating a fact in order to make a point. Any competent human being knows that movies are not real. Do you agree with this? Sure you do.

But if this means that movies have no affect on us, then why do we watch them at all? Obviously we have to be getting some sort of emotional and/or intellectual satisfaction out of watching them or else we wouldn’t be watching them at all, right? We know they aren’t real, but scenes can still cause us to cringe, to laugh, to cry, to feel pain, to feel fear, to feel love, or to feel joy as we witness the story being unfolded. The scriptures themselves are a dialogue of storytelling, and this aspect of us is intricately bound to the fact that, like God himself, we are creatures of community, and we sympathize and empathize with outside experiences.

Like anything else, this aspect of us can be warped and abused. Just because we understand something to be imaginary doesn’t mean that divulging into various fantasies will not be harmful to us.

 

[nickybr38]

Nick,

You misunderstand me if you believe that I am throwing subtle insults. I have no desire to insult anybody. I was a stating a fact in order to make a point. Any competent human being knows that movies are not real. Do you agree with this? Sure you do.

But if this means that movies have no affect on us, then why do we watch them at all? Obviously we have to be getting some sort of emotional and/or intellectual satisfaction out of watching them or else we wouldn’t be watching them at all, right? We know they aren’t real, but scenes can still cause us to cringe, to laugh, to cry, to feel pain, to feel fear, to feel love, or to feel joy as we witness the story being unfolded. The scriptures themselves are a dialogue of storytelling, and this aspect of us is intricately bound to the fact that, like God himself, we are creatures of community, and we sympathize and empathize with outside experiences.

Like anything else, this aspect of us can be warped and abused.

Yes, and as human beings we have different ways of functioning mentally. Some have a better ability to use their imagination and fully immerse themselves in the images they see on a screen, others have a disconnect where they are unable to put themselves in the ‘shoes of the characters’.

Throughout the years we have been exposed to all levels of violence, whether through ACTUAL violence through wars, plays, books, radio shows, etc. Some people respond to these more keenly than others because, for whatever reason, they can connect more deeply… while others can be exposed to the same things and not be changed in the same way.

NO two human beings are exactly alike. This is why, when psychologists do studies, they study more than one human. If all humans were alike, they could study just one and have a solid answer.

The violence we see on television and in movies is NOT REAL. Some of us can watch that film and we just never get into the fantasy. We know it’s not real so it doesn’t bother us. Others watch and they become deeply immersed in the fantasy, their imagination takes hold and they experience, in some way, what the characters experience.

Enjoying a violent film does NOT mean one is going to be violent or that there is somehow something wrong with the person because the violence doesn’t bother them.

If someone has an underlying condition to begin with it MIGHT change how they view reality but I don’t think that’s the case for all humans. SO many people watch violent films every day and go on with their lives never visiting violence upon another human because they recognize that fake violence is different from really harming someone.

 

[TK421]

Human beings are different according to individual temperament but not according to nature. Mankind is universally identical in that we are all sensual creatures, and sensual experiences will have an effect on our mind/boy/soul. It is like food. You eat it, you digest it, and your body is affected by it.

 

[nickybr38]

Human beings are different according to individual temperament but not according to nature. Mankind is universally identical in that we are all sensual creatures, and sensual experiences will have an effect on our mind/boy/soul. It is like food. You eat it, you digest it, and your body is affected by it.

Well, you go on with your belief and I’ll go on with mine.

In the end, I’ll continue with my violent movies and violent video games and at the end of this life we’ll both have harmed no one.

 

[TK421]

Simply because certain actions do not instantly take a person into a state of ultimate utter ruin and evil does not mean that they are not harmful. Is a person that listens to trashy music going to walk into a mall the next day and kill a dozen people before shooting themselves? If that were the case, the human race would have been extinct a long time ago.

Just the same, if I take a shotgun and fire it into the side of a galleon, the captain of the ship is not going to be happy about it. If he were to come down from the deck and and start yelling at me, would I respond “Sir, there is absolutely no way that a shotgun is going to capsize your ship. What is all the fuss about?” Should I continue to fire my shotgun into the side of the ship?

Are certain hobbies as equally spiritually edifying as other certain hobbies?

 

[thewanderer]

Human beings are different according to individual temperament but not according to nature. Mankind is universally identical in that we are all sensual creatures, and sensual experiences will have an effect on our mind/boy/soul. It is like food. You eat it, you digest it, and your body is affected by it.

Of course our universal nature is the same, but the point is that that same universal nature exists in each individual with many different permutations of particular attributes. Some people, myself included, are better able to disconnect from what they watch than others. I was sheltered as a kid, what we were allowed to watch was carefully monitored. I was not exposed to tons of violence, yet, when I did end u watching violent things, even though I had not seen them before, they did not affect me strongly at all. This distance I have towards most violence in movies clearly cannot be explained away as existing because I have been desensitized to violence by watching to much violence as it has always existed for me even from the first time I watched a violent movie. My husband is different, even as a teen he had a really hard time watching the lord of the rings in the cinema, as a kid he was scared and upset by all sorts of things, even in non-violent movies, that never even came close to phasing me, such as dramatic or intense music in a kids movie etc. People are just different and there is nothing wrong with that.

 

[TK421]

Several years ago I would have said the same thing about myself; that movies, video games, music, etc., do not have a strong effect on me, and in the immediate emotional experience, that is absolutely true. I even saw a drunk driver crash into a pole, fly through the back window of the car, and have their brains splattered over the pavement. I went home that night and went to bed with ease.

Just the same, I would now disagree with that assessment. What changed? Is my memory distorted?

 

[thewanderer]

Four years ago I would have said the same thing about myself (that movies, video games, music, etc., do not have a strong affect on me). Now, I disagree with that assessment. What changed? Is my memory distorted?

Honestly I don’t know and since I’m pretty sure you did not expect me to be able to answer these questions I would appreciate it if you could explain the point you are making a little more clearly as I do not understand what you are trying to say.

 

[TK421]

I wasn’t really planning on getting into a discussion, but Nick had a strong reaction to my post (which was addressed to the original poster).

My point is that, our sensual experiences in life will have an effect on our spiritual health, and I believe this is true even if they don’t necessarily cause a strong emotional reaction within us. I believe you could even make an argument that emotionally thick-skinned people can be in a more dangerous situation, because they will more readily partake in these things without worrying about it. A more squeamish person is prone to stay away from them.

 

[thewanderer]

I wasn’t really planning on getting into a discussion, but Nick had a strong reaction to my post (which was addressed to the original poster).

My point is that, our sensual experiences in life will have an effect on our spiritual health, and I believe this is true even if they don’t necessarily cause a strong emotional reaction within us. I believe you could even make an argument that emotionally thick-skinned people can be in a more dangerous situation, because they will more readily partake in these things without worrying about it. A more squeamish person is prone to stay away from them.

ah, ok, so you are not claiming that there is something wrong with people like myself and the OP’s husband or that we are the way we are only because we have watched a lot of violence and desensitized ourselves to it. Thanks for the clarification. Rather you are saying that you need to be careful what you watch because it can effect the way you think and act. Of course that is true, but thats not really what this thread is about. The OP is concerned by the fact that her husband is not as deeply affected emotionally by violence when he does watch a violent movie (such as the passion). We have just been trying to help her see that this emotional distance is really just how some people are, the fact that her husband is emotionally distant does not mean he is desensitized to violence, or is a violent person. Is it possible that those things are also true? Sure, it is possible, but just the fact that violence in movies does not affect him strongly emotionally does not mean that they are. It is possible to be very sensible of violence in real life but still not moved strongly emotionally when watching fake violence.

 

[TK421]

ah, ok, so you are not claiming that there is something wrong with people like myself and the OP’s husband or that we are the way we are only because we have watched a lot of violence and desensitized ourselves to it. Thanks for the clarification. Rather you are saying that you need to be careful what you watch because it can effect the way you think and act. Of course that is true, but thats not really what this thread is about.

It seems common sense enough, but a great deal of people in society are in a terminal state of denial about this and think they are untouchable.

The OP is concerned by the fact that her husband is not as deeply affected emotionally by violence when he does watch a violent movie (such as the passion). We have just been trying to help her see that this emotional distance is really just how some people are, the fact that her husband is emotionally distant does not mean he is desensitized to violence, or is a violent person. Is it possible that those things are also true? Sure, it is possible, but just the fact that violence in movies does not affect him strongly emotionally does not mean that they are. It is possible to be very sensible of violence in real life but still not moved strongly emotionally when watching fake violence.

Yes. One person might be more emotionally calloused than another person by nature (which can be both a good thing and a bad thing), but this shouldn’t be a license for the person to never censor what they do with their ears and eyes.

 

[SecretCatholic]

It may have to do with not identifying with the character. For example, if the character depicted was a loved one, would it not have elicited an emotional response either?

 

[Portrait]

Simply because certain actions do not instantly take a person into a state of ultimate utter ruin and evil does not mean that they are not harmful. Is a person that listens to trashy music going to walk into a mall the next day and kill a dozen people before shooting themselves? If that were the case, the human race would have been extinct a long time ago.

Just the same, if I take a shotgun and fire it into the side of a galleon, the captain of the ship is not going to be happy about it. If he were to come down from the deck and and start yelling at me, would I respond “Sir, there is absolutely no way that a shotgun is going to capsize your ship. What is all the fuss about?” Should I continue to fire my shotgun into the side of the ship?

Are certain hobbies as equally spiritually edifying as other certain hobbies?

Dear TK421,

Cordial greetings and a very good day. Jolly splendid posts and I agree wholeheartedly with your remarks.

Many men, including not a few modern Catholics, are of the opinion that one can assimilate a certain amount of unwholesome entertainment and yet not be adversely affected by it. It is tacitly assumed that if we are mature adults possessed of a sufficient rational faith, then we will be able to sift through various media containing the good, the bad and the very ugly without being spiritually damaged or tainted by it. We are told that if we ignore the bad and unsavoury parts of say a film, or look away from them, then that will be fine - simply enjoy the good parts and the plot line. If only it were so simple.

Given this lax approach, dear friend, is any wonder that you have the sad state of affairs of professing Catholics who are seemingly quite happy to view graphically dramatized murders, semi-pornographic material and content peppered with profanity. Too many have allowed themselves to become indifferent to that which is plainly debased and at variance with our most *holy *religion and have, either wittingly or unwittingly accepted the normalization of corruption. All Catholics, not merely a few ‘Puritan types’, are called to holiness and a renunciation of the godless world (CCC, paras. 2013-2015). Thus permitting small doses of immorality or gratuitous violence is morally unacceptable for those who profess the religion of Christ.

Moreover, dear friend, exposure to even a little graphic violence and immorality will over time dull and blunt our spiritual sensitivities. We are fallen men with an inclination to evil as consequence of the Fall and the entrance of sin into the world. As St. Paul says: “Bad company ruins good morals” (I Cor. 15: 33). and that can be applied equally to bad films, bad video games, bad music and bad literature: "Can a man carry fire in his bosom and his clothes not be burned? Or can one walk upon hot coals and his feet not be scorched? (Prov. 6: 27, 28). By allowing ourselves to be polluted by even a small amount of debased elements in various media, we are effectively playing with fire because this dross is a distracting and demoralizing influence as regards are personal pursuit of sanctity (cf. Philippians 4: 8).

Our objective, dear friend, is to cultivate an ever more intimate union with our Blessed Saviour and to enter the life everlasting. Therefore, given that the entire course of this mortal life is a state of probation, it makes perfect sense to keep oneself “unspotted from the world” (Jam. 1: 27), which includes befouling our souls with all debased and unwholesome media. We need to be jolly vigilant these days given the moral and cultural deterioration with which we are daily surrounded.

God bless and thankyou for splendid (name removed by moderator)ut to the discussion.

Warmest good wishes,

Portrait

In Christos