Husband Doesn't Know if He Wants to Be Married

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Just an update if anyone is interested.

Early on Christmas morning he told me he was going to file for divorce after the new year. Our entire family is so confused (both sides) by his behavior. He acts so loving towards me and the kids, like nothing is wrong…even after he told me. Other times he is so distant. He still doesn’t know why he feels the way he does but admits he feels crazy. He still wants to support me and the kids financially just as he always has but wants to be alone.

Bottom line, I can’t give up. I believe he is suffering from depression. He is spiraling downward fast and I can’t fix him. He needs the kids and I now more than ever to help keep him grounded.

Needless to say, I’m a wreck. Even still, for some reason, I am still optimistic.

Thank you for all the prayers. If it’s not too much to ask, please continue to pray for the healing of our family.

God Bless.
 
I will pray for you. I’m so sad you are having to live through this. 😦

All I can say is, having been through a divorce, it will not solve his problems. You think it will when you first leave, but it always turns out to be really bad, worse than anything you thought. You can tell him that a man said this who went through it, if you want.
 
Still praying.

He can file. You can contest it. You can continue letting him come by, see the kids, eat dinner. You can pretend the divorce didn’t happen. And if he comes to his senses later and wants to come home, you can open the door and welcome him home and renew your vows.

He doesn’t know what he wants. This is so sad. He’s like people in the first year after a spouse dies where they tell you don’t move, don’t change jobs, don’t make any changes till you resolve things and settle down.

They say the brain doesn’t even begin to start settling down till at least half a year after deployment is over.

I’m so sorry. And bad him for telling you on Christmas.

:mad:

If he wants to be alone, why divorce? That costs too much. He can rent the house next door and go over there when he needs to be alone. It would be cheaper in the long run.

He’s making permanent decisions to “solve” a “temporary” problem.

Take care of you. Be good to yourself.

You took him in sickness and in health. Right now it’s not looking so good. I’ll pray he realizes his mistake sooner rather than later.
 
Georgia Peach,
I will keep you and your family in my prayers. It does sound like your husband is really confused. I dont know if it helps you, but my husband told friends and family two years ago that we were “through”, and last christmas said he was just waiting till after the holidays to file for divorce. He still hasnt - at least not yet. i pray that God is still whispering to his consience . My husband also (almost 20 years married,before that dated 6yrs) is really really confused. of course he is moving forward in otherways that have not been good. I think depression/anxiety is a big part. Satan/evil in our society telling people that divorce is the answer. i can imagine having your husband physically gone for long periods of time has been hard on both of you. I will keep you and your children in my prayers.
For me what has helped is , prayer, a lot of it. Daily mass whenever I can. Saying the rosary, reaching out to Godly women who have prayed with me, let me cry with them, give me those hugs when I need them -as my husband wont give me any affection. Praise God your husband shows you affection! At times I dont know about you, but I have asked our Lord :why me? but then others suffer other things so then I have to ask for his forgivness for feeling sorry for myself. I know that the pains we go through DO make us turn to our Lord and to depend on him in a way we never would have been reminded to do so otherwise, will keep you in prayer
GodBless,
 
Dear Heavenly Father, Our precious Lord, Holy God.

Thank you for this forum. Thank you Lord that good things can come from the internet such as this forum. Thank you Lord for prayer. Thank you for our sister Georgia Peach.

Lord, we lift our dear Sister up to your heavenly throne and we ask that you first grant her a peace beyond earthly reason. A calm in her heart and soul in the midst of a grave storm. We ask this by the power of the HOLY SPIRIT.

We ask strength for her by your grace, to continue to be the good mama that she is, and to carry on the task at hand, raising those precious ones you blessed her so richly with.

We ask Lord that she is blessed with a discernment and wisdom that comes from you.

We ask also Lord for her husband to be healed from the battles of his mind. The demons that attack him; we ask you to CAST THEM OUT!!! We ask in the POWER of the HOLY SPIRIT to cleanse him of this torture of depression and confusion. We know that if this is Your will at present time then Your will be done. Thank you God, in Your Precious son’s name; the name of JESUS. AMEN.

Oh beautiful Holy Mother of God, stay close to our sister, help her like only our Heavenly Mother can. Jesus was so good to share his Holy Mama with us. He knows how important mothers are. Oh precious Mary by your kind and loving heart please pray for Georgia Peach in intercessory prayer and please Mother pray for her marriage; her family on this day, the day we celebrate your family, THE HOLY FAMILY. JMJ. AMEN.
 
GeorgiaPeach said:
Just an update if anyone is interested.

Early on Christmas morning he told me he was going to file for divorce after the new year. Our entire family is so confused (both sides) by his behavior. He acts so loving towards me and the kids, like nothing is wrong…even after he told me. Other times he is so distant. He still doesn’t know why he feels the way he does but admits he feels crazy. He still wants to support me and the kids financially just as he always has but wants to be alone.

Bottom line, I can’t give up. I believe he is suffering from depression. He is spiraling downward fast and I can’t fix him. He needs the kids and I now more than ever to help keep him grounded.

Needless to say, I’m a wreck. Even still, for some reason, I am still optimistic.

Thank you for all the prayers. If it’s not too much to ask, please continue to pray for the healing of our family.

God Bless.
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Georgia, I think you are probably right in thinking he is depressed. The fact that both sides of the family are confused is a sure sign. Is there not someone in the Army you can approach to ask for their help? If he is depressed and gets treatment, things should resolve, but if he is left to his own devices, he will continue to spiral downwards. What he told you Christmas morning could very well be a cry for help.
Stay confident no matter how hard it is, especially for the kids and explore every avenue.
God bless and good luck.
 
Georgia, I’m so sorry to read this :(. Is there anyway that family or friends could take care of the children and you two have time alone together somewhere - how long is it since you’ve had time like that - I mean for at least a few days?
 
Georgia, you were good enough to post on my problem, so I shall return the favor and post on yours! As you know, we have somewhat similar problems. Aside from that, I am no expert on the situation. I can only suggest that you try to buy as much time as possible. When people are experiencing severe depression, they tend to lack much energy to get anything accomplished. I suspect that although your husband has voiced intentions to get a divorce, he has probably done very little in the way of actually following through - just lacks the energy and focus. As you know, my wife is insisting on divorce, but I have just told her no. For the time being, that seems to have put the brakes on things - things are not good in the marriage right now, but at least I bought us some time to work on things. I would advise you to stall, go to therapy, and pray (and then stall some more). I will pray for you.
 
This thread makes me very sad, not just for the poster but for the many, many military families going through this right now as the result of long deployments.

My husband’s cousin was deployed to Iraq by the Army about 4 years ago (only child, both parents still alive, married with two small children). He is also an officer, and he came back questioning whether he wanted to be married. Not sure whether he or his wife got counseling but probably. After a time, he made the decision to behave as loyally with his family as with his subordinates. Upshot: They are still together, get along well, and are posted to Germany. He plans to retire soon.

The advice to hang on is absolutely right because he is treating you well and he is clearly traumatized. As for the psychiatrist who told you to leave him: Find a new one.
 
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