Husband Masturbation Problems

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rcwitness said:
What is more important… some chores or making love to your husband?
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This really minimizes the situation. We aren’t talking about “Oh, the dishes aren’t done, I can’t bring myself to be intimate”. We’re talking about mind-numbing exhaustion involved in caring for an infant and a household. Especially if one is breastfeeding. Frankly, if one spouse is significantly more tired than another when there is a new baby around, something isn’t right.

It sounds like the OP is not withholding from her husband, but the frequency is not acceptable to him. So instead of figuring out that if his wife is too tired maybe he should see what he can do to help the situation, he threatens her and then blames her.

Does she share any responsibility? I don’t know if she could “give in more”, or how tired she truly is, but I do know that she is not responsible for her husband’s decision to do what he did.
 
Clementine14 said:
It sounds like the OP is not withholding from her husband, but the frequency is not acceptable to him. So instead of figuring out that if his wife is too tired maybe he should see what he can do to help the situation, he threatens her and then blames her.
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Exactly. And who wants to be intimate with someone who threatens, manipulates and guilts his way to it?
 
You are jumping to sides.

Both need to love each other. Slamming one or the other isn’t productive.

Just encourage good behavior, not animosity.
 
We’ve agreed that wasn’t the right way to go about it. But reality is that it’s tough sometimes, and we make mistakes.

What makes things better, and how to heal, is to not be offended, but get back to a good relationship and intimacy.
 
rcwitness said:
What makes things better, and how to heal, is to not be offended, but get back to a good relationship and intimacy.
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And that works for both sides. Instead of the OP’s husband using everything he can to place the blame on her, he needs to take a massive step back, apologise for what he’s doing and help the OP to not feel so tired. Make sure she’s appreciated and seen for more than just his sexual pleasure.

If the OP can get to a place where she feels supported by her husband, and not feel as though he’s another thing to battle against, she will be able to look differently at the whole situation.
 
rcwitness said:
Ideally, wouldn’t that be nice!

And what if he doesn’t?
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I don’t think that’s an ideal. Wanting your husband to have respect for you and wanting him to help instead of undermine should be an expectation in a marriage, not an ideal.

If he can’t recognise what he’s doing is wrong and bullying then the OP has some options - talk to her Priest, find a good marriage counselor etc. But what she shouldn’t do is simply accept the way he’s treating her.
 
I don’t think he is the monster you are assuming. Sometimes we all need forgiveness from our spouse, and then we see our faults.

Kill them with kindness. It’s what St Peter suggested.
 
rcwitness said:
I don’t think he is the monster you are assuming.
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He’s bullying and guilting the OP into having sex with him, with no regard for her feelings of pain and tiredness. And then he gets angry and puts all the blame on the OP for his own actions which he has complete control over.

To say the least, I don’t think he’s great. His behaviour is sending up huge red flags. As I said in my first post in this thread, I believe the OP needs to get some outside help because these aren’t problems she should have to be dealing with. Couples therapy and speaking to their Priest at the minimum.
 
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1 Peter 3

Likewise you wives, be submissive to your husbands, so that some, though they do not obey the word, may be won without a word by the behavior of their wives.

“Kick them to the curb” is not what Jesus instructs. He is Love
 
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Well I am still married after thirty years, and happily so. Have it your own way. Whatever works.
 
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What does your marriage have to do with Christian instruction.

That is what the OP is searching here.

I am happy for you, really. I appreciate a successful marriage.

But your advice to kick them to the curb is anti-Christian.
 
Divorce is tolerated, but each situation matters. Many divorces are sinful! And divorce in the Church’s eyes is separation with the bond remaining.

Is that what you believe about marriage? I’m guessing not.
 
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I agree!

And many post are here of no interest to the OP or very cruel to her!

Even discuss the minimum frequency that a spouse should pay the debt… ☹️
 
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