Husband not supportive of new more modest wardrobe

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EasterJoy said:
As for the husband, even a blind pig finds an acorn once in awhile. He may be wrong a lot of the time, but it is not reasonable to expect him to like that particular outfit. You are asking him to lie through his teeth, and that is not fair.
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Indeed. Some of the other things that have been brought up on his part are totally indefensible. The one line about “looking like a religious nut” happens to be correct. And I agree with you; the style is not someone who is a religious (as in, a member of the religious life) but more emphasis on the second part of that description. Whether the copying of that style is intentional or not, it certainly sends a signal. Much like the signal someone sends when wearing something inappropriate in the other direction.

Now I’m no saint or even “pretty good guy.” I’d put myself somewhere below average but not quite horrible anymore. I would not be comfortable with my wife wearing a miniskirt… in public. Now at home and with the kids somewhere else…
 
As a guy, I’ll chip in my $.02:
I find jean skirts (of any length) really ugly and will veto them instantly if I ever see a girlfriend wearing one. If I was married and my wife bought one, I’d make her return it. I don’t find them feminine at all, that is my major objection to them. They are suitable for nuns needing daily garb other than their normal habits and that is it. The OP is a wife, not a nun.

That said, there is nothing wrong with modesty in general, but it needs to be paired with femininity without being frumpy or looking like a religious nut. A tough one for many women as seen in this thread, I get that. But keep trying for something that maintains the modesty without the frumpy look. The OP is not only not a nun, she is not a man nor is she an asexual being, she is a wife, she needs to help her husband stay attracted to her, that is part of helping him avoid temptation outside the marriage. The shirt shown in the picture is fine. Pair with jeans or feminine-looking skirt at or below the knees. Short sleeves in the summer, no bare shoulders, that works too.

Last but not least, I’m with Bucket on less modest clothing when in private and the kids are away…
 
Zzyzx_Road said:
As a guy, I’ll chip in my $.02:
I find jean skirts (of any length) really ugly and will veto them instantly if I ever see a girlfriend wearing one. If I was married and my wife bought one, I’d make her return it.
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Wow.

My husband would find denim skirts every day, or frequently, unattractive, but he would not ‘make’ me return one. He’d be fine w/ me wearing them if I found them comfortable.

On my part, knowing he did not find them attractive, I would not wear them often. Or I would wear them when he was out of town, working late etc.

Compromise. 👍
 
Denim skirts are ugly. A mini denim can look cute on a young girl, but it hardly qualifies as modest.

I bought a denim wrap skirt many years ago, thinking it would be more feminine than jeans but still be practical. I have a wonderful husband who tells me I’m beautiful very often (believe me, I’m not and I know that). He lost no time in telling me, tactfully but plainly, that it was the ugliest thing he had ever seen me wear.

I never bought another. I want my DH to find me attractive.
 
Why’s everyone down on the jean skirts? :confused: I don’t see anything wrong with them. 🤷

This is coming from a guy who wears socks with sandals, though. So take my opinion for what it’s worth.

I’m just trying to imagine my wife ever letting me give her fashion advice. 😛 Yeah, I don’t really see that happening anytime ever. My wife could wear frumpy clothes every day and it wouldn’t bother me at all.
 
Book_Worm said:
Denim skirts are ugly. A mini denim can look cute on a young girl, but it hardly qualifies as modest…
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The problem is that denim is a) too stiff and b) too reminiscent of work pants. That is why it only works aesthetically when the skirt is so short that the lack of drape doesn’t matter.
 
Before the marriage this topic should be discussed in order to know if the fiancée and the fiancé are on the same page. Are they compatible? Do they have the same acception of the notion of female modesty? The same mentality in doxa and in praxis? The same needs, the same hopes, the same vows, the same wills, the same requirements…etc???

As husband, how do you want to clothe your wife? As wife, how do you want to clothe your husband?
 
The_Bucket said:
Indeed. Some of the other things that have been brought up on his part are totally indefensible. The one line about “looking like a religious nut” happens to be correct. And I agree with you; the style is not someone who is a religious (as in, a member of the religious life) but more emphasis on the second part of that description. Whether the copying of that style is intentional or not, it certainly sends a signal. Much like the signal someone sends when wearing something inappropriate in the other direction.

Now I’m no saint or even “pretty good guy.” I’d put myself somewhere below average but not quite horrible anymore. I would not be comfortable with my wife wearing a miniskirt… in public. Now at home and with the kids somewhere else…
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I did not see the outfit as a religious statement. If you are a certain height and you go to buy skirts and dresses, they are all six inches above your knee or else six inches above your ankle. This is particularly true of denim skirts, for some reason. If you are short from the throat to the bustline, it is hard to find a neckline that doesn’t plunge. Other people can wear it, and it looks like a scoop neck, but put it on the wrong person and it is a real :eek:!

I frequently see Mennonite women in our grocery store. They wear very conservative clothes and a little cap to cover their hair, but the only “style mistake” they make is to pair athletic shoes with dresses. That is somewhat a product of what is available in stores, too, though, because it is so hard to find shoes that look good with a skirt that aren’t too hot and don’t kill your feet when you’re walking around in them all day. (I think they make their own dresses.)

IOW, women who try to dress modestly do not have a lot of middle ground to work with. It is hard to find a dress that hits at the knee or even just inches below the knee. If you are short, the choices are near the ankle or near the bum–that’s it! It is hard to find a tee that has a neckline that is not plunging but that does not look like a man’s tee, if you are built a certain way. I am honestly getting close to sewing my own clothes again, in spite of the time it takes.

I will say this: If you find a clothing line that works with your body type, frequent it!!
 
KCT said:
Wow.

My husband would find denim skirts every day, or frequently, unattractive, but he would not ‘make’ me return one. He’d be fine w/ me wearing them if I found them comfortable.

On my part, knowing he did not find them attractive, I would not wear them often. Or I would wear them when he was out of town, working late etc.

Compromise. 👍
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I have to agree with this. After losing a lot of weight due to fixing a thyroid problem, I am now back at my body’s optimal weight and have been for two years. So I am majorly into fashion. We don’t have much money though, so I buy clothes online, in thrift stores and in certain bargain shops. I also belong to a clothing swap group on FB. However, my husband has zero interest in what I wear. I get compliments on my clothing all the time, but my husband comments on what I wear maybe once a year if I am lucky. 🙂

So I agree that while a dh can certainly have an opinion, it isn’t good for him to ever demand that his wife take something back.
 
In the marriage, the wife is the female lover of her husband, the female love of her husband, the female friend of her husband, the female best friend of her husband, the mistress of her husband and the female beloved of her husband. She is the Eve of her husband. *The husband has rights on her wardrobe, in the respect of the natural moral order. *The wife has to struggle against the Manicheism, the Catharism, the Jansenism, the Puritanism, the pre-Victorianism, the Victorianism, the post-Victorianism, the Quiverfullism, the Fundamentalism, the Integrism, the Scrupulism, the Prudism, the fundamentalist catholicism, the fundamentalist protestantismes and the mormonism. She needs to understand the deep rules of Catholicism: the balance, the middle, the moderation, the respect of your conjugal state (rights, obligations and duties of wife toward him, toward herself and toward God).

Is she a follower of Colleen Hammond on the notion of modesty? Is she a follower of Raylan Alleman (Fixthefamily’s blog) about the notion of modesty? Does she have the good acception of the notion of female modesty for a wife? Does she know the different aspects of state of female spouse? Did she enter into the marriage, intellectually speaking, spiritually speaking, morally speaking, physically speaking, **“garment-ly speaking”?
**
 
fpt said:
In the marriage, the wife is the female lover of her husband, the female love of her husband, the female friend of her husband, the female best friend of her husband, the mistress of her husband and the female beloved of her husband. She is the Eve of her husband. *The husband has rights on her wardrobe, in the respect of the natural moral order. *The wife has to struggle against the Manicheism, the Catharism, the Jansenism, the Puritanism, the pre-Victorianism, the Victorianism, the post-Victorianism, the Quiverfullism, the Fundamentalism, the Integrism, the Scrupulism, the Prudism, the fundamentalist catholicism, the fundamentalist protestantismes and the mormonism. She needs to understand the deep rules of Catholicism: the balance, the middle, the moderation, the respect of your conjugal state (rights, obligations and duties of wife toward him, toward herself and toward God).

Is she a follower of Colleen Hammond on the notion of modesty? Is she a follower of Raylan Alleman (Fixthefamily’s blog) about the notion of modesty? Does she have the good acception of the notion of female modesty for a wife? Does she know the different aspects of state of female spouse? Did she enter into the marriage, intellectually speaking, spiritually speaking, morally speaking, physically speaking, **“garment-ly speaking”?
**
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There is a fundamentalism out there with regards to how spouses are to realize their rights within marriage, too. A man who heads his house as another Christ will not demand to be served. Even though Our Lord had ever right to be served, he very pointedly did not rule by force.

There is also such a thing as “dead right.” The wise spouse elicits a desire to please by being pleasing, rather than demanding to be pleased. Both of these spouses could stand to stop and think about that.
 
EasterJoy said:
IOW, women who try to dress modestly do not have a lot of middle ground to work with. It is hard to find a dress that hits at the knee or even just inches below the knee. If you are short, the choices are near the ankle or near the bum–that’s it! It is hard to find a tee that has a neckline that is not plunging but that does not look like a man’s tee, if you are built a certain way. I am honestly getting close to sewing my own clothes again, in spite of the time it takes.
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I will for sure take your word for it. My wife is a tall(ish), athletic but skinny woman. It makes life for her pretty interesting when she’s pregnant or nursing. Especially nursing actually, because she loses the pregnancy weight within two months. Except the extra 2-5 pounds she carries up top.

Suffice to say that, outside of those circumstances, she can just grab a size zero or two dress off the rack and it works just fine. For decorum and modesty, she does lean towards the longer dresses because she has longer legs and what I would consider an “average” length torso.

So yeah, about that miniskirt when the kids are away…
 
KCT said:
Wow.

My husband would find denim skirts every day, or frequently, unattractive, but he would not ‘make’ me return one. He’d be fine w/ me wearing them if I found them comfortable.

On my part, knowing he did not find them attractive, I would not wear them often. Or I would wear them when he was out of town, working late etc.

Compromise. 👍
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Yep. I show my husband respect by trying to be sexually attractive to him. He respects me by understanding that there are things that I will do and wear that he won’t like. That’s just the nature of being married to another person. (It goes both ways though. He usually wears things he knows I like, but he has a couple of doozies in the closet that make their way out from time to time…)

Also, if a boyfriend had ever tried to “veto” my clothes, I would have been horrified and dumped him on the spot. If my daughter’s boyfriend ever tried that with her, she would not see the young man again until she moved out of my house.

And my husband and I don’t “make” each other do things, nor would we want to. We have a healthy balance of trying to please each other, and exploring our own individual tastes and interests. And that extends to everything, not just clothes.

The person you were responding to isn’t married. Keep that in mind when reading his comments.
 
The_Bucket said:
I will for sure take your word for it. My wife is a tall(ish), athletic but skinny woman. It makes life for her pretty interesting when she’s pregnant or nursing. Especially nursing actually, because she loses the pregnancy weight within two months. Except the extra 2-5 pounds she carries up top.
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Since there have been several ladies mentioning this on the thread, and the OP mentioned it, my perspective may help. I have an hourglass figure, which I did know before I got married. However, when I actually ordered my wedding dress I was astounded to find out that my top is actually two full sizes bigger than my waist. Hence, I used to have that old problem where tops that fitted in the waist made me look like a stripper on the bust, and tops that fitted in the bust made me look like I was wearing a tent.

Then I discovered the world of full busted blogs*, and thus the full busted clothing ranges. These companies make dresses, tops and even jackets in ‘normal’ sizes, but their clothes are also built with a curve factor. So all clothing comes in three levels of curve, i.e. curvy, really curvy and super curvy. Therefore if you were a size 6 you would buy that size, and then choose the level of curve depending on your bust size. So for example you could wear a 6 curvy or a 6 really curvy or a 6 super curvy depending on bra size, not waist size.

I am posting these links here so that other full busted ladies can benefit:

www.biubiu.pl

www.urkye.pl

[www.made(name removed by moderator)reston.com](www.made(name removed by moderator)reston.com)

www.pepperberry.com

www.campbellandkate.com

www.carissarose.com

dd-atelier.com

Many are European based, but they post all over the world.

*Full busted blogs are just blogs that talking about clothing and underwear for curvy ladies. They are not in any way sexual or weird. 🙂
 
EasterJoy said:
I did not see the outfit as a religious statement. If you are a certain height and you go to buy skirts and dresses, they are all six inches above your knee or else six inches above your ankle. This is particularly true of denim skirts, for some reason. If you are short from the throat to the bustline, it is hard to find a neckline that doesn’t plunge. Other people can wear it, and it looks like a scoop neck, but put it on the wrong person and it is a real :eek:!

I frequently see Mennonite women in our grocery store. They wear very conservative clothes and a little cap to cover their hair, but the only “style mistake” they make is to pair athletic shoes with dresses. That is somewhat a product of what is available in stores, too, though, because it is so hard to find shoes that look good with a skirt that aren’t too hot and don’t kill your feet when you’re walking around in them all day. (I think they make their own dresses.)

IOW, women who try to dress modestly do not have a lot of middle ground to work with. It is hard to find a dress that hits at the knee or even just inches below the knee. If you are short, the choices are near the ankle or near the bum–that’s it! It is hard to find a tee that has a neckline that is not plunging but that does not look like a man’s tee, if you are built a certain way. I am honestly getting close to sewing my own clothes again, in spite of the time it takes.

I will say this: If you find a clothing line that works with your body type, frequent it!!
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Modern Orthodox Jewish women and young girls also wear denim skirts with athletic shoes. The latter are comfortable and the skirts are modest. However, more traditional Orthodox Jewish women generally avoid the denim skirts, especially those with a slit.
 
Walking_Home said:
I see Mexico is still hanging on to a rape culture that blames the woman for being raped. And – I will say – thinking like this – fuels said rape culture.
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well I’m just trying to keep myself safe and my husband though doesn’t like my modest clothes understands that the threat of rape is very real men see women as objects down there and probably always will I was just stating to the OP that husband’s need to see the reasons behind modesty mine is to avoid causing the sin of others and to protect myself from danger I am not fueling or supporting rape culture, I am just being practical.
 
Celtic_Maiden said:
👍 I dress modestly but get compliments from all, definitely camisoles with short sleeves, no low neck, a Christian should not have boobs showing, a nice piece of costume jewellery, smart jacket and trousers or skirt to the knee or below, I am always incredulous at the amount of women who insist on showing there chest along with wrinkly skin. Both are just horrible and look like a hooker. What is in your mind shows on your body. A hijab is not required but modesty is. I agree with you if Our Lord or Our Lady appeared to us would we be Ok with our clothing. I pray that all of us Catholics would.
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Not even a little cleavage, c’mon it’s not that bad, and I love wearing sweetheart necklines. 😃
 
Honour said:
To your first comment, I think that’s pretty ridiculous. If substituting jean skirts for jeans make my husband run for some other woman then he can stay.

And secondly, I told you guys that I’m not interested in fashion or changing the price tag of the clothes I wear, just the modesty level. And this is why I stay off the forums, ask for encouragement and get the fashion police. How quickly I forget.

Thanks all who gave encouragement and good suggestions, and forget all you who wanted to make negative comments about my marriage and drudge up old posts, and critique my lack of style. Next time remember why I stay away, I don’t have thick enough skin to deal with y’all.
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I think Honour has left the building.
 
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