Husband/Work - male responses encouraged

[EmBee]

Thanks for all the new responses, especially yours, DixieEagle - you’ve given me a lot to think about. I’m going to keep asking for help around the house, letting him know I appreciate the things he does, and working on my attitude.

Thanks,

–

 

[dixieagle]

Thanks for all the new responses, especially yours, DixieEagle - you’ve given me a lot to think about. I’m going to keep asking for help around the house, letting him know I appreciate the things he does, and working on my attitude.

Thanks,

–

I’ll be keeping you both in my prayers; establishing a new, healthy marriage is no piece of cake, even with two committed partners. We all have our foibles and imperfections (I sure have mine!) but we must do all in our power to remember why we married this particular person, and try to treat him/her with respect, honesty, and love. And that works BOTH ways! God bless!

 

[flyingfish]

Drew and I got married May 15th of this year. He just graduated college and is looking for a job as a pilot. He currently works as a flight instructor and picks up part-time hours flying with some of his corporate connections. Nothing provides a steady paycheck and the industry looks like it’ll be at least a year before he has hope of getting on with a regional airline. Financially, it’s fine that he hasn’t gotten his first big job yet, as we get along fine relying on my income.

Problem: I’m becoming resentful that he’s not contributing more towards our income. I want him to pick up a part-time job (non-aviation-related). He says he won’t consider getting a PT non-pilot job for another year.

Today I accidentally made a comment over lunch, something to the effect of “I’m glad I make money so you can watch videos all day” (he was talking about his plan to watch 5 episodes of House on hulu.com today). I know that was wrong to say, but I said it. I’m frustrated. I feel like the burden is only resting on me. Not only do I provide the main source of income, I also keep the house up, run errands, cook meals, etc. I’m also stressed about TTA getting pregnant. He’s a really upbeat, passionate guy and sometimes I misread his carefree attitude to mean that he doesn’t care about finding a real job. I know in my heart that he does stress about finding a job, but … it’s just so hard to come home to a man who’s sitting on the couch playing video games and who stays there all afternoon while I cook/clean. Sigh.

Anyway, is there any way to approach him without causing a scene? Or do I just suck it up and keep my feelings to myself? Any advice on how to keep the frustrations in without being passive aggressive ?

–

Well, maybe the problem isn’t that he doesn’t have a full time job but that he does absolutely nothing to help you keep the house.

It seems like he should be the one cleaning, cooking etc. It is one thing that because of the way the industry is he has to wait for a full time job. He is working. BUT, watching videos and playing games all day instead of doing housework? That is a bit ridiculous.

That is something you need to press him about. Or simply stop doing it for him, eat out and let him get the message that he ought to be contributing.

 

[Sr_Sally]

From our recent discussions, his solution is for me to have a positive attitude and be respectful of him. I know that If I could just stay upbeat, he would do anything for me! I am trying and am committed to giving 110% to our relationship, but somedays I get fussy and only want to give that 110% if he does too. Well, I need to grow up and understand that I ought to give 110% no matter what. It’s just so hard (oh look, here I go complaining) …​

EmBee, this is really good stuff. Rememebr, you can only change yourself. Drew will have to change himself. No that is not to say that you can’t expect him to put in his 110% and encourage him (or direct him) through lists or reminders.

BUT, what you realized here is the way to Sainthood! Not that nasty ‘martyrdom’ of some wives who sigh and roll their eyes and treat their husbands like another child, but real true Catholic sainthood. We are all called to put in our 110%, every time, no matter what anyone else is doing. Into our marriage and our other relationships. We are all called to be Christ to others.

Another idea to help your husband in general get over his lethargy–can you both get to daily Mass or a time of Adoration? Even one additional day a week (after Sunday) might make all the difference. I will continue to pray for you both.