Husbands, have you ever had to tell your wife to dress more modestly? How did that go?

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I’m not married. I’m just curious how men would tell their wives how they felt about how they dress.
 
Through dating and your engagement period, one learns the other person’s style and preferences.

If you have known someone for 8 years, been married for 6 and suddenly they walk in with a drastic change in wardrobe, there is likely a serious problem. We do mature and our taste will change slowly over the years, but, a fashionista at 20 will likely be a sharp dresser at 75 and a slob at 18 will be frumpy at fifty.
 
Plumbers crack? Did none of you grow up with boys who had pants hanging significantly below where their boxers started? I’m pretty sure that’s still a thing in some circles.

I’ve asked my husband if he felt my attire was inappropriate but I can’t recall him after starting the conversation.
 
Pull out a twenty and tuck it in her top, wink, then walk away.

Just kidding. Don’t ever do that. You might get shot.
 
Is she dressing to intentionally draw attention to herself from other men? If she’s not, then she’s not dressing immodestly. If she is, than how do you think she should approve you if she personally feels that you’re looking at too provocative of images of women if you personally feel your fine?
 
If that were the case then would be impossible to dress immodestly among members of the same sex? I don’t think so but I don’t know.
 
jdavani said:
If that were the case then would be impossible to dress immodestly among members of the same sex? I don’t think so but I don’t know.
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Ever read the “Little House on the Prarie” books?

In one chapter Pa is looking through a catalog from a big city store. They are looking at dresses and come upon a page showing undergarments. Pa is quickly embarrassed and turns the page.

Why?

Because there was a DRAWING of a bare ankle.

There is no right answer for every person of every time.
 
You could do what my husband did when I was getting ready to go to dinner with my girlfriends a few years ago. He walked into the bathroom while I was putting makeup on with the weirdest look on his face, then walked out then came back a minute later, walked out again, then finally came back in when I asked if everything was ok. He said “yeah, that dress is kind of short.” Of course I thought it was really funny, and kind of cute how he clearly struggled with even saying anything to me about it because my response was “That because it’s a shirt, my jeans are in the dryer.”
 
In twenty years of marriage my husband has not one time commented on my outfit being immodest.

Never.
 
If that were the case then would be impossible to dress immodestly among members of the same sex? I don’t think so but I don’t know.
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We don’t usually assume that there is a way to stir the lusts of the same sex. That’s why we have gendered bathrooms and locker rooms. Men undress and shower in front of each other in school gyms all the time and the same goes for women. And this assumes that same sex attraction isn’t a real thing.

But actually, indeed, people with same sex attraction can try to provoke lustful reactions in each other. How they do it may be different because, generally speaking, women are turned on by being looked at and desired, while men are turned on by looking at the object of their desire and thus wanting. So the sin for the woman is that she’s stirring up her own lusts by dressing provocatively and this could have a seductive effect on men which is secondary.

Likewise, a man can behave immodestly by flirting with her, by telling her how beautiful he finds her and slowly making suggestive comments about what he’d enjoy seeing. The power of these sexually suggestive words can have a powerful effect on the woman and thus may seduce her into showing him more.

Overall there is a feedback loop, and with the wrong approach, you can actually turn the opposite sex off usually by being too forward about it.

But certainly, within the context of marriage, men and women have to learn how to seduce one another or effectively for both individuals to discover intimacy and pleasure within the marital act. When a man neglects his wife’s need to be seduced, he makes sex a less than pleasant experience for her. And when he guilts her into sex by shaming her for refusing him rather than seducing her, he is raping her. The act of engaging in sex through mental coercion (even without the threat of a knife) makes the act feel traumatic for the woman and she loses her desires for him and for sex overall in general because she is being used.

So if she’s trying to sexually provoke other men, that is sinful. But in the confines of your relationship, she has every right to feel desired and you have every right to desire her. Indeed, these are key components to the marital act. If you feel like it is a sin to look at your own wife with desire, you are being scrupulous and you’re heading in a direction of causing sexual dysfunction in either her or yourself or both.
 
jdavani said:
I’m not married. I’m just curious how men would tell their wives how they felt about how they dress.
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This seems a rather odd thing for someone who isn’t married to be concerned about. Is this something you actually have anxiety over?

Because there are a lot of stages before “married” and I would think if there were any issues around modesty they would be discovered and dealt with long before marriage.

I don’t understand why this would be a concern registered on the radar of a single guy.
 
fin said:
Surprised this thread still exists. The Caf feminists are gonna be maad over this.
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Why?

As 1ke pointed out, there are many opportunities before marriage to scope out how one’s intended dresses for different occasions and what their wardrobe looks like.
 
Yeah, and my pre marriage wardrobe was cute outfits. My post marriage wardrobe is mostly sweat pants. 🙂
 
Agreed. Unless they go through some sort of midlife crisis. Or wear clothes that fit in yesteryear.
 
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