Hypothetical: Let's say your adult daughter invites over her boyfriend. What are you looking for as a parent?

  • Thread starter Thread starter FloridaCatholic
  • Start date Start date
Status
Not open for further replies.
That’s why it’s better not to ask—what will be the result to the relationship if the parents say no?
 
Doesn’t matter. Parents don’t have to give their blessing. They have to accept the marriage as a marriage but they don’t have to be ok with it
 
Thanks for that, yes you are correct. But you left off “. This necessary restraint does not prevent them - quite the contrary from giving their children judicious advice, particularly when they are planning to start a family.”

Now, as “refusing a blessing”, sorry if I ask someone for a blessing, I expect a freely given yes or no answer. I don’t want an automatic yes. So a person is not exerting control when they are asked.

As for “why the father”. , That’s the tradition, I don’t have a better answer (or at least one that will not make this discussion go further downhill)
 
Last edited:
I agree with this wholeheartedly. Which is why I said above “if they went ahead with the marraige, I would always be there for them”.
 
Make up your mind. Either refusing a blessing is exerting control or parents don’t have to give their blessing. You can’t agree with both
 
That is why the Catholic Rite calls for the couple to process in together.
 
It is a hold over from the idea that women were property to be exchanged. Same thing with the Protestant “who gives this woman to be married to this man”.
 
No it’s not, it’s a holdover from the concept that a father is the head if the hiisehild and uas a particular care in the future if his children.

When and where (not that many societies actually) women were property, marriages were arranged.
 
Last edited:
Two different posts. One said problems would occur, the other gave examples of what they might be.
 
Actually, I can agree with both. I agree parents don’t have to give a blessing. But doing so is definitely exerting pressure on a daughter (because apparently nobody asks for sons’ parents to give a blessing)
 
Yes, both speaking in absolutes.

One by saying problems will occur and the other saying a person is naive to think problems won’t occur.

So aren’t both saying that there will be problems (absolutely)? That seems to be the implication, but not my experience.

Our only issue we’ve had is with her parish, not faith in and of itself.
 
tafan2 said:
Oh, and there was no “must”. So again, you misrepresent what I say. Many people would apologize for that.
Click to expand...
You literally wrote “must”, go back and re-read your post. Demanding an apology = also controlling.
 
So I did, sorry about that. So let me be clear, he must agree to it before I give my blessing/permission (exact word would be based on what he asked for), if they decide to get married without my blessing/permission, then he would not have to. Again, that is not that as controlling in the least, since it is an response to a request.
 
Well, perhaps you never have had any problem, that would be rather unique in my opinion. No issues on birth control, no issues on raising kids, no children who worried about daddy never going to communion or confession, no problem with working Sundayy mass into a vacation schedule, no child wondering why daddy doesn’t say the rosary with us, no problem with the Catholic spouse slowly becoming lukewarm in the faith, no arguments about the faith, etc. All are examples from friends and family experiences over the years BTW. No end-of-life care issue for an elderly parents All are examples from friends and family experiences over the years BTW
I could think of others, eg no dispute about sexual activities morally allowed between couple, why send the kids to a Catholic school.
I believe in almost all marriages it will cause problems, yes they can be dealt with. But the problems are there.
 
Yep, sorry…so far not a 1…not a single one. We’re aligned on all the issues you’ve laid out, sorry. We’ve discussed it when (if) needed, kids to have a problem, etc…

That’s why I’d say don’t speak in absolutes. We’ve only been married 15 years and have 3 kids though, so that may not count as experienced enough.
 
If you don’t mind my asking, since you agree with so much of the Church teaching, why don’t you consider converting?
 
TBH, I’ve had some really bad experiences with the local church and my sticking point is converting to a religion that looks down upon or says derogatory things about other christians (it may not be universal, but it has/does happen here). On the far outside shot I do convert, it won’t be until after my parents have passed. I also don’t want to convert to a religion where I can’t commune with my family.

Now–I said that we’re aligned on all of the issues that you have brought up, but that doesn’t mean that my wife aligns with your beliefs, one of which being Catholic schools. Neither one of us want to send our kids to perocial school. My kids don’t have an issue with me not being Catholic…they know I’m not and don’t see it as a big deal.

Is my wife getting a little lukewarm (at best)…ya, but it isn’t because of me. I’m pretty sure it’s the local parish/priest that’s taking care of that with some of the things they’ve said and done.
 
Thanks for the honest response. I won’t judge anything you said. But I will ask one more question: isn’t the family you should worry about being in communion with you wife and kids, as opposed to your parents?
 
Status
Not open for further replies.
Back
Top