I’m 20 she’s 42

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If it is what God wants then I don’t see any Church teachings prohibiting it. But on a human level, I personally would wonder why someone from another generation was peaking your interest?

It may be something to talk to an experienced counsellor about.

The age gap is more than numbers, it’s a different experience of the world. It’s almost like marrying into another culture. It is possible, but you must go in with your eyes wide open, being aware that there are particular difficulties that will arise due to the generational gap.
 
On the other hand, if OP marries an older woman, and as a result they aren’t able to have children, then he won’t have children to care for. Children are much harder to care for than a geriatric spouse, typically. So it is a trade off.

I don’t really have an opinion about if that sort of an age difference is usually a good idea. I have seen it work well, and I have seen it fail miserably. Depends on the couple.

I just don’t think the fact that one may be caretaking for an older spouse earlier in life than in an aged-matched marriage should be a deterent. We are all supposed to care for each other. If you aren’t caring for kids you weren’t able to have, then whats the difference?
 
Everyone is entitled to an opinion.
Live and let live.
God bless those who are in love who have an age gap between them.
 
Yeah… at 20 I wasn’t the person I was at 18. At 22 I wasn’t the person I was at 20, and at 26 I wasn’t the person I was at 22… I was married at 24. So far it’s worked out. But waiting till your mid 20’s isn’t a bad idea.
 
Both of my grandmothers had children well into their 50s. Both had their first child at 20 and their last in their 50s. Chances are if you are married and open to life you will have a child even during the 40s and at times during the 50s. From the way some people talk, a woman’s childbearing years end by the mid-20s.

My father was born to my grandmother when she was in her 50s and he wasn’t the youngest.

My mother on the other hand was born to my grandmother when she was in her late 40s and she wasn’t the youngest either.

Both mom and dad have graduate degrees so they were not mentally impaired.
 
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tafan2 said:
A 40 year old can see a 28 year old. A 50 year old can see a 33 year old.
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Ewww

That’s just creepy.

When I was younger, I always found much older men taking an interest in me to be creepy.

Now that I am older, I find much younger men taking an interest in me to be just as creepy.
 
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Sarcelle said:
From the way some people talk, a woman’s childbearing year’s end by the mid-20s.
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Yes, and let’s remember there are many reasons why a family is not guaranteed. I know women who had to have fertility procedures in their 30s, women who had to have hysterectomies in their 20s, and men who found they could not father children. I also know boatloads of Catholic women who had kids in their 40s.

Basically anything can happen. So prepare yourself. It might end up being just the two of you, as it did for me and my husband. We didn’t plan it that way. I actually bought baby clothes and a baby book that ended up never being used.
 
It admittedly breaks down at the extremes, and I might have the formula a little off. As a matter of fact, my memory tells me the formula set the age of 35 for 50, but when I recreated it yesterday that is not what came out. I wish I could ask the person who told me about it years ago, but they have passed away.
 
Maybe they aren’t interested in having children. I don’t think it should be assumed that they are.
 
Sarcelle said:
Both of my grandmothers had children well into their 50s. Both had their first child at 20 and their last in their 50s. Chances are if you are married and open to life you will have a child even during the 40s and at times during the 50s. From the way some people talk, a woman’s childbearing years end by the mid-20s.
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That’s incredibly rare, though. Having children naturally in your upper 40s, much less 50s, is little short of a miracle. Most women will have difficulty conceiving once they hit their 40s, and even if they do conceive, the chance of miscarrying is very high. While it can happen for a few lucky people, conceiving late in life is very much the exception, not the rule; and one should not count on it.
 
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Yes, the odds of getting pregnant within two years when you are only 40 is less than 20%. It drops at an exponential rate from there. My wife’s grandmother had a child at 45, but that is actually very rare. It does happen, triplets happen, but it is very rare. I also suspect that most women who do have children in their 40s have had children before. It may not be too medical, but it just seems like getting an engine running that has sat in the barn for 25 years is a lot harder than getting one running that has been regularly used (please ladies, its just an analogy that came to mind, I am not comparing you to engines).

On top of that, infertility is becoming a bigger and bigger problem in this country for women of all ages. So I cannot imagine that would not affect those in their 40s to an even greater degree. Especially if the cause of the infertility are a general increase in artificial estrogen which women consume throughout their lives (ABC, poultry consumption, its in our water, etc).
 
I understand. It’s really amazing that both of your grandmothers were able to have children late in life! I was just putting it out there, though, because sadly I know several women who married in their 40s and hoped they would still be able to have a child or three, since they were healthy and had never been on the birth control pill. Sadly, so far none of them has been able to conceive. Of course, there are women who do; but I just wouldn’t want the OP or others to get their hopes up, because the sad reality is that beginning around 40, fertility normally declines rather fast for most.
 
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True, but there were posts early on in this thread which implied that fertility concerns were misplaced.
 
tafan2 said:
I also suspect that most women who do have children in their 40s have had children before. It may not be too medical, but it just seems like getting an engine running that has sat in the barn for 25 years is a lot harder than getting one running that has been regularly used (please ladies, its just an analogy that came to mind, I am not comparing you to engines)
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While I may not be a fan of the analogy, 🙂 I have observed this, too.
 
Fertility can’t be taken for granted at any age.

Of course statistically speaking younger women have an easier time conceiving than older pre-menopausal women.

However when it comes to individuals, it’s not guaranteed.

All that is required is to be open to life when married. Not being able to have children even when open to life is not sin.

But when someone would like to have children, they should consider that age does play a role and seek to get married when young.

However life does not always turn out the way we want to and not all of us are married by age 21. In fact some of us may not be able to get married at all. It’s not necessarily sin if one cannot get married.

I know you are not saying that but some people think that marriage is required of every Christian.
 
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Sarcelle said:
But when someone would like to have children, they should consider that age does play a role and seek to get married when young.

However life does not always turn out the way we want to and not all of us are married by age 21. In fact some of us may not be able to get married at all. It’s not necessarily sin if one cannot get married.
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Also, I would rather get married in my 30s with a really good man than settle in my 20s. Or marry later when I’m mentally healthy than when I’m young and immature. Of course, it’s important to be aware of your chances of having kids but the pressure to marry young because of fertility imo is silly. Especially in the Catholic Church when you literally can’t leave a terrible marriage and try again!
 
Lea101 said:
Also, I would rather get married in my 30s with a really good man than settle in my 20s. Or marry later when I’m mentally healthy than when I’m young and immature. Of course, it’s important to be aware of your chances of having kids but the pressure to marry young because of fertility imo is silly. Especially in the Catholic Church when you literally can’t leave a terrible marriage and try again!
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Indeed, marry young and have lots of children is not Catholic teaching, despite the fact that many Catholics seem to think it is. It is much more important to marry a person you can stay with for life and if children come - great. If they don’t they don’t.

Also what if the woman was around his age but knew she was infertile. She had needed a hysterectomy for example?
 
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Infertility should not be an impediment to marriage.

If both know about it and are okay with it then they can get married.

There is nothing in Catholic teaching about getting married as early as possible and having lots and lots of kids. This is not required to be a Catholic.
 
My grandfather had my mom at 45 and my dad had me in his 40s.
 
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