I am an out gay man. Ask me anything.

[Exalt]

You spend a lot of time on pre-emptive explanations about why you’re here with this thread but the most sensible, basic reason (the reason you DON’T give) is the most obvious one.

You have this need to seek out Christians to talk to regarding your homosexuality, even though you already know what they’ll say. And yes, it’s reasonable for people to notice that and read much into it. You already know their views, especially conservatives types who you specifically seek out more than others.

Under the pretense of answering questions you seek to create conversations with Christians where you can explain yourself and it seems very likely that your just seeking opportunity to rationalize what you know to be wrongful behavior, and likely for your own benefit rather than anyone else’s.

Not much different than atheists searching out Christian sites because they can’t stop going on about the God they supposedly don’t believe in. If they can convince a Christian there’s no God, it helps them believe there’s no God. If a homosexual can convince a Christian that homosexuality is okay, it goes a long way in helping the homosexual ignore what he knows about his own lifestyle.

Homosexuality is just as much a sin as any other sin and homosexuals don’t get a sin-pass just because they are more passionate about their sin.

Ask yourself a question…why are you making such a big deal of your orientation that you need to spend your spare time searching out Christian sites to set up threads and seeking debates about it under the pretense of seeking questions.

Why are YOU making such a big deal of your homosexuality in front of people whose opinion on it you already know?

You’ll notice that I’ve actually specifically avoided debates on this thread. In this thread, my only purpose is to answer questions, relate my own experience, and listen to the viewpoints of others.

Atheists sometimes do seek out Christian sites to debate. I do that too, sometimes. You can check out my post history and see that. I admit that perhaps it’s possible that these atheists are teetering on the edge of belief in God and engage in intellectually rigorous debates in order to hang on to their unbelief. But how likely is that possibility? I don’t know about anyone else, but when I was struggling with my faith debating an atheist was the *last *thing I wanted to do. It’s easier to hang on to a belief when it’s *not *being openly questioned and tested.

I can really speak only for myself, but I genuinely believe that there’s nothing wrong with my sexual relationships with other men, my identity as a gay person, or my non-belief in a deity. I’m as comfortable with each of those things as I am in my own skin.

I seek out debate and dialogue (just dialogue in this thread, though!) because I genuinely like hearing different points of view on this subject – especially the other side. It’s the same reason that political junkies read columns from people of both conservative and liberal persuasion, regardless of their particular point of view.

 

[Exalt]

What is stopping you from attempting such a romance (as long as you keep it decent)? No one stays young forever (well, physically anyway).

Honestly? Those very few women that I’ve been attracted to were lesbians, actually. And it makes sense too, right? I’m attracted to masculinity and boyishness. And women who fit that type tend to be gay themselves.

 

[meltzerboy]

You’ll notice that I’ve actually specifically avoided debates on this thread. In this thread, my only purpose is to answer questions, relate my own experience, and listen to the viewpoints of others.

Atheists sometimes do seek out Christian sites to debate. I do that too, sometimes. You can check out my post history and see that. I admit that perhaps it’s possible that these atheists are teetering on the edge of belief in God and engage in intellectually rigorous debates in order to hang on to their unbelief. But how likely is that possibility? I don’t know about anyone else, but when I was struggling with my faith debating an atheist was the *last *thing I wanted to do. It’s easier to hang on to a belief when it’s *not *being openly questioned and tested.

I can really speak only for myself, but I genuinely believe that there’s nothing wrong with my sexual relationships with other men, my identity as a gay person, or my non-belief in a deity. I’m as comfortable with each of those things as I am in my own skin.

I seek out debate and dialogue (just dialogue in this thread, though!) because I genuinely like hearing different points of view on this subject – especially the other side. It’s the same reason that political junkies read columns from people of both conservative and liberal persuasion, regardless of their particular point of view.

And the same reason why Jewish people become members of Catholic Forums! Learning, knowledge, understanding, curiosity, discussion, debate: there’s nothing wrong with any of this.

 

[Young_Thinker]

Honestly? Those very few women that I’ve been attracted to were lesbians, actually. And it makes sense too, right? I’m attracted to masculinity and boyishness. And women who fit that type tend to be gay themselves.

That is really unfortunate. How you phrased those sentences led to me to assume that you had at least a little interest in feminine beauty (like most men do). Oh, well. But if you ever think that you could tolerate being married to a “straight” woman (and not be having an affair with a man at the same time), I would go for it.

 

[Hokomai]

A most interesting thread, Exalt. Congratulations. Has anyone ever told you that you are a very good writer, especially for a 25-year-old? You have a maturity of style and an economic use of words that should inspire every poster here and on other forums. Here’s my question: at the heart of Catholic teaching about homosexual acts is the idea of ‘natural law’, and in essence an argument from design like that used by ‘intelligent design’ theorists. In summary if I understand the church’s position (and I don’t want to misrepresent it); male and female are clearly ‘intended’ to have sex with each other, males and males and females and females are not. Therefore homosexual acts are ‘disordered’, that is; opposed to natural law. Only after that do we get on to the theology of marriage and the other things which get discussed in this context. Do you reject the idea of natural law, or have you concluded it does not apply to sexuality? Sorry about the length of this question - I need your skill at brevity!

 

[Exalt]

That is really unfortunate. How you phrased those sentences led to me to assume that you had at least a little interest in feminine beauty (like most men do). Oh, well. But if you ever think that you could tolerate being married to a “straight” woman (and not be having an affair with a man at the same time), I would go for it.

I could *tolerate *it, sure. I have an iron will, and could absolutely tolerate being married to a woman. I wouldn’t cheat. If for some reason such a thing was required of me, which I can’t imagine a scenario where it would, I could tolerate it.

But I wouldn’t be happy. I’d be short-changing myself and the very limited span of time that I have here on earth as a human being. Plus, I’d be short changing my wife.

Also, I don’t for a second think it’s unfortunate that I’m not attracted to femininity. I’m genuinely happy being a dude who’s attracted to dudes. I don’t *want *to be different. It’d be terrible to have to settle for anything other than who I’m genuinely deeply attracted to.

 

[Exalt]

A most interesting thread, Exalt. Congratulations. Has anyone ever told you that you are a very good writer, especially for a 25-year-old? You have a maturity of style and an economic use of words that should inspire every poster here and on other forums. Here’s my question: at the heart of Catholic teaching about homosexual acts is the idea of ‘natural law’, and in essence an argument from design like that used by ‘intelligent design’ theorists. In summary if I understand the church’s position (and I don’t want to misrepresent it); male and female are clearly ‘intended’ to have sex with each other, males and males and females and females are not. Therefore homosexual acts are ‘disordered’, that is; opposed to natural law. Only after that do we get on to the theology of marriage and the other things which get discussed in this context. Do you reject the idea of natural law, or have you concluded it does not apply to sexuality? Sorry about the length of this question - I need your skill at brevity!

I appreciate your kind words.

And I like how you phrased the Natural Law argument, because you’re exactly right that it’s an argument wrapped up in the idea of a divine creator with a specific intention. The Natural Law argument breaks down if there is no divine creator. Even if there *is *said to be some kind of impersonal “intention” by whatever natural process led to life as it exists today, there’s no moral element to going against nature’s ‘intention’ as there would be with a divine intelligence (which you would be offending by going against his intended design). Nevermind the issue of trying to know nature’s ‘intention’, or the problems of associating naturalness with good morals.

 

[Exalt]

Okay, I have a question.

Why would the homosexual subculture consider Eve Tushnet “self-loathing” since she is also out and choosing to remain celibate, and openly champions celibacy as a lifestyle choice?

I’m not asking you to speak for all homosexuals, of course, but why would she be a “traitor” to a “cause” if she is freely choosing not to act upon her same-sex attraction?

I think it’s the height of intolerance against a person by a culture that expects acceptance of its actions (actions distinct from orientation/attraction). Your thoughts?

I don’t know who that is. Let me look her up real fast.

Ah, okay. Looks like she was out and gay in the early years of college, then found conservative Catholic values persuasive, and then converted. Now she speaks out against gay marriage and encourages gay people to be celibate, but seems to be happy.

I get why gay people don’t like that point of view. Frankly, *I *don’t like that point of view. It’s one thing to reject all romantic relationships as a personal choice, but it’s another thing when you want all other gay people to reject romantic relationships too. The second part I definitely have a problem with.

It’s obviously presumptuous to assume she’s self hating, so I think they’re in the wrong there.

 

[Exalt]

Why did the homosexuals decide that the word gay meant them?

I haven’t met that many gay (as in happy) homosexuals.

And I know you answered this earlier Exalt, but, I still do not understand why sexual orientation is the be all and end all of a person’s identity. It seems to be that way in the homosexual community.

For instance Ellen Degeneres. When she came out of the closet she ruined her first tv show. Not because she told everyone she was homosexual but, because she made her sexual identity the entire story.

I don’t really know why the word gay was adopted. I like it, though.

And it’s a shame you haven’t met any happy homosexuals! I’m one! Most of my gay friends are happy, too.

Also, I’ve heard this criticism before that sexual orientation takes up *too much *of a gay person’s identity. Well, I never really thought that was a particularly valid criticism for two reasons:

First, a person’s sexual *orientation *is rarely a gay person’s primary focus. Maybe finding a partner is a primary long-term goal in your life (as it is with me), and that partner is preferably the same gender. Or maybe loving the partner you have is your primary goal. But the orientation itself isn’t usually the focus. Like with me, for example. With my buddies I’ll talk about my new experiences with relationships and all their ups and downs. Am I flaunting my homosexuality? Or am I just talking about my relationships, and they just so happen to be with other dudes?

Second, when I hear this criticism, I wonder if the hidden, primary criticism is that homosexuality is wrong, so it shouldn’t be flaunted. It’s not the flaunting per se that the critic has a problem with, it’s just that homosexuality is wrong. They wouldn’t mind someone flaunting their love of motorcycles, would they?

What do you think about that?

 

[teresa_lamb]

Are you shy around women? Did you date any females during your teen years? If you did date during your teen years, how was the relationship?

 

[david_friol_1]

Hey everyone.

I’ve been thinking about doing this type of thread around here for a while, and I happen to have a few days free to post here.

A few notes:

• AMA, or “Ask Me Anything” threads are common on forums around the internet. It’s an opportunity for a group of participants to get to know someone from a novel background, and ask them all kinds of interesting questions. It’s a chance to dialogue, to learn from one another.
• I’m not here to press any agenda. The only reason I’m here is that I am curious and interested in religion and religious people – conservative Catholicism in particular. I don’t particularly care about persuading anyone of anything; evangelism is not my concern here. That being said, even though I’m not here to persuade anyone, you are totally free to attempt to persuade me or press any agenda you want. Remember, I’m here because I’m curious about you!
• I will answer every question completely honestly, and no question is off limits so long as it’s allowed by the forum rules.

Why am I here? Essentially, I’m curious about what actual conservative Catholics think about gay people generally. I know many of you believe that homosexuality is immoral, or that gays should not be allowed to adopt children or get married legally, or that homosexuality was caused by some early psychological trauma and might be able to be healed. But I don’t know what you would actually ask an out gay person if given the chance. Are you as curious as I am?

Let’s find out! I am an openly gay man. Ask me anything.

Why are you gay?

 

[TheRealJuliane]

That is really unfortunate. How you phrased those sentences led to me to assume that you had at least a little interest in feminine beauty (like most men do). Oh, well. But if you ever think that you could tolerate being married to a “straight” woman (and not be having an affair with a man at the same time), I would go for it.

Are you OUT OF YOUR MIND??? You are seriously recommending that a GAY MAN marry a heterosexual woman??? For what purpose??? What would SHE get out of it, pray, tell??? Assuming he could perform sexually with her at least once, she might get pregnant, then what? They could never have a normal sex life! And he would be denying himself what he really desires, which is men. That never works out well. Terrible idea! The worst! What are you thinking??? Would he hide this from her? That would be even more immoral than saying, “Hey, I might not be gay, let me experiment as your husband!”

 

[John21652]

Are you OUT OF YOUR MIND??? You are seriously recommending that a GAY MAN marry a heterosexual woman??? For what purpose??? What would SHE get out of it, pray, tell??? Assuming he could perform sexually with her at least once, she might get pregnant, then what? They could never have a normal sex life! And he would be denying himself what he really desires, which is men. That never works out well. Terrible idea! The worst! What are you thinking??? Would he hide this from her? That would be even more immoral than saying, “Hey, I might not be gay, let me experiment as your husband!”

Well, that’s moral relativism for you. Homosexuality is dressed up as “normal”. Homosexuals marry women. Spouses lie to one another. Whatever one desires is just dandy. Very messy. Read this article,.The Dictatorship of Relativism, by Cardinal George Pell. Some might actually ‘get’ what he’s talking about.

 

[Exalt]

Are you shy around women? Did you date any females during your teen years? If you did date during your teen years, how was the relationship?

1. Nope, I’m not shy around women. I’m not really shy around anyone, actually.
2. No. I’ve never been romantically interested in women.

 

[Exalt]

Why are you gay?

Why am I attracted to other men? Or why did I choose to live openly and seek relationships with other men?

 

[Lost_Wanderer]

That is really unfortunate. How you phrased those sentences led to me to assume that you had at least a little interest in feminine beauty (like most men do). Oh, well. But if you ever think that you could tolerate being married to a “straight” woman (and not be having an affair with a man at the same time), I would go for it.

:ehh:

Technically (and biologically) a lesbian is still a girl. I can’t say I see any moral problems with a gay man marrying a lesbian. If such a marriage was likely, I’d actually find it kinda amusing. :\

 

[Lost_Wanderer]

Aha! I finally got a question to ask for myself.

Why do people label me homophobic when I support traditional marriage even though I don’t run and hide at the sight of two girls kissing? (In fact, rather than fear, I struggle more with the sinful thoughts that enter my mind upon seeing a sight like that. )

 

[gurneyhalleck1]

Are you admitting something here, Lost?

Aha! I finally got a question to ask for myself.

Why do people label me homophobic when I support traditional marriage even though I don’t run and hide at the sight of two girls kissing? (In fact, rather than fear, I struggle more with the sinful thoughts that enter my mind upon seeing a sight like that. )

 

[francisca]

That’s not a stupid question.

I actually don’t have all that many friends who are women. Men outnumber women in my circle of friends 5 to 1.

And for me, I see a woman as just a good friend and companion, and not at all sexually interesting or attractive, with one or two exceptions. There are a couple women that I’d consider a relationship with, actually.

Hi Exalt,

Such opinion (I bolded it) sounds similar to most heterosexual men’s opinion about women. Most normal heterosexual men don’t just sexually attracted to all or any women. They usually find only one or two to be considered for long term relationship.

My question:

1. Do you feel differently to your dude-friends compared to your (above) opinion about female-friends? I mean, do you attracted to men all the time?
2. Were you sexually active when you dicided that you were “gay”? Or was it about “pictures” only?
3. If you were not “sexually active” when you decided that you were gay, then exactly what/ which experience covinced you that you were gay? Again, was it about porn and/ or imagination of sensuality?
4. I read from your long-long time ago post, that you live in the area where there were many sexual offenders. Did you ever have experienced or seen anyone being offended sexually?

Thanks

 

[Elizabeth502]

Technically (and biologically) a lesbian is still a girl. I can’t say I see any moral problems with a gay man marrying a lesbian. If such a marriage was likely, I’d actually find it kinda amusing.

It does happen now and then in my region, for utilitarian reasons. More often than many people realize.