I am Catholic and my girlfriend is Protestant

[amap27]

I have been a catholic my whole life and was raised that way and went through all the sacraments. I am currently in college and have met this girl who I have started dating. She is everything I have ever been looking for in a girl she loves Jesus more than anything and we go great together and there has been no problems. The one thing that has come up lately that has gave me concern is that she is Protestant. And that isn’t a big deal from what I understand they believe most of the exact things from the Bible they just worship differently. The thing is I can really see my self marrying this girl and having a family; however, she was raised Protestant and her dad is a preacher and she has a very strong belief in all of that. My entire family is married into the Catholic Church and this is something I always wanted and I want my kids to be baptized Catholic. From what I have gathered from talking to her it does not appear she would want her kids raised Catholic or convert herself so we could be married in the church. This is something that has made me upset because she is an amazing woman and we go good together in every way. Any advice on what I should do or consider going forward would be appreciated.(extra I forgot to mention) She is African American I was am white and was raised in white conservative area. This has no affect on me personally as I do not think race should define who you are with, but interracial dating and everything along those lines does not really happen where I am from and there are some strong views on that. I can only imagine what my grandma will say when she finds out, but this has also been something I am concerned about. I know this is not really related to the Protestant catholic topic but this has also been something I have been wrestling with.

 

[30Something]

I will pray for you. Have you spoken to your priest about this? He might be able to direct you.

 

[Weave]

A while back my Protestant girlfriend said she would never become Catholic.

She is now my Catholic wife.

Don’t underestimate the Holy Ghost.

 

[amap27]

That is something I will do very soon, thank you.

 

[amap27]

I guess the best thing to do is wait and see?

 

[Weave]

It’s important to talk about it and encourage her to explore the Faith. Everyone is called to the One Church. Don’t make the mistake of thinking anything you do can change her heart. That role is left up to God. Accept your role as a vessel of His Will and see where it goes.

 

[PetraG]

From what I have gathered from talking to her it does not appear she would want her kids raised Catholic or convert herself so we could be married in the church. This is something that has made me upset because she is an amazing woman and we go good together in every way. Any advice on what I should do or consider going forward would be appreciated.

I’m married to a baptized non-Catholic. Do not marry someone who isn’t on board with raising your children to be faithful Catholics. That goes for whether that someone is Catholic or something else.

My husband has been extremely supportive of raising our sons Catholic. You have to know that the virtue of religion isn’t always convenient, especially to the non-Catholic spouse. It makes all the difference when your spouse fully supports the effort and fully supports your personal practice of the faith, too.

 

[Lara]

You will need to study your faith and hers and it will take many hours. If you don’t take the time now, you will suffer later. The good news is you are college age and studying anyhow. Find out all the differences between your two faiths and write them on a list.

Personally, I would let this fish go and keep fishing. I don’t want to have to work on that area (religious differences) of my relationship; that’s the one spot that should be smooth sailing and that gives your marriage a bigger meaning. Picture her refusing to accept your need to go to Mass after you’ve been to her church on a Sunday morning. Picture her thinking your daughter could potentially “become” your son (some churches like the united church believe this) as a “transgendered” individual.

Opposites attract; similarities bind.

 

[Tis_Bearself]

I married a Protestant and had a good long marriage, during which time he didn’t interfere with my faith.
However, the main reason it worked was that he was fine with me being Catholic and with us raising any kids Catholic. He believed in God and believed in his own faith enough that he did not want to convert over to mine, but he didn’t really practice, and it wasn’t a big deal to him or his family that me and any children we had would be Catholics.

Someone raised by a Protestant preacher/ minister parent is likely to be much more focused on practicing their own faith and raising the kids in that faith, if for no other reason than to placate their parent the preacher/ minister. I have had such “preacher’s kids” in my family and unless they are somehow rebelling against their parent by dating outside the faith, you will probably have a tough time maintaining your own faith if you’re married to one of them, much less raising the kids in your own faith. Even if your girlfriend were okay with kids being raised Catholic, her parents probably wouldn’t be, and you’ll have to constantly deal with that.

I’d suggest that you let this girl go before it gets too serious because you and she have a very fundamental difference about religion here and you say yourself you want a Catholic marriage and your kids baptized Catholic. You’re not going to get that with this girl.

 

[thistle]

Get rid of her. You should have never begun dating a Protestant in the first place. They don’t just worship differently, their very Bible is different, they are not even true Christians because they don’t believe all that Our Lord taught.

What absolute nonsense you are talking and you offend all of us who have had mixed marriage Catholic/Protestant.
You are clearly not educated about Christianity and who Christians are. All those baptised in the name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Spirit are Christians.
I was a born and brought up Methodist and married my Catholic wife. I became Catholic in 1992 which may not have happened but for my wife.
I take great offensive about the personal insults you have publicly stated in this thread about non-Catholic Christians.
Please apologise.

 

[ewohdrol]

I’ve been happily married to a protestant for nearly 20 years.

He did agree to raising the kids catholic and attends mass with us most weeks. It has not caused much in terms of conflict although he was never particularly "strict’ with his convictions.

I know many couples from my childhood traditional church who married the ‘perfect’ catholic. Some of their marriages are miserable and I feel they simply got married because they had the same beliefs as opposed to an actual mutual love. Some of the women quite frankly look exhausted and downtrodden.

I highly recommend someone you are friends with as a priority. Of course discussing expectations with religion is incredibly important also. But don’t let go of the perfect woman quickly.

 

[CathoRick]

Take it from someone who married a Protestant and spent years paying for it (and he converted 5 years in but there were decades more of problems). Don’t do it. Especially with her family being strong in their religion. Catholics have a duty to avoid anything that can put their Faith in jeopardy and believe me, this will.

I have to concur. If the OP were to put her in the position of choosing between Catholicism (him) or Protestantism (her family), due to pressures from her immediate family, I assume she would choose the latter and the OP would end up either Protestant or in a mixed marriage. Not good at all.

It would be terrific if she were to convert and conform to the Church’s teachings (that’s a big if) but that’s only if her heart is in it and her family doesn’t get under her skin.

I would take a step back, and ask yourself if you would be willing to abandon your Catholic faith for this woman, as (given her family) that’s the most likely outcome if you do marry her. God willing, you won’t allow your feelings for her to cloud your judgement.

 

[amap27]

I would deffenitly not abandon my catholic faith under no circumstances at all. I was raised too strong in my faith for that. I’m just so stuck because if it’s not going to work I really don’t want to waste any more time or feelings because the heartbreak will only grow as we get closer. I could be wrong but at this moment I do not see her converting. But if there’s a chance I would like to stick it out and see if it’s possible. Just not sure if I should wait and see or just give up now.

 

[1ke]

If you want to raise a Catholic family, date a Catholic.

I’m sure she is very nice, but she’s already stated what she wants and it’s not what you want. Don’t spend emotional energy trying to keep something going that will not work out in the end.

As for what Protestants believe, no it isn’t “basically” what Catholics believe with different worship. There are fundamental differences in belief and practice.

Also, while she would not need to convert to the Catholic Church for you to be validly married, you would need to do all in your power to raise your children Catholic.

I don’t see this as something that can be overcome and compromised on. So, I suggest you discuss this as a dealbreaker and wish her well. Don’t get in so deep emotionally you can’t get out and then spend the rest of your life compromising your faith and having strife in your marriage.

 

[1ke]

But if there’s a chance I would like to stick it out and see if it’s possible. Just not sure if I should wait and see or just give up now.

Do not date someone in the hopes they will become who or what you want them to be.

Date them for who they are and assume that is who they will always be.

I think you already know the answer. Don’t prolong what you know won’t work long term.

 

[signit]

I married a Protestant and had a good long marriage, during which time he didn’t interfere with my faith.
However, the main reason it worked was that he was fine with me being Catholic and with us raising any kids Catholic. He believed in God and believed in his own faith enough that he did not want to convert over to mine, but he didn’t really practice, and it wasn’t a big deal to him or his family that me and any children we had would be Catholics.

This was in fact Mom and Dad’s situation.

Mom was a Catholic; Dad believed in God but didn’t belong to any church and was not a church-goer. So he was fine with Mom being a Catholic and raising me as one; at least I’d be getting “something.”

And the situation worked out well; everyone was fine with it.

But:

Someone raised by a Protestant preacher/ minister parent is likely to be much more focused on practicing their own faith and raising the kids in that faith, if for no other reason than to placate their parent the preacher/ minister. I have had such “preacher’s kids” in my family and unless they are somehow rebelling against their parent by dating outside the faith, you will probably have a tough time maintaining your own faith if you’re married to one of them, much less raising the kids in your own faith. Even if your girlfriend were okay with kids being raised Catholic, her parents probably wouldn’t be, and you’ll have to constantly deal with that.

This situation is different.

The preacher’s daughter who’s a strong believer in that faith might or might not be okay with her husband raising their kids Catholic and taking them to Catholic Mass.

 

[TheLittleLady]

it does not appear she would want her kids raised Catholic or convert herself so we could be married in the church

Catholics may be granted permission from the Bishop to marry non-Catholic Christians or non-Christians. One of the terms of these permissions is that there is no danger of the Catholic party leaving practice of Catholicism.

The challenge is she is a “PK” (preacher’s kid, I was one as well), so she will be pressured to marry someone who shares her brand of Protestantism, and she will work hard to convert you.

The only times I see mixed marriages work is when the non-Catholic is lax in the practice of their own beliefs. They agree to the kids being baptized as infants, attending Rel Ed, receiving the other Sacraments, mass every weekend and HDO.

Just little things like Easter or Christmas. Non-Catholic Christians for the most part do not observe Lent, then come the Triduum, Good Friday and Holy Saturday are popular days for congregations to have Easter Egg Hunts and parties. You will be the odd man out, fasting and all.

Christmas falls on a Monday. This means Catholics have to attend two Masses, one to fill Sunday Obligation and another for Christmas. Or if Christmas is on Sunday, it is not uncommon for non-Catholic churches to cancel services all together because “Christmas is about spending time with family”.

The little things can turn into the BIG things.

I’d suggest reading Dc Jones’ book “No Price Too High” and handing it to your GF to read

I’d suggest watching the “Common Ground” what Catholics and Protestants can learn from Amazon Prime with your GF and her family.

If you cannot come to the agreement that your family will respect Pastor Grandpa but their first committment will be to Mass, it is time to end it early and find someone who shares your faith.

 

[TK421]

As a Catholic you have a moral obligation to raise your children in the Catholic Church and have them baptized in the Church. This isn’t about sternness: it is simply a matter of charity and compassion. If you really believe the Church contains the fullness of truth then that is something any sane father or mother would impart to their children.

As a protestant your girlfriend might be a wonderful person and maybe more wonderful than the vast majority of Catholic women (not sorry) however if she isn’t willing to raise her children in the Church then this is a serious obstacle.

Somebody can concede their own religious convictions and allow their children to be raised Catholic, although when you think about it that is kind of a strange decision on the part of the other spouse. Your girlfriend is sticking to her beliefs and frankly that ought to be expected.

Peace.

 

[1ke]

I guess the best thing to do is wait and see?

People who have married a non Catholic and remain married, who have spouses who don’t care if the kids are raised Catholic or who go to mass with the spouse weekly, will post here. People whose spouses have converted will post here.

That is their experience. But it is not something to assume will be your experience.

It is not fair to your girlfriend to date her in hopes that if you wait long enough she will change into the woman you want her to be.

Your situation may be significantly different than those who post here— particularly that she is active and committed to her faith, her father is a minister, you have some significant differences that you will also be dealing with.

 

[tstadheim]

I’d be very concerned about things working out with your girlfriend.
I married a Lutheran but one who wasn’t very attached to remaining Lutheran. When we started dating he always came to Catholic Mass with me and has only been in Lutheran churches since then for weddings funerals and baptisms. We’ve been married 21 years and he is just now considering converting. (I got more serious about my own faith after joining FSSP parish about three years ago and he is also very impressed with our priests). If he had been very serious about being Lutheran this never would have happened and I suspect that the same holds for your girlfriend as well.