I am Catholic and my girlfriend is Protestant

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I just wanted to chime in. While the guidelines for marrying outside the Catholic faith have been relaxed since the Second Vatican Council, the teaching of the Catholic Church has always been to avoid mixed marriages. This is because one of the primary goals of entering into a Catholic marriage is to help ensure the spouse and children get to Heaven.
A lot of exceptions are made to prevent people from leaving the Church entirely.
But you have to honestly consider with yourself whether this woman is gonna get you closer or further from Heaven.
amap27 said:
From what I have gathered from talking to her it does not appear she would want her kids raised Catholic or convert herself so we could be married in the church. This is something that has made me upset because she is an amazing woman and we go good together in every way.
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You need to look again, I think. The fact that she is not Catholic and not willing to consider converting to me says you guys don’t “go good together in EVERY WAY”. On the contrary, I’d say that differing religions could be a deal breaker - and you can in no way enter a valid marriage if the woman doesn’t agree to raise the children in the Catholic faith.
Good luck and God bless. I’m praying for you both.
 
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TheMortenBay said:
This is because one of the primary goals of entering into a Catholic marriage is to help ensure the spouse and children get to Heaven.
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While we are both basically in agreement that the PK girlfriend in this case might not be a good choice for a Catholic man, I can safely say that my Protestant spouse did more for me to help me get to heaven than any Catholic man I ever knew except my own deceased father. I would say that the two of them were the best men I ever knew and probably ever will know. Dad was a Protestant who converted.

I understand why the Church discourages mixed marriages, but be careful of assuming that a non-Catholic isn’t capable of helping their Catholic spouse get to heaven in certain circumstances.
 
Tis_Bearself said:
be careful of assuming that a non-Catholic isn’t capable of helping their Catholic spouse get to heaven in certain circumstances.
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I don’t assume that. But it’s important to realise the problems it can cause. 🙏
 
Ginia said:
Get rid of her. You should have never begun dating a Protestant in the first place. They don’t just worship differently, their very Bible is different, they are not even true Christians because they don’t believe all that Our Lord taught…
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Let us remember that most Protestants practice the faith of their parents and their grandparents. They do not deserve to be denigrated. I would say, rather, that if someone doesn’t at least fully support your practice of your faith and want that for your children, you ought to let that person go to find a match whose faith will be a help to the marriage and not a point of contention.

OP, you never want your faith to be a point of contention in your marriage or your parenting. You, as a Catholic, have a responsibility to raise your children Catholic. Marry someone who supports that.
 
The thing is her parents and father especially are very accepting of me. He has been nothing but kind to me and has expressed he has really like me as his daughter was kind of a rebel wild child and previously did not date good guys. The only thing that gave me concern was the first tim I went to her house and her mom asked me if I believed in Jesus and I said I was Catholic and she replied with saying, “Well I guess that’s better than being baptist”.
 
As a preacher’s kid, I was around 30 years old when I converted to Catholicism and it still caused not an insignificant number of people to think poorly of my preacher dad. The idea that his child had abandoned the faith I was raised with for Catholicism. Dad never pressured me, but, he took (and to this day still takes) heat for my Catholicism.
 
She has already made it clear she did not want her kids raised Catholic. She has been fed a lot of lies about Catholics and I’m not sure who that was from but she continuously asks me the question”so do you believe in Jesus”, and this just has me in shock every time because I’m trying to educate her a little more on my beliefs because from what I have gathered she says she considers a lot of Catholics to not follow Jesus the way they should.
 
There are lots of things you like about her but the cards are on the table. Move on to find someone who is a better match. For her sake too.

The 2 of you will always be butting heads, trying to fit a square peg into a round hole.

A life partner will go to the sacraments. She will teach your children that Jesus is the bread of Life, that we are washed clean with the blood of Jesus when we go to confession, that Our Blessed Mother is welcome in your home. Would you put those things of faith aside to please someone?
You know the answer. You need the strength to have that conversation with God and tell him you’re holding out for more.
 
amap27 said:
From what I have gathered from talking to her it does not appear she would want her kids raised Catholic or convert herself so we could be married in the church.
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Time to move on. She may be wonderful, but she’s not the one for you.

(voice of experience speaking )
 
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Just focus on your studies your still young, average age for men getting married now is like in their 30s
 
This is a wonderful image of Moses encountering the Burning Bush of God in the Old Testament.
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We as Catholics believe that Jesus is God and that he hides himself in the tabernacle in every Catholic and Orthodox church around the world. He is truly present. This image of Moses before the burning bush is us today in a Catholic Church. Jesus hides himself so we won’t be afraid to approach him and receive him as the Bread of Life.

You may need to move on to find someone that’s a better match. However, before that happens, ask her if she had the chance, would she take the opportunity to switch places with Moses in this image.

As much as she thinks Catholics don’t follow Jesus like they should, well maybe there are Catholics who don’t. BUT we come to that burning bush every Sunday and leave with that burning coal that has touched our lips. There is a reason that those things are written in the Old Testament. It’s to give us the images of the One who is hidden.

Isaiah’s Vision of the Lord in His Glory
…6Then one of the seraphim flew to me, and in his hand was a glowing coal that he had taken with tongs from the altar. 7And with it he touched my mouth and said, “Now that this has touched your lips, your iniquity is removed and your sin is atoned for.”
 
Love conquers everything! Pray for it. Then, let go and let GOD.

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Therefore…
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amap27 said:
She has already made it clear she did not want her kids raised Catholic. She has been fed a lot of lies about Catholics and I’m not sure who that was from but she continuously asks me the question”so do you believe in Jesus”, and this just has me in shock every time because I’m trying to educate her a little more on my beliefs because from what I have gathered she says she considers a lot of Catholics to not follow Jesus the way they should.
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Dude, seriously, how can you date somebody like that? Much less think they’re a good match or even fun to be around?

I dated Protestants, Jewish guys, atheists and none of them ever hassled me about religion. I think one guy brought it up once on our first date, needless to say we did not click and there wasn’t a second date.

Just being a different religion is one thing - believing lies about Catholics and asking if you believe in Jesus is something else again. I would find it super annoying.

And I’m sure for every Catholic she points to as “not following Jesus” you could point at somebody of her own faith who’s similarly a stumble bum. That kind of thinking doesn’t get anywhere. This girl has hangups. Probably was taught them by her parents, sadly.
 
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The fact that your girlfriend summarily rejects your religion, and the fact that your religion is a big part of who you are . . . . 🤔
 
You realize that whatever you present to her as a Catholic teaching, her father will be combating that with an opposite viewpoint. He is going to fight for his daughter.

Do you want to go into the boxing ring with an older and more experienced fighter? You don’t have to step in and take it on.
 
amap27 said:
she would want her kids raised Catholic or convert herself so we could be married in the church
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She doesn’t have to convert for you to be married in the Church
TheMortenBay said:
and you can in no way enter a valid marriage if the woman doesn’t agree to raise the children in the Catholic faith.
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Nor does she have to promise to raise the children Catholic.

All that being said, and fully realizing the apparent inconsistency with my previous posts on this general subject, I would advise you to seriously reconsider this relationship. If she doesn’t accept your faith as valid and will continually try to “save” you, then she doesn’t really respect you as a potential husband the way you are.
 
It might help to discuss each other’s beliefs and why you believe what you believe a d how you want your faith to play a part in your life. I wouldn’t think it’s bad to marry a non Catholic although if religion is so important to you you need to work it out so it doesn’t cause issues.
 
I’ve been deeply pondering how to answer you, OP.

For obvious reasons, it’s better to marry within your faith. That, and I’d never have dated a preacher’s daughter.

But, people fall in love with who they fall in love with.

You have to remember that your job in the marriage and family is to be Saint Joseph. You’re the head of the family and your wife must accept that and support you. That’s the key in this situation, I think. If she can’t do that, she can’t be your wife.

I kept thinking over what to say to you, as I don’t want to advise anyone to end a relationship; but I keep running up into the she doesn’t want to raise the kids Catholic thing and I’d be 99% certain her father is fully supportive of his daughter on that.

I have some questions.

1: Is she the kind of Protestant that looks at an image of Our Lady and say “ that’s not Christian? “

2: Has she ever gone to Mass with you and has been at least curious what your Faith is?

3: Have you guys ever talked about how to handle the obvious religious conflict that I see potentially looming like a storm cloud?

4: Does she try, directly or indirectly; to redirect you to her faith?

If it was me, if my girlfriend looked at the image of Our Lady of Perpetual Help on the wall in my room and said: “ That isn’t Christian “ I’d bless her and gently show her the door.

I’m not saying it’s impossible for this to work. Mixed marriages can make it. Just they take more work that same faith marriages do.

I’d also suggest spending some time in Adoration and ask Jesus what He wants you to do in this situation. What’s the loving thing for both of you that helps save the other person’s soul?
 
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rosejmj, thanks for that post.
Let’s think this through. What a Catholic believes, and does the non-Catholic Christian believe…

Is the Pope Christ’s prime minister on earth? No.
Do we go to a priest to confess our sins? No.
Is Jesus present in the blessed sacrament, the Bread of Life that he spoke of in scripture? No.
Is the Blessed Mother welcome in your home? She’s not as special as Catholics make her out to be.
Will we be able to pray the rosary as a family? No.
On Sunday will we be able to go to Mass as a family? That can change.
We baptize babies. No, babies do not get baptized.

If there’s conflict with these Catholic faith fundamentals, how are you ‘one’ with your spouse? What will happen to the children if one parent does not allow these things of faith? What happens if one parent actually teaches the children that none of these things are true? Can you request that they say nothing against the faith? Is that fair to them when they have a different set of beliefs?

It’s an uphill battle. For choosing a life partner, why should this be a battle at all?
 
amap27 said:
She has already made it clear she did not want her kids raised Catholic.
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I think she has to agree with kids being raised Catholic in order for you two to get a Catholic marriage (which you want, I am guessing). Maybe you first have to convince her of that before all. Maybe it’s between you two.
Please consider Sts Daria and Hrisant. He was Christian, she Pagan, yet they died together for the Christian faith. Men can be very convincing to us. As long as you guys believe what you say, are honest as Prophet David, and well intended.
Maybe right now you are just dating amd haven’t discussed actual faith straight away. Like when you say “my children will be Catholic to begin with” and then see what she says. Seems like you guys are dating and marriage is just hypothetical, or is it (from your part at least)?
You never know what she will say until you guys discuss this openly. And then you will decide.
 
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