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Rau
Guest
Or address the issue with her?
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Jimbo
Guest
Amen.
She may be a wonderful woman. She may be most everything you want in every other way. As other people have stated, it is possible to have a great marriage with someone from a different faith…
However, I’d settle this from the get go. If you continue in the relationship without it being settled then you can end up making a break that much harder if it comes to that. What happens if 2 years down the road you’re both thinking marriage but she won’t agree to raise the kids Catholic?
Even worse, you might be tempted to settle to keep the relationship in front of you, and while that might make things easier in the short term it could spell disaster in the long term.
Deal with it now. Just my $0.02
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Jimbo
Guest
Are you willing to not share your faith with your kids? For them not to have access to the Eucharist? Confession? The fullness of truth?
To me that’s a huge show stopper.
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Jimbo
Guest
Yeah that would put a big wrench in date night for me. A Protestant spouse may be in the cards; I just don’t think this one is.
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amap27
Guest
After sitting with her and having a deeper conversation it appears she would be fine raising her kids catholic. She says as long as they have the relationship with Jesus she is fine with it.
- I have not asked her about that and am unsure on her stance. She has expressed she feels the divinity of Mary however that is as far as I know.
- She is going to Mass with me this Sunday and I am very nervous as to how she will react because I’m sure that’s a big jump never having been to a Catholic Church, but I am willing to see what she thinks and acts towards it all.
- We have talked about it more than ever and she expresses to me as long as both of our faith is strong in Jesus that’s what is important.
- I’m not sure she has directly tried to sway me to her side, but I would say she has told me how her father has been the pastor at all of her siblings weddings and that is something she wants.
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amap27
Guest
After talking to her more deeply and expressing my concerns she says she is okay with her kids being Catholic as long as the faith is strong. But because she is the preachers daughter she wants to be a part time youth preacher and that is something very important to her in passing on her beliefs her father gave her.
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Mary888
Guest
Yet she dated guys her father said were the bad kind. Here is where I doubt she is “a preacher’s daughter” and I think that, naturally, she loves her father and tries to be “a preacher’s daughter”.
Since she dated bad guys, and you are not one, then if I were her student so to speak I would like to know from which experience is she sharing her faith forward? In case of a hermit, I understand. But a woman who just made mistakes does not inspire me to believe she has learnt anything. Of course don’t tell her that. I am just guessing she wants to make amends to her dad more than she is a Jesus mystic.
Her dad approved of you right? Then your relationship with her is also a way to please him, in a way.
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amap27
Guest
Her dad deffenitly likes me and approves of me however he has expressed to her the concerns that I was catholic and how I would feel about everything.
Willing_Spirit
Active member
It would certainly be easier raising a Catholic family if you marry a devout Catholic. However, that doesn’t mean you have to. She doesn’t necessarily even need to convert to get married in the Catholic Church.
I would advise against marrying her before convincing her to allow your children to receive the sacraments and fulfill Catholic observations. It wouldn’t mean they couldn’t also go to her church. You could run into issues where you get into arguments while trying to catechize your children, such as forbidding contraceptives, so that is something to consider.
If/when you are seriously considering marriage, maybe you could ask your priest if he knows any mixed faith couples and they could answer your questions. They also cover how to handle mixed faith marriages in the marriage prep, pre-cana, class.
Edit: A quick google search on “Catholic marrying a Protestant” returns a lot of insightful resources. This brief overview was the first result: https://www.google.com/url?q=http://uploads.weconnect.com/mce/9d94ce174298e08402d1271df4e20f4cb50f7340/Marriage/when%20a%20catholic%20marries%20a%20protestant%20-%20myUSCCB.pdf&sa=U&ved=2ahUKEwj285eFyL3mAhWDzVkKHQFuBXAQFjAAegQICBAB&usg=AOvVaw10pSLXYDpAbqU3NLsElZR_
I would advise against marrying her before convincing her to allow your children to receive the sacraments and fulfill Catholic observations. It wouldn’t mean they couldn’t also go to her church. You could run into issues where you get into arguments while trying to catechize your children, such as forbidding contraceptives, so that is something to consider.
If/when you are seriously considering marriage, maybe you could ask your priest if he knows any mixed faith couples and they could answer your questions. They also cover how to handle mixed faith marriages in the marriage prep, pre-cana, class.
Edit: A quick google search on “Catholic marrying a Protestant” returns a lot of insightful resources. This brief overview was the first result: https://www.google.com/url?q=http://uploads.weconnect.com/mce/9d94ce174298e08402d1271df4e20f4cb50f7340/Marriage/when%20a%20catholic%20marries%20a%20protestant%20-%20myUSCCB.pdf&sa=U&ved=2ahUKEwj285eFyL3mAhWDzVkKHQFuBXAQFjAAegQICBAB&usg=AOvVaw10pSLXYDpAbqU3NLsElZR_
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Mary888
Guest
You need to know more about that “everything”. Please don’t judge her, whatever you may decide about you two once she opens up. People may surprise you, they are surprising God everyday.
Maybe she is stuck in opening up to you. Does not mean she is deceiving.
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phil19034
Guest
- there was no need to mention the racial differences, this makes no difference.
- Her dad is a protestant pastor & she has no intentions on becoming Catholic. While it might pain you to do so, I highly suggest you break it off now.
It’s not just difficult for the parents, putting a great strain on the marriage; but it’s also confusing and stressful for the kids. The kids are basically forced to choose (and they will choose, even if Mom & Dad don’t make them or encourage them).
If you have any questions, please feel free to PM me.
God bless & Godspeed
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Michael16
Guest
Sounds good. I like her attitude of as long the faith in Jesus is strong. That’s how a lot of Protestants start their way home into the Church when they marry Catholic.It gives you guys a working basis to start on. Another way you two could establish in your working basis is that both Catholics and Protestants teach faith alive with works.
With this working basis, I wouldn’t hit her over the head with the Catechism, Scripture and doctrine. You don’t need to prove us right. Just live a good and faithful Catholic life and be a good husband and father for her and your kids. Let that be your preaching to her.
When she sees that, she could very well start asking you questions and maybe even discern the Church for herself. Let God do the work.
I’d gently correct her about the “ divinity of Mary “ thing. No faithful Catholic considers Our Lady divine. She’s the Mother of God, immaculately conceived, our spiritual mother in heaven and the greatest of the saints.
Why not kindly quote to her the Nicene creed and then ask her if she still wonders if you believe in Jesus?
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Michael16
Guest
I forgot to touch upon her father wanting to marry you two.
As for that; I’d have a strong and loving talk with her. Gently and assertively state your desire that your marriage must be sacramental.
That means a Church wedding.
If she doesn’t blow up about it and maybe wants to work with you on that; set up a talk with Father so she can ask any questions she might have and Father can explain the theology of a sacramental wedding in the Church.
If she’s adamant about her father performing the wedding: Talk with your diocese chancery and see if you can get a dispensation and if a priest could either witness the ceremony, convalidating it; or maybe get the marriage convalidated by other means.
Either way: Don’t budge about the Church ensuring your wedding is sacramental!
Her faith is important to her and your Faith is important to you. She must respect that in all things.
You don’t want to have that problem of mortal sin on your soul, if Holy Mother Church doesn’t sacramentalize your marriage. It’s your soul at stake!
As for that; I’d have a strong and loving talk with her. Gently and assertively state your desire that your marriage must be sacramental.
That means a Church wedding.
If she doesn’t blow up about it and maybe wants to work with you on that; set up a talk with Father so she can ask any questions she might have and Father can explain the theology of a sacramental wedding in the Church.
If she’s adamant about her father performing the wedding: Talk with your diocese chancery and see if you can get a dispensation and if a priest could either witness the ceremony, convalidating it; or maybe get the marriage convalidated by other means.
Either way: Don’t budge about the Church ensuring your wedding is sacramental!
Her faith is important to her and your Faith is important to you. She must respect that in all things.
You don’t want to have that problem of mortal sin on your soul, if Holy Mother Church doesn’t sacramentalize your marriage. It’s your soul at stake!
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thistle
Guest
Mary is not divine. We do not worship Mary. Only God is divine and we only worship God.
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Lara
Guest
I also wonder if you are alpha or beta. If you are alpha, she will follow you as you teach her more. You can take the lead and explain that your role is to be the spiritual leader in your marriage.
But if you are beta, you may find your Catholic beliefs become diluted and you can’t stand up for them.
But if you are beta, you may find your Catholic beliefs become diluted and you can’t stand up for them.
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TC3033
Guest
Or picture yourself not wanting to get up with her and go to her church because you went to Mass on Saturday night.
Why is it assumed that we in “mixed” marriages are constantly at war with each other over religion…¯_(ツ)_/¯
I would assume that in a case like this it wouldn’t be too extrememly difficult to get a dispensation from canonical form, allowing her father to perform the wedding. Still sacramental and there is no convalidation required.
OP, I’ve been in “mixed” marriage for over 16 years (we’ve been together 20) and we have 3 great kids. I’ve always said that I’m glad my wife never came here looking for advice when we started dating or discussing marriage. We would have missed out on a lot of great times throughout our marriage.
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TheLittleLady
Guest
Mary is not divine.
You can request that from the Bishop.
Does this mean infant baptism? Holy Days of Obligation?
Then the best thing is to step away. It is not likely a congregation will hire a youth preacher who is married to and raising Catholics.
No, any two validly baptized Christians who are free to marry and do so without impediment is in a Sacramental marriage. Two Methodists, a Catholic and a COGIC, two Presbyterians.
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PennyinCanada
Guest
I’m glad you and your wife are happy. The girlfriend here is the daughter of a Protestant minister. She wants to be a youth leader in her Protestant church. There is attachment and commitment on her part to her church. These are important things to consider. Can you see that, for her, if she had a boyfriend in the same church working toward a similar direction, it would work in a more harmonious way. They would be yolked together and pulling in the same direction. Who wouldn’t want that for their daughter, to find a partner that wants to build and move forward with the same goals?
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TheMortenBay
Guest
The Church assumed that mixed marriages were bad since… Forever. You must forgive us humans if we’re not as quick to change as the Church.
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