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amap27
Guest
Her words recently, “neither of us has to convert and children can be raised Catholic as long as they understand certain things. I’m chill about all of this it is not a big deal. The only thing that we could run into a problem with is that I plan on being a part time worship leader at a Protestant church a long with my career of choice. That’s always been what I’ve felt called to do. Everything I’ve learned has been passed down from my father and I plan on keeping it going.”
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catholic-heart
Guest
I understand how difficult your situation is.
Just a gentle reminder that the purpose of marrying is to help each other get to heaven. Do you think she will help you grow in the Catholic faith or will she serve as a distraction from it, since her beliefs will differ from yours?
I’m happy you do not intend to ever abandon the Catholic faith, but it will definitely be a bit harder to truly be devout if your spouse has a different belief system. There is power in the sacraments (Think: the Eucharist) and your wife wouldn’t be able to pass on faith in the sacraments to your children. This could confuse them in the future, etc.
I get that you care about her and surely do not want to lose her; you’ll need to decide if she will truly bring you closer to God or not (and if you will be able to do the same for her.) Being that her family are devout protestants, things could get complicated there too.
I’ve had a somewhat similar experience and I chose to give it up because I was graduslly being pulled away from God rather than toward him because my Catholic faith was not respected by the other person.
What do you feel that God is telling you at the core of your heart? Listening to that small, constant “truth” that God places inside of you will help guide you along.
I’ll pray for you
Edit:
She wants to be a part time worship leader. That means she will be teaching others things that are only partly true; she won’t understand/believe in the fullness of the Catholic faith. I honestly think that this will be difficult for both of you, whether she realizes it or not. What will happen when your future kids see mom as a protestant worship leader and dad as a catholic? There will be conflict there; either both parents are right and it doesn’t matter whether you are protestant or Catholic (which would be wrong) or only one parent is right (and who will they decide on?)
Difficult decision!
Just a gentle reminder that the purpose of marrying is to help each other get to heaven. Do you think she will help you grow in the Catholic faith or will she serve as a distraction from it, since her beliefs will differ from yours?
I’m happy you do not intend to ever abandon the Catholic faith, but it will definitely be a bit harder to truly be devout if your spouse has a different belief system. There is power in the sacraments (Think: the Eucharist) and your wife wouldn’t be able to pass on faith in the sacraments to your children. This could confuse them in the future, etc.
I get that you care about her and surely do not want to lose her; you’ll need to decide if she will truly bring you closer to God or not (and if you will be able to do the same for her.) Being that her family are devout protestants, things could get complicated there too.
I’ve had a somewhat similar experience and I chose to give it up because I was graduslly being pulled away from God rather than toward him because my Catholic faith was not respected by the other person.
What do you feel that God is telling you at the core of your heart? Listening to that small, constant “truth” that God places inside of you will help guide you along.
I’ll pray for you
Edit:
She wants to be a part time worship leader. That means she will be teaching others things that are only partly true; she won’t understand/believe in the fullness of the Catholic faith. I honestly think that this will be difficult for both of you, whether she realizes it or not. What will happen when your future kids see mom as a protestant worship leader and dad as a catholic? There will be conflict there; either both parents are right and it doesn’t matter whether you are protestant or Catholic (which would be wrong) or only one parent is right (and who will they decide on?)
Difficult decision!
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Sounds nice.
But let me rain on the parade a little.
Religion may not be so big an issue now. But as you grow older and have children, that can change.
Assuming what is said about the children is correct, and there are no objections to them being raised Catholic, you now have a wife, that you love, always on the outside. A wife that cannot participate with you in the highest form of worship, the Eucharist. A wife that will be there watching all of the kids, and you, participating in traditions that she is not really a part of.
The rich history and traditions of the Church, including the Virgin Mary and all of the Saints will be alien to her at best…outright rejected at worst.
Your wife, that you love dearly, will be unable to participate with you in what could arguably be considered the greater part of your life.
Still, we cannot always choose who we fall in love with. And the joys of raising Catholic children will still be there.
Her conversion can be a constant prayer until the day comes. And then she can share.
So there it is.
Eyes open, know what you are getting into.
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Michael16
Guest
As long as they understand certain things?
What does she mean by that, @amap27?
What does she mean by that, @amap27?
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TheLittleLady
Guest
So, ask point blank: Will our children be baptized Catholic as infants? Will the children be taught that Mary is the Mother of God, that she remained a virgin all of her life, that she was assumed into heaven? Will the children understand Transubstantiation and why they, as Catholics, cannot receive the communion at grandpa’s Church?
Will they be taught about mortal/venial sin and confession? Prayer and devotion to Mary and the Saints?
What things specifically do you want them to understand that are not part of the Catholic teachings?
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amap27
Guest
I feel she wants to pass on as much of her beliefs as she can. That was the line that concerned me as well.
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amap27
Guest
I want them baptized as infants and to go to a catholic school and be raised into the full catholic experience as I was
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amap27
Guest
It is tough I am so unsure.
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Shasta-Rose
Guest
I have to agree. You are still pretty young. There is no down side to thinking this thing over. For a long time. For a long, long time. I think you will eventually realize that the odds are greatly against you.
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amap27
Guest
As a response to everyone who has responded to me on here I appreciate all the different point of views, but I feel as though there have been so many different views and ideas I have no idea which direction to go at this point.
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TheLittleLady
Guest
Right, but, make she knows the details.
Kids are smart. If you are telling them Mary is the Mother of God, remained a Virgin and mom is telling them Mary is the Mother of Jesus human body and that she had other children (standard protestant belief), kids know both cannot be true and they are likely to think if mom and dad believe opposite things, neither is true.
Kids are smart. If you are telling them Mary is the Mother of God, remained a Virgin and mom is telling them Mary is the Mother of Jesus human body and that she had other children (standard protestant belief), kids know both cannot be true and they are likely to think if mom and dad believe opposite things, neither is true.
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amap27
Guest
That is a good point
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Mac
Guest
What is said sounded mean. Sorry. I was referring to the point the OP made, that at this point she would refuse to allow the children to be raised Catholic.
The OP shouldn’t compromise his faith . That was the point. Work with her to resolve that issue before marriage. Doesn’t mean forcing conversion. It means hold the line, and trust in God, dont compromise your faith , God is the most important
The OP shouldn’t compromise his faith . That was the point. Work with her to resolve that issue before marriage. Doesn’t mean forcing conversion. It means hold the line, and trust in God, dont compromise your faith , God is the most important
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catholic-heart
Guest
Talk to your priest about this; you will be able to go more in depth about your situation and I am sure he will be able to offer sound advice.
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TC3033
Guest
As a non-Catholic spouse…yes, I believe that I am helping my spouse get to heaven and I am not distracting from anything.
I can’t remember if it was this thread or another, but @Tis_Bearself had a very good reply on this very point. IMHO, when this is brought up I find it kind of insulting towards the Catholic in the relationship…as though they settled and will now have a harder time.
It could, my kids don’t seem to have an issue…
NAIL – HEAD… THis is the biggest thing. If BOTH spouses can’t respect each other’s faith, then ya…it’s going to be tough sledding.
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Mac
Guest
No we are on the same thread , I think you just missed the OP 1st post.
“From what I have gathered from talking to her it does not appear she would want her kids raised Catholic or convert herself so we could be married in the church.”
So my point (you seem to disagree?) Is that this should be resolved before marriage. Is considered, otherwise the OP will have to either compromise his faith or be at odds with his wife on how the children will be raised. Neither option is good.
“From what I have gathered from talking to her it does not appear she would want her kids raised Catholic or convert herself so we could be married in the church.”
So my point (you seem to disagree?) Is that this should be resolved before marriage. Is considered, otherwise the OP will have to either compromise his faith or be at odds with his wife on how the children will be raised. Neither option is good.
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Minks
Guest
I agree 100% with the points that TheLittleLady has made, but I don’t think you should ask, amap. Simply state how it must be for your marriage to work. Let her know now what factors are dealbreakers. If you acquiesce in matters of religion, and marry this girl, yours will be a matriarchal marriage: whatever mama wants, mama gets. There’s no way that she’s going to take a leadership role in her church and raise her children in another faith. The bottom line is that she’ll just go ahead and do whatever she wishes, and you’ll be gobsmacked, wondering how you wound up in the back seat.amap27:
So, ask point blank: Will our children be baptized Catholic as infants? Will the children be taught that Mary is the Mother of God, that she remained a virgin all of her life, that she was assumed into heaven? Will the children understand Transubstantiation and why they, as Catholics, cannot receive the communion at grandpa’s Church?
Will they be taught about mortal/venial sin and confession? Prayer and devotion to Mary and the Saints?
What things specifically do you want them to understand that are not part of the Catholic teachings?
I imagine that seems harsh. When I was your age, I inwardly cringed when an older person stated such observations. Lol! But, guess what? They were almost always right!
See what your priest says. Talk to him alone, then another time with this girl who makes your heart flutter.
BUT . . . Why don’t you first start going to RCIA classes together? You definitely need the classes to strengthen your faith, whether you marry this girl or someone else, and there is no obligation for her to become Catholic. RCIA will help her understand that our faith truly IS the Church that Christ established; whether or not she will acknowledge that truth is another story. For that matter, you could also invite her parents. Maybe all three will convert.
Please keep us updated. May you find the happiness that you seek, and may it be everlasting, and allow you and your children to be staunch Catholics.
I’ll pray for both of your families.
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