I am so furious right now

[masondoggy]

I guess I just need to vent…or get some advice on how to be charitable when my blood is boiling…

My bil, sil and nephew moved in with us back in Oct. because they were having serious financial problems. They basically lost everything within a years time, and SIL’s family has moved out of state. So, they are both going through a lot right now, especially sil, who is struggling with adjusting to a new lifestyle and she feels abandoned by her mom.

Well, they brought their dog with them (a mini-schnauzer). To make a loooong story short, since they have moved in this dog has tried to attack Jacob every chance he gets, unprovoked, he has growled at me, DH, my older DS, my nephew, he SNARLED in my nephews face and an hour after that he BIT him in the face. Since all of this happened, the dog has been locked in their bedroom. Problem is sil is completely blowing the danger off and she habitually leaves the door cracked open, the dog “accidentally” gets out all the time while my kids are in the house, she let’s her son take the dog outside, walking him right by my kids on the leash. She DOES NOT take any precautions to protect my kids. She doesn’t believe the dog is dangerous. The day he bit my nephew, about 2 weeks ago, I made it pretty clear I didn’t want the dog in my house. But when my bil came home, sil and my nephew completely downplayed what happened and now my bil doesn’t believe that he actually bit him! They LIED TO HIM, and even though his wife has lied repeatedly to him and he knows it, he believes her over ME, who witnessed all of these incidences. My DS witnessed the dog bite my nephew.

We have made it very clear, SEVERAL times that the dog needs to be removed from our house and they have done NOTHING about it. NOTHING. I don’t think they have any intention to get the dog out of here. I am so beyond furious right now I can’t even see straight. It’s getting to the point where I think DH and I will have to take the dog to the pound ourselves (which we shouldn’t have to) and that is probably going to sever the relationship with these two.

I am just completely horrified that DH and I took these people in, in an effort to do what we could to help them in a crisis, and we get this total lack of disrespect in our face.

We can’t even kick them out right now because they have nowhere to go. Nowhere. They have no money.

I don’t even know what to do right now. This is DH’s brother, they are VERY close and it is just killing DH right now. It’s making him physically sick. I don’t even think he will let me remove the dog myself, he’s still convinced my bil will do it. But I cannot let this go on any longer. I don’t even want to speculate how bad it would be if that dog gets loose and gets access to Jacob. I am just horrified that these people would keep that dog when he went after a child in that way. Horrified.

 

[1ke]

You were very kind to take them in, and they have now endangered your child.

You need to tell they need to **decide **if they want to stay or go. Make them own it. Just put it to them outright: Do you want to stay or go?

If they answer “stay” I would tell them **they **have 48 hours to (a) find the dog a new/temporary home, (b) take the dog to the pound, (c) get a cage for the dog and any instance of him “accidentally” getting out will result in them being asked to leave.

 

[kage_ar]

If your DH wants to find a compromise, I’d suggest you insist if the dog is to stay:

Proof of updated shots.

Crate/Kennel - the dog is crated when they are not home

petco.com/Shop/petco_SearchResults_Ntt_crate_Nav_1_N_0_cp_2_Nao_12.aspx?Ns=P_Price%7c0

When outside of the crate, the dog is muzzled = $5

petco.com/product/7882/Basic-Training-Nylon-Muzzles.aspx

Obedience training for the dog (the big chain pet stores offer classes, or the vet will have a list of places).

It would be this, or they find a new home for the dog:

(You can find a Schnauzer Rescue near you to take the dog)

schnauzerrescue.net/

 

[dhgray]

You were very kind to take them in, and they have now endangered your child.

You need to tell they need to **decide **if they want to stay or go. Make them own it. Just put it to them outright: Do you want to stay or go?

If they answer “stay” I would tell them **they **have 48 hours to (a) find the dog a new/temporary home, (b) take the dog to the pound, (c) get a cage for the dog and any instance of him “accidentally” getting out will result in them being asked to leave.

Stand firm and we will be praying for you…remember, it’s your house and your rules.

 

[Sr_Sally]

Excellent advice so far. People come before pets!

And btw, who is paying for dog food etc?

 

[SMHW]

Is the nephew who was bitten the child of the BIL and SIL staying with you? If so, the mother is… well… kind of irrational. You can’t really reason with someone who is not reasonable so you just have to make up your mind to do what needs to be done deal with the expected bad feelings later.

You already got the link for the Schnauzer rescue. It might be possible for them to find a temporary home. I’d call them and say that you have a dog that is aggressive toward children and that it needs a temporary child free home or it will have to go to the pound. Most rescue organizations will move quickly when they hear something like that.

And I do understand. We took in my BIL’s dog when my kids were small. He wasn’t child aggressive but we had to keep him separate from our dog. (It was actually our dog who was the problem but the ‘guest dog’ was much larger and had no qualms about defending himself.) Our dog had to go the vet for stitches because the bigger dog took a bite out of him. We kept them separated but the kids would invariably open a door when I wasn’t looking and let them get together. I was afraid either the kids or I would get badly bitten trying to break up a fight.

 

[Cristiano]

When our old dalmatian bit our toddler the first time we thought that maybe the kid did something to her. The second time she bit him on the hear. At that point my wife picked the dog took her to the vet and put her down.

Reading your post I have to simply say that the dog must go. No cages will do. If your in laws do not like it, then they go ASAP. It is absurd that they put a dog above a child’s safety. Do not wait for one more accident to happen, because that will mean that a nice relation with the in laws is more important than the child’s safety.

 

[water]

If your DH wants to find a compromise, I’d suggest you insist if the dog is to stay:

Proof of updated shots.

Crate/Kennel - the dog is crated when they are not home

petco.com/Shop/petco_SearchResults_Ntt_crate_Nav_1_N_0_cp_2_Nao_12.aspx?Ns=P_Price%7c0

When outside of the crate, the dog is muzzled = $5

petco.com/product/7882/Basic-Training-Nylon-Muzzles.aspx

Obedience training for the dog (the big chain pet stores offer classes, or the vet will have a list of places).

It would be this, or they find a new home for the dog:

(You can find a Schnauzer Rescue near you to take the dog)

schnauzerrescue.net/

I like your idea best.

 

[Feanaro_s_Wife]

**Do you have somewhere for you and the kids to stay temporarily? Not that I think that YOU should be the ones to leave, but if I was in your situation I would think it important for my husband to stand up for his own children to his own brother and I may get through to him by staying somewhere else until the dog was either made safe (muzzle etc) or gone. Not sure how it would actually work but there is no way I would let my kid(s) be in danger for one second longer. It would be a completely different situation of the bil and sil actually were doing everything in their power to make it work, but the blatant disrespect is not something I would want tolerated in our home and it seems like you feel the same way.

malia**

 

[the_phoenix]

Our family once had a kitten that I absolutely loved when I was a kid. When it clawed one of us older kids once or twice while playing, we were told to be more careful with our pet. When it took a running leap and attacked a Christmas tree, it was considered “cute.” When it then took a running leap and attacked my helpless baby brother in a totally unprovoked way, … the cat was immediately taken away to the SPCA. No questions, no arguments, … simply put, the cat had gone too far and had to go. I was closely attached to the cat, but on hearing that it had been shortly thereafter adopted by a sweet little old lady … I felt truly sorry and concerned for the health and safety of the little old lady.

~~ the phoenix

 

[masondoggy]

Excellent advice so far. People come before pets!

And btw, who is paying for dog food etc?

We have both been paying for dog food.

Do you have somewhere for you and the kids to stay temporarily? Not that I think that YOU should be the ones to leave, but if I was in your situation I would think it important for my husband to stand up for his own children to his own brother and I may get through to him by staying somewhere else until the dog was either made safe (muzzle etc) or gone. Not sure how it would actually work but there is no way I would let my kid(s) be in danger for one second longer. It would be a completely different situation of the bil and sil actually were doing everything in their power to make it work, but the blatant disrespect is not something I would want tolerated in our home and it seems like you feel the same way.

malia

I’m actually considering packing the kids up and taking them to my moms house. I really, really, really do not want to have to do that. Her house is not childproof making it a chore to handle Jacob and I don’t even know where we would all sleep. But if this isn’t handled in the next day or two, we’re out of here. The kids spent last weekend over there to keep them out of this house and they’re in school most of the day.

 

[rpp]

Masondoggy, I am so sad for you that this is going on. What a burdern to bear after opening your home.

I should preface this by say I am a true animal lover. I was raised o a farm and we had lots of animals. But animals must be well behaved. Many city dweller never properly understand the role of animals and pets.

Consider printing your original post and showing it to your husband. You need to get him on your side. After all, it was his children that you and your witnessed being attacked by his sister’s dog.

While ultimatums usually backfire, I will say that gathering your children and taking them to your mother’s seems the very safe thing to do. It also bolsters your position that you believe the dog is dangerous as you would not take such drastic measures if you were exaggerating. Also consider staying there with your children until the dog is gone.

Additionally, and only you can answer this, think about the impact of explaining that your “guests” have chased you from your own home.

The possible fact that they do not have a place to go is a very distant second place to the safety of your children.

People are **always **more important than animals. A final alternative is to simply take the dog to your local animal shelter yourself. If they have a problem with it, tell them that neither dangerous animals nor liars are not permitted in your home.

 

[sanctareparata]

Is it an option to

1. buy a doghouse
2. buy a muzzle
3. put the dog outside
   and when the inlaws come home tell them the dog is to remain outside at all times, not to worry about him because he’ll get used to it, and must be muzzled when the kids are outside playing?

I would tell them there are no more options. It’s either dog’s out or they’ll have to find a new place to live.

I would not tolerate such behavior - the dog is one thing, but as mentioned previously, the disrespect of the inlaws is another.

 

[vluvski]

Dog leaves- up to them whether they stay or not.

 

[Melissa]

Dog leaves- up to them whether they stay or not.

I concur … I wouldn’t ask permission, I would just do it. And make sure that the shelter knew the dog had attacked one child and behaves aggressively to others.

What plans (and steps) are there for these people to get out on their own? I find it disturbing that after close to two months, there doesn’t seem to be any progress towards that end.

 

[Feanaro_s_Wife]

I concur … I wouldn’t ask permission, I would just do it. And make sure that the shelter knew the dog had attacked one child and behaves aggressively to others.

.

Just want to second the advice given earlier that a mini-schnauzer rescue society would be a kinder option if Masondoggy is willing. Can’t hurt to contact the one nearest you (and don’t worry if they aren’t close…they make it work through volunteers)

 

[Sheeniac]

Have you considered getting Cesar’s book?

amazon.com/Cesars-Way-Everyday-Understanding-Correcting/dp/0307337979/ref=pd_bbs_sr_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1197427847&sr=8-1

A different approach might be to say ‘my roof, my rules, Mr. Puppy Dog and In-Laws’. I truly believe that the dog is probably a pretty decent dog but all messed up by the stress and disharmony.

As such, he feels that NO ONE is in charge. Dogs are hierarchical creatures and they need a boss, an alpha dog. If no one does it, then they try to step up, with horrible results. The bite was probably him trying to show the child who was boss. In a healthy environment, the dog knows that the child comes above him in the pack.

It’s really hard to discipline smaller dogs - I have 2 miniature pinschers so I know of what I speak. At times it can be a daily battle, and these are dogs that are established in a relatively healthy environment.

So maybe you or your husband could take the lead with the dog. In the end, it may not help, but there’s no way it could hurt. Cesar’s on cable too, I think. Heck, they might be more inclined to leave if you start disciplining the dog!

I’ll pray for you and the whole family, human and otherwise.

 

[grandfather]

I had a friend who was asked to cat sit for a neghbor who went on a honeymoon. He came into the kitchen first moring and the cat pooped on the rug. He threw it out and cleaned the mess. Next morning the same thing happened. He threw it out and cleaned the mess. The next morning the same thing happened and he shot the cat. He threw it over some bushes. When the newlys came home for their cat he said the last he saw it it was headed through the brush.Dogs get loose and run away. They just disappear sometimes.

You need a hit man. After he leaves with the mutt leave the door open and the fence. I live pretty far away, but my brother inlaw lives in your state. PM me if you are interested.

 

[RWMorris]

Have to agree with other posters - they stay, the dog leaves. Period. End of discussion.

 

[ack]

I concur … I wouldn’t ask permission, I would just do it. And make sure that the shelter knew the dog had attacked one child and behaves aggressively to others.

I don’t agree with the not-asking-permission part. The dog isn’t the OP’s property and the OP has no right to dispose of it. The house is the OP’s property, and the OP has the right to give an ultimatum – the dog must leave.

I agree that the shelter must be informed that the dog is aggressive.

A different approach might be to say ‘my roof, my rules, Mr. Puppy Dog and In-Laws’. I truly believe that the dog is probably a pretty decent dog but all messed up by the stress and disharmony.

As such, he feels that NO ONE is in charge. Dogs are hierarchical creatures and they need a boss, an alpha dog. If no one does it, then they try to step up, with horrible results. The bite was probably him trying to show the child who was boss. In a healthy environment, the dog knows that the child comes above him in the pack.

It’s way too late to try any of this. This might have worked if it was implemented before the problem began. If the dog really is aggressive, it needs to be confined or removed from the house as soon as possible.

Unprovoked aggression towards family members is not normal for a domesticated dog. We’ve had 4 dogs, and only 1 had problems like this. When it became clear that the aggression was not just a fluke, the dog was removed immediately.