I am so furious right now

[Rob_s_Wife]

I’m not leaving DH and I’m not trying to cause melodrama.

**Trying or not, that is the case if you are taking the kids and going to your mother’s house. I have no idea how that is not leaving your husband. You said very clearly you are trying to force him to get rid of the dog by going to your mother’s until he deals with it. That is not proper communication. It’s an ultimatum. The problem with ultimatums is no one wins. It’s degrading to both of you. And it is also useless unless you are willing to follow through. Are you willing to not return home if he doesn’t do it? Are you willing to accept that he may not be too thrilled to welcome you back? (Men tend to not react well to these things.) **

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I have two choices right now, I can either rip the dog out of sil’s hands myself or get the kids out of here so they are safe.

Taking the dog to the pound myself is not a reasonable option. Not only will it be impossible to get the dog by sil without a huge confrontation (she literally locks herself in her room ALL DAY with the dog),

Nonsense. The problem I see here is that you are not anymore inclined to deal with this than your husband. You would both rather run out of your own home than confront these people! They sell little cardboard pet carriers at the pet store for about $5- 10. Get one. Tell them very clearly, with your husband next to you preferably, but alone if neccessary, that if they want to live with you then the dog must be gone within 24 hours, no exceptions or excuses allowed. Otherwise, you will proceed to remove the dog yourself and they can pack their stuff themselves or you will also do that for them. If neccessary, you most certainly can and should call the police to assist you in the doing it. If the door is locked, it’s really very simple to take it off the hinges. And if your husband refuses to support you in this, then I might see a valid reason to go to your mother’s *and some serious marital therapy. *

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You are not a victim here. This is your house and your kids and they are staying under the charity of your patience, which is at an end. Have you told your husband point blank that you are no longer willing to live in the same house under these circumstances?

 

[Rob_s_Wife]

I’m sorry to say, that if it were me, I would look at DH, sil, bil and say…“If that dang dog hurts one of my kids, I’m killing it…so you better get it out of here if you don’t want a dead dog.”

And dear, I would kill that dog if it hurt one of my children.

**I agree and I truely love animals. For goodness sakes I was rather literally raised in a zoo! And I have actually made the threat to a neighbor about 10 years ago. They had a german shepherd that was very aggressive and was constantly getting out of their yard and into our backyard (it would jump the chain link fence and we were renting, so couldn’t just buy a privacy fence). It would bark, growl, and twice tried to bite (playful nipping is what the owner called it!) my then 2 yr old. I finally got so fed up with not being able to let my kid play in our own backyard and animal control not doing anything (they would pick it up, the neighbor would pay the loose dog fine, and the cycle would repeat!) that I said very loudly and clearly when I found it in my yard yet again - “I’m getting my gun and killing me a dog so my kid can play in his own backyard without fear **** it and if it hurts my kids before I can shoot it I’m suing you blind when I get done shooting it!” My poor boy was literally terrified of playing out there even if the dog wasn’t there because he never knew when the dog would jump the fence and come at him. I knew the neighbors were home and could here me through the open patio doors. Sure enough the neighbor put one of those electric collar things and a new fence to keep the dog in their yard in less than a week. **

 

[Cristiano]

I’m not leaving DH and I’m not trying to cause melodrama. I’m doing what I feel I need to do to protect my kids by getting them out of harms way until something is done about the dog. No, I shouldn’t have to do that. But I have two choices right now, I can either rip the dog out of sil’s hands myself or get the kids out of here so they are safe.

Taking the dog to the pound myself is not a reasonable option. Not only will it be impossible to get the dog by sil without a huge confrontation (she literally locks herself in her room ALL DAY with the dog), but I have Jacob all day so that would mean the dog would have to ride in the van with Jacob and I’d have to carry him into the pound while handling Jacob. I’m not about to put Jacob in harms way by doing that.

I really do not want to do this. I am horrified and angry that it has come to this point. But I feel that it is negligent on my part to keep my kids in this house right now. Tomorrow is their last day of school before Christmas break, which means they will be here all day with my nephew going in and out of the bedroom and the chances of something happening are too good. I’m not taking that chance.

I am sorry to say but from reading all of your replies I think that there are way more issues here than a simple dog biting a child. You are not willing to sit down with your husband and talk to him about serious issues. I think that at this point the dog has become only a pretest to move out of the house.

You have the moral responsibility of raising YOUR children in YOUR house together with YOUR husband. If things do not work with the accommodation of other people in YOUR house, you have the moral obligation of removing the source of problems.

Marriage vows imply that we are committed to stand for the best of the family and not for our own best. You are a grown up and you better be ready to face confrontations for the good of your family and that includes your husband and your children.

 

[masondoggy]

Has this dog threatened your child again?
Growling, lip lifting, bristling, anything?
I don’t have children, but if it were me, and you want to try to work it out with IL’s, the next time this dog so much as breathed at my child wrong, I’d call animal control.
Tell them the history, and the most recent event, and have them remove the dog. Someone has to do something, it is your child that is danger, so, IMO, DH’s approval or not, the dog would be gone.
I’m so sorry you feel you need to leave your own home over this, have you told your DH this? I’m sorry, but sometimes, actions speak louder than words, and it’s time YOUR family came first.
Prayers for you all!

Nothing has happened again because he has been kept in their bedroom. But he has gotten out “accidentally” one too many times. I also think that locking him in that room will make his aggression worse and making him territorial of that room. If, God forbid, one of my kids walks in that bedroom it won’t take much for their face to get ripped open.

I told DH this morning that I was packing up tomorrow and leaving. He said not to do that, that we’ll talk about it tonight. Well, I’m done talking. I’ve been talking, begging, pleading for 3 weeks now and look where it has gotten me…

I’m not really all that mad at DH. I think he has done what he can. He’s told his brother SEVERAL times to get the dog out of the house. He is more than willing to take the dog to the pound himself but he can’t get time off work right now because of the holidays. He was going to take him saturday morning but he got called into work.

Well my dearest Masondoggy… I am up for a road trip to help you out… I only live in IL… It could be fun… we could do lunch… then I could sneak that bratty doggy under my full length leather trench and walk out the door… if he bites me… I bite back… I could always bring my pitbull for back up… So lunch Masondoggy?

Sounds like a plan.

 

[masondoggy]

**I agree and I truely love animals. For goodness sakes I was rather literally raised in a zoo! And I have actually made the threat to a neighbor about 10 years ago. They had a german shepherd that was very aggressive and was constantly getting out of their yard and into our backyard (it would jump the chain link fence and we were renting, so couldn’t just buy a privacy fence). It would bark, growl, and twice tried to bite (playful nipping is what the owner called it!) my then 2 yr old. I finally got so fed up with not being able to let my kid play in our own backyard and animal control not doing anything (they would pick it up, the neighbor would pay the loose dog fine, and the cycle would repeat!) that I said very loudly and clearly when I found it in my yard yet again - “I’m getting my gun and killing me a dog so my kid can play in his own backyard without fear **** it and if it hurts my kids before I can shoot it I’m suing you blind when I get done shooting it!” My poor boy was literally terrified of playing out there even if the dog wasn’t there because he never knew when the dog would jump the fence and come at him. I knew the neighbors were home and could here me through the open patio doors. Sure enough the neighbor put one of those electric collar things and a new fence to keep the dog in their yard in less than a week. **

That german shepherd sounds just like our GS Mason. He did end up attacking our neighbor after slipping out the front door. But ya know what, that dog was gone within a few days and our neighbor never had to even ask that we get rid of the dog. It was just the right thing to do and we knew that ourselves. That’s what I don’t get about this whole situation…why would somebody want to keep a dog so badly that attacked somebody? Especially a child?

 

[Cristiano]

I told DH this morning that I was packing up tomorrow and leaving. He said not to do that, that we’ll talk about it tonight. Well, I’m done talking. I’ve been talking, begging, pleading for 3 weeks now and look where it has gotten me…D

Children beg and plead, grownups act in a proper manner. In three weeks you did not have the guts to call animal control and to get rid of the dog? I think that you want people make the hard work for you. I also think that this story has turned into a pretest for you to leave your husband and put any decision on his lap.

You are showing your children that their father is not man enough to protect them from a dog. However, I do not see you taking the same actions that you expect your husband to take. Are you a better parent? What kind of relation do you expect your children to have with their father after these holidays? You are willing to risk their emotional future because you are too chicken to call animal control to protect them from a dog bite. Forcing them to leave their father can be much worse than a dog bite.

 

[DJgang]

Um…I don’t think she’s leaving…as in…leaving…she’s just going to visit her mom for a few days…

And let them handle the dog.

 

[Cristiano]

Um…I don’t think she’s leaving…as in…leaving…she’s just going to visit her mom for a few days…

And let them handle the dog.

Yes she is leaving and this is called denial!

 

[sanctareparata]

Children beg and plead, grownups act in a proper manner. In three weeks you did not have the guts to call animal control and to get rid of the dog? I think that you want people make the hard work for you. I also think that this story has turned into a pretest for you to leave your husband and put any decision on his lap.

You are showing your children that their father is not man enough to protect them from a dog. However, I do not see you taking the same actions that you expect your husband to take. Are you a better parent? What kind of relation do you expect your children to have with their father after these holidays? You are willing to risk their emotional future because you are too chicken to call animal control to protect them from a dog bite. Forcing them to leave their father can be much worse than a dog bite.

I think it’s interesting you brought this up - very harsh way of putting it though - but Masondoggy, if I was a child I would be DEVASTATED to leave my father and go live without him somewhere else. Especially before the holidays, when families should be together in their own homes. All sorts of thoughts would be running through my mind as a child - Are Mommy and Daddy getting a divorce? Does Mommy not love Daddy anymore? Does Daddy not care to keep us and make the bad dog go away? Why won’t Daddy come with us? Doesn’t Daddy want us anymore? Is the bad doggy going to hurt Daddy?

I agree not to put your kids through that. It would be terrible, and they won’t understand why Daddy is choosing the dog over them.

 

[dulcissima]

I don’t think you should ever leave someone unless you are fully prepared to be leaving them and willing to accept the consequences that come along with that decision. Often times when someone leaves, it sets off a whole chain reaction that is kind of next to impossible to control. I think Cristiano’s advice to call animal control and have them come and get the dog is a much better plan. I mean, this is about the dog, isn’t it?

 

[masondoggy]

Children beg and plead, grownups act in a proper manner. In three weeks you did not have the guts to call animal control and to get rid of the dog? I think that you want people make the hard work for you. I also think that this story has turned into a pretest for you to leave your husband and put any decision on his lap.

You are showing your children that their father is not man enough to protect them from a dog. However, I do not see you taking the same actions that you expect your husband to take. Are you a better parent? What kind of relation do you expect your children to have with their father after these holidays? You are willing to risk their emotional future because you are too chicken to call animal control to protect them from a dog bite. Forcing them to leave their father can be much worse than a dog bite.

I’m not chicken. The bottom line is these people have NOWHERE else to go, we all have to live together under the same roof and I’m trying to avoid an all-out war with them. The LAST thing I need is to have to live with people when we’re not even speaking. Maybe I should just kick them out but I’m not sure what kind of person that makes me when it means they’ll literally be sleeping in their car.

DH knows I’m not leaving him. He knows exactly why I’m getting the kids out of here. And he knows exactly where to find us when he wants to see us.

 

[rpp]

Hmm… I know I said earlier to leave, but I am questioning the wisdom of my earlier suggestion.

This does seem to have turned into a competition. I now think that if you leave, you lose by forfeit. The dog will become a permanent resident while and you will be an equally permanent exile from your own home.

I realize you want to avoid a confrontation, but I am afraid they have left you no alternative. Your leaving is a form of ultimatum and confrontation. More importantly, it is a surrender.

It is your in-laws that must be given an ultimatum. Either they move out now, that very instant, or get rid of the dog now, that very instant. The fact that they have no place to go where they can keep a dangerous animal is not your problem.

 

[Cristiano]

DH knows I’m not leaving him. He knows exactly why I’m getting the kids out of here. And he knows exactly where to find us when he wants to see us.

I can take your word for it, but I do not see your husband fitting in the picture of you taking your family someplace for the holidays. You have never talked about including him in your plans of leaving the house. Why is he expected to stay behind with the relatives? Why wouldn’t you plan to have your husband with you during the holidays even if the whole family is not in its own house?

 

[b_justb]

To make a loooong story short, since they have moved in this dog has tried to attack Jacob every chance he gets, unprovoked, he has growled at me, DH, my older DS, my nephew, he SNARLED in my nephews face and an hour after that he BIT him in the face.

I’m very sorry dear family members but your animal is making our home unsafe. You have these options:

• move the animal out of my house immediately and you may remain.
• move your family and your animal out of my house immediately and have a nice life.

Failure to do either of these things will result in me calling the sheriffs department and registering a compliant about a dog that is attacking humans and they will come, take the dog away, and put it down; at your expense.

Please tell me what you’d like to do. You have 30 minutes before I call 911.

Harsh? No, it’s your family’s well being. Time to grab the bull by the you know what’s.

 

[masondoggy]

I can take your word for it, but I do not see your husband fitting in the picture of you taking your family someplace for the holidays. You have never talked about including him in your plans of leaving the house. Why is he expected to stay behind with the relatives? Why wouldn’t you plan to have your husband with you during the holidays even if the whole family is not in its own house?

I don’t expect DH to stay behind. He’s more than welcome to come if he wants.

 

[Rob_s_Wife]

The bottom line is these people have NOWHERE else to go, we all have to live together under the same roof and I’m trying to avoid an all-out war with them. … Maybe I should just kick them out but… they’ll literally be sleeping in their car.

See there, they do have somewhere to go - their car! They are grown ups. If they’d rather sleep in the car with a biting dog, that’s their choice and they have the freedom to make it. YOU have the freedom to choose to not live with a dog that bites in your own home! This is crazy! You most certainly do NOT have to live with these people. Kicking them out makes you a sane mother and wife who loves her children and is a happy homeowner.

DH knows I’m not leaving him.
I agree with a pp. That’s denial.
**I don’t care how you said it or why - you are leaving your husband. If he wasn’t flat out freaked, upset, and very worried for his marriage - than you should worry more about that than the dog, imho. **

**some (including myself) may be a bit harsh in pointing these things out to you, but truely it is because I (we?) think this is a very serious error in judgement that may have terrible consequences for you, your marriage and your children. I hope you take another option, however harder it may seem to be. **

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I don’t expect DH to stay behind. He’s more than welcome to come if he wants.

**Oh come on! You are both just going to give them your own house for crying out loud? You really expect that? **

 

[masondoggy]

This does seem to have turned into a competition. I now think that if you leave, you lose by forfeit. The dog will become a permanent resident while and you will be an equally permanent exile from your own home.

This isn’t going to turn into a permanent exhile because as soon as I can get somebody to watch Jacob, I will be coming back to remove the dog myself. I can’t do it right now because I have Jacob. I have no intention of staying out of my house for the holidays. My mom will be off work on saturday to watch the kids, and if they haven’t done it by then, I will. In the mean time, I do not want the kids here all day while they’re on Christmas break with this dog. It’s too dangerous.

Around here, animal control won’t come and get the dog. We’ve been down this road with our dog Mason. They’ll tell us to quarantine the dog for two weeks and then bring him to the pound. That means I’ll be stuck with this dog for another two weeks. That’s exactly what they made us do with Mason when we called them up and told them he bit our neighbor.

 

[rayne89]

I think some posters are being too harsh. I don’t see masondoggy as leaving her husband but taking her children to a place of safety since this situation has spiralled out of control. Once the kids are in a safe place maybe the adults in this situation can think clearly enough to resolve the problem. And blaming the OP for making her husband look bad in the eyes of their children is ridiculous. He needs to get off his butt and do something -this is his brother, he needs to deal with him.

Once the dog is gone, masondoggy you still have a huge problem. These people need to act like adults and get their lives together. I think this situation has gone on far too long. If they were forced to fend for themselves I think they would get back on their feet much faster. I would contact your priest and Catholic Social Services to look into what is available for indigent families because this can not continue to go on. It is not healthy for anyone. What started out as a kind act has now turned to enabling two adults to sponge off your generosity.

 

[masondoggy]

I think some posters are being too harsh. I don’t see masondoggy as leaving her husband but taking her children to a place of safety since this situation has spiralled out of control. Once the kids are in a safe place maybe the adults in this situation can think clearly enough to resolve the problem. .

That’s what my hope is.

 

[Feanaro_s_Wife]

That’s what my hope is.

**
Good luck Masondoggy. I hope that all of this gets resolved quickly once they see you mean business. I pray that it does no harm to any relationship and hopefully can strengthen them! I also pray that you can all have a wonderful, joyful Christmas too

Malia**