I can SO relate to you. I don’t understand what is wrong with your dad. My mom did a number on me, too. When I told her what her husband, step-father, had done, her response was that I was lieing!I already know that they are going to blame me and any sister, I am trying to prepare myself mentally and emotionally for that. I honestly wouldn’t be surprised if my father punished me or something when he finds out I’ve told the priest.I do know that I have a right to be angry though, and I feel like talking to the priest and to people on this website has empowered me.
His 16 yo daughter had to tell my mother that I was telling the truth. Then she made me go and tell HIM what I had just told her! Of course he lied, " I didn’t do that." " I couldn’t have done that" " I was drunk, I don’t remember". Then she stayed with him. I found out later that she called my grandparents about getting money to send me to boarding school. When they found out why, they hit the roof. My grandma was ready to come and get me and bring me to her house across state lines! My grandpa stopped her since she could get arrested for kidnapping. They ended up giving my mom money to get out of that house instead. What I don’t understand is why none of them told my DAD! He was totally clueless. In fact, I didn’t even know that anyone in my family knew until I went to visit with them when I was 22. No one talked about it. My mom said that she never got me help or talked about it because I didn’t bring it up. Like I would after her initial reaction! Get Real!What is wrong with these parents…!!! :banghead:I can SO relate to you. I don’t understand what is wrong with your dad. My mom did a number on me, too. When I told her what her husband, step-father, had done, her response was that I was lieing!
On the positive side, I had a boyfriend of a friend hit on me in college when she was away doing a co-op. I was afraid to tell her about it because of my past experiences. Well, when she started to talk seriously about him and spending the rest of her life with him. I couldn’t be silent. I had to tell her. So, I did fully expecting to loose our friendship. She listened to me and then THANKED me for telling her. She believed me. I didn’t know how to handle that. She broke up with him the next day. We are still friends to this day. She is married to my husbands best friend from high school and they have 3 beautiful children. I am so glad that I did speak up. The old bf actually threatened me afterwards and it was very scary at the time. But, I got through it and have my friend.
You are OBVIOUSLY not a parent! And if you are, I pity your children.
Doesn’t Christ say, whatever we do to the least we do to Him? (I’m paraphrasing obviously). I don’t think that we should encourage someone to have angry, unforgiving feelings towards someone despite what they have done to them.
Christ also said something about a millstone around the neck of someone who scandalizes one of the little ones.
I’ll admit that I haven’t finished reading all the responses to your original post so forgive me if this has already been said, but it bares repeating if it has. I totally agree with Monicad that this may not be coincidence that all this is coming open now before the wedding. You have already learned that your cousin has issues with molesting little girls from your own experiences and your little sister. What would happen if your cousin had little girls?
I’m not denying the terrible nature of the crime. You say things like “lock them up as long as you can” and “tell as many people as you can.” This is not the objective voice of reason. The judicial system implements a course of action based on the seriousness of the crime and the probability of recidivism. It’s awful, it’s awulf, it’s awful - But, I’m not convinced that this person is a high-risk offender. Confidentiality is a right to all people if they’re deemed unlikely to reoffend. This is not to say sweep it under the rug. People working to hide their misdeeds isn’t necessarily indicative of guilt either - it’s often the case that people hide things because they merely know that their behaviour is socially-undesirable (and as you know, something can be socially undesirable without being wrong per se). You’ve much to learn about Pedophilia from a clinical perspective. And not that I should get into too much detail, because it’s not my place to do so on this forum, but can you know for certain that I don’t understand the destruction, self-loathing, fear, and trauma it causes? Can you know that I don’t understand it first hand even? I don’t sympathize with people who molest children - I can’t bring harmony between what they see and what I see - but I can empathize with them: they’re in a position they ought not to be; I have pity that they are. And may God have as much love and mercy for them as you and I.
I am not “camping out” on any one verse. I certainly think that Nicole and her sister have every reason to be angry and feel hurt about this. I think that it was wise of her to tell her priest, I hope someone goes to the authorities (more than that I hope that they CAN prosecute still…statutes of limitations varies with these kinds of crimes and it’s really wrong!
), and I really hope that she does tell the fiancee and the fiancee believes her and makes appropriate decisions based on the information. I don’t, however, think that the most beneficial thing for someone in this situation is to help them harbor their feelings of anger and not forgive. As has been stated…forgiveness is so much more for the victim than the victimizer. It does not mean that she will forget anything…I’m sure that it will stay with her forever…but the advice she receives should be for her to work this out w/ her priest and/or counselor to appropriately deal with the anger and other feelings. Not to hang on to anger or a vomiting emoticon in relation to sympathy…I appreciate the assumptions, insults, and words put into my mouth, but you misunderstand. I get where you’re coming from though, no worries.
Now I can’t stop thinking about this whole story, I really hate Ben. I know we are supposed to forgive, but this is so hard :crying: I had almost come to terms with what had happened to me, I was always friendly with Ben even though I disliked him. But now I know that
- he lied when I told my parents what happened, and said that I invented it (as if a 4 year old would invent something like this)
- 4 years later, as an adult, he did the same thing to my little sister
