I can't join the catholic church

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TamM

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I’d been going to mass for a few months, and RCIA for a month, when the pastor came to introduce himself to me. He asked if I was the girl who wanted an annullment. Proceeded to tell me it will take up to two years, and that I can’t join the church until it’s approved.(because I’m remarried). I was okay with that. Then I found out how much it can cost…I’m very very broke…and it will be over five years until I can even start to save for this…by the time I have the money I may not have any witnesses. Furthermore, it bothers me that the church makes money off this…do I get a tax receipt since they are a tax free organization? Did it not upset Jesus when he found people making money at his father’s temple?? I was young, depressed, and alone when I married him…the marriage was less than a year…my ex has been in hiding from multiple levels of government for years now…I’m sure it was never a valid marriage, as was the protestant minister who told me there was no hope after multiple counselling session between us…my husband didn’t want kids, he was addicted to porn, he supported himself with illegal activities…I knew none of this when I married him. It doesn’t seem fair that I can’t join God’s spiritual family on earth because I’m poor and made a huge mistake when I was 20 years old, over ten years ago. I’m hurting so badly, and feel so very lost. I’m not even sure if I should go to RCIA anymore, since it seems I’m wasting everyones time if I’m never going to be able to actually be a member of the Catholic Church.

My youngest is supposed to start at a Catholic school in september too…no longer sure about that either…if I can’t join the Catholic church because I married a psychopath ten years ago and can’t afford to fix it…maybe my kids shouldn’t be part of a religion that requires cash payments to atone for your mistakes. We are talking thousands of dollars, and I often have to borrow money just to buy our food. All I wanted was to live a good Christian life and be part of the Catholic family. I feel so lost now…no spiritual family in my future…don’t know what to do.
 
Did you tell your pastor that you can’t pay for the services of the Tribunal? Did he offer any help or suggestions?
 
TamM said:
My youngest is supposed to start at a Catholic school in september too…no longer sure about that either…if I can’t join the Catholic church because I married a psychopath ten years ago and can’t afford to fix it…maybe my kids shouldn’t be part of a religion that requires cash payments to atone for your mistakes. We are talking thousands of dollars, and I often have to borrow money just to buy our food. All I wanted was to live a good Christian life and be part of the Catholic family. I feel so lost now…no spiritual family in my future…don’t know what to do.
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First talk to your Priest, he will be able to direct you toward financial help. Second, know that this payment isn’t in atonement for sin. The money is to pay the salaries of people that are working for the Church, filings and copies. The people are lawyers, clerks and the like that will be looking into facts about your marriage.

You can also talk to your Priest about joining the Church this Easter, even though you are remarried. Of course you would need to live as brother and sister since at this point the Church sees you as still married to your first husband.
 
If God wants it, it will happen…you will find a way. These hurdles are nothing for Him. As He said:“Ask and you will recieve, seek and you will find, knock and the door will be opened to you.” You need to trust Him right now. Something good and beautiful is always worth working for. Praying for you…
 
I also wanted to give you these links regarding the cost of an annulment and wanted to reaffirn that the church does not require cash payments in attonement for your sins and I hope that you stated this simply out of frustration or misunderstanding. The cost is for fees involved in the process.This costs varies from dioceses, some ask for more than others to defray the cost depending on how much the diocese usually can contribute to the costs of the tribunal, if at all. I urge you to contact your priest or diocese asap regarding your inability to pay.

Canon lawyer Edward Peters states, “First and most commonly, there are the basic petition fees payable to the tribunal. This is what most people refer to when they talk about the cost of an annulment. In the U.S. most tribunals charge anywhere from $200 to $1,000 for adjudicating a standard nullity case… These fees are typically payable over time, and there are means for having fees reduced or eliminated in cases of financial hardship

http://forums.catholic-questions.org/showpost.php?p=2631321&postcount=2

forums.catholic-questions.org/showpost.php?p=412979&postcount=2
 
Hello,Look your allready a Catholic by desire…if what you posted is correct dont worry about it…Priests are human,some are faithful to God a few…a very few are not…again you have stated a desire to join the Catholic church and thus have encountered some obstacles…this is to be expected…stay with it and you will do fine…like doctors,it may be a good policy re: your case to see another priest…but again…God knows what your true intentions are,He cant be fooled so do the best you can and I will say a pray for this case to be resolved…pronto…all the best…N
 
thank you all for your responses, and yes, I was very frustrated in my OP. It’s disheartening. I appreciate the links that were provided, the priest didn’t mention anything about other options or financial assistance. I have a lot of thinking and soul searching to do.

I’ve tried a few times to start this process…I call the archdiocese, they transfer my call to the tribunal, I leave a message and no one calls me back. I told the priest this, and he nodded saying “I never know what they’re doing over there.” Perhaps I’ll feel better once I have some contact over there.
 
Please also remember that we are not a Church of Saints, but a hospital for sinners.

There will be people you meet that work for the Church that are lazy, that don’t return calls and that act as though they really don’t care. We are also human. So people will forget to return calls, they are good people but like all of us, are forgetful. Some might not know the answer to your question. Please keep trying. Keep calling. And keep pushing. It is worth it.
 
TamM said:
thank you all for your responses, and yes, I was very frustrated in my OP. It’s disheartening. I appreciate the links that were provided, the priest didn’t mention anything about other options or financial assistance. I have a lot of thinking and soul searching to do.

I’ve tried a few times to start this process…I call the archdiocese, they transfer my call to the tribunal, I leave a message and no one calls me back. I told the priest this, and he nodded saying “I never know what they’re doing over there.” Perhaps I’ll feel better once I have some contact over there.
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Hang in there Tam. You probably need to do more searching and knocking on doors to get answers on the annulment process, but please don’t give up. Will pray that you can get the ball rolling and do attend Mass and pray. Can’t receive the Eucharist or other Sacraments yet, but you can certainly be feed by God’s word and prayers… Take Care…
 
When I came back to the church, I needed to get an annulment for my wife’s first marriage. We went to see the priest and talked to him. He told us about the process and said he would refer it to the deacon and he would take care of it and it was no big deal. Well, I never heard anything for a few months, and I also never pursued it either. And our priest at the time allowed me to continue receiving the sacraments, even though I wasn’t in communion with the church.

When we got a new priest I went to talk to him about it, and he flat out asked me why I hadn’t pursued it. I gave him a sorta answer of “I was waiting to hear from the deacon.” And then he pointed out that after a couple months it was my responsibility to pursue it and make sure it was taken care of. He kinda had to smack me in the head about it, because I was laying it off on other people to take care of. And then he flat out told me I was wrong for receiving the sacraments while outside of communion of the church, and that he would not administer them to me until the annulment was taken care of and the marriage convalidated.

He lit a fire under my butt and within 3 months I had the whole thing processed and taken care of. Because it was my responsibility to follow through on it, and it needed to be done so I could come into full communion with the church.

The point being, these people that work in the church and for the tribunal and the diocese usually have a lot to do and a lot on their plates. You’ve got to follow through on it and make things happen, period. Even under the best of conditions, things work slowly in Holy Mother Church. If you want to come into the church, the annulment has to be done. There’s no way around it, bottom line. And frankly, this matter should have been resolved a long time ago or made clear to you that you wouldn’t be able to come into the church until it was taken care of. Yes it sucks that being married 10 years ago is holding this up. But if you really want to come into the church, it has to be done, and you can’t let it set you back. So it’s up to you to pursue it and make it happen, and not the responsibility of people in an office that may or may not have gotten your messages.

And not to be rude here, but it’s not really the church being stubborn or obstinant about it. The church has held to the annulment and marriage guidelines for 2000 years. It’s only in the recent history that these things have become a problem because our society has taken such a radical turn on marriage and divorce. The church stands on the truth of the faith. It cannot simply ignore these guidelines and rules for marriage because society has fallen away.

It was important enough for me that I pushed it through. I had to go months and months without receiving the sacraments, any sacraments. It could have been a reason for me to give up and go elsewheres. And believe me you, that was something I thought of. But my conviction that the catholic church is the only true church, and my love for it and Jesus, kept me there despite the problems. I persevered and in the end God rewarded me and I came into full communion. I must say it was also a hard lesson to learn.

Remember, we are called to be faithful. Even when we have trials and suffering.
 
Just on a practical level, you can seek a statement of nullity (annulment) from the diocese in which you live (which appears to be what you have done), the diocese in which your ex-spouse now lives, or the diocese in which you were originally married. Some may be more responsive, and better suited to your needs, than what you are finding now.

I am somewhat shocked at the cost of the process quoted to you. Perhaps there are some regional or national differences, but my recent annulment – a three-year ordeal that involved many hours of work and professional expertise on the part of the Tribunal – was the same as any other Tribunal investigation in our diocese, $500. And, had I not been able to pay, they were very open about their willingness to waive fees or establish a “payment plan.” No pressure on the money aspect at all . . .

Good luck . . .
 
IrishAm said:
I am somewhat shocked at the cost of the process quoted to you. Perhaps there are some regional or national differences, but my recent annulment – a three-year ordeal that involved many hours of work and professional expertise on the part of the Tribunal – was the same as any other Tribunal investigation in our diocese, $500. And, had I not been able to pay, they were very open about their willingness to waive fees or establish a “payment plan.” No pressure on the money aspect at all . . .

Good luck . . .
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Mine was $25, and they didn’t cash the check until it was all over.
 
Please PLEASE stick with it…this is a great opportunity to show God just how much you love Him! Christ was willing to go through anything for us…extreme pain and death on a cross. Are we willing to go through some trials for Him as well? I hope so!

I will be praying for you. Have courage and faith! This is also the one thing holding my mother back fron converting. She has been married 4 times :hypno:…the current one being, in my opinion, the only sacramental one. The first one was Catholic and officially annulled a long time ago. The second two were disastrous, one even being abusive…but that is not for me to decide. I have seen her cry from frustration because she is afraid to even start the process.

Know that you are not alone. And, for the love of God, please know that you ALREADY have a spiritual family!! Just because you aren’t confirmed doesn’t mean the rest of us don’t already love you as our own. The sacraments will come in time, but what you already have, at this very moment, is a huge support network :hug3:

Welcome! Have faith! Have courage!
 
I’m so grateful for everyone’s kind words and advice. I’m not giving up, was really frustrated Saturday but I went to Mass today and feel better, it will be a longer journey home than I had hoped but it will be worth it in the end. And of course I’ve decided to still send my youngest to Catholic school, and my oldest may be going there next year as well 🙂 (the choice is his to make).

I’ll post when I find out the cost, as it seems the cost varies from region to region.

Thanks for the encouragement and support everybody
 
I am so sorry you are going through this. ((hugs)) to you! Trust me when I say it will be worth it in the end.

God bless you!
 
TamM said:
I’m so grateful for everyone’s kind words and advice. I’m not giving up, was really frustrated Saturday but I went to Mass today and feel better, it will be a longer journey home than I had hoped but it will be worth it in the end. And of course I’ve decided to still send my youngest to Catholic school, and my oldest may be going there next year as well 🙂 (the choice is his to make).

I’ll post when I find out the cost, as it seems the cost varies from region to region.

Thanks for the encouragement and support everybody
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Please stick with it and hang in there. My sister is going through this right now too, and it can be very frustrating. Pray for patience and understanding, and good luck. It is definitely worth the wait.
 
TamM said:
I’d been going to mass for a few months, and RCIA for a month, when the pastor came to introduce himself to me. He asked if I was the girl who wanted an annullment. Proceeded to tell me it will take up to two years, and that I can’t join the church until it’s approved.(because I’m remarried). I was okay with that. Then I found out how much it can cost…I’m very very broke…and it will be over five years until I can even start to save for this…by the time I have the money I may not have any witnesses. Furthermore, it bothers me that the church makes money off this…do I get a tax receipt since they are a tax free organization? Did it not upset Jesus when he found people making money at his father’s temple?? I was young, depressed, and alone when I married him…the marriage was less than a year…my ex has been in hiding from multiple levels of government for years now…I’m sure it was never a valid marriage, as was the protestant minister who told me there was no hope after multiple counselling session between us…my husband didn’t want kids, he was addicted to porn, he supported himself with illegal activities…I knew none of this when I married him. It doesn’t seem fair that I can’t join God’s spiritual family on earth because I’m poor and made a huge mistake when I was 20 years old, over ten years ago. I’m hurting so badly, and feel so very lost. I’m not even sure if I should go to RCIA anymore, since it seems I’m wasting everyones time if I’m never going to be able to actually be a member of the Catholic Church.

My youngest is supposed to start at a Catholic school in september too…no longer sure about that either…if I can’t join the Catholic church because I married a psychopath ten years ago and can’t afford to fix it…maybe my kids shouldn’t be part of a religion that requires cash payments to atone for your mistakes. We are talking thousands of dollars, and I often have to borrow money just to buy our food. All I wanted was to live a good Christian life and be part of the Catholic family. I feel so lost now…no spiritual family in my future…don’t know what to do.
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You can still attend Mass and be a part of the Church. You can’t receive the sacraments. Start the procedure, get the statements. It doesn’t always take 2 yrs. Tell the tribunal about your financial situation, tell the priest about it too. Ask them for help, I know it seems harsh, and maybe it is, but the Church has always had these rules regarding marriage, they aren’t new, and your children aren’t affected, they can still go thru catechism, and receive their sacraments in order. Just you will have to wait. Pax Christi
 
I wanted to add my voice to this thread to let you know you are not alone in your journey struggles

I am a pastor in another denomination married to my wife who would need an annulment for me to convert (which I want to do). She can’t bring herself to that point yet. Not only do I have the annulment issue, but my conversion requires at least initially (and maybe permanently) the loss of my pastoral vocation, which also puts my family at risk income-wise because if the Catholic Church should find me worthy of a calling to the priesthood, that at minimum will take three years to occur after I should be able to convert, and quite possibly longer than that. Its not easy for me to be patient, but I pray daily asking God to help clear the path to my conversion. I see things happening (in tiny steps) but it won’t happen overnight. So I will pray for you and you can pray for me. The prayers of others for my situation are also welcome!

Steve C.
 
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