I can't join the catholic church

[edward_leblanc]

My dear friend in Christ,the desire you have to become a Catholic touches my heart.I am a devout Catholic.As i read your issue,issue ,I became sad for you.How foolish it is when the church wants MONEY,from you to enter the catholic faith. I pray for you. Perhaps continue the education of R.C.I A .and when you can afford this amount for your annulment of divorce.(to which I do Not think it is neccessary).then pay .I know a person who got married 8 times in the catholic faith( he must be broke now lol). God knows your heart my friend . love and hugs.

 

[Tracy24]

Yes I have spoken at length with my Priest and he knows my situation.

My understanding(and please correct me if I am mistaken) is that to use the Pauline Privilige for my first marriage that I would not be able to remarry to a non Catholic. Am I understanding correctly?

My fiance is Baptized Pentacostal but he is not practicing. He is fully aware and supportive of my choice to enter the Catholic Church and he does not interfere in any way with my responsibility to raise our daughter in the Church(daughter is 7 and was Baptized Catholic during her stay in the NICU after she was born 14 weeks early) and there have been no issues whatsoever in our relationship arising from our different faiths.
Father has invited him to come to Mass and start the classes and the invitation stands if he decides later to accept it.

From my understanding from my Priest, the anullment is the way to go since my fiance is not Catholic. And if the anullment goes through then he will marry us in the Church. I am aware it can take a while and I can receive the Sacraments as long as I remain celibate which I am already doing and will continue doing for as long as I need to. After all it is a small sacrifice to make compared to what Jesus sacrificed for us.

Thanks for the advice

 

[mlouise007]

Tracy24-

Yes I have spoken at length with my Priest and he knows my situation.

Excellent.

One of the reasons it’s problematic to talk about specifics of individual annulment processes in a forum is because there usually are so many details that have an impact, which may not be brought up and can totally change the situation … and of course the fact that virtually none of us is a canon lawyer.

My fiance is Baptized Pentacostal but he is not practicing. …

From my understanding from my Priest, the annulment is the way to go since my fiance is not Catholic. And if the annulment goes through then he will marry us in the Church.

You seem clear that the Church considers you validly married at this time. I don’t mean to be rude but I think it’s not really appropriate as a woman who is still married in the eyes of the Church to refer to the man you hope to be free to marry in the future as your “fiance”. Does that make sense? This may be a difficult challenge in taking on the mind of the Church but in choosing to become Catholic we are challenged to struggle with such things.

It’s wonderful you’re moving towards reception into the Church and receiving those graces of Confirmation and Eucharist which are great sources of strength!

Peace be with you- Marylouise

 

[Tracy24]

You seem clear that the Church considers you validly married at this time. I don’t mean to be rude but I think it’s not really appropriate as a woman who is still married in the eyes of the Church to refer to the man you hope to be free to marry in the future as your “fiance”. Does that make sense? This may be a difficult challenge in taking on the mind of the Church but in choosing to become Catholic we are challenged to struggle with such things.

It’s wonderful you’re moving towards reception into the Church and receiving those graces of Confirmation and Eucharist which are great sources of strength!

Peace be with you- Marylouise

I’m sorry I am inappropriate in using the word fiance, I did not mean to be. He has been that title for so long now and it is hard to revert back to calling him something else now and I’m not even sure what is appropriate to call him.

Sorry for my mistake, I’ll go back to lurking now.

 

[TamM]

Tam,
Archdiocese of Kingston by chance? If so I am definitely going to need aid since I’ll be needing an anullment before I remarry, no way I can come up with 2K.

My first marriage was a huge mistake, I was 19 and pregnant when I married and felt like I had no other choice. We were married at city hall by a Baptist minister so it would seem proper form was not followed. He informed me 3 years and 2 kids later that he was gay and wanted out of the marriage. I should also add that it was the first marriage for both of us and neither one of us were Baptized in any faith at the time we were married.
To further add to the complexity:
I have not seen or heard from my ex in over 10 years and I have no idea where he is, so if the tribunal is unable to contact him what happens?
All my witnesses are in Ohio where I am from and I am living in Canada, can they submit certified statements?

I am being received into the Church in July. I have not yet remarried and I am quite content to remain celibate until I can get an anullment through.

Tracey

I can’t answer your questions, but I see others have helped out.I don’t know where my ex is, but i know where his parents are and was told that’s good enough. I’m just starting the process. The papers (have you got em yet?) ask A LOT of questions that are going to take time to answer. It’s not a form to fill out on your lunch break, or several lunch breaks, that’s for sure! I haven’t gotten through that part yet, so I haven’t yet met with the tribunal in person on gotten to negotiate on the fees.

Talk to your priest and just take things step by step. I find it’s a big long process, and it’s not going to happen overnight no matter how much information you gather today.

Good luck, please keep my updated on how it goes. I’m not in k-town btw, but i’m not too far from there either. And congrats on being received this July!!

 

[authenticity]

My mom and dad started the annulment process in 2004. The annulment finally happened last year. It was a very emotional experience, especially for my mom.

But in the meantime, my mother became a very active member of the Church and I would say she is closer to her faith now than ever. I think that the annulment had something to with it. It helped her to get right with the Church.

Also, I was not aware that a marriage outside of the Catholic Church required an annulment. I don’t know if someone has already answered that question.

 

[jean8]

I’d been going to mass for a few months, and RCIA for a month, when the pastor came to introduce himself to me. He asked if I was the girl who wanted an annullment. Proceeded to tell me it will take up to two years, and that I can’t join the church until it’s approved.(because I’m remarried). I was okay with that. Then I found out how much it can cost…I’m very very broke…and it will be over five years until I can even start to save for this…by the time I have the money I may not have any witnesses. Furthermore, it bothers me that the church makes money off this…do I get a tax receipt since they are a tax free organization? Did it not upset Jesus when he found people making money at his father’s temple?? I was young, depressed, and alone when I married him…the marriage was less than a year…my ex has been in hiding from multiple levels of government for years now…I’m sure it was never a valid marriage, as was the protestant minister who told me there was no hope after multiple counselling session between us…my husband didn’t want kids, he was addicted to porn, he supported himself with illegal activities…I knew none of this when I married him. It doesn’t seem fair that I can’t join God’s spiritual family on earth because I’m poor and made a huge mistake when I was 20 years old, over ten years ago. I’m hurting so badly, and feel so very lost. I’m not even sure if I should go to RCIA anymore, since it seems I’m wasting everyones time if I’m never going to be able to actually be a member of the Catholic Church.

My youngest is supposed to start at a Catholic school in september too…no longer sure about that either…if I can’t join the Catholic church because I married a psychopath ten years ago and can’t afford to fix it…maybe my kids shouldn’t be part of a religion that requires cash payments to atone for your mistakes. We are talking thousands of dollars, and I often have to borrow money just to buy our food. All I wanted was to live a good Christian life and be part of the Catholic family. I feel so lost now…no spiritual family in my future…don’t know what to do.

tam,
I don’t understand why the church should be asking for money concerning your divorce. The churches business is forgiveness, not banking or leagal affairs.
The bible does teach if a person divorces, they are not allowed to remarry. However , you did this before you were interested in joining the church. I think this should be considered, but then that is only my opinion.
What is the definition of an annulment?

God bless you,
jean

 

[StrawberryJam]

tam,
I don’t understand why the church should be asking for money concerning your divorce. The churches business is forgiveness, not banking or leagal affairs.
The bible does teach if a person divorces, they are not allowed to remarry. However , you did this before you were interested in joining the church. I think this should be considered, but then that is only my opinion.
What is the definition of an annulment?

God bless you,
jean

You missed the part where this poster can afford to send not potentially one child to catholic school, but potentially two.
Somehow it must be free catholic ed there.

On march 8th the original poster said this:

I’m so grateful for everyone’s kind words and advice. I’m not giving up, was really frustrated Saturday but I went to Mass today and feel better, it will be a longer journey home than I had hoped but it will be worth it in the end. **And of course I’ve decided to still send my youngest to Catholic school, and my oldest may be going there next year as well (the choice is his to make). **
I’ll post when I find out the cost, as it seems the cost varies from region to region.

Thanks for the encouragement and support everybody

 

[TamM]

You missed the part where this poster can afford to send not potentially one child to catholic school, but potentially two.
Somehow it must be free catholic ed there.

Public and Catholic education is definitely free where I live. Are you telling me it’s not free where you are? You have to pay to send your child to catholic school?

 

[adrift]

Public and Catholic education is definitely free where I live. Are you telling me it’s not free where you are? You have to pay to send your child to catholic school?

It is free somewhere?

Wow

I went through catholic school 50’s and 60’s my mother too. 30’s. My children did in the 80’s and now my grandchildren. We all paid a tuition. It has gotten more expensive as we no longer have the donated labor of sisters.

 

[Joe_5859]

Public and Catholic education is definitely free where I live. Are you telling me it’s not free where you are? You have to pay to send your child to catholic school?

In most dioceses in the U.S., there is definitely tuition. I do know that there are several dioceses that have their system set up such that no one pays tuition. I forget which ones, though.

Most Catholic schools and dioceses will work with you, though, if you cannot pay. I know that my diocese still charges tuition and everything, but their policy is that no child will be turned away for a family’s inability to pay.

 

[Quatsch]

I thought you only needed an annulment if you were married in the Catholic Church… I didn’t know that people who are not Catholic could even get an annulment. Seems like you should be able to join the Church and have your current marriage blessed without any problem. Can anyone clarify this for me?

 

[TamM]

In most dioceses in the U.S., there is definitely tuition. I do know that there are several dioceses that have their system set up such that no one pays tuition. I forget which ones, though.

Most Catholic schools and dioceses will work with you, though, if you cannot pay. I know that my diocese still charges tuition and everything, but their policy is that no child will be turned away for a family’s inability to pay.

Wow. I had no idea. Where I live it’s free. Education is paid for with a portion of property taxes, everyone pays for education here whether you have a child or not. If you send a child to catholic school that tax is diverted to the catholic school board.

 

[DavidW]

I thought you only needed an annulment if you were married in the Catholic Church… I didn’t know that people who are not Catholic could even get an annulment. Seems like you should be able to join the Church and have your current marriage blessed without any problem. Can anyone clarify this for me?

For the purposes of this conversation the Catholic Church recognizes all marriages as valid, whether performed by another church, justice of the peace, common law, you name it. If it is a legal marriage it must be annulled.

From the Galveston/Houston Metropolitan Tribunal FAQ:

*A petition for nullity must be submitted for each and every failed marriage of any kind [religious, convalidation, civil court (justice of the peace, etc.), common law, etc.] provided the previous spouse(s) is still living and that marriage(s) has not been declared null by the Catholic Church. Each and every previous marriage must be reviewed, either through a petition or the submittal of a death certificate of a previous spouse(s). This is required, whether one is a Catholic or non-Catholic (baptized or non-baptized). Without an affirmative decision(s) for nullity and/or a death certificate(s), one cannot marry in the Catholic Church. Your Case Sponsor will assist you with each petition. *

 

[Quatsch]

For the purposes of this conversation the Catholic Church recognizes all marriages as valid, whether performed by another church, justice of the peace, common law, you name it. If it is a legal marriage it must be annulled.

From the Galveston/Houston Metropolitan Tribunal FAQ:

*A petition for nullity must be submitted for each and every failed marriage of any kind [religious, convalidation, civil court (justice of the peace, etc.), common law, etc.] provided the previous spouse(s) is still living and that marriage(s) has not been declared null by the Catholic Church. Each and every previous marriage must be reviewed, either through a petition or the submittal of a death certificate of a previous spouse(s). This is required, whether one is a Catholic or non-Catholic (baptized or non-baptized). Without an affirmative decision(s) for nullity and/or a death certificate(s), one cannot marry in the Catholic Church. Your Case Sponsor will assist you with each petition. *

Fair enough, thanks for the clarification

 

[Joe_5859]

Wow. I had no idea. Where I live it’s free. Education is paid for with a portion of property taxes, everyone pays for education here whether you have a child or not. If you send a child to catholic school that tax is diverted to the catholic school board.

That’s how you guys are able to do it and we can’t. A portion of our property taxes also goes to education, but only for the public school system. So, property owners that send their kids to Catholic schools are basically paying for their kid’s education two times over.

Of course, the benefit to not getting the money from the government is that the Catholic schools are a bit more outside the reach of government control. But it sure would be nice if it were free…

 

[mawst]

I also wanted to give you these links regarding the cost of an annulment and wanted to reaffirn that the church does not require cash payments in attonement for your sins and I hope that you stated this simply out of frustration or misunderstanding. The cost is for fees involved in the process.This costs varies from dioceses, some ask for more than others to defray the cost depending on how much the diocese usually can contribute to the costs of the tribunal, if at all. I urge you to contact your priest or diocese asap regarding your inability to pay.

Canon lawyer Edward Peters states, “First and most commonly, there are the basic petition fees payable to the tribunal. This is what most people refer to when they talk about the cost of an annulment. In the U.S. most tribunals charge anywhere from $200 to $1,000 for adjudicating a standard nullity case… These fees are typically payable over time, and there are means for having fees reduced or eliminated in cases of financial hardship

http://forums.catholic-questions.org/showpost.php?p=2631321&postcount=2

forums.catholic-questions.org/showpost.php?p=412979&postcount=2

Good information. Thanks for this.

 

[Nino]

…sending your youngest to Catholic school is the best present you can give that child…being taught the basics of one faith and also how to read and write will reveal its benefits in the years to come!. How I wish I had gone to a Catholic school as a kid…since I learned years later,after teaching in one…how vital it is to be taught the basics of life. Yes it seems its all uphill and against the wind…the story of life on this planet.Keep your head low and spirits high and go for it!