I cheated on my husband

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onellama

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I cheated on my husband with a man I met online. I won’t offer any excuses because there is no excuse that justifies what I did. My husband has no idea and there really is no possibility that he would ever find out. All communication with the other man has stopped. My question is, do I tell my husband? It would devastate him to know the truth and I fear it will also have a negative impact on the lives of our children. If I say nothing, only I will suffer with guilt and I deserve the suffering.
 
  1. Go to confession.
  2. See the doctor and get tested to make sure you did not contract any diseases.
  3. Go to a professional for your marital issues.
  4. I would talk to your priest about your certain situation and determine if it is a good idea to tell him or not. There are some circumstances that absolutly require it. (ie, you could expose him to a disease, you are pregnant, you are being stalked and the whole household is in danger, etc.) Depending on the length of the affair, I can imagine some circumstances where it might be advisable not to tell. Either way, you’ve gotten yourself into a mess.
 
1ke said:
You tell your priest, in confession.
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What 1ke said, and if possible at a scheduled time for you and your pastor to have some time to talk, instead of during the regular get-in-line confession time. Your question, OP, does not have an answer that can be treated online. If your pastor doesn’t help–I don’t mean if he doesn’t fix your problem, but if he is singularly unhelpful even in helping you find help in sorting this out, which is rare but possible–keep looking for a priest to talk to until you get pointed in the right direction.
 
I put that I’m Catholic because we go to a Catholic church. My husband is Catholic but I’m not. I’m not sure about a Protestant going to confession.

There are no diseases and I’m not pregnant. Stalking isn’t an issue because the other person lives 1,000 miles away. It was more of an emotional affair that lasted about two years. I did see him in person a few times so it was physical as well.
 
onellama said:
I put that I’m Catholic because we go to a Catholic church. My husband is Catholic but I’m not. I’m not sure about a Protestant going to confession.

There are no diseases and I’m not pregnant. Stalking isn’t an issue because the other person lives 1,000 miles away. It was more of an emotional affair that lasted about two years. I did see him in person a few times so it was physical as well.
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Make an appointment to talk to your priest in counseling or a non-Catholic clergyman.

DO NOT try to get rid of your own guilt by destroying your husband with this information.
 
onellama said:
I put that I’m Catholic because we go to a Catholic church. My husband is Catholic but I’m not. I’m not sure about a Protestant going to confession.

There are no diseases and I’m not pregnant. Stalking isn’t an issue because the other person lives 1,000 miles away. It was more of an emotional affair that lasted about two years. I did see him in person a few times so it was physical as well.
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Phew…That’s a tough decision. I probably wouldn’t want to hurt my family, therefore I would remain quite, if I knew it was really over, which is the case with you. Just curious, have you ever considered the Catholic Church? I know when I became catholic, the sacrament of reconciliation was life-saving for me. To hear those words really makes you feel that God has wiped the sin-slate clean. I will keep you in my prayers. Don’t be so hard on yourself; we all make mistakes; I know I have made some bad decisions…God’s mercy is unfathomably infinite…
 
onellama said:
I cheated on my husband with a man I met online. I won’t offer any excuses because there is no excuse that justifies what I did. My husband has no idea and there really is no possibility that he would ever find out. All communication with the other man has stopped. My question is, do I tell my husband? It would devastate him to know the truth and I fear it will also have a negative impact on the lives of our children. If I say nothing, only I will suffer with guilt and I deserve the suffering.
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Code: 
All the Quotes here are good.....

Keep it to yourself because even though he may forgive you,
it may come back to haunt you at a later time,
And yes go to confession, but leave it there…
if you can put it behind yourself and move on, then put it down to a dumb mistake…
you are not the first,and wont be the last…
 
you can go to confession as a protestant but you won’t receive absolution - and you must state that you are a non-catholic

I wouldn’t tell your spouse, but I would deal with your lack of self control and issues that put you in a position to allow this to happen.

like stated above I would talk to a priest about this issue
 
joe370 said:
Phew…That’s a tough decision. I probably wouldn’t want to hurt my family, therefore I would remain quite, if I knew it was really over, which is the case with you. Just curious, have you ever considered the Catholic Church? I know when I became catholic, the sacrament of reconciliation was life-saving for me. To hear those words really makes you feel that God has wiped the sin-slate clean. I will keep you in my prayers. Don’t be so hard on yourself; we all make mistakes; I know I have made some bad decisions…God’s mercy is unfathomably infinite…
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I meant quiet…Oops…
 
I know you are getting a lot of responses that tell you not to say anything to your husband, but, honestly, I don’t think that is always the right way to go. I know that for me, personally, I would much rather be told the truth of what happened than have my spouse lie to me (whether directly or by omission). I know that this is not true for everyone, there are people who would prefer to not be told anything and instead continue to live a deception, but it is true for some. I second talking with a priest about all of this and getting face-to-face counselling on what you should do.
 
onellama said:
I cheated on my husband with a man I met online. I won’t offer any excuses because there is no excuse that justifies what I did. My husband has no idea and there really is no possibility that he would ever find out. All communication with the other man has stopped. My question is, do I tell my husband? It would devastate him to know the truth and I fear it will also have a negative impact on the lives of our children. If I say nothing, only I will suffer with guilt and I deserve the suffering.
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you picked a great place to confess your sins instead of going to a Church, finding a Priest and seeking forgiveness through confession. Also another great choice was to ask for help here instead of finding an actual qualified therapist to help you in such a personel and private manner.
 
john78 said:
you picked a great place to confess your sins instead of going to a Church, finding a Priest and seeking forgiveness through confession. Also another great choice was to ask for help here instead of finding an actual qualified therapist to help you in such a personel and private manner.
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Gee, tell us how you really feel…:eek:
 
1ke said:
Make an appointment to talk to your priest in counseling or a non-Catholic clergyman.

DO NOT try to get rid of your own guilt by destroying your husband with this information.
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Agree 10,000%

If you intend to be a faithful spouse going forward, and have zero contact with the other man, that is.
 
thewanderer said:
I know you are getting a lot of responses that tell you not to say anything to your husband, but, honestly, I don’t think that is always the right way to go. I know that for me, personally, I would much rather be told the truth of what happened than have my spouse lie to me (whether directly or by omission). I know that this is not true for everyone, there are people who would prefer to not be told anything and instead continue to live a deception, but it is true for some. I second talking with a priest about all of this and getting face-to-face counselling on what you should do.
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I agree with this. I would rather my husband was honest with me, so that I could make the decision of whether or not I wanted to spend my life with someone who was capable of doing this to me and our family. If you don’t tell him, he won’t ever have the choice, and you might find it easier to deceive him in the future.

I don’t know your personal relationship so I can’t speak for you specifically though.
 
john78 said:
you picked a great place to confess your sins instead of going to a Church, finding a Priest and seeking forgiveness through confession. Also another great choice was to ask for help here instead of finding an actual qualified therapist to help you in such a personel and private manner.
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Dude, she just said she isn’t Catholic, she’s a Protestant, so she can’t receive the sacrament of Reconciliation through absolution. She could go, but she wouldn’t be absolved of her sins.

I still recommend that the OP makes an appointment to talk to a Catholic priest. I am not sure what to recommend about telling her husband. It’s different now that I know she’s not Catholic.
 
onellama said:
I put that I’m Catholic because we go to a Catholic church. My husband is Catholic but I’m not. I’m not sure about a Protestant going to confession.

There are no diseases and I’m not pregnant. Stalking isn’t an issue because the other person lives 1,000 miles away. It was more of an emotional affair that lasted about two years. I did see him in person a few times so it was physical as well.
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you should still get tested. Women can be infected and not have symptoms. Unless you’ve been tested you don’t know for sure
 
I would want to know if my wife ever did something like that to me. I sure would hate to find out 30 years from now that she has been lying to me forever.
 
28562 said:
I would want to know if my wife ever did something like that to me. I sure would hate to find out 30 years from now that she has been lying to me forever.
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👍

Yes! This especially is part of the reason I would want to know. I would be unbelievably hurt and betrayed to find out that my spouse not only cheated on me but then hid that fact from me and allowed us to live a lie for 10-20-30 years. And it doesn’t really matter whether or not I ever find out, it would still be a betrayal. I don’t care if the truth is more painful than reality, I still want the truth. I don’t want to be living in a make-believe world that someone else is keeping me in because they are afraid I will be hurt too badly by the real one. And, again OP, I am not saying this to try and convince you to tell your spouse because, for some reason that I can’t understand, there really are people who wouldn’t want to know. (Personally, I believe that the right thing to do, lying and decieving others is wrong, yes the truth will bring pain with it, but it is not the words themselves which cause the pain, but the reality behind the words which has already happened) But just please don’t take the advice that people are giving of not telling your spouse as obviously being the correct answer. Talk with someone in person about your situation.
 
thewanderer said:
👍

Yes! This especially is part of the reason I would want to know. I would be unbelievably hurt and betrayed to find out that my spouse not only cheated on me but then hid that fact from me and allowed us to live a lie for 10-20-30 years. And it doesn’t really matter whether or not I ever find out, it would still be a betrayal. I don’t care if the truth is more painful than reality, I still want the truth. I don’t want to be living in a make-believe world that someone else is keeping me in because they are afraid I will be hurt too badly by the real one. And, again OP, I am not saying this to try and convince you to tell your spouse because, for some reason that I can’t understand, there really are people who wouldn’t want to know. (Personally, I believe that the right thing to do, lying and decieving others is wrong, yes the truth will bring pain with it, but it is not the words themselves which cause the pain, but the reality behind the words which has already happened) But just please don’t take the advice that people are giving of not telling your spouse as obviously being the correct answer. Talk with someone in person about your situation.
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Either way you view this it is a tough call; no doubt about that…🤷
 
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