I dont know where to turn anymore

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BigRon

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I’m new and don’t know which sub forum this goes in.
I got suspended from work 1 month ago but they still haven’t told me why or called me for a meeting it is very distressing especially as my wife is taking it out on me by giving me the silent treatment for nearly 4 weeks I feel invisible and rejected. No intimacy at the moment or for a while now and Christmas is almost here and I am very depressed and not coping with life. I have prayed over the last month more than ever but feel very alone in life what if God says no to my prayers I cold lose everything for ever. I have also fasted more than I ever have and I just want to keep crying all day. What else can I do.
 
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I would do these things, and in this order:
  1. Get a job somewhere, anywhere, doing anything.
  2. Send the employer what (here anyway) is called a “service letter”. In my state, anyway, you write them and demand to know why your employment was terminated. They have to tell the truth. If they lie and you find out later that they did, they are financially liable to you. Most employers will tell the truth out of fear they’ll be found out if they don’t.
 
A good example of why I think the Church’s endorsement of the rights of workers and the importance of trade unions (what the US calls ‘labor unions’) is exactly right. The OP has been treated as less than a human being by his employer and this has affected (as it does) his state of mental health and his family life.

It’s not you BigRon! It’s them! Whatever you did does not take away your dignity as a human being and as a worker. Their actions and the short-term threat to your income and standing are not nearly as important as your relationship with your family. Your wife is also a victim of their heartless approach. Together you will be stronger. Talk it over. And find a union or advocate to help!
 
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If you are in the US, very much agree with the other posters. Write a letter (send it registered mail) asking why your employment was terminated.

Should they not respond, call the EEOC office and they will advise you.

Get another job, even if it is delivering pizzas.
 
Excellent–you are getting closer to God, and that is one good thing to come out of this trial.

Your employers are treating you incredibly badly. Is there a labor relations board in your area? If there is, contact them. If not, do you have a connection with a lawyer (in-law or friend of a friend…) --ask them if they will write a letter for you to the company.

Talk with the unemployment people to see if you are eligible and to see if they have rules against indefinitely suspending employees to avoid unemployment payments.

Keep copies of all correspondence, and notes of any conversations. Keep this all together as a record. Make notes of all conversations, preferably as they are happening. Note the names and contact info of those involved, and the dates.

Other than that, try to speak with your wife if possible, try to stay happy during this week when we are celebrating the birth of Christ, and start your new job search

Update your resume, start looking at ads, contact those who may be able to help you find a job, make a plan for the near-term, which will include specific to-do lists. (Maybe ask your wife to help you brainstorm?)

You need to finish mourning your old job and start looking for the new one.

Also, it is very important that you keep up with your physical well-being. Exercise some each day, if only a jog around your neighborhood. Get out and talk with people, if only store clerks and librarians. Eat properly, sleep the normal times you would if you were working, take vitamins if necessary, and stay hydrated.

Do not sit around your house in your pajamas watching a screen all day long–avoid wasteful screen time altogether in fact. Fix or clean things around your house, vacuum your car, anything.

And of course, pray, and if possible go to daily Mass during the week.
 
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BigRon said:
I got suspended from work 1 month ago but they still haven’t told me why or called me for a meeting
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You can always contact HR… However, I’m guessing that you’re non-union and considered “at-will” which basically means they’re allowed to terminate you for no reason.
BigRon said:
What else can I do.
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You’ll probably need to find another job. Also, both of you should consider Couples Counseling.
 
The work situation does cause a lot of worry and stress but being ignored by my wife for 4 weeks like I don’t exist is heart-breaking. I have gone to weekday Mass a few times and adoration but I feel alone. I was looking forward to Christmas before all this. I’m heartbroken.
 
  1. Advent is a season saturated with hope and expectation. It is good to focus on that. A time of waiting - does that sound familiar?
  2. Christmas is a joyful season, regardless of what is occurring in our lives.
  3. Both employer and wife silent? Hmmmm… time for an examination of conscience, methinks.
  4. Confess, confess, confess. It is a healing Sacrament.
  5. Something went wrong, so seek to be reconciled with your wife. Humble yourself, deny yourself. Do what it takes. You are not alone - far from it - in this regard.
  6. Talk to Father and seek spiritual guidance.
  7. Don’t lapse into being a slacker (NOT that you are!). Get another job!
 
po18guy said:
Both employer and wife silent? Hmmmm… time for an examination of conscience, methinks.
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That’s the way the employer works, I saw it happen to a woman in the summer, hers lasted 10 weeks. First few days my wife was supportive until she spoke to a friend and since then completely ignored me. I’ve been to confession.
 
BigRon said:
That’s the way the employer works, I saw it happen to a woman in the summer, hers lasted 10 weeks.
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Is it some sort of cost saving measure? It sounds completely unethical. The employer should be reported to the relevant authorities. But do get busy looking for other work. Praying for your perseverance and hope in this frightening time.
 
OK. Good, even. The rest still applies. If your wife is averse to speaking of her disappointment, have her write it down. You can then examine and ponder it and even write a response, if that’s what it takes.
 
Emeraldlady said:
Is it some sort of cost saving measure?
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I’m getting paid my basic wage which is about 3/5 of what I was taking home and cannot leave whilst under investigation as the company states that is admitting wrongdoing. Its a terrible limbo.
 
If you were permanently “banned” from here, then you shouldn’t be returning under a new account.

If you were temporarily “banned” for making remarks like you just did about women, then you should know not to come back and do it again because the same thing is likely to occur.

Your comment is inappropriate and not in accord with current Church teaching.
 
With respect to you, BigRon, I agree with the other posters, especially the one who said it’s not you, it’s them. Something’s rotten with this employer. At the very least they should have given you a reason for your suspension.

I know it is very hard to lose a job, and especially just before Christmas, but sometimes it’s the Lord’s way of taking you out of a bad situation. DO NOT take it personally. Just go get another job, take anything you can get, and continue to look for something better if whatever you take is not great. Don’t let employers treat you like trash in this way.

There’s a time to fast and a time to eat so you can go take care of business. This is NOT the time to fast. You have enough stress to cope with, without pushing self-mortification on yourself that is going to mess with your emotions. I fast every week and I know what it can do to a person. Eat something. Then go find a new job.

As for how your wife is reacting, what you have described is not how a supportive spouse acts, but it’s possible she is stressed as well. For now, just concentrate on getting yourself back working, then maybe when you’re doing that again it might be time for you and the wife to have a frank talk about why she reacted like this, how it made you feel, and how things might be handled better if there’s any future crisis. If necessary, involve your priest in such a talk.

Good luck, I will pray for you and ask the intercession of St. Joseph. But you have to get up and get out there and get some work. God helps those who help themselves.
 
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Bizarrely I got a call today saying I have a meeting about it on the 31st. The day after my 30 day novena to St. joseph ends but I am very nervous about it.
 
To add salt in the wounds my children and myself were ready in coats to go to the children’s Mass at 4pm waiting for my wife to come down and join us (it’s been months since she’s been to Mass). She made a comment in front of the children about me not going with them and going to the 9pm Mass instead. I feel so heartbroken and I am trying my best not to have anger for this person who started all of this at my workplace. It’s the first time since they were born that we aren’t all going together on Christmas Eve.

😭
 
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