I don't see how I can believe in the Church anymore

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Stay Catholic. If it doesn’t make you any better, at least it can’t make you worse
 
@ leonhardprintz

Having just now found this thread and read through it all I am unsure of what, if anything, I could advise you to do. It appears you have tried many of the tips and tricks that many people find of help. There are of course plenty of good articles on catholic.com like this one: The Widely Known Secret of Pornography | Catholic Answers

I can only say I understand and struggled with both for many years. I thankfully have been free of masturbation for about 14 years. I still struggle with pornography on occasion but its nowhere near what it was and I continue to do better. One thing to realize (I am sure you have seen some of this, if not I would encourage you to research it some) that porn has a science about it. It is designed to trigger certain biological responses and brain activity and it effectively re-wires your brain away form healthy natural responses. It can be extremely difficult to overcome.

I hope that things get better and I greatly encourage you not to give up. You may receive a temporary relieve and not struggle against it but its the relieve of someone giving up and letting a disease consume them, not a cure to the disease. Jesus Christ is the cure for this and you should continue to strive against it in every way you can. If I learnt anything with my struggle its that just because you lose a battle doesn’t mean you lose the war or that its not a fight worth waging.
 
The only thing that helped me abstain from sexual immorality to to say repeatedly in my head “Jesus I need you, Jesus I need you, help me get through this temptation.” And over time, as the days and weeks go by without partaking in this sin, it has gotten easier. Jesus, Mary, and the Saints are ready to help us in battle.
 
It seems like you are struggling with a temptation to despair. There are a few things to remember:
  1. Most of us will struggle with the same sins repeatedly throughout our lives. We don’t all struggle with the same thing, but there’s usually 1 or 2 areas that are particularly tricky for us. I have a problem with anger, and I’ve had it since childhood. I always feel like I’m confessing the same things – but that’s most of us! Your situation is not unusual.
  2. Just because the Lord permits you to struggle with a temptation throughout your life doesn’t mean he isn’t at work or that he will not save you. I like an analogy that St. Therese of Lisieux gives: she likens us to a small child who is trying to climb the stairs to reach her father at the top. The poor child cannot even climb the first step, but repeatedly lifts its tiny foot to the first step, unable to mount it. Eventually the loving father will come down, pick up the child, and carry her us himself. St. Therese tells us that it is critical that we both keep trying, but also remain confident that Jesus will come and pick us up eventually… whether that is tomorrow or at the end of our life.
I think one reason Jesus permits us to struggle rather than removing the struggles all at once is so that we will grow in humility, patience and trust. Perhaps also so that we will be empathize more deeply with other sinners.

The short point is: don’t give up! Keep entrusting yourself to Jesus.
 
St Ignatius suggests keeping track of how often one fails or succeeds in their progress on combating a sin. I think this might be helpful because this is concrete evidence that he did not think we could just say I won’t do this anymore and never do it again, or (oops, posted by mistake!) that God would just lift the temptation off us.

So perhaps if you think, I am doing this 5 times a day; I am going to postpone one of those times for 5 minutes. When I am tempted, I will do whatever is necessafy, even pray!, to resist for just 5 minutes.

And keep a record. Use your usual schedule as a foundation, and work on either postponing or skipping .

Complete elimination all at once has not worked for you; try gradual before making any major decisions.
 
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leonhardprintz said:
I joined the Church several years ago, after a long search. It involved prayer, reading about the Church’s history and becoming engrossed in scholastic philosophy. It was a wonderful time, though I always prayed for strength for trying times if they should ever come.

While I know that the first year of a conversion is full of passion and love, that’s like a romance. Whereas the lifelong passion of a good Catholic is more that of a marriage.

Like most sinners I can’t say I was the best Catholic, though I prayed the rosary semi-daily and occasionally parts of the Liturgy of the Hours.

All the while I was battling something many Catholics have trouble with. The sin of impurity. I prayed about it every morning, evening, it was part of my rosary and mass intentions; To be healed, to have strength, to cultivate virtue and lessen cupidity.

But no matter how I fasted (always and only with the approval of a spiritual advisor), what special retreats I went to, what shrines I visited… the habit was entirely unchanged. Not as much as a dent was made in it.

This contrasted with the Catholic Church’s strong claim that no one is tempted above their mean. One liberal confessor assured me though that it wasn’t even a sin, another that my addiction had decreased my culpability, a third would say I should avoid communion (adding that as a qualifier)…

Since I fell (and fall) several times per day, that meant I could only have communion on those Fridays in which our parish had confessions.

People suggested (and kept suggesting until recent - when I kindly told them to stop suggesting more books) to read this saint or that saint, to wear this medal or that medal, to pray this prayer or that prayer. And for a while I indulged them. Enrolled in a St. Thomas confraternity, wore a rope around my waist, special blessing by priest. Put on a scapular, special blessing by priest. Placed a statue of Mary right next to my computer, special blessing by priest. An icon in my entry which I pray a Hail Mary before and once entering my home (along with a prayer that I should not die outside of God’s mercy), of course with an adding special blessing from a priest. Salt and Holy Water, etc… .etc… etc…
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I’m sorry you are dealing with this struggle.
I don’t have much advice to add except maybe look at things from a physcial aspect instead of just a spiritual aspect. Like what is this doing to my brain and body? Do some research on what porn does to our brains

But why does this struggle mean that you don’t know if you can believe in the church anymore? Do you think it will go away going to another church? Or that the church is lying to you b/c you aren’t getting relief?

Sounds like a spiritual attack is ongoing.
 
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I couldnt help to notice you were quick to assume you know others love for themselves and what feelings are added to a strangers personal meditation with his God. You had mentioned you suffered from depression and your own sins, maybe you can empathise with the feeling of holplessness and abandondment that comes with depression. God gives us this disease, he knows what love is or isnt inside our hearts. The change I needed was faith in myself to fight the disease that broke my heart daily, and I know Im not alone. we all need eachother to lean on also
 
As I said in my post you’re referring to, I wasn’t saying you didn’t love God. I was just trying to give you something to consider. There were no assumptions. No need to be defensive. I know I do struggle with many things and can empathize. With my disease, it does at times draw me into a darkness where my thoughts drift from loving God and the knowledge that God loves me. These past few weeks have been difficult for me because of the back pain I suffer with my spinal issues. Today’s homily at mass was a blessing. I feel lent will be special for me this year. I hope it is for you to. God Bless!
 
I wasnt trying to attack you, I appoligize. God only gifted us with these diseases to show us how stong we can be. I unfortunatly consider myself a recovering catholic. The church and the rules they try to make us live by dont sit well with me. I know cronic pain is the worste. But instead of a pitty party I go outside breath the fresh air and thank my creator for each breathe I am given. I found a soft spot for Mother Mary… That was strength no mother should have to go through. Im giving up negative self talk and replacing it with peace. blessed be
 
@leonhardprintz, the negative habits of a lifetime don’t go away the moment one becomes a Christian or converts from a Protestant denomination to the Catholic Church. If anything, they seem to become more intense. Satan and his minions sense the change in you and rev up their efforts to keep you steeped in the sin(s) you love(d) the most before you became Catholic.

You say you don’t see how you can believe in the Church anymore. How about just focusing your belief on and in Jesus? Don’t think about believing in the Church right now. Focus only on Jesus. Turn to Him in prayer. Ask Him to help you.

Put on the armor of Christ each day. You know how the knights of old put on their armor before battling the enemy? Physically go through the motions of putting on your (spiritual) armor as you dress each day.

Say this as you put on each piece.

“Christ with me,
Christ before me,
Christ behind me,
Christ in me,
Christ beneath me,
Christ above me,
Christ on my right,
Christ on my left,
Christ when I lie down,
Christ when I sit down,
Christ when I arise,
Christ in the heart of every man who thinks of me,
Christ in the mouth of everyone who speaks of me,
Christ in every eye that sees me,
Christ in every ear that hears me.”

You can find the entire prayer here.


When you are in the habit of doing this, then you can think about the rest.

I do encourage you to continue going to Mass. Whether or not you wish to go to Confession is up to you. But through going to Mass, whether daily or weekly, you will hear the Word of God. (You can also view Mass each day on EWTN.) You will be surrounded by others who are dealing with sin and other burdens, their daily crosses, who are also there for Jesus.

Remember that we are all sinners. Jesus is the Great Physician, the Healer of our hearts and souls. He never promised us an easy time of it here on Earth. But He does promise to always be with us.
 
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Hi Leon!

I too have gone to great lengths in my battle for purity with a few differences. You are battling an addiction and you fall. Everyone does this. You are putting up a really good fight.

God I am sure, has been pleased by your efforts and knows of your addiction. Where people really start running “afoul” is when they simply choose such things out of boredom or they have just a little drive which would be easy to resist based on THAT particular individual, yet he gives in without resisting or trying at all. You have stayed up half the night fighting. God sees this.

Please don’t give up completely. I can understand why you feel the way you do, especially given how hard you have worked. I have done most of the things you are doing or have done. Just resist. Even if it is only mentally, that and pray. I am not going to make any suggestions, it would sound hollow at this point.

I simply will say God has not given up on you, nor will he. Just resist, even if it is only mentally. That and pray. Continue to pray. Hold conversations, that is a form of praying.

Keep going.
 
Rosary_Miracles said:
The only thing that helped me abstain from sexual immorality to to say repeatedly in my head “Jesus I need you, Jesus I need you, help me get through this temptation.” And over time, as the days and weeks go by without partaking in this sin, it has gotten easier. Jesus, Mary, and the Saints are ready to help us in battle.
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What helps me the most is frequent confession and saying 15 decades not just 5.
I also pray every day. I think it is important to ask God never to let you give up and to persevere. I try to pray from all angles if that makes since.
 
leonhardprintz said:
But no matter how I fasted (always and only with the approval of a spiritual advisor), what special retreats I went to, what shrines I visited… the habit was entirely unchanged. Not as much as a dent was made in it.
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Maybe the problem is that you are not avoiding all the occasions of sin. Sexual drive has a good purpose, but for the unmarried that vitality needs to be channeled into serving God in other ways; also take up athletics and constructive hobbies. Ultimately you can channel your sexual energy into forming a family, find a good spouse and let it blossom into children.

If you are dabbling with pornography, or simply being idle with your time, then you will get trapped every time. The way to stop a habit is the same way you started it in the first place. Simply decide to stop.
 
  1. Have you sought counseling? Intrusive thoughts ‘may’ indicate something on the order of OCD. That, and all such anxiety-related disorders, is 100% treatable without drugs.
  2. Do you have a dedicated spiritual director? For recurrent serious sins, this is highly advisable.
On occasion, we look outside of ourselves for solutions, when the problem and its solution may lie within.
 
  1. Yes I have since I’ve stopped attending Church, sought and received real psychological counseling for a shorter period. Though really after the pressure was off I did a lot better. Recently I’ve kept my apartment clean and redecorated, something I haven’t been able to do for many years.
  2. I had yes. A very old and very pious Jesuit priest who also led the youth group for a while.
 
Gab123 said:
Maybe the problem is that you are not avoiding all the occasions of sin. Sexual drive has a good purpose, but for the unmarried that vitality needs to be channeled into serving God in other ways; also take up athletics and constructive hobbies. Ultimately you can channel your sexual energy into forming a family, find a good spouse and let it blossom into children.
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As I’ve detailed in my prior posts. Cutting off all ties, including friends, just led to sickness. As for channelling it into a marriage I doubt “Hi, I’m horny and I’d like to have sex without it constituting mortal sin, will you marry me” is the best approach, or foundation to build a relationship. 😄
Gab123 said:
The way to stop a habit is the same way you started it in the first place. Simply decide to stop.
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I think this is the best way to handle certain kinds of habits, but not for decade long and very deep seated habits. At least I think you’ll be setting yourself up for failure and disappointment.

Whatever approach you take to getting rid of such a habit, my only advice is the approach must also accept that you’ll fail often.
 
esieffe said:
What helps me the most is frequent confession and saying 15 decades not just 5.
I also pray every day. I think it is important to ask God never to let you give up and to persevere. I try to pray from all angles if that makes since.
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To this day even though I don’t attend Church, I still pray that I will not die outside of God’s grace after a Hail Mary every time I leave home, as was taught to me by the Transalpine Redemptorist monks of Papa Stronsay.
 
lilypadrees said:
@leonhardprintz, the negative habits of a lifetime don’t go away the moment one becomes a Christian or converts from a Protestant denomination to the Catholic Church. If anything, they seem to become more intense
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Its stuff like this that’s a stumbling block for me. It seems to me that if the claims made about the Eucharist, and the graces of the Church and the favors of Mary, then this should not be possible.

At least it seems impossible for me that God would withhold the graces needed to resist mortal sin.
 
CatholicSooner said:
I don’t have much advice to add except maybe look at things from a physcial aspect instead of just a spiritual aspect. Like what is this doing to my brain and body? Do some research on what porn does to our brains
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There’s a lot of pseudoscience on those things. I do above average across a lot of fields, both physical and mental. There’s been no decline in my mental capacity when I started just accepting what I do. On the contrary I’m even more fit and healthy. I’ve begun to read more and I can handle a lot more stress, which led to me being able to take some promotions, which I did. Successfully I might add.

Beyond that my addiction has been petering out slowly, and completely naturally as I age, and I’m less interested in sexual things.

I still don’t plan on returning to being an active Catholic any time soon. Though it might happen as I age, and I make peace with what happened, and I can have someone make me understand what I went through and how that doesn’t refute the Eucharist being real, and prayers to Mary not being in vain.
 
Flopfoot said:
Stay Catholic. If it doesn’t make you any better, at least it can’t make you worse
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I know of no other Church that I’d ever confess to. But at the same time being an active Catholic made me sick. I can stomach all the doctrines, but I can’t understand why the good should make you sick and why leaving the Church should make you healthy.
 
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