I don't think I can do this

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Please don’t go to the abortion clinic. They will only start you down the road to death. They won’t encourage you to have the baby, they will only give you more reasons not to. They are evil places and they lie, just ask Abby Johnson who once worked at one until she had the truth given to her after she saw an abortion. She worked at the front office and never saw what the place really did. Once she saw she quit and became a pro-life warrior.

You can see her videos on youtube. So many women working at PP have had abortions themselves. They are in denial it kills a baby and they are told they did a good thing, to help other women do the same thing. It’s really an evil system.

Praying you take the path to life for yourself and for your family. Hugs and prayers.
 
That’s awesome! I’m really happy you did it.
Don’t worry about the rules and all that (are there other than the commandments?.. pretty much everything comes from that), the Church is for people like us that have trouble with rules and loving each other. Jesus came for the weak, for those who suffer, for those who can’t do it by themselves.
It’s a really rich experience that amazes me every day, and I hope you enjoy it too.
 
TSB4 said:
No I’m not going tomorrow. I am just now seeing your question I was busy.
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Great!

Maybe all the prayers of those reading, caring, and asking questions are helping. Yea, I’m busy too.
 
TSB4 said:
There were only 2 centers near me, one I called and I go to my first parenting class next Tuesday night at 6 pm. It’s a 6 week program. Other than that, they don’t really offer much more. I haven’t found any mom groups, but, I’m excited to see how this class goes.
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That is a great start! I know that you will find help there, even making new friends that you may one day be able to depend on. So glad you took that step.
 
Hello TSB4, how are you doing today? You are still in my prayers and thoughts, and so many other people’s as well I am certain. Please know that we are all here for you!
 
TSB4 said:
No I’m not going tomorrow. I am just now seeing your question I was busy.
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Excellent.

Have you ever heard the saying, “God doesn’t call the equipped, He equips the called?” God gave you this baby. You may not think you can do it, but He does. He will give you what you need.
 
Please join me at the Prayer Intentions forum to continue our prayers for our sister Mrs. TSB4, and ask The Lord to help her, and the people she will meet at the parish. Let’s pray that they will be kind, and help her or be able to direct her to someone who can help her.
 
Truth_Faith13 said:
There’s an even better one about Beethoven where it asks a question (without naming him)

Question 1: If you knew a woman who was pregnant, who had 8 kids already, three who were deaf, two who were blind, one mentally retarded, and she had syphilis; would you recommend that she have an abortion?

Once people answer, they then reveal the baby was Beethoven.
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For the record, this one isn’t true classicfm.com/composers/beethoven/guides/maria-magdalena-beethoven-mother/ and truthorfiction.com/rumors/b/beethovenabort.htm#.UyL6sb-1_QQ
 
TSB4, I have been following your thread just hoping and praying you’d find the strength to continue with the pregnancy. I am so happy to read that you are!

I am a convert. I started attending Mass last year at Pentecost. I have the memory of a gnat, so it took me about 2 months to understand when to sit, stand, and kneel. It took a while to learn the proper responses and the different parts of the Mass, too. If you can find a Sunday Missal it will probably be a huge help to you. Missals can be bought online, at Christian book stores, or maybe one could be found at church if they have book sales like ours does.

Don’t be surprised if it takes people a few weeks seeing you every week to start to warm up to you. Because Catholics are obligated to attend Mass every Sunday and Holy Day of Obligation it’s common for people visiting friends/family or traveling to come to the nearest Mass. Since there are so many new faces coming and going most folks only start getting to know you once they see you often enough to realize you are a regular member.

Please keep coming back and let us know how you are doing.
 
Hello everyone.

Today was a bit chaotic. I had allot of things to catch up on, and I’m still not even done. 🤷 Sigh.

I just wanted to thank everyone for their prayers, and let you all know that i did not go to my appointment.

As for my husband, I have been trying very hard to stay married, but, he just isn’t the father I want for my children. I do not ask him to do much, however, lately he does NOTHING.

example: tonight, He says he will read the kids a bedtime story and tuck them in, I said i would do it because he usually doesn’t, he will go upstairs with them and just sit on his phone. Anyway, he insisted. So, things began to sound chaotic, So i go upstairs and he is telling my 7 year old to read to the boys while he is on his phone. Completely pissed me off. I mentioned that he should read and he said he wanted to hear her read. SO i went back downstairs because I knew chaos would ensue, and surely it did. Then he throws a man tantrum, yelling cursing, saying they don’t listen and he isn’t reading them a story. I told him that he shouldn’t have given a child an adults job in the first place.

Just a little background, when he is in a “rage” he cannot be talked to. It turns into an argument and I’m ready to tell him to just pack his things and go stay with his mother. He obviously doesn’t want to play the role of a father and a husband. His phone and internet mean so much to him that my kids have to feel like an inconvenience, then get out!

I honestly cannot take it anymore. I am only one person living with 4 children and one grown BOY. So tonight, the conversation will happen about him leaving. I can’t do it anymore.
 
TSB4, I am glad you came here tonight to vent and get your feelings out. I hope if you talk to your husband tonight, you will remain calm and explain that perhaps he should go stay with his mom for a while so he can decide if he wants to be a participant in his family’s life or just a spectator. Tell him to go stay with his mom so he can think about how he feels, and so you can think about your own feelings. Sometimes it takes being away from family for it to sink in how lonely some people would be before they get it, before the realize they want to work things out.

You have been doing all of the trying. Let him go see what it would be like without you.
 
TSB4 said:

“I honestly cannot take it anymore. I am only one person living with 4 children and one grown BOY. So tonight, the conversation will happen about him leaving. I can’t do it anymore.”

Could the conversation be about him living up to his commitments?

You could say something like, “John [or whatever his name is], I need to be able to depend on you. I need to know that when you say that you are going to do something, that you will do it. I don’t ask a lot of you at home, but when you say that you are going to do it, I want you to keep your word. If you say that you are going to read the kids a story and tuck them into bed, I need you to read the kids a story, tuck them into bed, and do it with a good attitude. I also need you to give the kids a good example. I need you to show them what it means to keep their word, to be conscientious, to be loving, to be respectful to other members of the family, and to practice self-control. The two of us are teaching them with everything we do–the kids are not going to be more grownup than us. Let’s set a better example together.”

Then be prepared to hear a few home truths from him in your direction (some of which is going to be well-deserved). Then you can say, something like:

“I know that I need to do better with [whatever he just said]. I want you to be my accountability partner when I don’t [whatever he said]. And, you need to do better with [choose one or two things] and I’m going to be your accountability partner on that.”

Then work out some sort of private signal so you’re not sniping at each other in front of the kids about how to manage the kids. I think I’d work on getting him to do one thing every night with the kids. You might want to stick to something easy, like just watching an educational video with the kids while you do some chores (without his phone, naturally).

This may not work at all, but it’s a necessary step. It’s a warning shot across the bow.
 
TSB4 said:
Hello everyone.

Today was a bit chaotic. I had allot of things to catch up on, and I’m still not even done. 🤷 Sigh.

I just wanted to thank everyone for their prayers, and let you all know that i did not go to my appointment.

As for my husband, I have been trying very hard to stay married, but, he just isn’t the father I want for my children. I do not ask him to do much, however, lately he does NOTHING.

example: tonight, He says he will read the kids a bedtime story and tuck them in, I said i would do it because he usually doesn’t, he will go upstairs with them and just sit on his phone. Anyway, he insisted. So, things began to sound chaotic, So i go upstairs and he is telling my 7 year old to read to the boys while he is on his phone. Completely pissed me off. I mentioned that he should read and he said he wanted to hear her read. SO i went back downstairs because I knew chaos would ensue, and surely it did. Then he throws a man tantrum, yelling cursing, saying they don’t listen and he isn’t reading them a story. I told him that he shouldn’t have given a child an adults job in the first place.

Just a little background, when he is in a “rage” he cannot be talked to. It turns into an argument and I’m ready to tell him to just pack his things and go stay with his mother. He obviously doesn’t want to play the role of a father and a husband. His phone and internet mean so much to him that my kids have to feel like an inconvenience, then get out!

I honestly cannot take it anymore. I am only one person living with 4 children and one grown BOY. So tonight, the conversation will happen about him leaving. I can’t do it anymore.
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TSB4,

There is a theory that manhood consists primarily of four archetypes: king, warrior, lover, and wiseman. These archetypes are normal and healthy for men. Each of these archetypes, however, has two “shadow” archetypes: polar extremes of the same energy, but misused, and the man who is off balance on one of these archetypes will alternate between the corresponding shadow archetypes.

The shadow archetypes of King are the Weakling and the Tyrant. That means, a man who is not right in the King archetype will flash between the weakling and the tyrant. The weakling is the man who cannot stand up for himself, who does not have the energy or the strength to do what is right. The tyrant is the man who is violent, domineering, and physically abusive.

In the male-female relationship, the weakling is the man who is not able to tell the woman in his life that he wants her to respect him; he is not able to make that interior urging known to her; he may not even be consciously aware that that is what he is seeking from her, especially if he has allowed himself to be consumed with other things (like the internet and cell phone).

One of the dangers that exists when men continually live like this is that they will have a tendency to flash to the opposite extreme: the tyrant. And then they can cause great harm.

Here’s the point:

You have to address a problem that exists. But remember that the whole thing revolves around one key thing: you need him to love you, and your children; he needs you to respect him.

You won’t get anywhere with him if you show him no respect. Telling him to pack up and leave, as if you are in authority over him, is not respecting him.

He may have larger issues that cannot be solved by anything you do, but that doesn’t mean you are freed from your duty to respect your husband (just as, in the same way, a husband is not freed from his duty to love his wife even if she does not respect him).

I wish you well and will be praying for you and your family.
 
Xantippe said:
TSB4 said:

“I honestly cannot take it anymore. I am only one person living with 4 children and one grown BOY. So tonight, the conversation will happen about him leaving. I can’t do it anymore.”

Could the conversation be about him living up to his commitments?

You could say something like, “John [or whatever his name is], I need to be able to depend on you. I need to know that when you say that you are going to do something, that you will do it. I don’t ask a lot of you at home, but when you say that you are going to do it, I want you to keep your word. If you say that you are going to read the kids a story and tuck them into bed, I need you to read the kids a story, tuck them into bed, and do it with a good attitude. I also need you to give the kids a good example. I need you to show them what it means to keep their word, to be conscientious, to be loving, to be respectful to other members of the family, and to practice self-control. The two of us are teaching them with everything we do–the kids are not going to be more grownup than us. Let’s set a better example together.”

Then be prepared to hear a few home truths from him in your direction (some of which is going to be well-deserved). Then you can say, something like:

“I know that I need to do better with [whatever he just said]. I want you to be my accountability partner when I don’t [whatever he said]. And, you need to do better with [choose one or two things] and I’m going to be your accountability partner on that.”

Then work out some sort of private signal so you’re not sniping at each other in front of the kids about how to manage the kids. I think I’d work on getting him to do one thing every night with the kids. You might want to stick to something easy, like just watching an educational video with the kids while you do some chores (without his phone, naturally).

This may not work at all, but it’s a necessary step. It’s a warning shot across the bow.
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This is the same conversation that I always have. He will say “okay, ill change” and nothing. I am putting forth effort, I am trying to be a better mom and wife. He is making me not wanna bother with him.
 
oneplustwo said:
TSB4,

There is a theory that manhood consists primarily of four archetypes: king, warrior, lover, and wiseman. These archetypes are normal and healthy for men. Each of these archetypes, however, has two “shadow” archetypes: polar extremes of the same energy, but misused, and the man who is off balance on one of these archetypes will alternate between the corresponding shadow archetypes.

The shadow archetypes of King are the Weakling and the Tyrant. That means, a man who is not right in the King archetype will flash between the weakling and the tyrant. The weakling is the man who cannot stand up for himself, who does not have the energy or the strength to do what is right. The tyrant is the man who is violent, domineering, and physically abusive.

In the male-female relationship, the weakling is the man who is not able to tell the woman in his life that he wants her to respect him; he is not able to make that interior urging known to her; he may not even be consciously aware that that is what he is seeking from her, especially if he has allowed himself to be consumed with other things (like the internet and cell phone).

One of the dangers that exists when men continually live like this is that they will have a tendency to flash to the opposite extreme: the tyrant. And then they can cause great harm.

Here’s the point:

You have to address a problem that exists. But remember that the whole thing revolves around one key thing: you need him to love you, and your children; he needs you to respect him.

You won’t get anywhere with him if you show him no respect. Telling him to pack up and leave, as if you are in authority over him, is not respecting him.

He may have larger issues that cannot be solved by anything you do, but that doesn’t mean you are freed from your duty to respect your husband (just as, in the same way, a husband is not freed from his duty to love his wife even if she does not respect him).

I wish you well and will be praying for you and your family.
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Im not a psychologist to deal with his issues and he refuses to seek out counseling. So what am I to do? Are you suggesting that i continue to allow him to ignore our children and throw man tantrums? Or should i just free him of his fatherly and husband duties, and do it all myself. Meanwhile remaining in a marriage to him while he is a relationship with his phone and internet? I mean, is that what I am suppose to do here?
 
On reflection, your anxiety issues and his bad temper make a terrible, terrible combination. Have you pointed that out to him? I know your husband has refused counseling and said that if you need marriage counseling, your issues are insurmountable, but I think you should ask again and ask him to do it for the sake of the children and in order to figure out how to manage the kids more effectively. Your kids will be a lot easier to deal with if they know that the two of you are on the same team. You know how they say that dogs can smell fear–well kids can smell fear, too.
 
TSB4, if your husband won’t go, you should go for counseling alone. It will help you to vent and they will be able to help you deal with your husband better.
 
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