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Corki
Guest
And don’t forget the option of military school. There are several very respected schools that specialize in children who are rebellious and who act out in such a way as to disrupt the peace of the home.
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Rence
Guest
Military school is a good option, yesAnd don’t forget the option of military school. There are several very respected schools that specialize in children who are rebellious and who act out in such a way as to disrupt the peace of the home.
But it’s not like you can throw your kid out to the State just for not attending Mass on Sundays.
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MBeatty1999
Guest
I shouldn’t have said what I did before about “the easy way or the hard way.” Sometimes I get carried away when I get emotional. Let me ask you this one question though. Do you think that me not believing in religion makes me a bad person?
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Blessedwithfive
Guest
No, just uninformed. We all, or most of us, have been right where you are now. Belief is hard, but the more you learn the more it makes sense. Your parents really want what is best for you. Just turning your back on religion would be wrong. What is really bothering you?
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MyNameIsDan
Guest
I agree. It doesn’t make you a bad person, but it makes you misinformed. What do you have against organization? Everything that has a purpose has an organization. Teachers who want to teach have an organization. Doctors have an organization. Where there is mission common to people, organization always emerges. If people just studied the Bible or scriptures by themselves, it removes the context to understand it which the Church provides. Then how do you know what is right/wrong, true/false? Do you interpret it by yourself? Thus, faith is never done alone but is practiced with the Church.
As Blessedwithfive has said, many of us have been where you are right now. I too have questioned my beliefs and only got confirmed at the age of 21 (last year). But it wasn’t the same situation as yours (it’s not that I didn’t want to get confirmed at the time, although later on, I began questioning whether God existed). After studying in university and actively trying to seek what I believe was I able to find what I did believe and that was the Church. It isn’t enough for you to say “I am against organized religion.” and leave it at that. You have to go further, answer for yourself why you are against organized religion. It helps to discuss it with someone, or even us. I’ve been there; I didn’t ask further when I had doubts in God and the Church which prevented me from finding what I believe. If you didn’t ask why, all you’d have is what you don’t believe - which means that you haven’t found what you do believe.
I’d like to know too.
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Gorgias
Guest
That’s hard to answer. A few of us have asked you “why don’t you believe in religion? What is it that you do believe in? What is it that you don’t believe in (Jesus, the Bible, the Church, etc)?” But, you haven’t answered us at all (IIRC).
Without knowing what your thoughts are, it’s really hard to know whether you’re a ‘bad’ person, or a ‘confused’ person, or a ‘rebellious’ person, or a person who’s thought this through carefully, or a person who hasn’t thought it through at all… or just a normal teen.
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Cider
Guest
I’m not sure why you are holding on so desparately to a discipline that was introduced in the middle ages. The oldest tradition of the Church both east and west is baptism, chrismation and first eucharist in infancy with confession starting at the age of reason. The newer practice of moving chrismation and first eucharist past the age of reason wasn’t universal in the western church until after the reformation.
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MBeatty1999
Guest
I honestly don’t know exactly what I believe. I believe there is some higher power, so I wouldn’t call myself an atheist. I would say agnostic. I believe Jesus Christ is really a myth.
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MBeatty1999
Guest
I just want to go my own way. I don’t want to go to church anymore. I don’t want to go through with something I don’t believe in. I don’t believe I am being rebellious.
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Gorgias
Guest
Umm… as in, “there never really was a person ‘Jesus’ (a.k.a., ‘Christ’) who walked this earth”?
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pianistclare
Guest
Because it makes more sense.
Why are you so willing to discount the benefit of knowing, understanding and making a conscious commitment to your faith?
How in the world can education be bad?
When people are lamenting that there are so many cafeteria Catholics, and Catholics who don’t practice well, have no sense of sin, obligation, or personal devotion, or even the most rudimentary knowledge of the faith…
but let’s do away with teaching them as youngsters.
Crazy.
And by the way…the boards are FULL of people who “cling to old traditions”.
I’m out.
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babochka
Guest
Then wait. Tell your parents and your pastor, thoughtfully and respectfully, that you don’t desire confirmation. As far as going to church, bide your time. You’ll be an adult soon enough. Respecting your parents in this is the least you can do for them, after all they’ve done for you. You don’t find it morally objectionable , just a waste of time. So waste your time for your parents’ sake. It’s not gonna kill you, and it is a nice thing to do for those who have given you so much.
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MyNameIsDan
Guest
Why do you believe there is some higher power? Why do you believe Jesus Christ is a myth?
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OneSmallFlower
Guest
To those of you who are arguing whether or not a child should be confirmed in infancy, would you please move your discussion to another thread? We’re trying to answer a person’s legitimate questions here and the two of you are really distracting.
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Blessedwithfive
Guest
Wow…did you read what you said. I just want my way. That attitude is really not acceptable in the Catholic religion or even in life. You need to figure out what you want to believe in. Faith and belief are difficult even for adults, but the I want my own way and I don’t care about others (parents, friends, family), does kinda make you a “bad” person. Just think about it. What makes a “good” person? Someone who puts others needs over their own.
You can’t possibly be that selfish…
Teenage years are tough for both parents and teens. It is time for you to set up and think about what you want to be known for.
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Usige
Guest
To be honest if my two oldest (19 and 17) were in Catholic school and said they didn’t want to go to Mass and threatened to be a royal pain in the behind, then fine. Here would be the consequences.
1st - Catholic HS tuition in my area is around 15k per year so they would be unenrolled from private school and sent back to public school. Catholic schools should be filled with Catholics and not just some prep school. You can learn to be a snot in public schools for free.
2nd - No extra curricular activities. If you can’t make an hour for God once a week, then you don’t have time for other things.
3rd - Driving privileges suspended until further notice.
4th - TV, ipod, etc would be gone (see number 2).
5th - basic life support only. We are required to feed you, but that doesn’t mean you need your favorite foods, sodas, etc.
You should ask my 17 yr old son about the last time he threw a fit about going to Mass. He enjoyed my wife laying out his clothes and having an 8 o’clock bed time. If he was going to act like he was 5 that is how he was going to be treated. He has the added advantage of being home schooled so there wasn’t any “escape” especially since his room had no door after he slammed it. After 3 weeks of having less stuff to clutter his life he found that it wasn’t a hill he was willing to die on. It wasn’t simply a matter of returning to Mass either. It was only after returning to Mass and making confession for missing Mass and disrespecting his parents.
Most of that has less to do with stating a belief, but more about how it is stated and being disrespectful. My house, my rules. I’ll sign the emancipation or enlistment forms if you think you are adult enough to not need me or my rules.
I can understand that you have doubts since I was an atheistic leaning agnostic from 19 to 34. While I strenuously disagree with those that think Confirmation is about becoming an adult or some type of religious rite of passage, I do think if you are over 10 that you should only ask for it if you are ready. No one can force you to believe, they can simply ask that you be open to it.
My kids have gotten more mileage out of saying “I don’t understand X, but I will go along out of respect for you.” I will discuss things with them, but I will not tolerate willful disobidience. I would suggest taking 15 minutes the night before Mass to read the readings. Even if you don’t believe the conclusion, the teachings can still be enlightening.
1st - Catholic HS tuition in my area is around 15k per year so they would be unenrolled from private school and sent back to public school. Catholic schools should be filled with Catholics and not just some prep school. You can learn to be a snot in public schools for free.
2nd - No extra curricular activities. If you can’t make an hour for God once a week, then you don’t have time for other things.
3rd - Driving privileges suspended until further notice.
4th - TV, ipod, etc would be gone (see number 2).
5th - basic life support only. We are required to feed you, but that doesn’t mean you need your favorite foods, sodas, etc.
You should ask my 17 yr old son about the last time he threw a fit about going to Mass. He enjoyed my wife laying out his clothes and having an 8 o’clock bed time. If he was going to act like he was 5 that is how he was going to be treated. He has the added advantage of being home schooled so there wasn’t any “escape” especially since his room had no door after he slammed it. After 3 weeks of having less stuff to clutter his life he found that it wasn’t a hill he was willing to die on. It wasn’t simply a matter of returning to Mass either. It was only after returning to Mass and making confession for missing Mass and disrespecting his parents.
Most of that has less to do with stating a belief, but more about how it is stated and being disrespectful. My house, my rules. I’ll sign the emancipation or enlistment forms if you think you are adult enough to not need me or my rules.
I can understand that you have doubts since I was an atheistic leaning agnostic from 19 to 34. While I strenuously disagree with those that think Confirmation is about becoming an adult or some type of religious rite of passage, I do think if you are over 10 that you should only ask for it if you are ready. No one can force you to believe, they can simply ask that you be open to it.
My kids have gotten more mileage out of saying “I don’t understand X, but I will go along out of respect for you.” I will discuss things with them, but I will not tolerate willful disobidience. I would suggest taking 15 minutes the night before Mass to read the readings. Even if you don’t believe the conclusion, the teachings can still be enlightening.
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kathmandu
Guest
My two cents, for what it is worth. You are living in a Catholic household. You are underage. You have to respect your parents wishes. They are doing everything in their power to raise you to be a responsible adult. Recognizing that you have a spiritual side is part of that.
I am not a Roman Catholic. In my heart I never was one. I do not have the faith. I envy those who do. They have a great and comforting gift. But I attended 12 years of Catholic school, received first Communion, was confirmed because my parents expected it of me. And I attended Mass until I no longer lived under their roof. It was a matter of respect and doing what was right in my circumstances.
CCD would be good for you. All learning experiences are good for you. What you choose to do with it after is your choice. Being 15 (and do I remember being 15!) I advise putting on your big boy pants and getting on with it. Discipline is always positive in becoming a real, live adult. You will not regret it later on in your life no matter what you choose to do with it.
I am not a Roman Catholic. In my heart I never was one. I do not have the faith. I envy those who do. They have a great and comforting gift. But I attended 12 years of Catholic school, received first Communion, was confirmed because my parents expected it of me. And I attended Mass until I no longer lived under their roof. It was a matter of respect and doing what was right in my circumstances.
CCD would be good for you. All learning experiences are good for you. What you choose to do with it after is your choice. Being 15 (and do I remember being 15!) I advise putting on your big boy pants and getting on with it. Discipline is always positive in becoming a real, live adult. You will not regret it later on in your life no matter what you choose to do with it.
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zz912
Guest
That’s just about the definition of rebellious. Wanting to go your own way, especially while others are supporting you.
I understand wanting to be an adult, and make your own choices, and live your life. But you also don’t want to go get a job and support yourself. You want mom and dad to put a roof over your head and feed you.
If you want to be a man, then you need to do what men do. And that is to take care of their responsibilities. Your responsibilities right now are very limited, as you are just beginning to take on the role of becoming a man. You have to get good grades and finish your education, you need to help out around the house (cleaning, etc), you need to get a part time job to support your activities, AND you need to obey your parents.
Don’t do anything rash. This is a tough time for you, as you’re transitioning from being a child to being a man. It’s not an easy transition. Keep some perspective on how you feel and what you believe or think you know. If you remember yourself just five years ago, I’ll bet you would consider yourself at that age to be much less knowledgable about the world and experienced. Just imagine what you will be like in 5, 10, or 15 years, and how you will look back on yourself now. I know looking back on myself at that age, now I can see how little I really knew. But at the time I thought I knew it all.
Listen to your parents, obey them. It’s something men do. We live up to our responsibilities, and we respect our parents. Talk to your pastor about how you’re feeling, be honest and mature. Discuss with him your feelings and beliefs. Ask questions. But obey your parents. They want the best for you and have a lot more experience with the world.
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Magdalen2013
Guest
No, you’re not a bad person – stubborn, perhaps, but not bad.
You will get more respect from your parents if you behave in a reasonable manner. You’re stuck with going to Mass as long as you’re under their roof and they are paying all the bills. That being said, you would be wise to go ahead and go to the classes.
Every confirmation class has a period of preparation where each person has a private talk with the priest. If you tell him that you don’t want to be confirmed, he will respect your reservations. Let HIM deal with your parents.
Once you are eighteen, you can get a job, leave home and choose whatever religious practices you wish.
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OneSmallFlower
Guest
Listen, take it from someone who’s rebellious by nature: your parents really want what’s best for you. You’re not “exercising your freedom” by refusing point-blank to go to Mass; the only thing you’re succeeding in is convincing your parents not to treat you like an adult. I know, I KNOW it feels like they don’t understand you, like they just want to exert their authority for the next two years before you leave home- BELIEVE me, I get it. But when you’re angry at them, try to remember that they’re probably not trying to be domineering, they just want to do what’s best for you and they’re frustrated because they feel like you’re listening to them about as much as you feel they’re listening to you.
My advice would be to acquiesce to your parents’ suggestions and go to Mass. Don’t receive the Eucharist (unless you go to confession)- if they ask why, say that you’re not properly disposed- but listen to the readings and the homily. Believe me, as teenagers we have a tendency to think that we’re invincible and omniscient, but we’re not. Yes, there will be times when your parents really are wrong; that doesn’t mean that they’re evil domineering people, it just means they’re human. If your parents aren’t ordering you to do something morally evil, then just obey them; it’s your job as their child until you leave home. Acting out or trying to be a “teen rebel” isn’t cool, it’s just justification for them to not listen to you.
You and your parents need to sit down and talk this out respectfully. Admit to them that you realize you’ve been acting pretty immature lately, and explain to them that you don’t think you’re ready to be confirmed. Tell them that you want to respect their wishes, but you also feel that you have to be honest with yourself and with the Church they want you to be an active member of. If they insist on CCD classes, agree with it- it can’t hurt you to learn about a religion. And if they still insist on you getting confirmed, ask very respectfully that they contact your pastor or the bishop so that they can explain the theological implications of the sacrament. As to going to Mass, if it’s just something you don’t really “feel like” doing, then do it anyway out of respect to your folks. It’s your duty as their child.
Whatever you do, don’t be rude to your parents. PLEASE don’t make the mistakes I have- it just created tension between me and my parents. A lot of us are born with rebellious spirits; that’s not necessarily a bad thing, when used in the right situations. But we also have to learn obedience, as a matter of love and respect to those in legitimate positions of authority over us.
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