I don't want to make Confirmation

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I just finished reading page 8 of the comments here, and backed out of the page, when a thought came to me. It is this:

Our OP is in his teens. He has been brought up Catholic and is now, it appears, ready to jettison all of that, because he does not want to be confirmed. Well, in fact, he really, really needs to be confirmed. Why? With the grace of the sacrament and the gifts of the Holy Spirit (provided the sacrament is received in a state of grace) he will have the help he needs to make a wise decision about the Church, the Faith, Jesus, the Trinity and everything else he needs to consider before throwing away all that he has been taught about being a Catholic.

Confirmation is NOT a graduation, is not you taking adult responsibility for your faith. It is a sacrament that strengthens your faith and gives you the help of the Holy Spirit like never before! Please think about this.
 
JimG said:
It sounds to me like you were really overthinking this as a kid! If I had thought about it that way I would have been reluctant too! But it was 4th grade, I didn’t overthink. It was a sacrament. It gave grace. It was fine with me. I know it’s off topic, but it sounds like yet another argument for doing it earlier rather than making kids overthink the process!
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We were instructed several times during preparation classes to think ‘long and hard’ about the real implications of the sacrament. It was stressed that this was not something that just occurred as a matter of course. It was a personal committment.

I’m not sure where that came from. We didn’t use a particular curriculum or anything. We were taught by our teachers and priests. But from start to finish of the several months of preparation we were repeatedly told to think about it and stressed the importance of not being confirmed without serious consideration of what it meant.
 
schaeffer said:
We were instructed several times during preparation classes to think ‘long and hard’ about the real implications of the sacrament. It was stressed that this was not something that just occurred as a matter of course. It was a personal committment.

I’m not sure where that came from. We didn’t use a particular curriculum or anything. We were taught by our teachers and priests. But from start to finish of the several months of preparation we were repeatedly told to think about it and stressed the importance of not being confirmed without serious consideration of what it meant.
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Yes, and I can well understand how this method of catechesis might have scared and even scared off some youths. It’s like saying, “well, now you’re going to be confirmed and so we can send you off on a crusade!” A little daunting, and not quite accurate. I think we should be emphasizing the completion of baptismal initiation and the gifts of the Holy Spirit.
 
Joan_M said:
I just finished reading page 8 of the comments here, and backed out of the page, when a thought came to me. It is this:

Our OP is in his teens. He has been brought up Catholic and is now, it appears, ready to jettison all of that, because he does not want to be confirmed. Well, in fact, he really, really needs to be confirmed. Why? With the grace of the sacrament and the gifts of the Holy Spirit (provided the sacrament is received in a state of grace) he will have the help he needs to make a wise decision about the Church, the Faith, Jesus, the Trinity and everything else he needs to consider before throwing away all that he has been taught about being a Catholic.

Confirmation is NOT a graduation, is not you taking adult responsibility for your faith. It is a sacrament that strengthens your faith and gives you the help of the Holy Spirit like never before! Please think about this.
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I wholly agree. The OP will either be confirmed or not. He will not, I think, be confirmed against his will. But I hope he does consent to be confirmed. As you say, he needs the sacrament.
 
MBeatty1999 said:
Today, I went to Mass. I didn’t argue about that. I have decided that I will wait until my father says something to me. He got home Friday night from his business trip. He hasn’t said anything to me yet. I am going to be respectful, not belligerent like I was on here before. I agree with what everybody was saying. My parents do want what’s best for me.
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Good to hear. This is a good step into maturity.

I would also suggest you schedule time to speak with your pastor privately so you can discuss all this with him.
 
My father came into my room tonight when I was doing my homework. He said, “Let’s talk about your Confirmation.” I told him I didn’t want to do it. He said, “If you want to stay at your high school, you have to make confirmation. The two go together.” I told him there is no requirement. I told him that there was a Jewish guy in my class and several Protestants. You don’t even have to be Catholic. He said, “I see no reason to continue paying tuition to send you to a Catholic high school if you don’t want to be confirmed.” I guess I can see his point there. He then asked me if there was a specific reason I didn’t want to be confirmed. He then said, “I know you have been complaining for years about going to church. How about this. Go through with the classes. Make your confirmation, and after that, you don’t have to go to church anymore.” I said I would think about it, even though I think this is wrong. I really wonder if my parents are just worried about what everyone else in my family will think. My response to them if they asked would be, “Mind your own business.” I may be willing to make the tradeoff. Finish the year at my high school, then switch to the public high school next year. It would be a shame. I enjoy going there, but I can live with going to the public school.
 
Well there you go. A calm conversion and some logical options.

We can’t tell you what to do. Decide what is more important. Doors finishing at that school outweigh the issues you have with confirmation? Or is sticking to this worth completing your senior year at a different school?

I don’t comment much on the skipping mass option as I would probably break forum rules in doing so or break a promise to myself.
 
MBeatty1999 said:
I just want to go my own way. I don’t want to go to church anymore. I don’t want to go through with something I don’t believe in. I don’t believe I am being rebellious.
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You asked prior to this whether you would be considered a “bad person”…and I want to respond to that along with this post. Going “your own way” is a more self centered view of life (it’s all about me and what I want) By doing this you are becoming more and more vulnerable to situations that can lead you to possibly being a “bad person” . Your parents can see beyond what you are seeing right now. I’m not sure you really know what you believe. …Why don’t you believe? Why do you think Jesus Christ is a myth? Have these beliefs of yours been established after study and careful thought? You will be in my prayers.:signofcross:
mlz
 
MBeatty1999 said:
My father came into my room tonight when I was doing my homework. He said, “Let’s talk about your Confirmation.” I told him I didn’t want to do it. He said, “If you want to stay at your high school, you have to make confirmation. The two go together.” I told him there is no requirement. I told him that there was a Jewish guy in my class and several Protestants. You don’t even have to be Catholic. He said, “I see no reason to continue paying tuition to send you to a Catholic high school if you don’t want to be confirmed.” I guess I can see his point there. He then asked me if there was a specific reason I didn’t want to be confirmed. He then said, “I know you have been complaining for years about going to church. How about this. Go through with the classes. Make your confirmation, and after that, you don’t have to go to church anymore.” I said I would think about it, even though I think this is wrong. I really wonder if my parents are just worried about what everyone else in my family will think. My response to them if they asked would be, “Mind your own business.” I may be willing to make the tradeoff. Finish the year at my high school, then switch to the public high school next year. It would be a shame. I enjoy going there, but I can live with going to the public school.
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I do congratulate you with what seems to be the first conversation with your parents without much anger and rancor. Since this is such an important topic to your parents and such a considerable source of friction between you and them, it would be wise and mature to at LEAST get more information and counseling about the situation.

PLEASE set up an appointment with your pastor about this, so that you can have a conversation with him about it. Ask questions, learn as much as you can, and listen to his advice. Set the appointment NOW.
 
The funny thing is, my dad is the exact opposite of everybody else one here. Everybody else is saying that it’s no big deal if I feel I’m not ready to be confirmed, but I should still continue going to mass. My dad is saying I should just go through with my confirmation and then I don’t have to go to mass anymore. I really wonder how much my parents are worried about what other people, like my grandparents, will think.
 
MBeatty1999 said:
The funny thing is, my dad is the exact opposite of everybody else one here. Everybody else is saying that it’s no big deal if I feel I’m not ready to be confirmed, but I should still continue going to mass. My dad is saying I should just go through with my confirmation and then I don’t have to go to mass anymore. I really wonder how much my parents are worried about what other people, like my grandparents, will think.
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It does seem odd. Not being confirmed isn’t a sin; skipping Mass is a grave matter. Confirmation provides graces that could strengthen your faith, but it is not strictly required for salvation. Telling you to receive a sacrament and then encouraging you to commit a sin simply doesn’t make sense to me.
 
I’m really happy you’ve had the time to get closer to think about things with more of a level head! Now that you’ve had some dialogue with your dad, as another has suggested, itmight be a good time to talk to your priest about the issue.
 
Usige said:
It does seem odd. Not being confirmed isn’t a sin; skipping Mass is a grave matter. Confirmation provides graces that could strengthen your faith, but it is not strictly required for salvation. Telling you to receive a sacrament and then encouraging you to commit a sin simply doesn’t make sense to me.
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I think his dad might be thinking that in either case, he might stop attending mass altogether. So maybe his dad would rather have him confirmed to receive the graces of the Holy Spirit and stop going than to have him not receive it and stop going.

But I don’t know. I’m just taking a big guess. 🤷
 
In my diocese in the UK, young people don’t take Communion until they’ve been confirmed. The order of the Sacraments of Initiation has been returned to Baptism, Confirmation and then First Holy Communion.

It seems to me that this helps to make sure that those who are confirmed really want to become full members of the Church.

This is the information leaflet that explained the changes to families:

liverpoolcatholic.org.uk/userfiles_rcaol/file/pfm/Sacrament%20Leaflet%20final.pdf
 
MBeatty1999 said:
The funny thing is, my dad is the exact opposite of everybody else one here. Everybody else is saying that it’s no big deal if I feel I’m not ready to be confirmed, but I should still continue going to mass. My dad is saying I should just go through with my confirmation and then I don’t have to go to mass anymore. I really wonder how much my parents are worried about what other people, like my grandparents, will think.
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Be patient, loving, and forgiving for your dad. It’s tough being a dad. There’s no owner’s manual that comes with the job. You’re faced with decision every day about how you should do your job as a father, and sometimes those decisions are REAL hard to make.

Assume the best of intentions towards him, and assume in charity that he means the best for you. I wouldn’t speculate on if he is fearful of peer pressure, as you can’t really know and it serves no purpose. Just believe the best in him and take it from there.

BTW, when is your appointment with your priest scheduled?
 
MBeatty1999 said:
The funny thing is, my dad is the exact opposite of everybody else one here. Everybody else is saying that it’s no big deal if I feel I’m not ready to be confirmed, but I should still continue going to mass. My dad is saying I should just go through with my confirmation and then I don’t have to go to mass anymore. I really wonder how much my parents are worried about what other people, like my grandparents, will think.
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Possibly. But I think that he may be thinking if you go through with confirmation, then you would be able to make up your own mind on whether you still want to go to mass. He may be hoping that after being confirmed you will change your mind.
 
My mother and I made an appointment to meet with our priest next Monday.
 
MBeatty1999 said:
My mother and I made an appointment to meet with our priest next Monday.
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Excellent to hear. Another way you can work towards increasing maturity and showing it to your parents is to prepare for the appointment beforehand. It would be beneficial if you were to take out a piece of paper and write out questions, comments, topics that are on your mind. It will allow you to organize your thoughts, give the priest an idea of the issue and any questions you may have, and make sure the meeting is beneficial to all.

It doesn’t have to be a term paper, but jotting down some notes and questions you have will do wonders.

God bless and go in with an open mind and heart. 👍
 
Well, we had the meeting with the pastor last week. He said what I thought he would. He said, “If you really feel that way, you shouldn’t be going through with it.” He also said that if I changed my mind and wanted to be confirmed later, I would just have to go through adult confirmation classes. My mother also brought up what she had been telling me, about not being able to be married in the Catholic church if I wasn’t confirmed. The priest said that wasn’t true. I can be married. I just can’t be a godparent.
 
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