Hello. I don’t know if this is the right site to discuss this or not. I am almost 16. I was raised Catholic and am a sophomore at a Catholic High School. Before that, I was in public school. I am supposed to be confirmed in October. I don’t want to go through with it. I just don’t believe in Catholicism. I wouldn’t say I’m an atheist. I do believe in God. I just don’t believe in organized religion. My mother mentioned my confirmation to me a few days ago. How do I tell her I don’t want to go through with it? I know that this is going to cause a big argument. I have been dragged to church every Sunday since I was 4, which I hate. My parents know I hate it, but don’t care.
Were I you, I would expect to have to go through the classes, realizing that it will be up to me and me alone whether or not I ever actually finish the sacraments of initiation into the Catholic Church. It’s right there with having to take math classes and English classes and getting ready for college. Nobody can make you succeed in college, but your parents have a duty to give you the opportunity.
My general rule is that while my children alone could decide whether or not they would be confirmed–this is not my rule, but the rule of the Church, and I would not have had the power to overrule it if I had wanted to–but it was their obligation to go through classes preparing them for confirmation. Why? Because most of us have a lazy streak, and we’ll lower our principles so as not to inconvenience it. As a parent, it is my duty to see that my children have the opportunity to practice the faith. I may not allow them to avoid opportunities they ought to have because they are too lazy to work for them and I am too lazy or too soft-hearted to force them to do what it is their duty to do. (As Catholics, those of us who are believers have a positive duty to seek the sacraments of initiation for ourselves and for our children.)
For instance, there are a lot of reasons to hate church. Not wanting to give up any time pleasing ourselves for the purpose of learning how to do well by others, from the least to the greatest? That’s a poor reason. It is a lazy reason. It is a self-centered reason. It may not be your reason, but it is the reason that most 4 year olds have to not like church. Four year olds want to be doing what* they *like all of the time. In the defense of the 4 year old, he or she usually does not see the good that can come from what is taught at church. That person is too young to understand the concept of having a duty towards God or neighbor. Most either like church because it happens to please or dislikes church because it doesn’t happen to please, and that’s that.
I am going to question your assertion that you “believe in God” but do not “believe” in “organized” religion. The question this naturally brings up is a) if no one told you about God, how do you define this Being you believe in and b) what, if anything, does this “belief” demand of you? When you say you believe there is a Divine Being but do not sign on for any formulaic definition of what that means or implies, you do have to hold yourself to definition that is real and actually makes God the one who is worshiped and served and the “believer” into the one who worships and serves, and not the other way around.
I mean this:* You believe that God is one. You do well. Even the demons believe that and tremble*. (James 2:19)
Now, I do believe that what the Church teaches is in fact correct, so in that sense I do believe it is objectively incorrect to dismiss what the Church teaches as anything other than factual. Having said that, you have learned during your schooling to ask questions about all the facts you’ve ever learned. Everyone in our times has. This is so you will not just repeat the facts back like a parrot who can make the right sounds and yet has no understanding. In that sense, questioning is far better than “belief” that is merely parrot talk.
What I will caution you is this: Do not believe the parrot talk of the self-religious, either, and do not believe every motto that comes out of your own head. Question your own definitions of who God is and what a relationship with your Maker demands of you just as strenuously as you have questioned everyone else’s definition of God. Don’t just question the “organized” definitions. Question the “informal” ones, too. Otherwise, you will find yourself in a very sloppy sort of “belief” that will not amount to anything because it will not guide you, will not challenge you, and will not do anything for you or anyone else except allow you to do whatever you want to please yourself as if you were an atheist. Well, if it quacks like an atheist and walks like an atheist and does not one more iota in the service of God than an atheist, it is just like an atheist, except with some comfortable self-conning added in for the sake of the warm fuzzy self-congratulations.
Take the classes with an open mind. If you honestly decide you cannot in good conscience ask your bishop to confer the sacrament of Confirmation on you when you have finished, you will have done your duty. Your parents will not be able to force you to be confirmed. Neither your pastor nor your bishop will allow it, because it must be your decision. Once you have gone through the preparation, however, your parents will not have much to do to force the issue later. You will have done your part.
