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valient_Lucy
Guest
It probably is. At time, I do ask God to show me His will, and that if it is not His will for me to marry, to give me the peace to accept that decision.
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valient_Lucy
Guest
This might sound a little strong, but it sounds as though you’ve been hurt or used in the past, so you decided to use men in return. Now that you’ve stopped sleeping with men,you feel vulnerable, and that scares you.
I say that because you talk about being scared, and being hurt. You said before you could “get what you wanted from men” and then show them the door. You are also bothered by “pesky emotions.”
But then again, this is just an internet forum. What do I know?
BTW, I’m sorry about your fiancee.
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Monica4316
Guest
Try to seek God’s will 
it’s not wrong to pray for a husband and children. If it’s God’s will for you to marry, that would be the path that would lead you to holiness. We each have unique paths. He definitely does want you to be happy :hug1:
God bless
it’s not wrong to pray for a husband and children. If it’s God’s will for you to marry, that would be the path that would lead you to holiness. We each have unique paths. He definitely does want you to be happy :hug1:God bless
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Lost_Wanderer
Guest
Well to put it in perspective, remember what it took to get that cute, little tot out of the womb.
Sad to say, I’ve seen many girls back in high school become… eh, uneasy at the sight when we watched actual child birth during a documentary on human reproduction. Ironically, even though I’m a guy, I can fairly imagine why.
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valient_Lucy
Guest
Thanks. :hug1:I need to keep reminding myself that God actually does want me to be happy.Try to seek God’s will
God bless
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chevalier
Guest
It’s about loving God a lot, not about loving your husband little.
Some nuns would disagree with you.
There’s the *uti *and the frui. There’s nothing wrong wanting the natural fruit of marriage. It would be wrong to use marriage for getting sex.
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valient_Lucy
Guest
Yeah, watching a video give birth was the most disturbing thing I saw in high school. By far!Well to put it in perspective, remember what it took to get that cute, little tot out of the womb.
Sad to say, I’ve seen many girls back in high school become… eh, uneasy at the sight when we watched actual child birth during a documentary on human reproduction. Ironically, even though I’m a guy, I can fairly imagine why.
And my friend did suffer a lot, because it was a high risk pregnancy due to a genetic condition. She was put in the Cardiac Intensive Care Unit after the C-section.
But she’s pregnant again! She’s signed up for more! So, it’s clearly not that big of a deterrent.
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valient_Lucy
Guest
Yeah, I’m starting to learn that the more we love God, the more we love others. It’s a direct relationship, not an inverse relationship.It’s about loving God a lot, not about loving your husband little.
Some nuns would disagree with you.
There’s the *uti *and the frui. There’s nothing wrong wanting the natural fruit of marriage. It would be wrong to use marriage for getting sex.
Yeah, I’m sure some nuns would see being married as a bigger sacrifice. (Probably St. Teresa of Avila.)
I haven’t heard the terms uti and frui before, but I see what you’re saying. It would be wrong to marry so that I could get “sex on demand” and I’d be incredibly disappointed when I found out that married couples don’t get that at all!
But it still feels wrong to want the natural fruit. Even though I know that it’s not.
But I’m going to try to not allow my feelings to dictate my actions, and my beliefs. I’ll continue to believe that marriage is holy, and that it’s ok to pray for it, and I’ll continue to pray for it, regardless of what my feelings say.
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CountrySinger
Guest
It is a way to prevent being hurt. Men would say “I love you” and I would say, “that’s nice”. And then they would be sad. Hee. I loved that. You got to keep the power, or else you risk losing everything. And sex was the best way to control them. Or the promise of sex was just as powerful, I didn’t sleep with a lot of them. It helped that I couldn’t stand them.
Now to this current crush. I can’t do it. He is different for other men. I actually you know, like him. I feel powerless. I have no clue how he feels, and I’m used to controlling men.
That video in high school with the woman giving birth was bad. I was in the room when one of my friends gave birth, that is more of her than I ever wanted to see!
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chevalier
Guest
That was JP2 quoting St. Augustine in Love and Responsibility. Basically, those are two Latin infinitives. The frist one means to use (the way you utilise something or exercise a right), the second one will probably be translated similarly but it has the natural fruit connotations.
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valient_Lucy
Guest
Ok. I’ve heard a lot about Love and Responsibility but I’ve never read it. It’s on the list, I suppose. Did you read it?
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valient_Lucy
Guest
I can’t speak from experience, but I think in marriage, both people have to give up a sense of control. You have to take the risk every day that you will get hurt, and feel powerless.
You have to be incredibly vulnerable.
And yeah, the videos of childbirth are a great way to keep 14 year old girls from having sex. I went home and almost cried. Traumatic!
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chevalier
Guest
Still past halfway through it, I think.
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Lost_Wanderer
Guest
I almost forgot that you could actually do something like that. Thanks! I might use that some time. XD
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catharina
Guest
re the OP
Easiest solution to avoid the guilt:
quite praying for a husband.
It’s like that old medical joke.
Patient: Doctor, it hurts whenever I press this on this spot.
Doctor. OK. So stop pressing on that spot.
PS - All vocations require one to be vulnerable.
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valient_Lucy
Guest
True, the guilt would stop. But then I’d be worried. I never used to pray for a husband, because I was afraid that if I asked God for a husband and children, He would deliberately keep me from getting married because I had asked Him for them. I was, in a sense, lying to God. I figured if I pretended with God that I didn’t want to get married, then I would get married. I stopped trusting God. I was afraid of Him. I’m trying to get over that. I’m trying to overcome my fears, and to trust God more. How can my faith survive if I don’t trust Him?
Second, I’m trying to distinguish between actual guilt and false guilt. Sometimes I struggle with scruples, and I’m trying to figure out if this is simply my scruples, or if it’s actually wrong to pray for a husband or children.
As a side note, you probably noticed from my signature that I am a convert to Catholicism. For months after I accepted the doctrine of the communinion of saints, and the intercession of saints, I felt incredibly guilty whenever I asked a saint to pray for me. But I knew that asking the saints to pray for me was a good thing, so I kept at it.
The difference between that experience and this, is I knew why I felt guilty asking Mary or another saint to pray for me, but I have had a lot of trouble trying to figure out why I feel guilty about this. That’s partly why I started this thread. I’m hoping to figure it out.
Yes, all vocations require vulnerability. No argument there!
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chevalier
Guest
In my perception what you mention is not actually the primary problem. The primary problem is having to take another person in for the decision making, this is a big problem for many people.
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valient_Lucy
Guest
Yeah, that’s difficult too! Suddenly you don’t get to have your way all the time.
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catharina
Guest
Best advice:True, the guilt would stop. But then I’d be worried. I never used to pray for a husband, because I was afraid that if I asked God for a husband and children, He would deliberately keep me from getting married because I had asked Him for them. I was, in a sense, lying to God. I figured if I pretended with God that I didn’t want to get married, then I would get married. I stopped trusting God. I was afraid of Him. I’m trying to get over that. I’m trying to overcome my fears, and to trust God more. How can my faith survive if I don’t trust Him?
Second, I’m trying to distinguish between actual guilt and false guilt. Sometimes I struggle with scruples, and I’m trying to figure out if this is simply my scruples, or if it’s actually wrong to pray for a husband or children.
Yes, all vocations require vulnerability. No argument there!
Pray to do the will of God.
My mother always did so.
She lived (peacefully) until she was in her 89s.
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valient_Lucy
Guest
I do. But is it a sin to ask God for a husband and children?
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