I feel like a terrible wife

[PaulGH]

AB Juney,

It sounds like you are going through a rough patch in your marriage, but it really can get better. My advice would be to remember that love is a choice more than a feeling. And even if you do not feel exceptionally close to your husband now, that’s not necessarily so terrible. The important thing is that you gradually grow closer over time, not further apart, and that hinges largely on the commitment and work that each of you put into the marriage. Don’t worry too much just yet; you and your husband have many years left to grow closer and closer to each other.

As to your husband’s desire to wait seemingly forever to have kids, I don’t know what to tell you. However, this may work itself out; he may have a change of heart sooner than you think. Or there just might be a surprise pregnancy. Just keep after him gently, letting him know how important children are to you – but without nagging. That’s my advice anyway.

 

[MarkInOregon]

No, I do not think, on our salary, that it’s reason able to save up 100,000 dollars in cash to buy a house in full before we start a family, and I abhor Dave Ramsey.

Not to mention in many area’s you won’t get much of a house for that and the neighborhood may be questionable.

Peace,
Mark

 

[MarkInOregon]

I’ve read one of his books, and my husband listens to his radio show; I just find him grating, and have found some of his financial plans to be a little too one size fits all. But perhaps I haven’t read into him enough.

There is a Catholic alternative to Dave Ramsey and I prefer him. I believe his name in Phil Linehan (sp)–not sure on the spelling the book is at home. Might give that a try.

Peace,
Mark

 

[Xantippe]

“Not to mention in many area’s you won’t get much of a house for that and the neighborhood may be questionable.”

I would be interested to know if the $100k house would be just barely OK and in a dangerous neighborhood with iffy schools, or if it is pretty nice. If it isn’t a place where you feel really excited and happy to live, I think I’d wait longer, because it would be bad to wind up with a house where you felt unsafe, no matter how affordable it is. Also, unless the husband is very handy and energetic, I would suggest not going for a fixer-upper.

Re: Catholic alternative to DR

I did DR’s FPU myself a few years back, wanting to know if it would be an appropriate to offer at a Catholic parish. I did the 13-week course, which has been revamped into a 9-week course. I can’t speak to the revamped course, but I felt that the 13-week course was entirely appropriate for use at a Catholic parish. There wasn’t any theological weirdness and I feel like DR’s approach to family life is very compatible with Catholic teaching in many respects. He tells husbands to listen to their wives when the wives worry about iffy business deals (“Every time I don’t listen to my wife, I lose $10,000”), he urges spousal cooperation and transparency, he doesn’t rush to give up on marriages, he doesn’t tell couples to wait for the perfect situation to have kids, he congratulates people who are panicking over unplanned pregnancies and he encourages charitable giving. I don’t know about the “Catholic alternative” to DR, but DR’s Financial Peace University is very good for young couples, and I hope to facilitate it at our college chaplaincy sometime in the next couple years.

 

[Mrs_Sally]

AB JUNEY…when I read the above I did not realize you were the OP and addressed the last line of your last paragraph.

This had nothing to do with looking down on Protestants. My reply was to Miss Sally.

I DID NOT KNOW that a Catholic could get a dispensation to wed in another church. Nor did I know that Catholics could get dispensations to wed in another church because it was more attractive than their Catholic parish church. According to Miss Sally, this has been a topic on other boards here. Apparently, I am not the only Catholic who was astounded by this.

You reached out in an ecumenical spirit to your husband and had the wedding in his church. Your desire is admirable. I wish you both many blessings. And all works out as you hope.

A Catholic can get a dispensation to marry a nonCatholic. That might include being married somewhere other than a catholic church. This is what the OP did.

Two Catholics should be married in a Catholic church. Exceptions can be made in some. Circumstances. The pretty church down the street isn’t usually one of them.

Couples do ask about their options all the time though. Hang are these boards for a little while longer.