I give up trying to defeat my addictions

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Actually, I have had addictions and have been able to conquer them.

I do NOT believe in 12 step programs since they do not work.

I have used other approaches and have been successful.
 
ProdglArchitect said:
D - Of course we want to do it. That’s how an addiction works. There is some aspect of us that desires the evil.
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This is the key, you have to change what you WANT.

Believe me when I tell you that there can be a place in the future when you no longer want the things that you used to. The addiction then takes care of itself because it was not in itself the problem. What were you treating? What were you fixing? What was it giving you that you were missing. Figure it out. Be 100% honest. Everyone is different.

The path this leads you down may surprise you. Follow it.

Understand the reasons for what you will.

Do a cost / benefit analysis of your behaviors and choose the best ones. That means if the addiction that you THOUGHT you wanted t get rid of is still your best choice, then do it. It is your best choice. Your best option. No one can decide that for you. If you figure out a better option, then you are empowered to do that instead.

This is cognitive therapy. It works.

It worked for me.
 
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Sorry, but again, this only shows that you have no experience with real addiction. The fact that you above claim that 12 step programs don’t work further shows your ignorance. I never had better sobriety than when I was attending a program.

I am aware that healing is possible. I am simply still working out the best mechanism for achieving it. What I’ve tried before has not worked, so now I’m trying something new. Simply making the decision to stop is meaningless. I’ve made that decision a hundred times over. And I’ve meant it each time, at least I believe I have. That’s a sad thing about being impaired, it’s hard to believe yourself.
Pug said:
I disagree. There are so many ways this doesn’t work. I’ll stick to two. The addict wants what is in the porn, not a real life person. Marriage is hard enough without starting it while being an addict who can’t control themselves.
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^THIS

This is completely true. I cannot enumerate the number of ways my addiction has been harmful to my perception of marital intimacy or my relationship with my wife. God bless her, because she puts up with a lot from me. Getting married didn’t do a single thing to lessen my illicit craving, in certain ways it made them worse because my wife is not an object to be used like women are used in those videos, and it’s hard to break that association on a psychological level even as I recognize it on a logical level.
 
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I am only here to say that I know of many men who have overcome these addictions, please do not give up hope.

And I’ve heard many great testimonies about the rosary in helping people with these kinds of matters. Not just temporarily but it takes a longer term commitment and a lot of patience. God bless you.
 
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Miguel2 said:
Some people just can’t do it, even trying for years and years.
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“Years and years”? That is not that long. It is a fight where victory might be waiting after tens of years.
Miguel2 said:
I’m tired of hoping that “this time things will be different”, then failing 3/4 days later.
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Miguel2 said:
Every time I fail after having some hope, I get depressed for a few days, then I regain hope, then the cycle repeats …
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Failures are what we can expect in this fight, but being depressed for so long seems excessive…

Well, maybe one problem is the wrong metric.

You seem to be saying that you tell yourself that this time you will achieve final victory, and that would imply that you use that as a metric. But that’s a bad metric in this case. Use a different one, especially for those times when you are getting depressed. For example, for confession (you said you confess every week) you are expected to give the number of sins. That’s a better metric. As is the number of days you held out. After all, if you usually hold out for 3-4 days, holding out a whole week is a great victory, great progress.

Or, perhaps, since you are worrying about your mental health, some issues related to that play a part?
Miguel2 said:
My occasion to sin is whenever I am at home with my electronic devices waiting for me there …
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Are you sure nothing else plays any part? Being tired, being bored, being sad? Seeing some other image, text, Web site, advertisement, even if it is not very bad in itself?
Miguel2 said:
There was a time in my life when I prayed everyday the Rosary, the Chaplet of Saint Michael the Archangel, the Chaplet of Divine Mercy, the 15 Prayers of Saint Bridget and other things.
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Well, there is one thing you did not mention and which is relatively easy in this time of pandemic… There are many Mass livestreams. Try to hear one every day, with Spiritual Communion (in many livestreams that prayer is actually read out loud). After all, one effect of grace given by Communion is some preservation from future sin (see “Summa Theologiae” - Summa Theologica). And you yourself might have noticed that it is somewhat easier for a while after receiving Communion.
 
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I’m sorry you feel like that OP. I can’t imagine how hard things are for you right now.
There are resources for addiction. It’s not something you have to struggle with on your own. If you want, I can look some up for you and post them here.
I hope you feel better soon.
 
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Those blockers don’t work for me because I always “find a way”, you know…
 
What helped me was to go see a faith based councilor. He gave me a great book at the beginning, and for the life of me, I can’t remember what it was, but it didn’t have porn in the tittle. Went to this guy for about five months.

Then I found "Our Lady Under Knots along with the prayer of the three Hail Mary’s helpful. Shame is not helpful at all. I went to confession once a week.

Address the porn first then the MB. This seemed to be helpful. I told God that I really wanted to get rid of these two things, and if he truly wouldn’t give up on me, I would not give up on him.

At the first sign of trouble, and I mean the first instant, I would start saying part or all of the Hail Mary. If I fell, I would not shame myself, but would do an act of contrition.

If possible, go to confession and then go to mass as soon as possible. Receiving Christ in a state of Grace makes you stronger even if you fall a few days later.

I just continued to try new things, threw everything I could at the problem, and I never gave up. It took a lot of work and a lot of time. God appreciates your struggle, he knows how difficult it is. Just never give up. Confession is crucial.
pax
 
It is not about simply making the decision to not do it as some might say.

It is about the process that you use to make decisions in general.

Some of us tend to make decisions quickly, spur of the moment, compulsively. That is a valid method and is probably very useful sometimes where quick reaction is needed. It leads to addictive behaviors though.

Others may make decision by doing an in-depth cost/benefit analysis. Thinking things through carefully. Then weighing the options, making a plan, and going forward with a clear head that they are on the right path. It is a different strategy. Slow. Not very agile, but not going to get lost into addictions.

Changing the strategy that you use to make decision takes practice and won’t happen quickly.

It’s about choosing to become a person that makes decisions in a less compulsive manner and more deliberate. It’s just further growing up and becoming a man. More careful in your decision making process, more confident in your decisions. A more deliberate person, less compulsive.

If you decide to do something. Do it. It was the right decision. You are becoming a person who makes right decisions and doesn’t just act compulsively. This is your higher mind, your God given cognitive skills beginning to be used more. It is just part of growing up.

Peace
 
Ultimately none of us can convince you. Fighting addiction is something you have to want.
I strongly urge you to seek help if this is something you want to break, maybe from a professional or a support group, but none of us here can force you.
I wish you the best OP.
 
Miguel,

I understand your frustration and the heavy load you’re shouldering. Because the words you write have been mine also.

So I’m surprised with many of these answers, because 90% of men have the same problem. Any priest will tell you what he continually hears inside Confession week after week. Which tells me there may be some lack of sincerity.

If you will pray for me, I’ll pray for you. I’ve written your name on my lampshade.

Wish I could do more, but I know how seriously hard these sins can be. Most everyone here dealing with worldliness can probably relate. We are all fighting a hard fight.

God bless your honesty.
 
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Wow, what if everyone that had addictions did that?

“I can’t stop (drinking, using heroin, overeating, spending money, gambling) so I might as well give in and do whatever I want.”

No. That is not what you do. You keep trying. Every day is a new day to try again.
Addictions, and sins have something in common. We all have something we need to overcome. But we don’t just give up and say “oh well, it’s too difficult.” We all sin. Differently, but we still sin.

Go to confession. Get counseling. Volunteer somewhere. Repeat as often as necessary until you form new good habits to replace the old.
 
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If I try to stop now, in 3 or 4 days I will repeat the sin and then neglect my responsibilities, because I become depressed everytime I loose after a few days of abstinence. Failure is all I can see, so I am not going to insist on something that only damages my mental health.

This fight was already hard, but this pandemic made things even more hard. I just can’t do anything to change my situation, especially in this pandemic times.

Honestly, I was happier when I didn’t try to defeat my sexual problems.
 
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What I can do now to try to defeat my addictions, I already tried and failled. What I didn’t tried yet ins’t a possiblity for now (and for a long time to come).

I don’t have anyplace to run, so I will just lay down where I am.
 
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I don’t want to sound mean or harsh, but if you’re not willing to give up internet access in order to overcome your addiction, then you have NOT fought as hard as you can. Your soul is on the line, brother! What is better, the rest of your temporary life with a sacrifice or an eternity separated from Our Lord?
 
If we are talking about drastically life change choices, like giving up on internet, I also can cut my testicles off. I am having a hard time to choose what I prefer to ruin my entire life: giving up on internet or cuting my testicles off.
 
Actually, no you can’t. Mutilation is a sin, per the CCC. Let’s not set up false hypotheticals.
 
I can also live in a cave for the rest of my life. Is this a sin per CCC?
 
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